It may help to understand that our negativity is a defense. It arises out of duality, which is the tragic misunderstanding that splits all of life into either/or. Either it’s me, or it’s you. From here, we believe it’s a question of our own happiness versus the happiness of someone else. Because in duality, supposedly only one side can win.

Secretly, we feel that if we give anything to others, we will be at some kind of disadvantage. So, we grab for what we want, on the one hand, and hold ourselves back, on the other. This, we think, will increase our advantage.

What it really creates is a terrible conflict.

As such, if we want to get out from under all this negativity, we must find another approach.

Adapted from Pathwork lecture #165: Evolutionary Phases in the Relationship Between the Realms of Feelings, Reason, and Will; Pathwork Lecture #166: Perceiving, Reacting, Expressing; Pathwork Lecture #167: Frozen Life Center Becomes Alive

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Perhaps we’re familiar with some religion or philosophy that tells we need to “give up the struggle.” While such a teaching may be true, we too often misunderstand this to mean we should give up, or give in. That we should become passive and not stand up for ourselves. That we should let go of our goals and our desire for fulfillment.

Such an approach takes us down a wrong road to becoming a sloth. It leads to indifference and stagnation, and even makes us beat ourselves up for wanting more from life.

Worse yet, such an attitude causes us to not improve the conditions in our life—in ourselves and in the world around us—that we have the ability to make better. And in a way, that’s downright cruel.

A healthy struggle, by contrast, doesn’t wear us out. For when we take a healthy approach to our struggles, our efforts are not futile and our energies don’t become exhausted. When we struggle in the right way, we stop fighting against ourselves…

All essays | Get a Better Boat • Living Light

We Can Heal | After the Ego • Blinded by Fear

Real. Clear. series | Holy Moly • Finding Gold • Bible Me This • The Pull • Pearls • Gems • Bones • Nutshells

Self. Care. series | Spilling the Script • Healing the Hurt • Doing the Work

More | Walker • Word for Word • Living Light • Spiritual Laws • Keys