Motherhood Reimagined Podcast

Motherhood Reimagined Tribe

Motherhood Reimagined: When Becoming a Mother Doesn’t Go As Planned: A Memoir by Sarah Kowalski

Thank you for joining me for the end of season one. In a few weeks, I will begin a second season. Please feel free to share your feedback with me and take a look at my other content.

If you would like to work with me, please contact me through my email or the Motherhood Reimagined website.

Please take the time to subscribe to the podcast and help the Motherhood Reimagined community grow. Also, if you are wanting some guidance on this unconventional path, consider joining my Motherhood Reimagined Tribe. You can also read my memoir for more insight. We can also be found on social media on Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, and Facebook.

Also, if you are wanting some guidance on this unconventional path, consider joining my Motherhood Reimagined Tribe. I have several small groups tailored to each stage of the journey.

As a Signature Level Tribe Members you get video calls with a small group of other mothers who are at the same stage of their journey.

The Solo and Pregnant was recently launched and we are getting started with group calls very soon. If you sign up now, you’ll get private support from me until we launch the group calls—a huge bonus.

Also, I am extending my premium pricing on the Thinkers and Triers group until June 1st, 2019. Then the price goes up to $67.

If you are interested in moving abroad but want some support, send me an email to get on the waiting list for this group.

For all my Tribe Level groups, use coupon codes, Foundermothly (for a monthly subscription) and founder6 (for a 6-month subscription) to lock in the $59 a month price. I look forward to meeting you!

Quotes

"I am really glad to be a parent. When I think about if I had made a different choice and decided not to go through with this and I were not potentially still single and not a parent, I can see that I would be missing out on this whole new world." -- Sige

"I wasn't sure if it was okay for me to be struggling because I chose to do this by myself, it's hard to know what is actually happening and what is just a projection." -- Sige

"I noticed that because I was so exhausted that my confidence and mental health was really compromised and things that I thought would be really intuitive about parenting actually just weren't." -- Sige

023: Katerina: Making Single Motherhood an Empowered Choice at Age 23

Sarah Kowalski — Wed, 22 May 2019 06:49:00 +0000

My guest today is slightly different than the others. Katerina decided to be a single-mother-by-choice at the age of 23. Katerina tells me why the single-mother path was her first option and why she found it empowering.

Katerina conceived her son via a sperm donor. She tells me about the donor selection process and the things she had to consider to make her plans reality. We discuss her support system and the early years with her son. Including the loneliness that comes with motherhood.

She is now married with a second child and living in Mexico with her family. We explore how she and her family wound up in Mexico and how it has changed their lives for the better. Katerina is also very candid about the adjustment of going from single parenting to a partnered relationship. She shares what it was like to date with a child and how it gave her a more grounded experience during the process.

Katherina also runs a company called the Non-Toxic Unicorn. She tells me about her passion to help others make healthier choices for themselves and their families. So if you are looking for natural alternatives in your daily life, check out the Non-Toxic Unicorn.

Today’s episode is a wonderful reminder that single motherhood is a legitimate path. It was so nice to hear that this path to motherhood is so much more than a “last resort.”

Some highlights of today’s conversation:

Katerina’s early expectations of motherhood.
Why she made the decision to be a single mother so young.
How she chose her sperm donor and the qualities she wanted.
Her family’s reaction to her decision and how they supported her.
Katerina’s unique work arrangement and coping with leaving her infant at home.
How Katerina “grew up with her son.”
Why motherhood can be so lonely.
Katerina’s “journey box” and her plans for the donor conversation.
How Katerina met her husband and added to their family.
The adjustment of solo-parenting to co-parenting.
Why Katerina and her family now live in Mexico.
The benefits of raising children in Mexico.
Motherhood is surrendering, not sacrifice.
How insurance can be an option for someone considering the single-mother-by-choice path.
The Non-Toxic Unicorn
Katerina’s final thoughts.

Resources

The Non-Toxic Unicorn

Motherhood Reimagined: When Becoming a Mother Doesn’t Go As Planned: A Memoir by Sarah Kowalski

Thank you for joining me for another inspirational episode of Motherhood Reimagined. If you would like to work with me, please contact me through my email or the Motherhood Reimagined website.

Also, if you are wanting some guidance on this unconventional path, consider joining my Motherhood Reimagined SMC Community. I have several small groups tailored to each stage of the journey.

Quotes

"I feel like your kids have to choose them [partners] as well. Because they're not just dating you, they are coming into an already set family." -- Katerina

"I think knowing what you don't want in a relationship and knowing what you don't want for your life is really essential to figuring out what you do want and the person you want to be." -- Katerina

"Whether you choose an alternative method or you are in a marriage, or it's a one-night-stand, no matter how you go about being a mother there is always an 'oh, my god! I'm going to be a mom!" moment." -- Katerina

022: Jackie Abby and Sarah: Margaritas and Childcare: Why We Decided To Move To México

Sarah Kowalski — Wed, 15 May 2019 06:05:00 +0000

In today’s episode, we’ll be doing something a little bit different from the usual format. I’m interviewing my two friends, Jackie and Abby, who also live here in Mexico. We’ve received questions about how we ended up here and why, so we wanted to talk about how we met, why we moved here, and what’s different about living in Mexico versus living in the states.

Jackie, Abby, and I met in a single-moms-by-choice travel group online in a thread discussing the idea of moving abroad to save money. In today’s episodes, we talk about what our lives were like before moving to Mexico. Abby describes being frequently stressed and rushed, with little time for a social life. Though she had a strong support system, childcare was very expensive. Jackie also talks about how her long commute ate into her day and how childcare was more expensive than she’d originally counted on, due to her son’s heart condition. She took a pay cut in order to work remotely from home, but still couldn’t find much time to go out due to the expense of childcare.

In Mexico, their lives are very different. Abby describes having around seven and a half hours to herself while her children are in school. She has time to train as a pediatric sleep consultant, with an eye to opening her own remote business, while also taking a Spanish course, volunteering at a midwifery clinic, and working part-time. And she still also finds time to do yoga, exercise, and have coffee or lunch with friends. Jackie says that her job keeps her busy during the week, but she enjoys the beautiful views and delicious foods available in Mexico. She describes how much more affordable life is in Mexico – she can afford to have a standing babysitter, go for a massage or pedicure, and generally enjoy a more balanced life with more social activity than she was able to have in the states.

Abby, Jackie, and I also talk about the differences between healthcare cost and access in Mexico as opposed to what they were accustomed to in the US. Jackie and Abby talk about when they first started thinking about moving abroad and what the process was like for them. We discuss how satisfied we are with our lives in Mexico, as well as some of the harder things about making such a big move and adjusting to life in a new country, and Abby and Jackie share some tips that they’d give to others thinking about moving abroad with kids, as well as discuss when the best time is to make a big move when you have children.

Some highlights of today’s conversation:

How Jackie, Abby, and Sarah met
What Jackie’s, Abby’s, and Sarah’s lives were like before moving abroad
What Jackie’s, Abby’s, and Sarah’s lives are like in Mexico
How healthcare is different in Mexico than in the US
When Jackie and Abby first started thinking about moving abroad
What the process of moving abroad was like
Advice that Abby and Jackie would give to others thinking of making a similar move
How satisfied Jackie and Abby feel with their decision to move to Mexico
The hardest parts of living in Mexico
The ideal time to move with kids

Resources

Donor Conception Network

Motherhood Reimagined: When Becoming a Mother Doesn’t Go As Planned: A Memoir by Sarah Kowalski

Thank you for joining me for another inspirational episode of Motherhood Reimagined. If you would like to work with me, please contact me through my email or the Motherhood Reimagined website. Please take the time to subscribe to the podcast and help the Motherhood Reimagined community grow. You can also read my memoir for more insight. We can also be found on social media on Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, and Facebook.

Also, if you are wanting some guidance on this unconventional path, consider joining my Motherhood Reimagined SMC Community.

Inside my community, you get regular live guest expert interviews, community meetups, Ask Me Anything Calls, all my courses and of course connection to other single women at different stages of their SMC journey.

If you want a more private interaction with me, then consider indvidual coaching. You get up to 2 calls per month with me, voicemail and text access as well as access to all my content and done for your research.

Quotes:

"Life feels way less stressful now, and more social.” –Abby

“I’m more social during the week without kids also, because people have time for you here. People have time to go to lunch, they’re not rushed.” –Jackie

“You definitely can’t listen to people who aren’t on the ground living there, who’ve never even been to Mexico. What do they know?” –Jackie

021: Brenda: Double Donors, Finding Your Community and Juggling A Career

Sarah Kowalski — Wed, 08 May 2019 13:20:00 +0000

My guest today is Brenda, a single-mom-by-choice who had a difficult 4-year journey to motherhood and has made it her mission to help women feel empowered about their reproduction options. She shares her shock at the realization that her OBGYN never mentioned the finite window of fertility. Brenda believes that it is an important conversation to have and encourages women to be proactive in the conversation.

Brenda tried IUI (Intrauterine insemination) with no results and ultimately decided to switch to donor egg IVF (In vitro fertilization). Using both a sperm and an egg donor, was difficult and quite mentally taxing decision. We discuss how she conquered her bias toward the double donor path and why she considers it one of the greatest gifts anyone has given her.

Sadly, Brenda’s first two pregnancies with donor eggs ended in miscarriage. It was discovered that she had a problem with her immune system that had to be medically treated through shots and a doctor’s watchful eye. She tells me about these painful moments and explains why she kept pressing on to her goal, even when it seemed everything was against her.

Brenda says that one of the things that got her through the grueling process was a support group who became a second family for her. She explains how their ups and downs helped put her own struggles in perspective and kept her on the path.

Brenda’s story is very similar to my own and I feel a deep connection to her thoughts and feelings. If you are considering the single-mother-by-choice path just remember that education is key to preparing yourself for the journey. That’s why Motherhood Reimagined was created and I want to help you make informed decisions about having your own family.

Some highlights of today’s conversation:

The pressure Brenda felt when the prospect of marriage was not on the horizon.
How a conversation with her OBGYN changed her life plan.
The 4-year journey that led to many setbacks but ultimately ended with a child.
The misconception that pregnancy is an easy process.
The fears that arise when telling your family about your plans.
The statistics that pushed Brenda into the double donor path.
The immune system issue that led to specialists and difficult treatment.
What the road looked like for Brenda after the miscarriages and how she carried on.
The support group that kept her going.
What Brenda considered in her donors and why she hopes to meet the sperm donor someday.
How Brenda approaches the donor-conceived conversation with her son.
How her journey has changed her perspective on family and the world around her.
Why women need to take more control of their fertility.
Brenda’s support network and the early challenges of working a corporate job with a child at home.
How to approach your employer about your pregnancy and job expectations.
Brenda’s advice to other women considering the single-mom-by-choice option.
The joy of seeing the world through your child’s eyes.

Resources

Donor Conception Network

Motherhood Reimagined: When Becoming a Mother Doesn’t Go As Planned: A Memoir by Sarah Kowalski

Thank you for joining me for another inspirational episode of Motherhood Reimagined. If you would like to work with me, please contact me through my email or the Motherhood Reimagined website. Please take the time to subscribe to the podcast and help the Motherhood Reimagined SMC community grow. You can also read my memoir for more insight. We can also be found on social media on Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, and Facebook.

Also, if you are wanting some guidance on this unconventional path, consider joining my Motherhood Reimagined SMC Community.

Quotes

"Thanks so much for reaching out and telling me how much you enjoy the show. It really helps me keep going and stay motivated and also know what you guys like and what's working for you. So every time you tell a friend or write a post to me, or post a review, it helps me so much and keeps me so motivated and I appreciate it." -- Sarah

"Just as I thought that I would never ever, ever become a single mom, I never ever, ever thought that I would try to have a child with an egg donor. It was hard enough to swallow the sperm donor part but quickly I had to make a decision." -- Brenda

"I had joined a group of other women who were also embarking on this same journey and within that group, I met a smaller group of women and we literally became like a little family." -- Brenda

"Understand where you are with your fertility that's all you need to do. Just know, so you have the knowledge and then you can make decisions." -- Brenda

020: Vivian: Finally Owning the Desire to Be a Mother and the Joys of Motherhood

Sarah Kowalski — Wed, 01 May 2019 06:44:00 +0000

Vivian began her path to motherhood with a plan to conceive a child with a close friend. Sadly, she miscarried and a new plan was in order. She chose a sperm donor and moved forward on her journey. We discuss the difficulty of changing “the plan” and what it taught Vivian about herself.

She has also made the decision to have a second child via a sperm donor. She explains why she felt now was the time and her hopes for a larger family. We explore the excitement of finding half-siblings and how it fleshes out the family experience for both the mother and child.

Vivian is very candid about her ideas of motherhood and how it has evolved over time. Specifically, she discusses the shame she felt during her dating years around admitting that she wanted a family. Unfortunately, this shame is very common with career women and Vivian is very honest about her reasons and mental hurdles she had to conquer to ultimately choose the single-mother-by-choice path.

Some highlights of today’s conversation:

Vivian’s romantic notion of marriage and family.
The shame of admitting out loud the desire for a family.
The original baby plan that failed.
How Vivian switched her thinking from a personal agreement with a friend to using a sperm donor.
The factors she considered to select her sperm donor.
Vivian's plan for a second child and where that stands currently.
Connecting with half-sibling families and how it helps everyone involved.
Why Vivian decided to try for a second child.
The pros and cons of raising a toddler.
The irrational fears using a donor brings to the surface and how to combat them.
How Vivian’s view on her donor has changed.
Vivian’s support team and learning to ask for help.
How motherhood has changed Vivian’s approach to life.
Why you need a plan for your child in the event of your death.

Resources

Motherhood Reimagined: When Becoming a Mother Doesn’t Go As Planned: A Memoir by Sarah Kowalski

Also, if you are wanting some guidance on this unconventional path, consider joining my Motherhood Reimagined SMC Community.

Quotes

"I had this shame, like, I don't want to just sorta say outwardly that I just want to be a mom and a wife. I don't know why those seem to be embarrassing things to say out loud. So I had all this privacy and shame about it and these romantic notions, and I'm independent, I'm different." -- Vivian

"This whole journey has been about me being more open with people about what I feel and what I think and what I need and more connected to them and our relationship. It's a growth for me as a human as an adult." -- Vivian

"I was projecting all this stuff on to her [the baby] from the donor. Now, she's just perfect, not saying that if she were like him that wouldn't be perfect. She's no doubt is like him in some ways I don't even know yet." -- Vivian

019: Tammy: Double Donors Abroad and Not Being Scared to Pivot

Sarah Kowalski — Wed, 24 Apr 2019 06:53:00 +0000

Tammy is a single-mother-by-choice who used both an egg and a sperm donor to conceive her son. She went to Panama for donor egg IVF with sperm she had shipped from California Cryobank. We discuss the decision to leave the U.S. to have her fertility treatments and IVF (In vitro fertilization) process. She became pregnant on her second try and came back to the U.S. to deliver her child.

The pregnancy was difficult for Tammy, she had gestational diabetes, hypertension, and preeclampsia. As a result, her son was six weeks early. The premature birth completely wrecked her home return plans. Tammy does express gratitude to the NICU for preparing her role as a mother. She also celebrates postpartum doulas and why she found hers indispensable.

Tammy is very open about how motherhood has changed her, including her decision to leave the U.S. and make some lifestyle changes for herself and her son. That opens the door to the conversations about the benefits of being a solo mother and how this path has a lot fewer complications than coupled parents. We both agree that the single-mother-by-choice-path needs to be more accepted as a plan A, not just a plan B. Don’t get hung up on the definition of family, the concept is changing and that’s a wonderful thing!

Some highlights of today’s conversation:

Tammy’s expectations of love, marriage, and family.
Why she waited till 47 to pursue motherhood.
Why Tammy went to Panama to pursue egg donor IVF and why it was a good experience.
How she managed to find a doctor in the US to liaise with the doctors in Panama.
The challenge of seeking fertility options overseas and working with the U.S. as well.
Tammy’s difficult pregnancy and premature birth.
How premature birth ruined any support system plans.
Why it can be hard to ask for help.
The benefits of hiring a postpartum doula.
Tammy’s health issues and why she has made some major life changes.
Why single-motherhood is great!
The importance of separating marriage and romance from parenthood.
Why dating isn’t a priority for Tammy.
How to create your own support system.
The cohabitation trend within the single-mother-by-choice community.
How the new generation is redefining the meaning of family.

Resources

California Cryobank

Motherhood Reimagined: When Becoming a Mother Doesn’t Go As Planned: A Memoir by Sarah Kowalski

David Radis, Adoption Attorney

Thank you for joining me for another inspirational episode of Motherhood Reimagined. If you would like to work with me, please contact me through my email or the Motherhood Reimagined website. Please take the time to subscribe to the podcast and help the Motherhood Reimagined community grow. Also, if you are wanting some guidance on this unconventional path, consider joining my Motherhood Reimagined SMC Community. You can also read my memoir for more insight. We can also be found on social media on Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, and Facebook.

Also, if you are wanting some guidance on this unconventional path, consider joining my Motherhood Reimagined SMC Community.

Quotes

"Now I look back and I think about it, I always had this fantasy of marriage and a partnership, but I always really knew that I wanted the kid. Like the partner never had a clear definition... I don't if I can explain this... the partner was anamorphic, it wasn't clearly defined but the kid was. I needed that kid." -- Tammy

"You just don't care, you wanted to be a mom, it's kinda like I adopted the baby I got to carry. Or I got to carry the baby I adopted." -- Tammy

"What I found to be a challenge was you don't necessarily know what you need. For me it's kinda been a bandwidth issue, you're sitting there and you've got this needy kid in front of you and you're taking care of that... the ability actually to step back from what you're doing to define what you need to clearly articulate that to people, I found that to be a complete challenge, even today." -- Tammy

018: Alex: Adoption Can Go Smoothly

Sarah Kowalski — Wed, 17 Apr 2019 06:31:00 +0000

Alex is a single-mother-by-choice who decided to take the adoption route to build her family. She tells me about how she educated herself on the process and how she conquered the emotional hurdles. As well as the stigma of being a single woman wanting to adopt.

Alex was in her 30s when she decided to pursue adoption. She spoke to agencies and dove into the research process to really find the option that best fit her. She has some insight on what she found out about international adoption versus domestic and why she decided domestic was her best path. She also shares how she found an adoption attorney that not only looked out for her best interests but also the birth mother’s as well. She is very open about the process and really advocates for private adoption.

Alex’s adoption process is what is known as an “open adoption,” which means the child is aware of their biological family and has access to them. Alex is very honest about the initial fear of including the birth mother in their life but is happy to say now she welcomes the diversity of her family. We discuss the concept of a “family constellation” rather than a “family tree.”

Not many people are as open about the adoption process as Alex is, so I think today’s episode is very insightful and encouraging.

Some highlights of today’s conversation:

Alex’s early ideas of motherhood and family.
Why adoption was the best path for her.
How Alex educated herself on the adoption process.
Why an adoption attorney was a game changer.
The differences between international adoption and domestic adoption.
Alex’s relationship with her daughter’s birth mother and extended family.
How she keeps the door of communication open for her daughter.
How to build a “family constellation.”
How Alex explains her family to her daughter, and the terms “biological mother” and “real mom.”
The importance of both biology and nurture regarding raising a child.
What Alex would have done differently in hindsight.
Her advice to other women considering her path and the single-mother-by-choice option.

Resources

Motherhood Reimagined: When Becoming a Mother Doesn’t Go As Planned: A Memoir by Sarah Kowalski

The Family Book by Todd Parr

Also, if you are wanting some guidance on this unconventional path, consider joining my Motherhood Reimagined SMC Community.

Quotes

"Anybody who wants to love my daughter is welcome. I'm not going to draw a line and say, oh no, I don't want you to have a loving relationship with her because I'm the mom, you're not the mom." -- Alex

"In the beginning, while I was open and I was sending photos to her birth mom, I was more hesitant than I am now because I needed to find my way and my role as a mother." -- Alex

"I had the moment where I thought, I don't want to get married just to get married. I want to be married to someone I want to be with and if that person isn't here right now, then that person isn't here right now." -- Alex

017: Brooke: Double Donor Twins and the Importance of Support

Sarah Kowalski — Wed, 10 Apr 2019 06:42:00 +0000

Brooke is the solo mom of twin boys. She started her journey at the age of 40 and underwent an emotional path to motherhood. Brooke used both a sperm and an egg donor for her pregnancy. She tells me about her hesitation to use an egg donor but how she conquered those fears and pushed forward in her process.

Brooke was a highly creative child who spent her 20s and 30s traveling and focusing on her career. However, a glance at a forgotten online dating profile triggered her need to go ahead and begin the single-mother-by-choice journey. Her first experience was not positive and led her to change clinics. She found a wonderful egg donor with her new clinic but the procedure was botched and Brooke had to cope with the disappointment. She explores that disappointment and reflects on how she moved forward.

Finally, Brooke had a successful IVF (In vitro fertilization) procedure and conceived her sons. She tells me about telling her family and the decision to move back home to be close to her family. That move home turned out to be for the best because Brooke developed preeclampsia at her 6-month mark and delivered her children at 32 weeks. She credits her family with helping her deal with her illness and the newborns. You can visit Brooke’s blog to learn more about her journey.

Some highlights of today’s conversation:

Brooke’s early childhood and family ideals.
How an EHarmony profile pushed Brooke to become a single-mom-by-choice.
How Brooke found her sperm donor and the power of the voice.
Brooke’s first IVF and her poor experience at the clinic.
The perfect egg donor but the botched retrieval process.
Why Brooke choose to go to Portland to conceive her boys.
Moving home and premature birth.
Brooke’s experience with bonding with her children.
How books have helped Brooke open the door to the donor conception talk with her sons.
How Brooke found her “community” and learned to ask for help.
How Brooke juggles family and work.
Why Brooke considers the single-mother-by-choice path a feasible one.

Resources

Brooke’s Blog

Motherhood Reimagined SMC community

Motherhood Reimagined: When Becoming a Mother Doesn’t Go As Planned: A Memoir by Sarah Kowalski

Donor Sibling Registry

Thank you for joining us for Motherhood Reimagined. You can contact us through the website or Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, and Facebook.

Also, if you are wanting some guidance on this unconventional path, consider joining my Motherhood Reimagined SMC Community.

Quotes

"I've heard more recently the word 'solo mom' and I feel like that almost more accurately describes this. I didn’t set out to be a single mom, most people don't, I don't think. It's just the circumstances." -- Brooke

"It's hard to be responsible for everything I guess in general but, I mean all the finances, it all weighs on single moms." -- Brooke

"Let people help you. Accept the help and ask for help. People want to help, just like you want to help. I want to help, when somebody needs something, I'm happy to help. Other people do too." -- Brooke

016: Joanna: Reduction, The Surprising Surprise About Having One Genetic Child and One Egg Donor Child

Sarah Kowalski — Wed, 03 Apr 2019 06:46:00 +0000

Joanna is a single-mother-by-choice who conceived two children, one with her own eggs and the other with a donor’s eggs. As an only child having more than one child was very important to Joanna. She tells me about the process of conceiving her first child, and the painful decision to reduce her pregnancy when genetic issues were discovered with one of her twins.

Joanna explains how she chose her sperm donor, whom you used for both pregnancies. Then she shared the much harder process of conceiving her second child with an egg and sperm donor. Although the pregnancy was more difficult, Joanna shares that parenting her second child was somewhat easier.

We discuss the differences between children and how the genetic connection plays into it. Joanna explains about what she enjoys about parenthood and what she dislikes, her answers are honest and inspiring to anyone considering an alternative path to motherhood.

If you have one child and are contemplating trying for a second, Joanna’s story will encourage you to weigh your options and make the right decisions for you.

Some highlights of today’s conversation:

Joanna’s early ideas of motherhood.
Why she felt the need to have more than one child.
The rigorous fertility treatments and the IVF (In vitro fertilization) that worked.
How Joanna picked her sperm donor.
The devastating news that one of her twins was not likely to survive.
The decision to reduce the pregnancy and what followed.
The exhausting year that led to Joanna’s second pregnancy.
How she chose her egg donor.
The bonding experience with Joanna’s children and the surprising results with each child.
Why Joanna is a big fan of making the 4th trimester easier.
Joanna’s support system and how being an introvert can interfere.
Joanna’s opinion on maternity leave and how the return to work differed from child to child.
Why nature versus nurture is bogus.
Why self-care is so important to your sanity.

Resources

Motherhood Reimagined: When Becoming a Mother Doesn’t Go As Planned: A Memoir by Sarah Kowalski

Thank you for joining us for Motherhood Reimagined. You can contact us through the website or Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, and Facebook.

Also, if you are wanting some guidance on this unconventional path, consider joining my Motherhood Reimagined SMC Community.

Quotes

"There is a blessing about being able to do a lot of things before you have kids. You don't feel like you missed all of these things. Now all I do is kid stuff, I don't do grown-up stuff, but I did grown-up stuff for forty years." -- Joanna

"I was tired of the needles I think I had 3 sharps containers of needles at that point. I was on more shots than I had been when I got pregnant with my first son. I remember thinking, I just want someone to hand me a baby, and I do not care where it comes from." -- Joanna

"One of the things about having kids late is you tend to have a lot of friends who have also struggled with getting pregnant and I myself, two of my closest friends from high school had to do multiple rounds of IVF. So, for me, I couldn't muster up a lot of pity for myself." -- Joanna

015: Laura: Surviving A Long Journey To Motherhood

Sarah Kowalski — Wed, 27 Mar 2019 06:50:00 +0000

After her mother passed away, Laura decided she needed to make another connection with another human being and began her unconventional path to motherhood. She went through three years of multiple attempts at IUI (Intrauterine insemination) and several miscarriages. Finally, in 2014, Laura was able to conceive her daughter with IVF (In vitro fertilization.)

Laura is very honest about the long and grueling process that led to her pregnancies. We discuss the sperm donor process and how opened id donors interact with sperm banks. Laura also shares the relief of having half-siblings to help ease her daughter’s curiosity in the future. She tells me about their relationship with the other families and how she has approached the topic of her daughter’s conception.

We also explore the loneliness of the single-mother-by-choice path. Laura encourages seeking out a community and finding other moms to connect with.

Some highlights of today’s conversation:

Laura’s ideas of normal and expectations of motherhood.
Why her mother’s death kick-started her single-mother-by-choice journey.
The medications and processes Laura went through.
The three-year process of IUIs and miscarriages.
The devastation of losing her babies later in pregnancy.
The shift to IVF and the successful pregnancy.
How Laura found mom groups and forums.
Laura’s donor selection process and the final choice.
Laura’s concern about having an opened id donor and how her daughter will react.
The benefit of being in contact with half-siblings and their families.
The surprising closeness of Laura and her daughter.
The isolation of the single-mom-by-choice and how to fight it.
Laura’s advice to women considering this path.

Resources

Motherhood Reimagined: When Becoming a Mother Doesn’t Go As Planned: A Memoir by Sarah Kowalski

Oakland Choice Mom Facebook

Thank you for joining us for Motherhood Reimagined. You can contact us through the website or Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, and Facebook.

Also, if you are wanting some guidance on this unconventional path, consider joining my Motherhood Reimagined SMC Community.

Quotes

"I don't feel like I've done a great job, talking to my daughter about what it means to have a donor and what his role is, so far, and I certainly never lied about it but it's not something we talk much about and I need to." -- Laura

[Re: the IUI and IVF process] "Just get comfortable with the fact this may not be the only two-week wait you have and you have to learn how to deal with uncertainty." -- Laura

"Another thing that I was not prepared for was the financial side of it. You go in there thinking you just need some Clomid, and a vial of sperm, $700. The procedure is a $1000 bucks, well, that's not what it ended up costing me." -- Laura

014: Jackie C.: Moving From Co-parenting To Sperm Donor and Post-Partum Depression

Sarah Kowalski — Wed, 20 Mar 2019 06:53:00 +0000

My guest today is Jackie, a single-mom-by-choice who wanted to have a co-parenting agreement at the beginning of her journey. The plans for co-parenting fell through and Jackie conceived her child with a sperm donor.

Jackie talks about how she approached the co-parenting arrangement and why it didn’t work out. She also discusses her difficult pregnancy and recovery. Jackie dealt with postpartum depression after her delivery. She shares what it was like to cope with those startling feelings and how she reached out for help.

We also talk about how to build a support system and why it is good to start early to build your village. Jackie authors a blog called Oakland Choice Mom and hopes to encourage women to consider the single-mother-by-choice option.

Some highlights of today’s conversation:

Jackie’s early ideas of motherhood and family.
Why she wanted to pursue the single-mother-by-choice option.
Jackie’s attempts to arrange a co-parenting relationship and why it didn’t happen.
How she approached the co-parenting agreement with her friend.
How Jackie underestimated the difficulty of the donor process.
How she chose her sperm donor.
The importance of not having expectations with your donor experience.
How Jackie coped with postpartum depression and found the resources to help.
Jackie’s support system and how she built it.
The Oakland Choice Mom blog.

Resources

Oakland Choice Mom Blog

Motherhood Reimagined: When Becoming a Mother Doesn’t Go As Planned: A Memoir by Sarah Kowalski

Center for Loss in Multiple Births (CLIMB)

Thank you for joining us for Motherhood Reimagined. You can contact us through the website or Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, and Facebook.

Also, if you are wanting some guidance on this unconventional path, consider joining my Motherhood Reimagined SMC Community.

Quotes

"Build your village early. Whether it is your girlfriends, a single moms club, your family, friends, build it early and strengthen and extend your village early and you will fall and lean back in different ways at different times and you will be in a position to give back to your village and help as a token of appreciation." -- Jackie

"This was my lifelong dream to be a mom and here I had this amazing, beautiful, healthy newborn in my hands, and all I wanted to do was sleep and never wake-up or I had thoughts of hurting her, hurting myself, making this all go away and not have to deal with it. The doctor explained once you have those thoughts that's when you really need some intervention." -- Jackie

(Re: co-parenting) "I'm almost kind of happy that it didn't work out. Because the dynamic of the relationship would be so different, although I do have my own set of challenges as a single mom, but I don't have to deal with arguments and fights and heartache if we don't agree on something." -- Jackie

013: Karin: Starting as A Single Mom By Choice To Getting Married And Blending Families

Sarah Kowalski — Wed, 13 Mar 2019 06:57:00 +0000

Karin chose to be a single-mother-by-choice in her late 20s. She is now married with a step-daughter and two-parent family structure. I asked Karin to tell me what it was like to date while pregnant and how she weeded out the creeps from the serious candidates.

She also tells me about her plans to conceive a child through a friend’s sperm donation and the shift to a sperm donor bank when her original plan didn’t work. She describes the mindset she went through while looking for a new sperm donor. Tragedy struck during her pregnancy when her daughter’s twin was born stillborn. She is very frank about that disappointment and her regrets about that baby’s treatment.

We then move on to how Karin met her partner and how they blended two families. She shares her experience as a step-mom and explains the pros and cons of choosing to parent with someone else. She encourages parents to look for their “tribes” and build a community for themselves and their family.

Some highlights of today’s conversation:

Karin’s early expectations of motherhood.
Her plans to conceive her child with a friend.
How she chose her sperm donor when the original plan didn’t work.
The heartbreak of giving birth to one live child and one stillborn.
How Karin balanced dating and pregnancy.
When she realized she wanted a blended family.
How she met her partner.
The upside of parenting with another person.
The downside of being part of a partnership.
Karin’s life as a step-mom.
How she was able to blend her family.
Karin’s advice for pregnant women who want to date.
Her regrets from her pregnancy.
How Karin built a community and tribe for her daughter.

Resources

Motherhood Reimagined: When Becoming a Mother Doesn’t Go As Planned: A Memoir by Sarah Kowalski

Thank you for joining us for Motherhood Reimagined. You can contact us through the website or Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, and Facebook.

Also, if you are wanting some guidance on this unconventional path, consider joining my Motherhood Reimagined SMC Community.

012: Stacy: Diving Deep Into The Adoption Process As A Single Mom By Choice

Sarah Kowalski — Wed, 06 Mar 2019 06:01:00 +0000

Stacy is a return guest who shared her story about conceiving a child with a surrogate and adopting a second child. Today, she tells me about her experience with the adoption process and what she wants other women to know about the “illusion” created by the industry. Stacy’s path to motherhood was an eight-year journey. Through miscarriages, a failed adoption, and a failed surrogacy, Stacy had to keep moving forward with the faith that her child was waiting for her. She walks the listener through the process and is very transparent about the average cost of the various stages.

We also discuss the red flags a potential adoptive parent needs to watch for and the various paths to adoption. There are pros and cons to every path to motherhood and Stacy doesn’t shy away from that. She gives incredible details of her own process, the good, the bad, and the ugly.

If adoption is something you are considering, Stacy story should both caution and encourage you.

Some highlights of today’s conversation:

Welcome back, Stacy.
The 8-year path to motherhood and all its ups and downs.
The red flags adoptive parents should watch.
How Stacy used Facebook to find her adoption match.
The 3 major paths of adoption.
The pros and cons of using an agency.
The home study process and what it means to the adoption.
Lessons Stacy learned during her first adoption effort.
Stacy’s nightmarish first experience with birth parents.
Why adoption attorneys are a simpler path to adoption but also the most expensive.
The cost of Stacy’s successful adoption.
The illusion of security agencies give and what to expect.
International adoption vs. domestic adoption.
What does “open adoption” mean?
Stacy’s final advice to women considering this path to motherhood.

Resources

This modern love episode

Mothertobaby.org an organization giving information about drug and alcohol exposure

Michelle Hughes and Bridge Communications adoption attorneys that help Single moms by choice

Motherhood Reimagined: When Becoming a Mother Doesn’t Go As Planned: A Memoir by Sarah Kowalski

Thank you for joining us for Motherhood Reimagined. You can contact us through the website or Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, and Facebook.

Also, if you are wanting some guidance on this unconventional path, consider joining my Motherhood Reimagined SMC Community.

Quotes

"Much on the same way, that any child you give birth to that might have a disability, might have an illness, would still be the absolute love of your life and joy of your life, so it is with the adopted baby that might have exposure or might have a disability, they're gonna be the loves of your life." -- Stacy

"When you so desperately

want to be a mom, you overlook so many things that you know better than to overlook." -- Stacy

"If a birth parent is going to change their mind, saying no is not going to be the reason. I learned that the hard way." -- Stacy

012: Stacy: Diving Deep Into The Adoption Process As A Single Mom By Choice

Sarah Kowalski — Wed, 06 Mar 2019 06:00:00 +0000

If adoption is something you are considering, Stacy story should both caution and encourage you.

Some highlights of today’s conversation:

Welcome back, Stacy.
The 8-year path to motherhood and all its ups and downs.
The red flags adoptive parents should watch.
How Stacy used Facebook to find her adoption match.
The 3 major paths of adoption.
The pros and cons of using an agency.
The home study process and what it means to the adoption.
Lessons Stacy learned during her first adoption effort.
Stacy’s nightmarish first experience with birth parents.
Why adoption attorneys are a simpler path to adoption but also the most expensive.
The cost of Stacy’s successful adoption.
The illusion of security agencies give and what to expect.
International adoption vs. domestic adoption.
What does “open adoption” mean?
Stacy’s final advice to women considering this path to motherhood.

Resources

This modern love episode

Mothertobaby.org an organization giving information about drug and alcohol exposure

Michelle Hughes and Bridge Communications adoption attorneys that help Single moms by choice

Motherhood Reimagined: When Becoming a Mother Doesn’t Go As Planned: A Memoir by Sarah Kowalski

Thank you for joining us for Motherhood Reimagined. You can contact us through the website or Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, and Facebook.

Also, if you are wanting some guidance on this unconventional path, consider joining my Motherhood Reimagined SMC Community.

Quotes

"When you so desperately

want to be a mom, you overlook so many things that you know better than to overlook." -- Stacy

"If a birth parent is going to change their mind, saying no is not going to be the reason. I learned that the hard way." -- Stacy

011: Marni: Double Donors and Raising Kids without Family Support

Sarah Kowalski — Wed, 27 Feb 2019 06:04:00 +0000

My guest today is Marni, a single-mother-by-choice who chose the path when the community wasn’t very accessible. She does an excellent job of painting what it was like twelve years ago and the challenges of finding donors. Marni needed both an egg donor and a sperm donor to conceive her son. At the time of Marni’s process, her choices were very limited and sperm donors were always anonymous. She explains how she chose her donors and why she actually had to fight for her sperm donor in the end.

She expresses how much the community has changed since her process. The community is much easier to reach out to now. Marni has also raised her son largely on her own away from her family. We discuss the importance of “getting over yourself” and asking for help. It doesn’t mean you are weak. She is also proof that you don’t need family support to raise a child, a common stumbling block for some women.

Marni offers a unique perspective on the single-mother-by-choice path. She chose her path at a time when it was not a favorable option, culturally speaking. Which makes it a testament to the drive and resilience of Marni and the community around her.

Some highlights of today’s conversation:

Marni’s early ideas of motherhood.
Why she waited till 40 to try to conceive.
The failed IUIs (Intrauterine inseminations) and the switch to IVF (In vitro fertilization.)
Deciding to continue with an egg donor instead of adoption.
How Marni chose her egg and sperm donors.
Why she had to fight to get the same sperm donor as a college friend.
What led to the decision to be open and honest with her son about his conception.
Why every woman should have the option to stay at home (and why Marni doesn’t.)
Asking for help and finding a supportive community to help you.
The burden of being both good cop and bad cop.
Why you don’t need family close to raise a child and how to make it work.

Resources

Motherhood Reimagined: When Becoming a Mother Doesn’t Go As Planned: A Memoir by Sarah Kowalski

Thank you for joining us for Motherhood Reimagined. You can contact us through the website or Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, and Facebook.

Also, if you are wanting some guidance on this unconventional path, consider joining my Motherhood Reimagined SMC Community.

Quotes

"It's finding that happy medium because you don't have two people to play off of and you're their mom not their friend, but you want to be their friend too because you are the only one they have." -- Marni

"I think being a stay at home mom is the hardest job in the world and kudos to all of those moms out there that do it. It was never me and I think that goes back to my story of putting it off, doing the single mother thing, because I was career driven." -- Marni

"It was 2006, it wasn't as accepted as it now, and for certain, being a single woman wanting to adopt would have not gone over so well, and I didn't want someone telling me whether or not I was going to be a good mom, I knew I was going to be a great mom." -- Marni

010: Wisdom From a Mom With Two Older Kids

Sarah Kowalski — Wed, 20 Feb 2019 06:20:00 +0000

Christine is a firefighter and the single mother of a 10-year-old and a 13-year-old. In today’s interview, she shares about the difference between the way she pictured her adult life growing up and the way her adult life actually played out. She talks about moving from the Midwest to California, changing careers, delaying motherhood, and then finally deciding to become pregnant via IUI.

Christine talks about her lightbulb moment – the moment she realized that she would be OK if she never found a partner and got married, but that she’d always regret it if she didn’t have children. She describes how that realization led her to become a single-mother-by-choice.

In today’s discussion, Christine talks about how her friends and support network factored into her decision to have children and the process of becoming pregnant. She explains how being a single mother has shaped her relationship with her children, and how she balances a career as a firefighter with being a single mother of two.

Christine believes that it’s important to remember that families come in all sorts of varieties and that the important thing is the love that family members have for each other. Her story emphasizes the importance of embracing families of all kinds.

Some highlights of today’s conversation:

Christine’s early life and dreams of being a mother
Christine’s move from the Midwest to California and career changes
How Christine came to the conclusion that it was time to pursue motherhood
Christine’s experience using a donor to become pregnant
How Christine’s friends helped her narrow down her donor choices
The financial aspects of getting pregnant via IUI
The differences between being a single mother by choice or a single mother not by choice
The thing that most surprised Christine about her path
How Christine thinks being single has shaped her relationship with her kids
How Christine would advise other moms
Juggling a career as a firefighter with raising kids
How Christine settled on having two kids
Why Christine wishes she’d started her family earlier

Resources:

Motherhood Reimagined: When Becoming a Mother Doesn’t Go As Planned: A Memoir by Sarah Kowalski

Thank you for joining us for Motherhood Reimagined. You can contact us through the website or Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, and Facebook.

Also, if you are wanting some guidance on this unconventional path, consider joining my Motherhood Reimagined SMC Community.

Quotes:

"It really helped to have an endpoint and not just to go in with an open credit card and let’s go. Because that would have been a mistake for me.” –Christine

“It’s one thing to get pregnant, but you’ve got to raise that baby, and you need some money to raise that baby.” –Christine

“I’ve always said to my children, as long as there’s love, there’s a family. It doesn’t matter who’s in it, as long as there’s love, there’s a family.” –Christine

009: Making Single Motherhood an Empowered Choice

Sarah Kowalski — Wed, 13 Feb 2019 06:14:00 +0000

Signe Fjord is a single-mother-by-choice who has used her experience of building a family to counsel women considering alternatives paths to motherhood and to write children books. Signe’s books celebrate family in all of its forms. Signe grew up hearing fairy tales and wishing for her life to be a fairy tale. As an adult, Sign feels that promoting fairy tales is harmful to children and grown-ups alike.

Signe tells me about her decision to become a single-mother-by-choice and the long process that lead to her beautiful seven-year-old daughter. She tells me how she picked her sperm donor, and she stresses that the donor was just a small detail.

Signe has written three books, Who is Picking Me Up?, Mommy and the Love Child, and Solo Mom to a Donor Child. She also continues to write to help her daughter and the other children in their life understand that families come in many shapes and sizes.

Signe has given the single-motherhood-by-choice community some wonderful resources. She has some excellent points about living in the reality of family. Signe feels that many women need to change their mindset toward single motherhood. Donor-aided births are not failures or a plan B, all families should be celebrated. This a wonderful point that many women on an unconventional path to motherhood need to hear.

Some highlights of today’s conversation:

Signe’s early life and love of fairy tales.
How fairy tales colored her view of family.
Signe’s decision to be a single-mother-by-choice and the death of her “dream.”
How she chose her sperm donor.
The 4 IUI (Intrauterine insemination) treatments and the change in sperm donor.
Why it’s okay to be picky about a sperm donor (and why it really doesn’t matter.)
How Signe counsels other single mothers.
The change in mindset Signe thinks all women need before choosing single motherhood.
Having a life vs. creating a life
The importance of asking for help.
How you can be a resource to other moms and help each other.
Signe’s daughter’s reaction to her conception.
Signe’s definition of family.
How to celebrate the family you are given.

Resources

Happy Solo Mom

Motherhood Reimagined: When Becoming a Mother Doesn’t Go As Planned: A Memoir by Sarah Kowalski

Thank you for joining us for Motherhood Reimagined. You can contact us through the website or Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, and Facebook.

Also, if you are wanting some guidance on this unconventional path, consider joining my Motherhood Reimagined SMC Community.

Quotes:

"People ask me are you doing any meditation courses anymore Signe? You should still learn. I practice every day staying calm and being centered being a single mom." -- Signe

"Think about all families are real families. Whatever version you end up with you are equal as a family." -- Signe

"If I could give myself some advice, ten years back in time, I would just say, 'be happy from the beginning, celebrate that you have made a decision, I want to start a family. And not see it as a failure." -- Signe

008: Shocked by the Capacity to Love

Sarah Kowalski — Wed, 06 Feb 2019 06:15:00 +0000

At the age of 38, Elena had her eggs frozen, by her early 40s, she was using those eggs and a sperm donor to conceive a child. She is now the proud mother of a healthy 3-year-old girl.

Like most women, Elena had her own ideas of how motherhood was going to be but life went another direction. We discuss how Elena was able to move past her expectations of motherhood. She recommends the benefits of therapy and finding people you can trust to listen and help you sort through the complex emotions that come with this alternative path to motherhood.

Elena shares what motherhood has been like for her and what she would tell other women considering the single-motherhood-by-choice path. The joy she feels when she discusses her daughter is really infectious. She truly enjoys the single-mother-by-choice path and is a heart-warming reminder that there is no “right” or “wrong” way to build a family.

Some highlights of today’s conversation:

Elena’s early ideas of motherhood.
The decision to freeze her eggs and the realization she would need them.
How therapy helped her let go of her expectations of motherhood.
Why you should look for sperm donors that share similar traits to you.
The importance of knowing the medical history of a sperm donor.
Why Elena is taking the honest approach with her daughter regarding her conception.
The overwhelming depth of love Elena feels for her daughter.
How being an older and single mother creates appreciation.
Why Elena feels she is more comfortable with motherhood.
The unexpected exhaustion that comes with motherhood.
Elena’s advice to other single-mothers-by-choice.
How to find a support group and ask for the help you need.
How Motherhood Reimagined is helping the alternative motherhood community.

Resources

Motherhood Reimagined: When Becoming a Mother Doesn’t Go As Planned: A Memoir by Sarah Kowalski

Thank you for joining us for Motherhood Reimagined. You can contact us through the website or Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, and Facebook.

Also, if you are wanting some guidance on this unconventional path, consider joining my Motherhood Reimagined SMC Community.

Quotes:

"Try not to compare yourself as a mom to any other moms or your children to any other children or your family to another family." -- Elena

"I'm surprised at how smooth our becoming a family has been, how happy she is, how comfortable she feels, when the baby is there, most of your fears I think go away." -- Elena

"At this point, I just feel grateful. I feel really grateful so there's this sense of calm and sort of enjoyment and joy that comes from having my daughter." -- Elena

007: Facing Impossible Choices

Sarah Kowalski — Wed, 30 Jan 2019 05:17:00 +0000

My guest today is Ann, a single-mother-by-choice who was faced with the heart-wrenching decision to not carry triplets. She shares her story and all the reasons she made her difficult choice. We hear the details of her 8-month fertility process and in hindsight what she wishes she would have asked and considered beforehand.

Ann was 31 when she realized she was in a relationship just to have a baby. When she learned her partner was sterile, she realized that she only wanted a baby, not the man. So began her path to single-motherhood-by choice. Ann researched her options and found a fertility clinic that had a good track record. However, it was a staunch pro-life clinic, that would become an issue as Ann’s pregnancy continued.

She also has a warning about the procedure known as ICSI (Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection.) A process that sounded like a good idea at the time but had Ann known all the facts about it, she would have said no.

Ann discusses the birth of her twins and her early reluctance to ask for help from family and friends. She is very open about her battle with postpartum depression. We discuss her family’s response to her difficult situation and how they pulled together to give her a warm and supportive community.

Ann wants women to be proactive in their choice of a fertility clinic. Ask questions, do the research, and know exactly what’s going to happen to your body. She encourages openness and honesty with family and friends. She also has some red flags that women should consider when they find themselves in a relationship just for a baby.

Some highlights of today’s conversation:

Ann’s “white picket fence” dream.
Her time in the military and how it changed her outlook on relationships.
The event that opened her eyes to the single-mother-by-choice path.
How Ann chose her fertility clinic.
How she chose her sperm donor.
The painful egg extraction that began the process.
Ann’s surprising results and the discovery of triplets.
Her struggle with the decision to have twins.
The lack of information about her situation.
Why Ann would have said no to an ICSI procedure if she knew all the facts.
Why she chose to reduce her embryos.
The surprising support from her family.
Why you need to know if your clinic is pro-life or pro-choice.
Ann’s struggle in the newborn stage and how she coped.
Ann’s advice to women who want a child and not their current partner.
Why single-motherhood-by-choice doesn’t have to be lonely.

Resources

Motherhood Reimagined: When Becoming a Mother Doesn’t Go As Planned: A Memoir by Sarah Kowalski

Thank you for joining us for Motherhood Reimagined. You can contact us through the website or Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, and Facebook.

Also, if you are wanting some guidance on this unconventional path, consider joining my Motherhood Reimagined SMC Community.

Quotes:

For women who have never flirted with a fertility clinic, they interview you as much as you interview them. - Ann

At 13 weeks and six days I had a reduction and it was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I think about where my life is now and what wonderful things have happened, and I don't know what it would be, had I not done that. But it is hard, there is something that haunts you when you are faced with that kind of decision. - Ann

When you're a single mom by choice, you are swimming upstream, you are literally taking science into your hands and there's are a lot of people out there who don't agree with that and you have to be okay with that. - Ann

006: What Would Love Do?

Sarah Kowalski — Wed, 23 Jan 2019 06:18:00 +0000

I’m happy to welcome Jill to the podcast. Jill is a life coach and mentor for people facing big life-altering decisions. Her favorite topic to address is solo parenting. Jill is a single-mother-by-choice who had a definite idea of what her life was supposed to be. Jill is involved with an organization called Uncharted You.

She shares what it was like to let go of her “fairy tale” and move forward in becoming the proud mother of her now healthy and thriving son. Jill tried IUI (Intrauterine insemination) early on in her journey but she miscarried. She explores that disappointment with me and focuses more on how she carried on with her dream for motherhood.

Although Jill achieved her dream through egg and sperm donation, today’s episode is more so about letting go of your own expectations of motherhood and the reality that motherhood doesn’t end with the release form from the hospital.

Some highlights of today’s conversation:

Jill’s “fairy tale” and why she struggled with it.
Her failed pregnancy and the 3-year process.
How Jill let go of her fear, expectations, and the fairy tale.
How she stayed focus on her goal.
The powerful mother-by-choice community.
How Jill’s journey led to personal growth.
The pros and cons of solo parenting.
There is no final destination as a mom.
Don’t take yourself too seriously.
Why the Family Book is a helpful resource.
Let go of perfection and aim for progress.
Alternative paths to motherhood are valid paths.
Keep moving forward on your journey.

Resources

Motherhood Reimagined: When Becoming a Mother Doesn’t Go As Planned: A Memoir by Sarah Kowalski

Uncharted You

Jill’s email

The Family Book by Todd Parr

Thank you for joining us for Motherhood Reimagined. You can contact us through the website or Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, and Facebook.

Also, if you are wanting some guidance on this unconventional path, consider joining my Motherhood Reimagined SMC Community.

Quotes:

"It's okay not to have all the answers as an only parent, it's okay not to have all the answers as a partnered parent, it's okay as human beings not to have all the answers." -- Jill

"I really believe that the strength that was required, and the fortitude that was required to go through that journey has benefited me as a parent, it set me up well for parenting." -- Jill

"I found books and I did internet research and that really helped me... releasing the self-judgment to see that this is another valid path, it's not lesser than." -- Jill

005: Gail from Donor Concierge On Finding Donors

Sarah Kowalski — Wed, 16 Jan 2019 06:19:00 +0000

Gail Sexton Anderson is the CEO and founder of Donor Concierge, an organization that helps clients find egg and sperm donors. Gail explains how her organization approaches the sensitive topic of egg and sperm donation and surrogacy. She also offers great advice for women currently looking for donors or surrogates.

Gail shares her observations of common hang-ups clients have regarding the donor and surrogacy process. She suggests ways to make the process more comfortable for the donor and the client, and how her organization fits into the system established by several agencies around the country.

Some highlights of today’s conversation:

Why Gail began Donor Concierge.
The agencies and physicians Donor Concierge work with in tandem.
How Donor Concierge helps their clients before and during the process.
Gail’s advice for women looking for a gestational carrier.
Her advice for women looking for egg and sperm donors.
How Donor Concierge helps with the surrogacy process.
The facts Gail thinks clients need to consider in the beginning.
The pros and cons of using first-time donors.
Tips for meeting a potential donor.
The importance of transparency within your family and knowing what is best for your situation.
Gail’s final advice to the audience.

Resources

Donor Concierge

Motherhood Reimagined Website

Motherhood Reimagined: When Becoming a Mother Doesn’t Go As Planned: A Memoir by Sarah Kowalski

Thank you for joining us for Motherhood Reimagined. You can contact us through the website or Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, and Facebook.

Also, if you are wanting some guidance on this unconventional path, consider joining my Motherhood Reimagined SMC Community.

Quotes:

"Transparency is sort of the cornerstone of family life, though everyone knows their own family culture. So, it's not something I'm going to say everyone should do this, but I think there is an advantage to being open." -- Gail

"When you pick your donor, this child is not going to be 'the donor.' The child is going to be a unique individual." -- Gail

"As we are listening to them share their story it helps us to be able to get some perspective on this but also we can kinda hear, do they sound like they're still really angry? Is this still really new and early for them? Are they still feeling really raw? Where are they in their journey? That's where can talk to them about all of that." -- Gail

004: Proving That A Genetic Connection Doesn’t Affect Your Bond

Sarah Kowalski — Wed, 09 Jan 2019 05:21:00 +0000

Stacy is a single mother by choice who had a grueling eight-year journey to motherhood. She shares her struggles with infertility and the disappointments regarding the adoption and surrogacy processes. She researched every avenue available to her and suffered many miscarriages. In the end, the surrogacy process and adoption process paid off and she became the proud mother of two children. One through surrogacy and one through adoption.

Stacy explores her emotions during this time. She also discusses the stigmas as well as the hidden angels she found during her journey. There are pearls of wisdom in this episode for every mother and every woman wanting to be a mother.

Some highlights of today’s conversation:

Stacy’s image of motherhood in the beginning.
The string of miscarriages and hysterectomy that were a turning point.
The avenues Stacy explored such as adoption and surrogacy.
The failed attempts Stacy had to overcome.
The day Stacy got the phone call about her two children –the 24 hours that ended her 8 year journey to motherhood with two kids.
How not to give up on your desire to be a mother.
The grieving process Stacy went through when letting go of the idea of biological children.
The stigma regarding adopted children versus biological children.
Stacy’s encouragement to future single-mothers-by-choice.
What she likes about motherhood and what she doesn’t.
Stacy’s parting advice to the audience.

Resources

Motherhood Reimagined: When Becoming a Mother Doesn’t Go As Planned: A Memoir by Sarah Kowalski

Thank you for joining us for Motherhood Reimagined. You can contact us through the website or Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, and Facebook.

Also, if you are wanting some guidance on this unconventional path, consider joining my Motherhood Reimagined SMC Community.

Quotes

"If you know in your heart of hearts that you want to be a parent, don't let grass grow, I feel like your heart goes first but your mind follows. If your heart knows you are meant to be there, your mind will get on board." -- Stacy

"Infertility is such a dark tunnel and it's really really easy to get sucked up into that dark tunnel." --Stacy

"I had been jilted by a surrogate, and I had been bailed out on by birth parents, and I had had many miscarriages, so you can understand why I didn't believe any of this was going to come to fruition. I thought I was going to have neither baby and I wound up with both." -- Stacy

"At some point I had the question pop up into my head, do you want to be a biological mother or do you want to be a mother? And the answer to that was a resounding I want to be a mother, so I started pursuing adoption." -- Stacy

003: Leaving A Serious Relationship To Pursue Solo Motherhood

Sarah Kowalski — Wed, 02 Jan 2019 05:23:00 +0000

Welcome to Motherhood Reimagined, the podcast that helps women who are choosing single motherhood to find a community and helpful resources to prepare for unconventional paths to motherhood. My guest today is Sige Weisman, a therapist who is currently expecting her first child via a natural IUI (intrauterine insemination.)

Sige shares why she decided to leave a loving, yet unready relationship to pursue single motherhood. She explores her connection to love and family and how the IUI path has changed her thinking. She encourages women to let go of their fear of single motherhood and consider an unconventional pregnancy method. We also acknowledge the serious questions a woman needs to ask herself before going through the process.

Sige is at an interesting crossroads that many women find themselves. I think Sige’s story is relatable for a lot of women and is exciting and beautiful. If you have a takeaway from today, let it be don’t let your desire for children take a backseat to a relationship.

Some highlights of today’s conversation:

Sige’s plans for her life in her early 20s.
The conversation that made her consider an alternative path to motherhood.
Sige’s plans to freeze her eggs and why it wasn’t an option for her.
The serious relationship that was the catalyst to begin her IUI journey.
How Sige decided to move forward with her motherhood path without a partner.
How Sige separated her desire for children from her desire for romance.
What she considered when choosing her donor.
How Sige feels about being days away from motherhood.
The loneliness that comes with single motherhood.
Sige’s master’s research about middle age women’s attitudes about motherhood.
The negative reactions to her pregnancy and questions she still needs to ask herself.
Why Sige considers herself privileged to take this path to motherhood.

Resources

SF Women's Therapy

California Cryobank

Motherhood Reimagined website