As always we love to hear from our listeners! Reach out to podcast@drmcselfcare.com with any questions or topics you’d like to hear about on future episodes.

Additional Resources:

• Mitch’s website
• Prizeworthy Book
• Gallon Jug for Water with Motivational Prompts
• Carol Dweck’s Growth Mindset Book
• Growing Mindful Deck
• New Ninja Deck

EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

As always we love to hear from our listeners! Reach out to podcast@drmcselfcare.com with any questions or topics you’d like to hear about on future episodes.

Additional Resources:

• Breathe with me Barbie on Amazon (please note, as an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases)
• Bayberry Blue Co. on Facebook 

Episode Transcript:

As always we love to hear from our listeners! Reach out to podcast@drmcselfcare.com with any questions or topics you’d like to hear about on future episodes.

Additional Resources:

• Link to Theresa’s episode on Julie’s podcast
• Core Value Direction Sheet & List of Core Values by Elena Aguilar
• Onward by Elena Aguilar
• Cheryl Richardson’s website
• Cook-Cottone Mindful Self-Care Scale to assess your strengths and weaknesses across the 10 domains of Self-Care. Dr. MC loves this scale and uses it frequently in her workshops. Be sure to reach out to Dr. MC after you take it if you need help developing your routine.

EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

Speaker 1 00:00:28 Welcome to another episode of Dr. MCs self care cabaret podcast. I’m Theresa Melito-Conners a PhD level self care expert in the greater Boston area with a passion for helping others recognize the importance of caring for themselves. Today. We are speaking with Julie Sochacki. Julie is a mother of two boys and a clinical associate professor of English and director of the English secondary education program at the University of Hartford. Julia is an urban educator and has Connecticut credentials as an English language arts teacher, literacy specialist and intermediate administrator. She also holds a Juris doctorate or a J D and is a member of the Connecticut bar in her coaching practice. She meets teachers where they are and moves them forward with wisdom, motivation, and grace. She is passionate about bringing mindfulness into the classroom. She was also an author at faculty focus and a 2021 recipient of the university of Hartford innovations and teaching and learning award.
Speaker 1 00:01:39 She is a member of the Connecticut state department of educations, educator preparation advisory council, and she’s also a yoga teacher at and a Reiki master Julie’s work aligns very much with my passions, a fellow PhD classmate connected us a few years back as she recognized the overlap in our work. The first podcast guest experience Dr. MC ever made was on Julie’s the resilient teacher podcast. How exciting that I can now have her as a guest on mine, full circle, as they say, I am excited to learn from Julie about the important work she is doing. I know she has some fabulous tips for us and here’s our conversation
Speaker 1 00:02:29 Well, thanks Julie, for joining us here today on the Dr. MC self care cabaret podcast, I’m delighted to chat with you. I’m so happy to
Speaker 2 00:02:37 Be here. Thanks for
Speaker 1 00:02:38 Inviting me. So let’s, um, let’s get started. I think you have a fascinating backstory or a professor with a Juris doctorate, um, mom, a yoga teacher, Reiki master, all the things. So can you tell me more about kind of how all this came to be?
Speaker 2 00:02:56 Um, obviously it was just one at a time for sure. I didn’t do all of those at once, but over the years, um, you know, I guess when I, when I became a teacher, that’s really what I wanted to do and that’s what I did first. And so, and I’m still have been teaching all these years, but then I thought, um, it would be really great to dive into something really intellectual. And so I decided to go to law school and that was in my leader twenties when I had a, you know, just a lot of energy, no children. And that was, um, you know, a great time for me. But then what I realized is once I did have my two boys trying to juggle, um, a career with the children and, um, really being able to take care of myself, uh, I was really a mess.
Speaker 2 00:03:45 And so that’s how I found, um, yoga and raking and then eventually wanted to deepen my practice in, in both of those, by taking, um, you know, the, the training courses, um, you know, that are aligned with those. And so, uh, I went to propel, blow up in the Berkshires and Lenox, Massachusetts, um, and became a yoga instructor, um, for the 200 hour program. And I wasn’t perfect at yoga by any means. And, um, I, I, wasn’t an expert then, and I’m still not now, but I just feel like I’m on the path. And so being on the path, I just wanted to take part in some meaningful practices that I thought could actually help me with my own self care. So that’s how I ended up, um, in that area. And then, um, how I ended up as a professor is simply because time went by and I was taking on, um, so much at work, um, doing some, um, you know, literacy coaching.
Speaker 2 00:04:47 I keep going back to get different certifications. Um, got something in Connecticut called the oh nine two, which is intermediate administrator. So, so doing all those types of things, and it was just so much that I just paused one day and I thought, what do I really want to do? And it’s really teaching that. I love and to be able to help teachers. And so this position offered me the opportunity to be almost like the teacher of new teachers. And so that’s why I said, I said yes to it and I haven’t regretted it at all. I love it doesn’t even feel like that part of my job doesn’t even feel like work, mentoring, new teachers has been such a joy for me. Um, and so that’s where I am, but I’m able to bring in some of my, uh, yoga practices and self-care practices.
Speaker 2 00:05:35 And, you know, I talk about energy and how our emotions just kind of flow through us and, and all of that. And so I’m able to come at it from different perspectives. And I also feel like the JD has really helped me and although I’m not practicing law, um, it’s helped me look at situations, um, with, I think, more mental agility, having more creative, um, problem solving skills. And, um, so that’s something that I did, but I don’t practice law now. So I’m primarily a professor right now who also coaches, teachers and gives talks to support teachers in the field. And they really, you know, teachers are asking for the support now more than ever with COVID. So I feel like I’m able to serve at a higher level.
Speaker 1 00:06:24 Awesome. That’s really amazing. What, I’m just curious, what, um, area of law did you focus on?
Speaker 2 00:06:31 Um, so it was really family law. Um, and as soon as I graduated from law school and passed the bar exam, I went right to Boston to take a three month mediation course because I was always about being a peacemaker. So I was, you know, I was, I was dubbed like the friendliest student in law school.
Speaker 1 00:06:51 Wow. That’s quite the accomplishment.
Speaker 2 00:06:53 Right. Then I, you know, that was like kind of a red flag for me, thinking that
Speaker 1 00:06:58 May not work out.
Speaker 2 00:07:00 Yeah. It might not work out, but, um, you know, through my mediation training, I realized that I want to bring people together. That’s when I really knew, um, that, whether it be through, you know, family law or through just my teaching, being in a school building, you know, I, I taught secondary English for quite a few years. Um, and I was a literacy specialist in the classroom. So, um, any, anything that I’ve done, I feel like the theme is wanting to be that peacemaker.
Speaker 1 00:07:34 Yeah. I really love that. And I can see that with you too. And the little bits that I know about you, but, and you did mention some self care practices, and I know you have a lot of expertise in this area in mindfulness and resilience. So can you tell me a little bit more about what your regular self care routine looks like?
Speaker 2 00:07:52 Yeah, I’d be happy to. So, so when I talk to teachers about, um, self care, I can’t help, but talk about something that I call self-maintenance work foundational. Self-care, it’s really our basic needs. It’s something that I feel like it’s critical for us to thrive both in and out of the classroom. And I call this my non-negotiable daily practice, but when I start
Speaker 1 00:08:15 On negotiable
Speaker 2 00:08:17 Sociable, um, when I set this up though, I, I, you know, use mine as an example. And I say, these are the things that I do, but they might not necessarily be yours. And so I have six that I try to do every day, and this is where my yoga practice comes in because I’m constantly beginning again, meaning like, I am not perfect at this. And so just like in every breath we have a chance to begin again. Um, I feel like with, with this simple practice that I’m going to tell you, I’m not doing this perfect by any means, but, um, just quickly, like the six things that I try to do every day, just as a foundation, um, is to hydrate, always have that glass of water by my side, I’m moving my body. And that actually has become more important to me, not just for exercise, but really bore like hormonal balance and mental health.
Speaker 2 00:09:15 Um, so just really in whatever way that I feel like just moving my body resting and I don’t really see sleep, I see resting because taking those breaks throughout the day, like if my body says you need a short break to rest, I want to be able to honor that if I can. Um, and I talked about doing that even on the job when we have a short break, instead of maybe choosing to be around other teachers for those 10 minutes or whatever that we might have really just kind of going within taking some deep breaths relaxing. Um, and then another, uh, two of mine actually have to do with what I eat. And I, and I love the idea of intuitive eating, like what you do. And so I never say, you know what, I don’t eat like keto or a certain way. So, but I would never say, you know, eat this way or eat that way. But what I try to do is to reduce sugar and that’s really for my inflammation that I’ve been feeling like in my knees, I’ve done a lot of reading about that. And so I’m trying to reduce my sugar intake, not always perfect. I actually, um, took a short trip and had dessert last night, so nice.
Speaker 1 00:10:27 We didn’t have some good,
Speaker 2 00:10:29 It was, um, it was kind of like a bread pudding that was, um, based on like donuts that were really well known in their town with a butterscotch drizzle with ice cream on the side.
Speaker 1 00:10:43 All right. So, so intuitive eating is very important.
Speaker 2 00:10:48 And then I try to increase my vegetables. I’m adding them in different ways whenever I can. Um, and you know, making that a priority. And then the last thing that I’ve started doing, um, and I think it was COVID related. Although I, I have taken supplements in the past. I am trying to remember to take like vitamin C vitamin D zinc. Um, again, not perfect. Didn’t even really bring them with me on this short trips. So, um, but you know, then when I came home, I’m back at it. So when I have my water here, where I felt like I was kind of dehydrated, um, here and there the last few days. So these are just, again, my, my motto is begin again, because that is what we need to remember. And also, like I said, be intuitive with all of this, what feels good to you? Not to somebody else. Um, but really kind of like look within yourself to see what your body needs.
Speaker 1 00:11:46 Absolutely. Um, he said several things that I am feel like I’m constantly repeating in my presentations and in my workshops and stuff. Absolutely like foundational self care, what you do every day. So you show up as the best you possible. That’s really, really important. And you, you highlighted several domains of self-care that you really try to hit upon, um, over the course of a day, which is excellent. Um, very good.
Speaker 2 00:12:12 Yeah. And like the other one other thing I can say about it is the question that I’m always asking myself is like, am I being kind to myself? You know, and then if, if I’m not, then I stopped because I realized that self care is not a luxury in these times. It is such a necessity. And it’s really a choice that we have in each moment. So I get really nervous if I hear a teacher talking about, oh, next week, I’m going to do this to take care of myself,
Speaker 1 00:12:39 Um, over the summer or during brown. Yeah,
Speaker 2 00:12:43 Exactly. As soon as the summer comes, I feel like it’s more about frequency than duration even. It’s really, you know, we have that choice in every moment, the way that we approach life. And so I’m just all hard work or all just like being in the grind that doesn’t do it. We really need to have, um, just a, a full life that includes, you know, some of what I’ve already mentioned. But also that question I find so helpful to myself that I share with other people is, are you being kind to yourself? Because a lot of times we’re not. And so we can pause and think like, what can I do right now to actually help myself?
Speaker 1 00:13:28 Yeah, absolutely. And I love that self care is a choice. I think that might be the, the episode title. So care is a choice because it is, and we can sometimes, you know, it’s like, oh, well, it’s a luxury. I have to do all these other things. It’s like, no, you actually have to take care of yourself first and foremost. And I know it’s the reason why I got so interested in this is because I noticed it was the first thing that I used to just push to the side. And I wanted to know like, why, why do I do that when I know I’ll feel better if I don’t do that, because it becomes a bit of an act of resistance do to put your needs first. And, and I like wins too. Anytime somebody says like, oh, well, you know, over Christmas break, that’s when I’ll practice self care, I’m going to get so much self care in over the summer. It’s like, no, no, no, no. Like, yes, that’s great. Explore, practice, maybe try something new. But like, that’s not, it, it’s not a one and done, or like a short term solution it’s daily. But by the same token, you don’t have to do like every single thing every single day, you can kind of pick and choose what’s going to fit where, and what makes you feel good? That’s really the bottom line getting in touch with that.
Speaker 2 00:14:39 Yeah. I mean, sometimes it’s just like really prioritizing a good night’s sleep. Um, it can be just something simple. And that’s the shift that I think some, some teachers think that it needs to be, you know, spending money or, um, you know, doing something that is, um, outside of your house even. And I just feel like it’s, you know, there’s so many things that we can do to take care of ourselves, just even sometimes just by sitting on a chair outside, or, you know, making a cup of tea or reading a book that you really want to read. Um, that’s not for work and anything like that is free and right in your own house that can happen at any time.
Speaker 1 00:15:21 I also cringe at the stereotype of like, you know, the bubble bath or going for the fancy expensive massage. It’s like, no, no, no, that doesn’t, it doesn’t, this doesn’t have to be in like, like it could be, it’s so much more than that. And you don’t have to spend any money. I give presentations that go on for, you know, I do five week, like 10 hour courses. And like most of what we talk about, if not like 99.9% of it costs $0, I may throw a few other examples. Like, yeah, you could go to a Reiki master or you could go to acupuncture. Like if you wanted to new, do not have to, you can practice really good. Self-care for free.
Speaker 2 00:16:03 Yeah. And just, just on that point, like even someone who wants to practice yoga can, you know, there’s so much on YouTube right now that, you know, you can find tons of, even if you want to meditate or relax, there’s so much, um, you know, there’s relaxing music or there’s, um, just meditations or yoga nidra where someone is walking you through a really relaxing experience. And that’s really just by turning on your computer.
Speaker 1 00:16:31 Yeah. Yeah. That’s awesome. So I know you have a lot of experience with mindfulness, and so I’m wondering first for our listeners, if you could define mindfulness, but then also if you have a favorite mindfulness practice that you want to share, either for something maybe you do, or you like to teach your teachers to do
Speaker 2 00:16:52 So. Yeah. That’s great. So, so for me, mindfulness is really being in the present moment. And I think the aha, um, for me, was that I, it’s my point of power being in the present moment. If I’m in the past, if I’m in the future, it usually has something to do with anxiety or worry or regret or some something else that then is like, you know, I’m bringing into my body and then I really need to like move it out of my body. So instead when we’re in this present, this moment of being so present, um, which I consider to be mindful, um, that is the place where really we can make decisions. We can empower ourselves, we can make changes in our lives. It’s really when we drop the baggage of our past and then, um, you know, stop that worrying anxiety about what if, what if, um, and really just stick to what’s happening in the moment.
Speaker 2 00:17:57 And so with teachers, we, a lot of times talk about being present for our students and anything that we do for our students. I feel like we first have to do for us. So, you know, in order to serve our students, we need to be able to do that for ourselves. And so in order to really be mindful, um, for our students in that way, we need to adopt that mindfulness practice, um, for ourselves. And so I’m not great at meditation. Although I, I do ma you know, I try to do 10 minutes a day only of just quiet, close my eyes, breathing meditation. I really find a lot of my mindfulness practice besides just trying to like really be in the moment. Um, but when I want to really experience it to a high level, one of my core values is nature. And so just being outside, being, um, around the trees and, and just staying present in nature has been so powerful for me.
Speaker 2 00:18:59 Um, it’s really healing. Um, and anything if something’s really bothering me, I normally just go right outside by myself, um, in just, you know, in the corner of my yard and just breathe and in stay in the present moment. And to me that is so transformational. And so what I realized about mindfulness it’s, so it’s the simple things it’s found, um, in very simple ways, it’s nothing complicated and it’s, again, meant to begin again because our minds will wander. We’ll find ourselves worrying about something that happened last week and that’s, we’re human. And so that’s totally normal. And then we just bring it back to the present moment. Um, and then if we can offer that to our students and I suggest doing that and for my own students, and I know they’re older because they’re ready to be teachers. Um, but I always start every seminar class because they’ve been student teaching all day with just three minutes of, you know, just closing eyes and breathing and it’s seems to really help them. And then they pass that onto their students. So I hope that mindfulness in the classroom can almost be a ripple effect that teachers that have a positive, uh, results with it in the classroom with their students will pass it on to other teachers so that we can all bring this to, to our students. And, and we’ve noticed that, you know, just informally, we’ve noticed that, um, in the classroom that there’s less behavior issues. Um, when the teachers just practice just a few minutes of mindfulness with the students,
Speaker 1 00:20:45 Well, stressed out anxious teachers, aren’t going to have, you know, happy, productive high-achieving students. That’s just not how it works. So, um, that’s excellent. I love that indefinitely, you know, getting outside for just a few minutes can make a huge difference. I was doing that, you know, during COVID working from home, sometimes it was, you know, the boundaries were blurred between work life and home life. And I would try at least once a day for like, you know, the length of whatever Lizzo song I wanted to listen to that day and just go stand on my back porch and kind of dance around I’m care of the neighborhood saw me, um, give myself that moment, like stretch my body, move my body, feel the fresh air, the sunlight, or whatever was going on. And it really, um, it really helped one of my favorite things to do in mindfulness practices.
Speaker 1 00:21:30 I like to share is called a rainbow walk. Maybe you’ve heard of this, but you can just walk around like you do outside or anywhere in a park or in your neighborhood. And just look around and see if you can spot something of every color of the rainbow. So really forcing you to be there in that present moment and observing your surroundings can be quite powerful and really helped to ground us back into the present moment and feel really good. And you can do that pretty quickly, I mean, or how we’re not, or make, take a long leisurely walk and do it that way. And kind of funny can even do it in a room too. If you’re in a, a colorful space, you could look around and see if you can spot all the colors of the rainbow and just, just give yourself that, that momentary pause to kind of reset and even just breathing such an underutilized powerful tool.
Speaker 2 00:22:21 I know. And what you said, I think is so profound to you by just saying that pause, because that’s something, when we’re in that go go go mode that we’re not willing to do. We have to really be intentional about it, to, to pause and reset ourselves, to, you know, to be our best selves for everyone around us, but especially for ourselves.
Speaker 1 00:22:43 Yeah. So I’m wondering since you work with a lot of, you know, uh, students and folks that hope to be teachers and current teachers, and you’re also a mom. So as a, as a parent, you know, people are really struggling with a lot of, um, you know, what’s been going on in the midst of the global pandemic. So I’m wondering what’s one piece of advice you would give to people struggling. So maybe think about, you know, might be different. What you’d say to parents concerned with learning loss versus teachers concerned about embarking on a new school year. Like what, what advice would you give?
Speaker 2 00:23:19 So I feel that for, and I think this can be, um, for anyone that it’s time for us to really put ourselves first so that we could be our best in all these situations. And so, um, you know, one way that you can easily do this is to start by paying attention to your energy and start, you know, thinking what, what really drains me, maybe what drains me since the pandemic started, or, um, or, you know, what is draining me in this new situation. I find myself in, and then what replenishes me and then begin to choose one energy draining activity to either stop doing it or cut it way down. Um, you know, so that you can start really seeing those positive effects. Because I think that almost any question, it always comes back to, you know, we have to do something within ourselves.
Speaker 2 00:24:22 First, a lot of times we’re looking in the outer world to try to change something, um, or to help ourselves by doing something in the outer world. But a lot of times we have to look within first, um, to really figure out what can I do to help myself. So, like, as a, as an example, as a mom, I mean, things changed drastically during COVID, um, being a mom. And so, um, a lot of draining activities happen for me. And then I had to really sit with myself and, and look at what changes do I need to make to, to start thriving again, because I feel like I just, like a lot of people found themselves initially in survival mode, um, and really dangerous place to be, um, when we can take those steps to kind of move out of it. And so I like to look at like, what, what is draining you? And I ask teachers that all the time, I even ask students, um, because I think self-awareness is so underrated, but we’ve got to be more self-aware than ever, um, during this. So I would say like, be self-aware notice what you know is, is really draining you or what gives you energy go for more of what’s giving you energy and, um, you know, talk to students about self-regulation, how, how they can become better through this and really looking at the gifts that come out of every difficult situation.
Speaker 1 00:25:58 Um, absolutely. And I think that’s important. There are definitely, um, been some gifts to come out of, um, the COVID situation. There’s certainly, um, you know, everybody’s coming at this and moving through it everybody’s experience was different with it. Um, but yeah, thank you, definitely. Some, some good advice. And now for a lighter question, cause that was, that was a little lamp, little heavy, but, um, we, we were chatting a couple of weeks ago when we in prepping for this podcast, um, cause it happened to coincide with mercury being in retrograde, which, um, for our listeners mercury in retrograde, it’s like, no. So for our listeners who may not know when mercury is in retrograde is when appears that the planet is actually going backwards in its orbit, but it’s actually an optical illusion, but this does happen several times a year. And Julia, you may certainly know more and want to add to that. Um, but it can really mess up your mood, our ability to communicate and make decisions. So can you tell me more, cause you mentioned that you make some adjustments maybe depending upon how you’re feeling during that time. And I found that really fascinating.
Speaker 2 00:27:13 Yeah. Well, one of the, um, you know, the major things that, you know, everybody may know about it, or if you’ve heard it, it may have been in the context of, you know, like don’t sign contracts or don’t
Speaker 1 00:27:25 The big one they say, yeah.
Speaker 2 00:27:26 Or like, um, you know, your, your electronics might not be working properly or something like that. So instead I tried to look at the positive side of that. It’s really a time to go within, um, and to kind of work on things that have already been started. It’s a great time to reflect because I feel like we are going, um, you know, kind of in that backwards direction in a way, like feeling that a little bit. Um, so, um, I think what I had told you though that, you know, it really makes me re-examine my life and changes that I need to make. And so the specific one that I told you is that I realized during mercury retrograde, I’m very introspective, especially during that time that, um, I feel like I was just doing too much in my house. So, so school for me was done and I still do lots of things from home.
Speaker 2 00:28:26 I write letters of recommendation, have meetings and, you know, lots of different things and I’m starting a summer class, um, right after 4th of July. But, um, what I noticed is that I, it makes me aware of certain things and in this case, um, it was actually cooking for my teenage boys, which I normally don’t mind doing that, but I felt like it’s just takes up too much of my energy and I need to shift it to more creative projects. So I realized that if I’m putting all of my energy into taking care of everyone at home who can really take care of themselves at this point, that I’m not really living my best life because I want to be more creative and I want to do more creative projects. Um, and so I feel like that intense energy that was happening kind of helped me to see that, to see those things into, to shift, but I’m very introspective anyway.
Speaker 2 00:29:27 And one of the things that I do, I keep a journal where I don’t write a lot, but I just jot down what I’m thinking. And I feel like it helps me make these moves. It helps me move forward in certain ways. I, I know that I want to deep inside, but it’s just really hard to make a change. And I think when I had reached out to you, that’s what was happening to me that day. And so I cut way back on cooking for now, even though I love cooking, um, because I just, and I wanted to make everybody make it a little more equitable, everybody more responsible for our meals, just to give myself that, um, space that I need to bring more creativity in my life. And creativity is one of my core values. So I’m always looking for how can I be more creative in my work life, in my home life. It just brings me a lot of joy. Um, even if it’s just like, you know, taking care of a plant, just some, anything, creativity can come in all forms.
Speaker 1 00:30:28 I love that. And I feel like, you know, it’s okay. It’s okay if you know, mercury in retrograde aside, but if you need to step back and ask others for help or to support you and to show a Richardson would say one of my favorite self-care authors, you know, resigning as the GM of the universe. And you have to take that, take that step back and kind of recalibrate, but that’s okay. You don’t have to go, you know, 10000% every second of every day. And I know I’m saying this and yet, sometimes I don’t act this way either because I just want to go, go, go. And then it’s like, oh wait, now I’m like burnt out and crashing. And why, gee, I wonder. So like you have to kind of always have that delicate dance of, of when to give, when to pull back when to push, when to pull. And I think you described that really beautifully within the context of mercury in retrograde, but again, outside of that, it, um, it works as well.
Speaker 2 00:31:24 Yeah. And sometimes we have a person in our lives and it can be different for everyone. I think my person for this is really my mom who can tell when I’m taking on way too much,
Speaker 1 00:31:35 Moms have a way of knowing that
Speaker 2 00:31:39 Yeah. If there’s be, may not, you know, say something right away, but as she sees the decline in me, yeah. We’re a little bit of time, then she will say something and it actually helps me. It’s nice to have someone in your life that could recognize that, um, to just bring that awareness if you don’t have it, um, into the forefront. And that, that has really been helpful for me too.
Speaker 1 00:32:04 Absolutely. And you’ve mentioned a couple of times your core values. So tell me a little bit more about that. So how would, how would our listeners begin to develop their, their core values? They may be wondering,
Speaker 2 00:32:17 Okay. That’s a really, that’s a really great question. So we all have core values, um, but maybe we’re just not aware of what those might be yet. And so this is actually, what’s inspired me to start working more with teachers, um, in a small group or one-on-one basis is because, um, I give this list and I can actually send it to you if you want to share it with your listeners. But it’s just a list of all different words that are basically core values and these core values, um, really help us to cultivate our purpose, you know, knowing which direction to go create that sacred life that we love, that we’re all looking for. Um, and so I use my core values as a litmus test to decide, should I take this on when I can? I know sometimes in my job, I don’t have a choice.
Speaker 2 00:33:08 What else I’ll try to, I’ll try to align the project around my core values in house. So three of my major core values are creativity to inspire and integrity. And so everything I do, I really want it to revolve around some creative aspect, um, you know, inspiring some group of people or at least one person. And, um, you know, having integrity around the whole process. What’s funny about, um, you know, the idea of core values is that I even brought them up on my job interview six years ago, interviewed with the Dean. And I told I was very honest with her and I said, I just want to make sure that this position is going to honor my core values. Um, and so we talk through them, um, in order to understand what they are. So, um, and then we aligned everything with them. It’s really a powerful way to move you in the direction of your dreams, but what you can do at home is, um, I can send you the PDF so that your listeners can try it out.
Speaker 2 00:34:15 You can even probably Google, um, the list I created my own list based on Elena Aguilar, um, had a list out and Cheryl Richardson had a list. And so I kind of took all my favorites from all the lists. And so what, what really they ask you to do is to circle the top 10, um, words that really are calling out to you. Like for me, creativity was one that really called out. And then from there to try to whittle it down to maybe five so that you have five core values. Um, so for me, one of mine is energy flow and I didn’t even understand it when I chose it like so many years ago now, but it’s still something that calls to me, um, in so many different ways, but I just, I’m really big on letting the energy flow through our bodies, you know, taking in the emotion, but realizing that it’s only a visitor and that we need to just let it pass and that the way that we can really stay healthy is to just have that energy constantly flowing.
Speaker 2 00:35:17 Um, so that we’re not getting like stuck. So, um, I go through this process with teachers in small groups one-on-one, or, um, you know, in a larger group. And then I give teachers a chance to talk about them, you know, partner up and talk about their core values together. And usually everybody has a huge smile on their faces because it’s an aha moment that wow, these words really speak to me. These are my words. And, um, you know, sometimes I had one, uh, teacher who I was working with who actually kind of drew them out, um, and made this beautiful illustration, very colorful and then shared it with me, um, B uh, that she hung up, um, in her workspace just to remind her of these values. So I think it’s, it’s really, um, powerful to work with them. And once you start working with your core values, it’s, um, I think it’s a way for you to maybe have more boundaries even, um, because you know, what you really want.
Speaker 2 00:36:24 Um, and so it’s not like there, there’s a question. Um, and it also, if I’ve been in touch with my core values, you know, a lot sooner, I think it would have been easier for me to create an honor my own boundaries. Um, now I only say yes to things I want to, so I, I’m more inspired as a result, but, um, what I’ve learned now recently is that I even have to say no to some things I really want to do. And that’s then the big aha for 2021 for me is actually some projects that I normally would do and just kind of power through and hustle. Um, I’m now taking a step back and saying, wow, I can’t do this extra thing, even though I love it. Um, and it’s not really fitting into my core values as well as some other newer projects. And what’s so funny about that is the minute I give something up, something new, um, takes its place. So it’s not like I’m ever really doing a lot less, but I feel like I’m becoming more myself. Um, and so it’s a process of becoming, and I feel like we’re all in this process. None of us are there. Um, but we’re all on that path. And I feel like it’s a, it’s a beautiful place to be.
Speaker 1 00:37:44 Yeah. Awesome. Thank you. And I’ve heard, um, Danielle LaPorte also talks about, um, core desired feelings and that’s where I first kind of heard about that, but I have seen Cheryl Richardson and, um, Elena Aguilar who wrote the book onward and show Richardson. Um, we’ve mentioned her now twice. She’s the art of extreme self-care among any, um, a few other books who she’s written that’s um, one of my absolute favorites though, for sure. It’s excellent. And, um, Danielle LaPorte, the core desired feelings I’m going to have to look back. I know I’ve thought about it before and I’ve definitely come up with words. Abundance is always one that, um, I come up with it that really resonates with me, um, in different ways, but yeah, we can absolutely share that PDF in our episode notes for, so they can take a look at that and figure out their own. I love the concept of using it for like a job interview. You know, we tend to get wrapped up in these jobs and we seek different jobs because we want the status. So we want the money or we want, you know, some other factor, but really thinking about taking a job because it aligns with your core values. That sounds like a recipe for happiness, right? They’re not necessarily not necessarily the road to burnout. I like that.
Speaker 2 00:39:05 Yeah, it’s great. And, you know, because like I said, we’re all becoming, we’re all changing and growing something that really fit us at one time might not fit us anymore. And so if you’re listening to this and you’re feeling that there are ways to make changes and, you know, perhaps looking into what your core values are is, is a good starting point. I actually have that book onward right here and I kind of flipped through the back. I’m not sure. Um, if she had, if Elena actually has the core values in this book, but, um, I think they’re on her website. And so, um, that would be a good place to look for them as well, but it is a good starting point. Um, and I really liked the idea of creating some type of artwork or something, or even listing them and putting them somewhere as a reminder.
Speaker 1 00:39:51 Yeah, definitely. So, um, last, and certainly not least if folks wanted to connect with you or learn more about you or listened to, um, the resilient teacher podcast, which I know is on a little bit of a break right now, like where can we find out more about you?
Speaker 2 00:40:07 So it’s teacher T llc.com and, um, I have lots of resilience resources. I use university of Pennsylvania’s a resilience skill set with my students. And so that is, um, you know, you can find that on there, some self-care scales, um, that maybe you even use to Teresa. Um, I used
Speaker 1 00:40:31 To cook cotton scale usually. Yeah.
Speaker 2 00:40:35 Yeah. And that’s one of the ones that are that’s on there. So, you know, lot, lots of different things. And then, um, there is a tab for wellness coaching for teachers in the fall. Start up with the small groups again. Um, I try to keep it to like six to 10 teachers in each small group. Um, we meet twice a month on zoom to really be able to get support, really knowing that all of us want to be seen and heard. And so creating those connections with other teachers who have similar interests is really helpful. And then I’m also offering some limited, um, one-on-one coaching, um, for, for teachers who really feel called to either make some changes or really increase their joy or motivation or authenticity in the workplace or, or whatever they’re feeling. Um, and so I have a form on my website, um, that teachers can just click right there and then fill it out and then I’ll get right back to
Speaker 0 00:41:33 You.
Speaker 1 00:41:34 Awesome. Well, thank you so much. You had a lot to share and I love all of it. So I very much appreciate that. Um, so thanks for joining us here today on the Dr. MC self care cabaret podcast. Thank you so much. I’d love to thank you and take good care.
Speaker 0 00:41:50 You too.
Speaker 1 00:41:54 I love it’s a great example of how life takes us on an adventure that may not be what we expected, but can be so much more than we imagined. I also think it’s really important to think about your own. Non-negotiables maybe you can start a list I no longer and then think about what it is big or small, and absolutely get into the habit of asking yourself, am I being kind to myself? You have a choice. Self-care is a choice. You get to choose. You have the power and wow, making sure your job is aligned with your core desired values. Asking about this during a job interview. I love it. I bet there would be a lot of job vacancies and folks approach their nine to fives with this mindset. But how wonderful would that be something to think about? Now, granted, we have to work in order to make money, to pay our bills and such.
Speaker 1 00:42:49 So I know this is not realistic for some folks, but if you can align your work with your core values and see how that feels, I feel like the COVID-19 pandemic has a lot of folks re-evaluating their lives and realizing what is important and what no longer serves us and letting it go. Thanks for listening to this episode, remember to subscribe and rate this podcast on your preferred player, the ratings help us grow and share the message of self-care. If you have comments, suggestions, or questions, please reach out directly by emailing podcast at Dr. MC self care.com that’s D R M C self care.com and come join the cast party at Dr. MCs self care cabaret on Facebook and Instagram at Dr. MC self care or in my website, Dr. MC self care.com. Be sure to like subscribe and love me across all my social media platforms for the most up-to-date information on self-care.

As always we love to hear from our listeners! Reach out to podcast@drmcselfcare.com with any questions or topics you’d like to hear about on future episodes.

Additional Resources:

• Rachel’s Website 
• Link to The Artist Way
• The Secret – also a Netflix documentary

EPISODE TRANSCRIPT:

Speaker 1 00:00:26 Welcome to another podcast episode of Dr. MCs self care cabaret. I’m Theresa Melito-Conners, a PhD level self care expert in the greater Boston area with a passion for helping others take control of their health and wellbeing to find their spotlight. Today’s episode is a conversation with Rachel Bertone. Rachel Bertone is an award-winning director, choreographer and professor of theater and dance. She has staged more than 50 musicals and has garnered an international student base credits include award-winning productions of cabaret in the Heights, carousel, the wild party, gypsy kiss of the spider woman, Billy Elliot, little shop of horrors showboat hair, west side story. My fair lady and guys, and dolls. Just the name of you. She recently directed a digital piece of theater for Kate Kerrigan and Brian Lauder milks, musical of the mad ones. Upcoming Rachel will choreograph van Gogh, a new musical, which she helped co conceive, and she is choreographing little black book, an original pop rock musical about the life and times of Heidi Fleiss. She has served as a faculty member at Boston conservatory at Berkeley American repertory theater Institute at Harvard university, Emerson college and long island university. I met Rachel years ago as we grew up dancing and performing together and we stayed in touch over the years. I have taken Rachel’s musical theater dance classes and have been a big fan of her work. It has been amazing watching her career unfold. I am thrilled. She is here with us to chat today.
Speaker 1 00:02:20 Welcome Rachel to the Dr. MC self care cabaret podcast. I’m so excited to connect with you and have you here with me today.
Speaker 2 00:02:28 I’m so excited to be here.
Speaker 1 00:02:30 And I think, um, Rachel and I, oh gosh, I don’t know. We were little when we met inside of dancing together, maybe elementary school,
Speaker 2 00:02:39 Elementary school sounds correct. Yeah, it was maybe like fifth or sixth grade.
Speaker 1 00:02:47 Yeah. So late elementary school, maybe I might’ve already been in middle school, but anyway, a long time and I’ve been watching Rachel grow into a phenomenal, uh, performing artist and dancer choreographer over the years. And it’s been awesome to watch this unfold. So I’m excited to chat with you. So we’re going to dive right in question one, you work as a full-time, award-winning performing artist, director, choreographer, professor, and more, and I’m wondering how you balance everything and find time for self-care along the way.
Speaker 2 00:03:19 Woo. Always self care. You know, I’m going to start with the second part first, actually, you know, it, I preach to my students and to my actors all the time that we need to be balancing, you know, it’s about our heart and our minds, right. Just as much as the work that we put in. Right. And that takes self care. And a lot of times we don’t put that first and I’m a big advocate for actually for therapy. I say to a lot of my actors that it’s really important to be in therapy. And so when I actually used to go to therapy, my therapist would always say, you need to literally schedule in your self care time because as a driven type, a slightly OCD personality, I,
Speaker 1 00:04:07 I don’t know anybody. That’s like, I’m the total opposite.
Speaker 2 00:04:13 You know, it’s, it’s challenging we as, and, and I’m sure you can relate to this as women in the, you know, in our business and leading like busy careers. We, we want, we, we feel like there’s, this need to be perfect at everything and to keep working and to feel like we’re, we’re always busy, we’re always active. And oftentimes our own personal health can go, go to the wayside. So my therapist actually taught me to just schedule in self-care time, if that was even just going for a walk, if that was sitting down to journal, if that was even sitting down to just like color, you know, as an artist, obviously I find joy in artistic things, but just time for me. Um, and so that is, that is truly what keeps me balanced. I think when I go into my work, because then I have a clear mind, I have a clear mind to get as much done as possible.
Speaker 2 00:05:12 I can start my day off. If I start my day off with a journaling or meditation or something for me, I feel like, okay, I created that space for myself. Now I can really throw myself into my work fully joyfully. And then, and it doesn’t feel like I’m being pulled in all these different directions in terms of work. I, but that’s taken a long time. That’s, that’s yours, that’s years of practice. So I, the pandemic definitely taught me and reminded me of how important that self-care is. And, um, I was, you know, it, it, that quarantine time was a bit of a blessing in that way where I truly put myself first and now as I go, as we go back into the theater industry, as theaters opening back up, I am learning. Now I just put up a show a week ago and I was reminded, okay, Rachel, you can’t forget your self care time. You will not be as productive and you will not be, um, you won’t have the joy unless you can balance. You know, I always say body heart, mind.
Speaker 1 00:06:18 Absolutely. You bring up several really good points. One, you know, no shame in working with a therapist. I work with a therapist also and have for several years now. And I definitely suggest that strongly in all of my sessions when I’m working with folks in encouraging them to really have that person you can talk to and build that relationship. Um, it’s very important, but also, you know, scheduling the self care because, and you, you said it you’re more productive when you do. And that’s the piece. I feel like people don’t quite understand. They’re like, well, I don’t have the time. It’s like, yes, but if you make it a priority and you make the time actually will free up other time because you’re better focus. You’re able to be more creative. You’re able to like, just function better as a human, but it’s fascinating people don’t under,
Speaker 2 00:07:06 They don’t. And I often find that instead of using that time for yourself, you’re going to use that time being anxious about something else as a part of your day. So if you can clear your mind ahead of time, maybe that anxiety won’t even come up possibly or better. Or as I say, you’re better equipped to handle that moment when the anxiety and the stress pops up because you’ve taken that time for yourself. And like I said, much easier said than done, but
Speaker 1 00:07:36 Of course it’s actually the whole reason I got into self care. And I’ve told this story before, but just to give a cliff notes version, I, at first I thought it was, you know, something special just to me, that I was feeling really burnt out, working in this really fast pace, um, intense environment. It was a therapeutic high school with, with students with lots of social emotional needs. And it was difficult to process all the information coming at me and I wasn’t taking care of myself. I didn’t even really know what that meant, uh, fresh out of grad school, you know? And, uh, but I thought this was unique. I thought, oh, I must be the only person who have ever experienced this. And so I started studying it for my own benefit, turned to the works of Deepak Chopra and Dr. Wayne Dyer and those folks. And then I realized, wait a minute, this is not the special to me. There’s a whole, this is a problem, which is why then when I went on to further my education with my, uh, PhD, you know, this made sense to me to, to really study this and how I can help people do better with this, because it is important that we put our needs first. So it’s excellent.
Speaker 2 00:08:40 I feel, I was going to say, I feel like people also don’t realize that there are, there are tools and skills and, and, and professionals who, who done the work already for us. And so, you know, sometimes there’s a stigma with, oh, let’s go to this self care section at the bookstore and pick up the, and no it’s, and they’re all preaching the same thing or very similar ideas of the same thing. And it’s, you know, for me, it was life changing when I got ahold of those books and those, um, those experts in the field.
Speaker 1 00:09:14 Do you have a favorite? And I’m wondering, um,
Speaker 2 00:09:17 I mean, I have, I’m trying to think of all the books I have of a Wayne. I love actually I highly recommend, um, uh, by Gabrielle Bernstein, Bernstein Bernstein,
Speaker 1 00:09:30 Not a hundred percent sure. I know who she is. I’m not sure if it’s Dean or something. Yeah.
Speaker 2 00:09:35 Super attractor. And so, oh, she obviously, she’s a huge, I don’t know if she studied underweight or what, like once again, like, um, she has lots of her own mentors and it’s very much pro you know, practicing, you know, the law of attraction and how to take care. So I dove in, uh, delved into that during the pandemic this past year. And I became a huge fan of her work. And I also am a big fan of Julia Cameron who, um, the artist’s way is another,
Speaker 1 00:10:07 Oh, nice. That’s on my, that’s on my to read list. I haven’t gotten there yet though.
Speaker 2 00:10:12 It’s on my recommended texts for all my college students.
Speaker 1 00:10:16 Oh, there we go. Professor Burton’s recommended reading.
Speaker 2 00:10:22 I love it. That’s
Speaker 1 00:10:24 Awesome. Well, and it’s true too. I mean, our society doesn’t promote this, right. Our society wants us to burn the candle at both ends and where being a workaholic is some badge of honor it’s. So it becomes a bit of an act of resistance. It’s a bit rebellious to be like, no, my needs first, but it’s so much better for us. And so much better, you know, to be healthy and happy and productive in
Speaker 2 00:10:47 The long run a hundred percent. I couldn’t agree more
Speaker 1 00:10:50 Recently. I noticed you had a post on social media about your mindset, and I love this and I thought it was so beautiful. And, um, it was about choose joy, how you choose joy every day. So I’m wondering if you’d be willing to share a little bit more about that and how you kind of came to that specific mindset and affirmation or realization, whatever you want to call it.
Speaker 2 00:11:12 Absolutely. So I was a junior in college actually, or a senior. And, you know, I struggled with a lot of people who were close to me who took on the mentality of being a victim who took on just accepted toxic, um, cycles, surrounded themselves with toxic people didn’t know how to break that cycle. Didn’t know how to get out. And I actually started reading the artist’s way. That was a book recommended to me. There was a time when the secret first came out and I love
Speaker 1 00:11:46 This
Speaker 2 00:11:48 Thing. And everyone’s like, what’s the secret? And I remember I just got so excited about all of this positive psychology. And I started just reading. And I remember I was, I was in that toxic cycle. I didn’t, I wasn’t motivated to, I went to the Boston conservatory for college and I wasn’t motivated to get up and go to classes. And I just felt, I don’t know, I just was, I was in a rot and I just remember a mentor said to me, you know, what, if you can just wake up, just wake up in the morning and just choose. I don’t know if she exactly said choose joy, but she’s like, I’m going to get up and start my day, like hello world. And it was a little cheesy for me at the time. Of course, anyone who knows me now knows I’m very optimistic and positive.
Speaker 2 00:12:33 Um, maybe two positive, positive Pollyanna. Um, but I, I started just embracing that and I would wake up and I said, I can either choose joy or I can choose to be a victim. And I, every day I just woke up and I would just throw the covers off, no matter how tired I was or how defeated I felt. And I said, I’m choosing joy. And I got up and I, it doing that every day. It’s like practicing those affirmations practice, positive affirmations, practicing mantras. Uh, it truly changed my life. And I talked, you know, when I talked to my students, now I remind them, I say friends or not remind them. I tell them this isn’t who I am now. And my mindset is not how I used to be. I had to teach myself, I had to practice this mindset. And so choosing joy, I mean, what, I mean, if we’re not choosing joy every single day, I don’t know why we live every day.
Speaker 2 00:13:33 And if we can’t bring joy to other people and I, you know, as a teacher, as an educator, as a director, um, I always say to my actors, if you’re having fun on stage, if you’re embracing joy, the audience will feel that joy and the audience will have fun. And I believe law of attraction and it’s contagious. Joy is contagious. So I believe if I can emit joy, then I hope that I can touch other people’s lives with that. And it’s just become a life mantra for me. And, but it’s, once again, it took practice and commitment to that. And that’s really hard. And I can’t say every day walk, I get out of my bed and I’m like, woo, can’t wait to start today. You know, a lot of us had a very, this past year was traumatic. I, and I personally went through a lot of difficult circumstances, um, and a lot of grief and it was very hard to choose joy on, you know, for the last several months.
Speaker 2 00:14:31 Um, uh, and just, you know, for viewers to know listeners to know, you know, I recently lost my mom. So that was, you know, that that was difficult, but I’m slowly starting to remember that there can still be joy in life, even amongst grief and there, and there are those silver linings and just reminding myself that is helping me to slowly, slowly get back a little bit onto that. So, but that, you know, that’s from years of work too. So it goes like, you know, you S you’ve set that foundation so that in these moments it’s like as dancers, we build technique so that when we’re sick, when we’re injured, when we’re not emotionally there, we have our technique that we can always hang on to. And so for me, I feel like this has been like, it’s like my emotional technique. And so, oh, I love that I can hold onto that foundation. I’ve, I’ve, that’s the first time I’m ever saying that. So I’m going to, uh, and
Speaker 1 00:15:31 We might brand that maybe emotional techniques that might be the podcast episode title, we’ll call it emotional technique, choosing like that. I know it’s really important. And I think, and, and I think what struck me a lot too, is that I saw that post, you put up with this gorgeous picture and for our listeners, um, you know, if you, if you see I’ll put up a headshot of Rachel, when we see it, she’s gorgeous. So was beautiful photo. And in this choose joy. And I knew privy to the information that she did recently, um, experienced a tremendous loss, and it really struck me. It was like, here’s this young woman with the choosing joy in light of everything else going on in, in a very, um, tumultuous time where choosing joy is not easy. Certainly. Um, the last several months, year, I don’t even know where we’re at now, 15 months or so has been, um, very challenging, let alone, you know, then losing a loved one on top of it.
Speaker 1 00:16:32 So I just admire you for that. And I think it’s really important. And, and of course, not every day is sunshine and roses, but we have a choice and you can choose to be a victim. You can choose to be joyful. You can choose all sorts of things and maybe joyful isn’t the right word for someone listening to this, or maybe it is. But I think it’s really important and something to think about, and we can, I know I can think of people in my life that I’ve crossed paths with, who definitely live in that cycle of toxicity in that kind of victim mindset and allow themselves to spiral in that. Um, and then they can’t, they can’t get out of it. And I also promote the secret when I’m presenting in my workshops, who I love it. I do warn people that the documentary is a little cheesy, but the teachings, the teachings though, and what the messages is very real of what they’re teaching you and telling you to do. So I definitely, um, like that the laws of attraction and all of that work as well. Lots of fun.
Speaker 2 00:17:26 Awesome. And just to say something off of what you said, you know, um, something I’ve been learning is maybe you said, maybe it’s not a joyful day. Um, I said to my dad, once, you know, I don’t re I don’t say, I hope you have a, I hope you have a good day. I say, I hope you have an adequate day. And I, and this isn’t a super attractor. It’s grabbed the lowest hanging fruit in those moments, even if it’s the lowest hanging fruit, and eventually you’ll get a little higher, but at least try to get the lowest hanging fruit. And then eventually you work your way up that emotional scale. Um, and so right now, you know, my family and I are having adequate days and that is better than bad days, which we’re going to have bad days too, you know, but, um, and it will change over time. So yeah, I just want to,
Speaker 1 00:18:20 No, I like that. And I think that’s important too, because somebody may be listening and thinking, well, I don’t, I don’t want to choose joy. What else you got? Like, I need something a little less like, so maybe you can choose let’s have an adequate day to have a, or maybe a productive day, or just try to find something that went well that day, even if the whole day maybe wasn’t, but maybe you can find one, at least one thing.
Speaker 2 00:18:43 And that intention of I’m going to breathe today. Maybe that’s, maybe that’s all you can, I’m going to breathe. I’m going to take a one hour at a time. That’s okay. That’s, that’s better than not getting out of bed.
Speaker 1 00:18:55 Um, a hundred percent awesome. So I know, you know, that the performing arts was, you know, hit particularly hard over the last 15 months or so since COVID hit. So I’m wondering, you know, many folks in the performing arts had projects put on hold or even canceled altogether due to COVID. And I know, um, you know, you were affected with that. Of course. So I’m wondering, you know, how did that affect you? How did you, how are you overcoming that? And is there anything specifically that you’re looking forward to kind of restarting or getting back into when it’s safe to do so?
Speaker 2 00:19:32 Absolutely. So for my directing and choreographing, I had, I think six, five or six shows that summer that I had already, you know, we were about to hold auditions. We were already starting casting. And one by one, you know, in the theater, we were holding out for a while. Oh, maybe we’ll have, let’s push it back a month, let’s push it back a month. Let’s push it back. And eventually, you know, very quickly as, as I’m sure you can gather by now I am an optimist, but this past year I immediately became a realist. And I just said, you know what? It’s okay. You know, and, and I felt very privileged. I felt privileged being able to say that I would be okay with the arts returning, because I’m also a professor. So I have a part-time, I’m an adjunct faculty member. So I, I knew I still had a paycheck coming in just to be very clear with that.
Speaker 2 00:20:28 Um, but as for all of my shows, those all got canceled and I, and I have my own business. I thought, oh gosh, I won’t be able to teach in person. I won’t be able to hold my workshops. How am I going to as a freelancer? How am I going to pay my bills? And I am I, I chose positive mindset. And I said, how am I going to flip the script? How am I going to find the silver lining? And I immediately moved my business to zoom. Like as soon it was like pretty much early on day one. I was like, Hey friends. You know, I reached out to my community online, the beauty of social media. I said, who wants to take some zoom classes? And people were hungry for communal experiences and to keep training. And so I was very blessed that my personal business actually grew in tenfold.
Speaker 2 00:21:20 And I, you know, some people were, were like I say, privileged, because that wasn’t the case for a lot of artists. A lot of artists are, are still struggling. A lot of them are my friends and it’s been a very challenging time. And it was very hard. Um, at times to get motivated, I have friends who it was very motivated if you didn’t have a project to work on, how do you get yourself up to do anything? Another answer that I immediate, I immediately threw myself into collaborations and I, I actually now have four new works as across, oh my God, we’re new works for new musicals that, um, I’ve been working on over the past 15 months that are now actually really starting to launch. And so I really, I really hope that those turn out to be something and it’s going to be, you know, looking back, wow, we started that during a pandemic.
Speaker 2 00:22:14 And it was just so important to like, to moat, to keep ourselves motivated. We, I needed accountability. And I found that key, having friends too, like, Hey, we’re going to meet on zoom this week seven o’clock, let’s see you there. And that kept us driven. That kept us committed. That reminded us that we are artists, no matter what we can keep creating no matter what. And that’s just, and that’s very my mindset. That’s, you know, Hey, how do I, how do I make this work for me? And I it’s this foundation that I’ve established that really let, I’m really grateful for that allowed me to say, okay, I’m stuck at home. How do I make this work? I am still an artist. I am still going to create, but I did just recently get back. I did have my first gig last week and I directed and choreographed a production.
Speaker 2 00:23:05 We staged in five days and I’m actually going back next week to go back to tech and open the show. So I wasn’t sure how I was going to feel going back. I actually just wrote a story on Instagram. And, you know, with the reminder that it’s still okay to say no, that we just went through a very traumatic year, that you might not be ready to go back to work, especially as a theater artist, you might not be ready to. It’s a very emotional experience. And, and so it’s okay to say, no, you don’t have to say yes to every opportunity knocking at your door. I obviously really wanted to work with this theater company and getting into the room and working with my actors. I just thought, oh my God, I am so lucky that this is what I do for a living.
Speaker 2 00:23:49 And that I didn’t leave the arts over the last year. And that was one thing I have so many friends who said, Hey, you know what, I’m going to shift gears. I want to start doing this. And that’s totally okay, too. If that’s what brings them joy is leaving the arts and pursuing something else. That’s amazing. But for me, my journey was I ha I, I have to stay in the arts no matter what. And when I put up the show, I thought, okay, I can still do this. Okay. So, um, I just can’t, I can’t wait to just be in the rehearsal room again with, with a whole company. You know, this was a smaller cast because of, you know, transitioned back into theater and COVID, but, um, I can’t wait to be in front of like a 50 person cast again. And just,
Speaker 1 00:24:38 I got an, a full hot performance do a full house. It’s nothing like that. Energy
Speaker 2 00:24:42 In yours. Yeah. So the energy, it, it was, it was quite emotional being in the rehearsal room for all of them. Oh, I’m sure it was. And we’re paying tribute to that in the show. You know, I think it’s important to acknowledge the times we’re in and w why are we coming? How can we use theater now to heal? How can we use theater now to make change? And I feel like I have an even bigger purpose now returning to theater.
Speaker 1 00:25:08 That’s awesome. I’m so excited to see what, what comes out of this and for what’d you say, four or five shows in kind of the creative process, that’s all movable.
Speaker 2 00:25:18 So you’re working on last year. Yeah. I had four, I think four shows that I was supposed to do. I don’t know. I don’t know if they’re all going to come back, unfortunately, but
Speaker 1 00:25:30 Well, no, the ones you said that you’re like working on developing like new work.
Speaker 2 00:25:34 Yeah. So I have, yeah, I have about four. Um, one, one is about, um, Vango. And I was
Speaker 1 00:25:41 Going to ask you about that one.
Speaker 2 00:25:43 Cause you mentioned about a, a sizzle. Um, it’s it was originally going to be a dance play. Um, but now we’re turning it into a musical and we just brought on board a lyricist and a librettist. And we, I just, I was, I just came from a meeting for that and we’re developing that. So, and it’s going to be told through the eyes of Joe Vincent sister-in-law and his brother’s Fios wife. So very excited for them that’s in the works. And then some other projects I can’t reveal just yet, but that’s
Speaker 1 00:26:15 Okay.
Speaker 2 00:26:16 But hopefully you’ll be able to hear about them in the future.
Speaker 1 00:26:20 Oh, that’s really awesome. And I love too that even with COVID happening, you were able to kind of look at it and say, okay, we can turn this. We can still teach on zoom. And I think, you know, like you said, you’ve even been able to reach a broader base of students now and students from all over the world probably now can find you and join your classes and train with you. And that’s so cool to have that outreach. It’s really
Speaker 2 00:26:43 Cool. Yeah. I have friends in Hawaii and Germany and it’s, it’s pretty magical to be able to stay connected to all of my friends and former students. So in that way, it’s been a blessing. I mean, nothing as I’ve said this whole year, nothing will ever take away from a live in person experience, like no, nothing, but in terms of access affordability, which I’m big on accessibility and affordability, this has opened up the eyes, especially in theater, on what can we do to make theater more accessible.
Speaker 1 00:27:19 Yeah, no, that’s awesome. I love it. So I’m wondering, you know, you also in your work as a professor, of course you work with many college students and young adults and, you know, hoping to pursue careers, ultimately in, in performing arts, I’m assuming that’s the goal of many of them. And so I’m wondering what is one piece of advice you have given to students? And you’ve mentioned a couple already, but I’m going to see what your, what’s your number one to how to help them navigate these challenging times and embarking on careers in the performing arts, which can be unpredictable at best.
Speaker 2 00:27:50 Absolutely. You know, I have a lot of sayings that I say to my students, I sound like a broken record, probably I guess, a similar mindset. You know, I always tell my students, if not now, then when, and I think I really try to practice what I preach. I really, I really do. So, you know, when, when the, when the pandemic hit, I thought, okay, I’m not getting any younger. I have to keep my career going. I have to keep finding joy in being creative. And I found those ways. So I always try to teach, I always try to instill in my students, like, how can you continuously grow as an artist, but more importantly as a human being. So if you’re not doing this self care work, if you’re not doing the work on yourself as an artist, all of this is for not right.
Speaker 2 00:28:38 So, so I said, okay, great. Use this time, use this past, use this time. Okay. Last year, this whole past year to, you know, yes. Like grow your business, you know, you know, if you’re doing your branding, yes. Do all of that. But do the self work that you need now that we usually never have never have time for. And so now I’m like, and I’ve said this over and over again. If, if you were privileged enough to be safe in your home and be able to continue your work, like you were not able to find time this past year to work on yourself and to take care of yourself, then you wasted this time. Now I know that not everyone was in that position. So that’s why I consider it a privilege to have been able to work on myself. So I’m always trying to tell them to like, do the, the heart and mind work that you need to do, because you can have all of the technique in the world. You can be the most amazing performer, but if you don’t have that, the drive, the positive, the sense of joy that you need, this business is too hard. And I, you know, and I have great respect for artists and we sometimes we do the impossible, but we are also not, you know, with all due respect to my artists, like we’re not performing brain surgery. So this should be, uh,
Speaker 1 00:30:00 Should be
Speaker 2 00:30:00 Fun. It should be fun. At the end of the day, it takes a lot of work. I’m not saying it’s not years and years of work, but we need to be finding the joy. And if you are not finding joy, coming to class every single day, also theater school is way too expensive. So me doing that, so just that you want to be doing so. So I’m always trying to help them just get in touch with themselves and figure out who are you as an artist. And more importantly, who are you as a human being? A lot of times artists just interchange, you know, it’s so much a part of their identity, which isn’t bad. I think it’s a beautiful thing as artists. I feel like that’s just a part of our DNA, but a lot of us restrictive that. So now who are, you you’ll be a creative person. Absolutely. Maybe your creativity was just using a different way. And so I helped my students and a lot of my artists, like how do you continue to bring in an income? How do you continue to wake up each morning and get motivated to go work out? How do you get motivated to take the class online? And once again, it comes, it always comes down to the self and the self work. And so I think I answered part of your question.
Speaker 1 00:31:14 Well, it was, what was the piece of advice that you would give students, help them navigate these challenging times? And I think you did, you did
Speaker 2 00:31:21 Hit upon it.
Speaker 1 00:31:24 Well, I think it’s important, especially with, you know, we’re talking about performing arts and this is something obviously that I have a lot of experience in. And for folks that don’t know my undergraduate degree is in theater. I was been dancing since I was three. That’s how Rachel and I met you many moons ago. I do have professional credits to my name. I though had to make a decision. At one point it was, I was not finding joy in it. And I was not, I was traveling back and forth to New York for auditions. I was working on feature films in Boston, choreographing community and professional productions locally, but it was not, it wasn’t enough for me to do it full-time and it wasn’t, it didn’t feel stable enough. So, I mean, that was a really hard decision to make truthfully to decide, you know, what?
Speaker 1 00:32:11 This is taking the joy out of something. That’s very precious to me. And I still love to dance five minute dance parties, my favorite Lizzo song or whatever I’m vibing on that day. Like, like that’s still, it’s still where I turn for joy. Dancing has always been something that has been a safe space for me and something that I do for my own wellbeing. So when I realized it wasn’t going to be something that felt, um, safe to pursue at that level, you know, it was like a full-time thing. It was a very difficult decision, but these are also the point I’m trying to make. These are transferable skills though, to what we’re talking about. Like people sometimes say to me, they’re like, oh, you’re so good at presenting or, you know, your energy and even on zoom, like you come across, it’s like, yeah, well, that’s, that’s actually years of training like that.
Speaker 1 00:32:59 Wasn’t by accident. That was my mom spending a lot of money on dance lessons and performing and costumes and everything else in an undergraduate degree from Emerson college. I mean, sometimes I joke and I’m like, I have an undergraduate degree in acting like I can do this, you know, and I make a joke of it. But because now working in education and being the self-care expert, I mean, it’s not necessarily a traditional trajectory that one may have found themselves on, but it makes sense. And these are though transferable skills. So for your students, you know, if they don’t go on to win Tony awards and perform full time, like these are still skills, they can use
Speaker 2 00:33:34 A hundred percent. And, you know, I say this even about, I mean, think of all of our friends who danced with us growing up who are incredibly talented and stopped after high school or stopped after college. And my, you know, my younger sister who we danced with too, you know, being a dancer, being an actor, being in the arts, there’s so much discipline there. They recently ranked dances, I think the most, what was it the most? Not going to say it correctly. I don’t want to say strenuous, but I think like the most physically demanding job, like it was number one dance, maybe choreography actually got number nine, which I was shocked about. It is incredibly challenging. Mentally, physically, emotionally, we have to deal with rejection early on. We have to as
Speaker 1 00:34:19 Caught near constant.
Speaker 2 00:34:21 I mean, we are developing very thick skin at a very young age. I don’t think any child or young adult who does the arts and then leave, decides to leave the arts is suddenly at a disadvantage or suddenly like, oh, well that was a waste of all of that money and years of training. Absolutely not. I look at so many of my artists, friends who have gone into so many different careers and I’m like, I see that performer and it’s made them that much more successful for it. I believe I am a better teacher and a better business woman because I’m an artist. I, you know, I absolutely, I teach that. I teach that in workshops on like, and the same for, you know, you get it. And, and I think it’s also, it is incredibly difficult to, to say that out loud, like what you did to say, you know what, to pursue this as a full-time career to, to actually say that as an artist saying, you know what, this isn’t bringing me enough joy.
Speaker 2 00:35:20 It’s not bringing enough financial stability, whatever that might be for someone to be able to say, I’m going to go a different direction. And what I teach my students a lot. And I say this as I, you know, I always thought I’d be performing. I thought I was going to be in a ballet company. And then I was like, oh, nevermind. I won’t be in a ballet. I’ll be a theater performer. Oh, oh, now I’m a choreographer. Oh, now I’m a driver. I never took me a long time to realize this, but those were never failures. Those were just detours directing me to my ultimate true calling.
Speaker 2 00:35:53 And the path you went on was guiding you to your true calling. And I, and I just, well, we can learn from our decisions, but I never necessarily, I don’t necessarily believe they’re like wrong quote, wrong turns. We take on this journey called life. It’s all teaching us more and more skills it’s teaching us about ourselves. And, and so I don’t regret any choices I made along that, you know, journey of my career. And, and, and that’s a really difficult, especially for young artists. That’s a hard thing to be able to say, oh, I’ve done this my whole life. This is what I, this is the only thing I know. I can’t leave it. And sometimes people stay so unhappy and they stay in it and I’m like, Hm. But look at what you said, which was so beautiful. I, you still turn to dance for joy. It doesn’t mean it always, we will never not be artists. And I, and I believe that of so many different professions, you know, um, but especially artists that’s, um, it’s just a part of our DNA. I always say, you know,
Speaker 1 00:36:53 Oh, a hundred percent. And you went, I might get emotional telling you this. But so I was presenting back when we could see people, I was doing an in-person workshop and at a pretty big conference, I was pretty proud to have gotten this, this gig. And I was presenting on self care and it was one of my early ones. And at the end of the session, I kind of was like, it was, it went really, really well. Like the, the, the audience, the, the participants were like all about it. I think I got a round of applause at the end and it just, it felt so good. And I called my mother afterwards and I said, you know, this was a really roundabout way to ensure that I still get to perform. And it was in that moment that I understood that actually what I am doing is so still related to my performing arts skills, even though it’s like a very non, non linear path.
Speaker 1 00:37:42 And there were definitely some detours along the way, as you said, but it’s really, those skills will never hurt me. And I had someone years ago, someone close to me to make a rather fresh comment about I was going to get my master’s in school counseling. And they said in a super supportive way, oh, so what’s going on with that theater degree? I guess you’re really not using that. Huh. And I thought, Ooh, ouch. First of all, I am. And like, but in maybe in a different way, like somewhat horrified, but you know, um, I’m sure I said something sassy back in the moment I don’t re I don’t remember exactly. And it might not be appropriate for my podcast listeners, but I remember though in that it actually stuck with me though. I was like, wow. But like, but I am using those skills and education is never bad.
Speaker 1 00:38:27 And these are transferable skills. And they helped me all the time. I mean, in, in meetings with different folks where I really have to like stand up and express myself, or if I’m going to stand in front of a crowd of people and get their attention and entertain them and teach them like, these are skills that are all things I draw upon that I learned through that, you know, dancing and that discipline, man, people need more discipline. Like we got back in ballet classes back in the day and at Boston ballet too, like, you didn’t mess around you. You didn’t have any, um, no wiggle room for messing around.
Speaker 2 00:39:03 People have, people am generalizing of course right now. But a lot of people underestimate the demand of being in the arts and being an artist. And for I’ll relate to, to your story in the sense that, you know, right. Being a quote dancer, people, often people associate dancers as not being as smart as actors. I learned as I went into musical theater and I want to be like, dancers are so smart, don’t even start. But as I continue to quote, climb the ladder, becoming a choreographer, becoming a director, I had great imposter syndrome over the years because I went for dance. I didn’t go to school for theater. So, so much of my training over the years was assistant directing and assistant choreographing, you know, Broadway directors and, and being in the room and self-teaching myself. And I got a, I got a lot of, I got several of those snide comments over the years. I remember the first I ever directed someone on my team and I’m paraphrasing, uh, said, w w didn’t want to talk to me about something with the design? And she said, um, well, I mean, you wouldn’t understand this anyways. You’re only a dancer.
Speaker 1 00:40:29 Oh,
Speaker 2 00:40:31 No. Rachel now would have had a fantastic comeback for that. But Rachel then was still learning, was still finding herself. Um, I was still, I was much younger and I’ve learned, you know, being a younger woman in this industry has definitely had its challenges. And, and then the stigma of, so I used to hide being a dancer. Like I was always getting caught. I was always getting hired to direct and choreograph because that’s a skillset. Not a lot of people have. And I should find that as like, when I, when I was younger, I should have found that as like, oh my gosh, look, look at how much you can direct and choreograph Rachel. But I often found that I was like, oh no, I don’t want people to associate me being a dancer because then they will think I’m a directors and actors director, or they won’t think right. And I had to. And I, and I, I just committed to myself to say, get those noises out of your head, get those negative thoughts. They were just noise. It was noise, noise, noise, noise,
Speaker 1 00:41:30 And lots of
Speaker 2 00:41:31 Noise, lots of noise. You know, whatever that might come from. And I said, no, you’re doing the work, Rachel, you deserve this, you’ve earned this, do the work. And I’m so glad I did because it’s resulted in now in it. But you know, my career as a director and choreographer, so it’s, and now, now I embrace my dance. I know that being a dancer and a choreographer makes me that much stronger of a director and absolutely come full story is that there were several directors who, who don’t understand stage pictures, who don’t understand how to move and how to breathe and how to feel the tempo of a scene. And I know that so much of that just inherently comes from my training. And so once again, even though it’s still in the arts, I sometimes it’s just amazing that I tried to block that part of me out for so many years. And I’m like, no, no, no, no, no. That makes me a stronger artist. And that’s hard for, and so many people deal with that on so many different,
Speaker 1 00:42:39 Right? Again, I feel like that’s really transferable to even, you know, our listeners who aren’t in the performing arts maybe have never done anything in the, in the performing arts don’t consider themselves an artist in that way. And definitely though these are very real transferable experiences,
Speaker 2 00:42:56 A hundred percent
Speaker 1 00:42:57 That was beautifully put, thank you. You’ve shared so much with us today. I love it. I wasn’t sure where the conversation would go. It’s always fun to see where it goes. And I want though, before we go you to say your contact information, folks want to reach out and take classes with you, or just follow all your beautiful posts on social media. What can we do that?
Speaker 2 00:43:17 Um, so I have a website, Rachel bertone.com where you can find different services, professional development services that I offer. Um, one-on-one training. Like I said, workshops, um, on Facebook, I have a group called musical theater with Rachel Bertoni, which is where I post all of my open dance classes that I hold, um, soon to be all through my website, but that’s still being under construction a little bit and on Instagram, which is where you found the choose joy. I think, um,
Speaker 1 00:43:52 It was either Instagram or Facebook.
Speaker 2 00:43:54 That’s Rachel Dopper tone and always happy to, I love meeting new people. I love expanding my community. I love being able to help, you know, young artists, but like you’re saying, you know, maybe it’s someone I’ve worked with people who just want to develop more confidence in their speaking skills who want to develop more confidence. I have a lot of friends who have started their own personal businesses, you know, or they’re selling products. And just like, how do I, like, how do I express myself? How do I, how am I able to get in front of a group of people and feel, and engage and with them. And so I love being able to help and mentor in that way. So this has been such a joy.
Speaker 1 00:44:35 That’s awesome. Yeah. Thank you. I really appreciate you
Speaker 2 00:44:39 Being a part of this. I think it’s so I think it’s so incredible what you’re offering, uh, your community and beyond. And I’m, I’m so excited to share this with my community because it’s so important. Self-care is so important. So thank you for your work.
Speaker 1 00:45:03 Oh my God. It was so great to connect with Rachel. I can see and hear so much of myself in her story as well. And I love that she found self-help books and the tools she needed to take care of herself at a young age and recognize the importance of it. In my work. I hope to reach more young folks and engage them in the importance of caring for the self. It is so true that when you make that shift and you prioritize yourself, it actually makes you more productive and more able to care for others. I know that seems backwards, but you will just have to believe me on it or better yet. Try it for yourself. And I love the term emotional technique. It really is as artists and dancers, we know how important technique is, but your emotions are so, so important too.
Speaker 1 00:45:52 And they can be complicated to unravel and manage how you react to stress rejection and more. Self-care allows you to build these skills and your emotional technique and see if you can practice choosing joy, make it a conscious effort to choose joy. If joy is too strong, try something else. Some days will be better than others. And that’s okay. And remember, there are no wrong turns in life, but maybe a few detours along the way, embrace the journey and enjoy the ride. Thanks for listening to this episode. Remember to subscribe and rate this podcast on your preferred player, the ratings help us grow and share the message of self-care. If you have comments, suggestions, or questions, please reach out directly by emailing podcast at Dr. MC self care.com that’s D R M C self care.com and come join the cast party at Dr. MCs self care cabaret on Facebook and Instagram at Dr. MC self care or on my website, Dr. MC self care.com. Be sure to like subscribe and love me across all my social media platforms for the most up-to-date information on self care. Thanks. Be well and do good.

As always we love to hear from our listeners! Reach out to podcast@drmcselfcare.com with any questions or topics you’d like to hear about on future episodes.

Additional Resources:

• “She is Sparkling: A Collection of Selections”
• Sam’s website
• Flourish By Dr. Martin Seligman
• The How of Happiness by Sonja Lyubomirsky
• Better than Before by Gretchen Rubin
• Dr. MC and her collaboration with Nike

EPISODE TRANSCRIPT: 

Speaker 1 00:00:28 Welcome to another episode of Dr. MCs self-care cabaret podcast. I’m Theresa Melito-Conners, a PhD level self-care expert in the greater Boston area with a passion for helping others recognize the importance of caring for themselves. Today’s episode is a conversation with my friend, Samantha or Sam Selig. I met Sam several years ago in a Zumba class. I knew immediately. She was someone I wanted to be friends with her smile, lights up a room. Her energy is infectious, and she’s a good person. We clicked immediately. The first thing she ever said to me was something along the lines of, Hey, you’re a really good dancer, and I hope you don’t mind that I’m going to stand right behind you and stare at you because it’s easier for me to follow along that way, as opposed to watching the teacher I chuckled. But of course, in any future classes together, I made sure to be clear in my movement and exaggerate where I could.
Speaker 1 00:01:22 So my new friend could watch from there, the friendship blossomed. When she announced earlier this year, she was writing her first book. I jumped at the chance to be one of her beta readers and write her forward Sam’s book. She is sparkling a collection of selections volume. One short stories about love loss and life is due out later this year. And I cannot wait for folks to read it. The story she shares in the book contain real life lessons, raw emotion, courage, vulnerability from the person who lived them. She touches upon many universal human struggles in a relatable way, such as grief loss, death failure, body image concerns, weight issues, career changes. Cross-country moves, big dreams, friends, family, and more, all the things that make us human. I am delighted to have Sam with us today on the podcast.
Speaker 1 00:02:28 Welcome, Sam. I’m so excited to have you here on the podcast. Thanks for joining me.
Speaker 2 00:02:32 I Theresa, thank you for having me. I’m super
Speaker 1 00:02:34 Excited. So we’re going to get started right away, right from the get go. I want to know what self-care looks like for you and how you balance all that you do in life.
Speaker 2 00:02:45 First. I want to tell you, I’m really glad you sent this question ahead of time so I can think about
Speaker 1 00:02:48 It. Well, good. I’m glad
Speaker 2 00:02:51 I really awful at taking care of myself. And if I look back on my life, which I’ve been doing a lot of as I’m starting a new job, I’m mentoring someone I’ve been trying to come up with of my story. I think that it’s, it’s such a bad job taking care of myself in my twenties and thirties, I was either one way of being obsessed with a goal and having to hit it, micromanaging what I ate. Micro-managing how long I slept like a managing my time or overindulging and not caring at all. And now cause spend demic, uh, post was your memo. Maybe self care is so much that you prompt every day on my Instagram. So I thank you for that. Can you, can you rest, can you have a snack? Can you go take a long shower? Can you just take a drive?
Speaker 2 00:03:32 Do you need to clear your head? Do you just need some time alone? And I’ve never been somebody who if, especially if you know me is good at being alone and now I’ve gotten a really good thing alone. Like, can I just be peaceful in my thoughts? Can I just practice my breath? Can I just disconnect from the world for even 15 minutes and come back, feeling refreshed and better to take on whatever task I’m doing. So I would say maybe because 2021 is the year of self care and I’m using air quotes folks that can’t see me, but it really is the gear of self-care, which is like Theresa is so popular right now. Capitalizing on self-care a hundred percent
Speaker 1 00:04:05 I think.
Speaker 2 00:04:06 Yes. I think it’s all of a sudden, the little, the little pockets of time you can take to make yourself feel better. That at the end of the day, you think, oh, I get a lot done and I feel good. I don’t feel burnt out. I don’t feel exhausted because I did those little things throughout the day. So,
Speaker 1 00:04:19 So important. You touched on a couple of really important key points that I want to drive home. One is you recognize that maybe in previous years you haven’t necessarily put your needs first. And I think that that’s common. We tend to not do that until either life forces us to kind of face our health or, you know, maybe a global pandemic kind of puts things into perspective. So I actually am somewhat, um, enjoying that people are recognizing the importance of self-care and I’m sorry that it took a global pandemic to get us here, but that people are beginning to recognize the importance and they are saying no, and they’re setting clear boundaries. And I also love that you pointed out small things, little shifts, right? We tend to think that if we can’t do like the extreme, where we can’t do every single thing every single day, then just why bother. But really
Speaker 2 00:05:15 It’s not all or nothing. You didn’t do anything. Right. That’s actually not
Speaker 1 00:05:17 True. Right. And so little things. So tell me a little bit more, like, what are some of the little things like you mentioned breathing or so what does that look like?
Speaker 2 00:05:26 So I am a project manager, uh, as a, as a trade and I would say my job is pretty stressful overall. So I will have moments of like, oh my God, I just over-scheduled myself. Okay, pause. Before I actually go to this meeting, do I need to be there? Am I actually the place where I can be present to be useful? Or could I read the notes and add a comment or two in an email? And that would actually be better for the person who’s hosting the call. So I do that a lot at work. I also do the, Hey, I said I was going to have lunch at this time. Even if you’re not hungry, get off your butt desk, walk around the house. Cause I work from home most times even just get as a different air. I joke get different air knows, like just move to a different room, breathe for a little bit and see what you need to make yourself feel better in that moment and see if you can come back and feel better for the rest of the afternoon. Or there are days when I think, you know what? I have a headache and I need an app. So I will schedule a nap. Hey, 45 minute power nap all for it. Thank you, pandemic. That has been one of the best things I’ve gained from a pandemic.
Speaker 1 00:06:21 I think they call it a disco nap. When you take like a quick little nap, is it 45 minutes? Might be pushing it for a disco nap, but I like it. We’re going to go with it. And I, and I also liked the get different. What was it? Get different air in your nose. I like that. No, it’s true because we tend to sit
Speaker 2 00:06:39 And she’d be like, we’re going to change the air in our nose. Like, okay. I
Speaker 1 00:06:41 Liked that. I liked that. That’s awesome. So I also wanted to make sure we talk a lot about your first book that is coming out. This is so cool. You downplay it, but I think this is amazing. And um, you know, I had the honor of being a beta reader and I wrote you forward, but I want you to share a little bit about, um, the journey and tell us about like how you came up with the idea to put out a book why, and you know, what we can expect. And if you know, kind of the timeline of what works, I know when the book will be,
Speaker 2 00:07:12 Yes, firstly I it’s in summer and now it’s going to be more like fallish. So my joke is my next book is going to be how to write a book because I have learned so much that nobody tells you at the beginning and I’m like, oh, I wish I had known that six months ago, but it’s said something differently. So, uh, so to back up, I’ve been writing honestly, since I was little, I wanted to be a journalist for a very long time. I really figured out maybe at like 14 or 15, I couldn’t just write whatever I wanted. And then I was like, oh, nevermind journalism school. Okay. And I like, I wrote for a newspaper, but for creative lip magazines, um, I have my own blog for years. It was about weight loss. It was about happiness. I kind of would just write about all different things that were relevant at the time.
Speaker 2 00:07:51 And then maybe three or four years ago, it evolved into pulling in music. So there’s an ever evolving soundtrack to my life is my joke. And every personality of every instance of my life would remind me of a song. So I would have a song. And then I would tell a story and throw it up in the blog with a little link to where you could listen to the song. And at some point I thought, oh my God, this will be the book I write. I’m going to write a collection of selections. And it will be like my top 50 stories set to a song. Awesome. I’m off and running. So I started it in 2016 and I have like all the mappings out, it was going to look like a scrapbook. It was going to have this audio component and then life gets in the way it gets life.
Speaker 2 00:08:28 So I just got to put it on the shelf and it never manifested itself into anything. And then in 2020 I lost my mom, which sorry. Um, was horrible. She was my best friend and my absolute favorite person in the world. And she would have been so excited for this that I thought, okay, I have to honor her by actually doing it. I have to honor her. And the way I live and by living, I have to go put this book out. So I said, okay, let’s just do it. 20, 21. We were writing a damn book. I love it. So I pulled together all the stories I wanted and I think I had like a hundred at the time and I called one of my girlfriends. Who’s an editor. And I’m like, I’m going to pay you to edit this. You need to tell me what I can scrap. And she’s like, all right, first and foremost, you’re cutting this in half. This is way too many stories. There will be a volume two. If we need to go here, start telling us just your favorites. Like let’s really call this down. So we called it down to 50 and then I enlisted a, I put a note out to my Facebook asking for beta readers and I want the audience to know what Theresa responded in 30 seconds, flowers
Speaker 1 00:09:25 All over it all
Speaker 2 00:09:27 Over it. We were obviously friends with fitness studio. We had sort of been kept in touch, but I couldn’t believe 30 seconds after posting here. She was, I thought, oh wow, that’s awesome. So flattered. And I got four beta readers total. And I picked four people that really knew me from different parts of my life, figuring, okay, there’s a span of, you know, 15 years of stories we’re covering here. Let’s get some good feedback on whether or not I should even be telling me stories. And in some cases the answer was no, the story doesn’t need to be told anymore, which that right there is a great life lesson from my fear. Some stories happened and in them you learned something and you can move on from it and you don’t need to share it with the world anymore when it comes in. Uh, so I decided to publish through Kendall. Um, everyone said it was very easy spoiler. It’s not very easy unless you are very familiar with the formatting or, uh, Adobe, which I’m not familiar with. So I had to enlist a friend to help Tyler. Who’s been really lovely. So, uh, he made my cover is an amazing artist and put all my little stories together as an actual book did all my editing. And then after the printer we went and I should be published October 1st is our goal again. So
Speaker 1 00:10:35 It’s so exciting.
Speaker 2 00:10:36 It feels really feel though. And I decided to go Kindle and paperback. So it’s going to be like a tangible thing that you get to buy like fully mackerel. I will have a book. I can put up my own bookshelf to say I brought that.
Speaker 1 00:10:48 Well, I think it’s really cool. And I think you downplay it a little.
Speaker 2 00:10:53 I probably do it. So we were at, we had this meeting at work and you have to go around and say like a fun fact about yourself, who honestly, who enjoys saying fun facts, nobody. And I usually say something stupid in this case, I was like, oh, I’m betting my first book. Like I just said, it’s super nonchalantly. Like, oh, it comes out in October and everyone’s like, oh my God, you wrote a book. I was like, God, what’s up? I’m like, oh, I guess.
Speaker 1 00:11:13 Okay, well, yeah, don’t downplay it. And one of the reasons I jumped at the opportunity, well, aside from you being a friend and I would help you with whatever, but I also, like, I don’t think we spend enough time building each other up. And I think especially as women, we tend to, you know, we, sometimes we could, like, I could have easily looked at you writing a book and felt envious of that and been like, oh, she’s writing a book. Why is she writing a book? But I didn’t know. Like, that’s not what I read. I was like, oh my God, like, this is so cool. Like how can I help? She’s looking for help. I’ll help. Like, cause then I think that we need to do more of that. Like more of that helping to build each other up and more building more community.
Speaker 1 00:11:50 So I did, I did jump at the chance and I do remember seeing the post and I maybe spend too much time on Facebook. It’s also the takeaway of this, but you know, I’m excited for you. And I think it’s, I think it was a great accomplishment regardless of the outcome. Like I hope you write a million books and I hope it’s wildly successful, but even if it’s not, you still put this out, this was a goal, you reached it, you achieved it. And I think it’s really, I think it’s really cool. And I can’t wait to have the tangible copy in my hands in another few weeks, hopefully. And
Speaker 2 00:12:20 I have to say, people say, oh, as somebody who’s, metrics-driven like, I’ve lost X amount of pounds in my life. I’ve managed some of the projects. What’s your metric for your book? And I’m like, Nope, just publishing the book as the metric. Did I succeed in publishing it? Check? I don’t care if I sell two copies. That is not the goal. The goal is just to do it. I
Speaker 1 00:12:35 Can guarantee you going. At least that is
Speaker 2 00:12:37 My, my dad was like, I’ll buy at least five stamps.
Speaker 1 00:12:41 I mean, you’re already at six. I mean, I think so. I think you can bump that metric up. No, but seriously. And w we tend to be so hard on ourselves and I recognize that too. And then like, we downplay, like I do the same thing even I’m like, oh yeah, I had a recent collaboration with Nike. Like yeah, no big deal. It’s like, wait,
Speaker 2 00:12:58 I have
Speaker 1 00:13:01 These things are accomplishments and they should be celebrated and such. So how
Speaker 2 00:13:05 Many other people have their PhD? Not that
Speaker 1 00:13:07 A lot. There’s only 2% of the people in the world are actually under 2%, I think, um, that have their PhD and the numbers are even less for women. So there you go. Um, all right, next question. I think you have some really insightful messages in the book and important takeaways. So one that stood out to me is when you talked about how, how not to push and you elaborate it in the book with a great list of times that you tried to push or kind of force something and how that worked out. Can you share a little bit more about that idea?
Speaker 2 00:13:43 I laughed so hard when I read this question because I am someone that Theresa knows this is bossy and pushy, and I want my own way. And for years I had this thing of like, well, I’m just going to make it happen because I decided this is how we’re going to do things, right? Of course that’s how the university of work spoiler that it’s not that the uterus works in some areas of my life. It worked, but it lost. Yep. I was successful when I forced myself to be in, you know, kind of a natural routines, uh, basing exercise, worked for some periods of time pushing my career forward, work for some periods of time. But the backstory of do not push is I was in love with this guy who was a friend and it just kept not working out. And I wasn’t getting the sign from the universe.
Speaker 2 00:14:20 I wasn’t picking it up because sometimes I’m a little dense and I was on the phone with my best friend. And she says, Sam, at some point you have to accept that by not pushing, you’re allowing the universe to unfold as it’s supposed to. And by forcing the outcome, you’re not going to end up with what you think you’re going to end up with. And I’m like, oh, do not push Jules. I hate that. And I looked at my left and there was this massive dump truck. And on the back, it’s a big white, black letters. And I thought, okay, got it. Do not push. Got it. So he’s still a friend he’s married to somebody else. And I am so happy. I did not marry him. Think about this. And I hope he doesn’t hear this because I feel terrible. But I think about this often, like, I am really glad we didn’t end up together cause I probably would have killed him. He would
Speaker 1 00:15:02 Metaphorically. Of course,
Speaker 2 00:15:06 I know, watch a lot of PSI, but I would never actually come over. Uh, yeah, no. So I I’m really thankful for something somethings that didn’t work out. And I think there’s this whole concept along with Jenna push, uh, unanswered prayers. There’ve been things I have prayed so hard for, and then I don’t get them. And I look back and think that was really fortunate. I’m really glad that didn’t work out because it would’ve changed the trajectory of my life in a way I wouldn’t have wanted, or it would a compromise. Some part of myself, I am happy. I still have.
Speaker 1 00:15:32 Totally. No, I think it’s an important reminder. And we may go with, do not push as the episode title. Cause I do really like that. And I think it’s important because we tend to focus and push and like we think we know what we want. We think we know what it is. And sometimes we don’t and then we were up against we’re hitting constant obstacles and roadblocks things should, should kind of unfold easy. That doesn’t mean
Speaker 2 00:16:00 It’s no, it should just be, see, it’s so funny. My best friend, her sister said with Africa, I’ve dated, it’s been really difficult and it’s been a struggle. And with her now husband who she loves, it’s just easy. James is just easy to be with. And I thought, oh, that’s such a good takeaway. Like you and Jeff are good together. Cause it’s easy. You’re just good together. And it’s easy to be with them. And he puts up with your craziness. You put up with, I don’t know what just flaws are. Cause I don’t know, Joel has no flaws, but it’s easy, right? Like if someone that you could get the loan to and you could just be happy with and you didn’t have to force them anything, you don’t have to be a fake version of yourself. You’re just yourself and take it to the,
Speaker 1 00:16:34 And there’s a good balance. But even outside of the relationship domain, even if we apply this to other areas of life too, like with career and stuff, like sometimes we get focused on like, oh, this is what I want. I got to push, push, push, and then you’re hitting roadblocks and it’s not working. That doesn’t mean that like everything happens easy and without, without challenge, but there’s a difference between like letting it be easy and letting it unfold and going with it. And then constantly just bashing your head against the wall and pushing for something or trying to force something that just isn’t happening. And I find that things that are meant for me kind of they’ll find me and that they’ll
Speaker 2 00:17:13 And sometimes I don’t want them at first. And I think like, oh, that’s the, what I want. Like that is not how I embedded this being, but I do it that I think, oh my God, that was awesome. I’m really glad I took that chance or talk to that person or went on that interview, whatever the case may be. I think the universe kind of presents you with what you’re supposed to be doing. Even if you don’t recognize it at the time and you can look back and say, oh, I didn’t think I wanted that, but I’m really glad I did that. Right. I’m really glad I went to work at Starbucks because I met Jess. Like there you go. You know, you could do some little like Starbucks was probably not an enjoyable job.
Speaker 1 00:17:43 Actually. I met really wonderful people. So I look back fondly on my barista days. Not only did I get a husband out of it, but a few of my still close friends we met all met during that time period, as a brief for my listeners that don’t know us. They don’t always talk about this, which is no big deal. But, um, before I was going to grad school, the first time trying to remember where this was in the timeline. So before I earned my master’s in school counseling, I needed a second job. And I went to the local Starbucks that had just been built on route one in Saugus, Massachusetts. And, um, I was hired and I met my future husband and one of my best friends and other wonderful people there. So it wasn’t the worst. I do recommend getting a second job at Starbucks. If you’re looking for love,
Speaker 2 00:18:29 That is our secondary
Speaker 1 00:18:30 Thing. Oh, that’s excellent. I think, I think it’s an important thing to kind of remember when we think about challenges that we face and obstacles and really what is best for us and what is, and it may not be what we think it is, but the universe is directing us. And to be open to that in another one of your chapters and this really stuck with me and this had me thinking after reading it to you ask, when were you the happiest? And that made me really reflect because I think that we don’t do that often. And we tend to just kind of get wrapped up in everything and everything we have to do. But it’s really, it’s interesting to think about like when were you the happiest? So can you tell me a little bit more about that?
Speaker 2 00:19:13 I can give you the quick back story. So one of my girlfriends, she travels for a living and she had been in Seattle on a six week stint and then moved back home where, but she was living at the time. I think it was Iowa and we kind of disconnected, both changed jobs. And then she reached out and said, I’m moving back to Seattle. And I’m like, really? You were there for six weeks. She’s like, no, no, Sam, it’s the happiest I’ve ever been in my life for those six weeks. I got up every day, I had a routine, I went for a walk. I loved being near the water. It was my perfect life. And I thought, wow, that’s impressive. I don’t know that I’ve ever had that before. And I kind of did this inventory of my life. Like when was that the happiest?
Speaker 2 00:19:48 And of course you could say, like, it was a big milestone. When I got my PMP, I graduated college. I paid off my debt, whatever it may be, but it’s probably not. It’s probably a really innocuous day. That was just awesome or a week. That was really great. And then I thought, okay, could I be happy or happier with just changing small things? It’s like, we talked about taking breaks and self care and at the same vein, do I need to go out and spend $4 on a weekend to be happy? Probably not. I could probably go for an ambulance drive with the playlist and a girlfriend and a cup of coffee and have a really great day. So what are those things that kind of make me the happiest that are also good for my mental health and easy to do and not like go to Disney world at that’s not always accessible, right? So it is
Speaker 1 00:20:30 The happiest,
Speaker 2 00:20:33 Happiest place on earth. Honestly, I’ve actually only been there once when I was four, but I am told us the happiest place on earth. So I made this list of what, the kind of things that make me the happiest and then compare the things that ended up your day. And I still try to do that every couple of months to say like, how could I be happier? Especially seasonally summer was difficult. I was trying to both sell and buy a house. And I was really stressed out and I kept thinking, okay, in the middle of this chaos, how can I be happier today? And I think people maybe don’t think about it, a daily thing you’re doing. Could it be going to yoga that make you happier yet? Could it be letting yourself get some sleep? Could it be that you’re just tired? Like, could it be, you need to see more people that bring you happiness and make you excited to be around them. Uh, could it be that you’re doing stuff just because you think you have to have, and maybe you don’t have to anymore. Like I have a lot of friends that are there in a book club or they’re doing an activity that they actually kind of hate. If you hate something, stops,
Speaker 1 00:21:24 Stop doing things you don’t like doing,
Speaker 2 00:21:29 You are an adult. You don’t have to be friends with people. You don’t like anymore. Shocking as it may be.
Speaker 1 00:21:34 That’s some really good self care advice right there. But it is true that like, we don’t, we tend to focus on negative. We just, we grind and we go and we’re busy, busy, busy. And we’re like, and we don’t take a minute to just make sure we’re happy. Like, and it sounds so silly because it’s like, oh, I’m happy. I want to be happy. But like, it’s not like you have to do things that bring you joy that bring you happiness, whatever you want to call it. Um, but it’s really important. And I like how you talked about kind of the, the shift there with that. And I think we can even, I’ll share one of my favorite mindfulness practices for folks. If you, the end of the day, or even partway to maybe during lunch, like whenever you want to do it, see if you can find one thing that day that went well, what went well?
Speaker 1 00:22:26 Cause we tend, what do we worry about when we, when the Workday ends, what are we, what are we telling our husband, our partners, our family, about we’re complaining usually about everything that went wrong. We usually don’t focus on something, even a small thing. Maybe your coffee was delicious. Like it can be something small, but try to shift and find what went well. There’s actually research to support that when you do things like that. And even when you practice gratitude, it actually rewires your brain to promote more happiness. So the more you do this and build the skill, it actually will make you feel better and better over time. The more you engage in it. So I love that.
Speaker 2 00:23:05 No, I love that my, um, my best friend and I had this period, maybe 2019, where we would text each other. If I have happy things every day, I love that. I almost feel like I should get back to doing it because there were days when it was like Juliet is a struggle to find five things to be happy about. But I am trying, here are five things and some of them are pathetic, but I don’t care. Right? Like I watched married at first sight and that baby happy, whatever. Uh, but I think it’s important to find what are those things that you got a boost from during the day, instead of just complaining to your point, because it’s really easy to say, oh my God, my boss was so annoying and this team is that they’re going to want them to when I had to move by office six times.
Speaker 1 00:23:39 Right. And that’s where we tend to focus our energy. I love that. So you and your friend every day would test five things,
Speaker 2 00:23:46 Five happy things. And I’ll tell you the list. It was really a sad five.
Speaker 1 00:23:50 I feel aggressive to start. I’m going to be honest. I think if folks are hearing this and want to start, even if
Speaker 2 00:23:56 One would be lovely
Speaker 1 00:23:58 Kids, one thing every day,
Speaker 2 00:24:01 My brother is one of my best friends and he will, he’s kind of a complainer. So he will come off and be like, oh, today. And I’ll always say, what was, was there any good things that happened? And I’m like, yeah. Okay. There was a couple and you can find these ones, the things I should do that with him, I can find is one good thing. First.
Speaker 1 00:24:15 I like that. Well, sometimes I’ll say too, like in, in my work life, it’s like, this is always a lot of what we can’t do. I’ll be like, all right. So tell me what we can do. I got a good handle on all the families
Speaker 2 00:24:26 Budget constraints. Yes. We have resource constraints. Everybody has those
Speaker 1 00:24:31 Can we do. That’s really what I care about. So it’s a shift to do that. And that really gets into developing a growth mindset and stuff like that. But I think we can start really small, um, with even just every day, but just write it down if you don’t want to text it to somebody, um, if folks want to do folks should comment, we’ll put up a thread on, on Facebook about this so they can email me. Like, I want to hear what you’re happy about.
Speaker 2 00:24:55 You’re gonna be
Speaker 1 00:24:55 Totally small because it’s important. And it will actually make us feel better and more productive. And when the more we can engage with happiness and, um, life, that way, I’ll also put a few books in the episode. Recommendations is, um, I’ve read a few books on this topic, like flourish by Martin Seligman or, uh, the how of happiness is another really good one. Um, the folks may enjoy about, they’re more about positive psychology and stuff like that, but that’s what, we’re what we’re talking about here. Um,
Speaker 2 00:25:29 Just one big Gretchen Rubin, but I’m Googling to try to find the name of, okay, it’s called better than before, better than before. The whole shtick is how you can just be a little happier the next day than you were the day before a bit,
Speaker 1 00:25:41 It’s a little bit, one of our other podcasts episodes of folks, um, have heard it. We did talk about, you know, the intentionality and how you get to choose how you feel and you can choose when you wake up in the morning to be joyful or to be happy or to just be okay. Like we don’t have to go too crazy if like happiness, happiness might be a leap. That’s fine. Maybe we just feel okay. Well, we feel
Speaker 2 00:26:05 Good to the possibility of it being a good day. Right?
Speaker 1 00:26:08 Excellent. One of the other things you shared in the book, and I think the quote was from your aunt and it was something along the lines of, you might not pass by this way again. And I thought that was just really beautiful in that, you know, grasp a hold of life and those experiences. So I was wondering if you can share just a little bit more about that.
Speaker 2 00:26:29 I will suddenly have two tattoos. That is my first it’s on my back and it’s my aunt’s quote. So she was married to my uncle. They lived in Michigan and she was from the south. She was just like Spitfire red hair, Southern draw, super sassy. And people go visit them in the summer. And she would take us all around Michigan. We go like far road trips. It got to Mackinaw island out to the rectal hall of fame. Like she was always up for whatever everyone wanted to go do. But if we were driving someplace and sell something cool, I would say, oh, that’s cool. We should stop. And way back she would stop the car and be like, no, no, you might not pass by this way. Again, you got to get out and look at it now. And of course in a moment you’re so annoyed because you’re like, I don’t want to get out of the damn car, but every time we get out of the car, something awesome would go and we would find a really cute fruit stand and we would find a little like niche-y shop, we’d find a cool ice-cream place.
Speaker 2 00:27:14 Like some kind of little knickknack you bought or you’d see a really pretty sunset. So over the course of all these trips, we would always, oh, you might not pass by this way again. And in the case of Michigan, because it’s so damn big because so many highways and byways, you usually didn’t come home the same way. So if you didn’t stop right, then you might not actually go buy it again. So physically it was an actual, Hey tangibly, if you want to get out of the car and do this now is
Speaker 1 00:27:37 Your chance to get
Speaker 2 00:27:39 To back this way. But I kind of adopted it as my life mantra because so many things in life I either didn’t feel ready for. Or I would talk myself out of being worthy of and say like, no, no, that’s not right for me. That’s right. For somebody else. Or there would be promotions that I would literally be saying, my coworkers were more deserving of that. I was, and I had a moment where I was like, what the hell am I doing? Like life is passing me by. And if I don’t jump on and start taking a hold of these things, I’m gonna be 60 and looked back thinking, God, I wish I had done more things. Like I wish I had, you know, Carpay DNS a little bit more. So instead of seizing the day more and the kind of long story, long story short, I had got to sit here in Michigan and she was actually sick.
Speaker 2 00:28:17 She had a pediatric cancer. And while we were visiting, she asked if I had been living in a shared mantra, like, what have you done, girls? When I last saw you? And I said, oh, when I was in Georgia, I went and found peaches, like just drive out and buy supplies to get peaches. When I was in San Diego, I went and found a place that made recycled surfboard jewelry. I bought myself a pair of hearing fun. I was literally trying to like live our shared monster, right? Like just go find something cool and go do it right. If I saw something cool, I would stop. I stopped at yard sales. I stopped at random places to take pictures of sunsets. So I tried to live our shed mantra. Now, since she passed, I still try to do the same thing. So, uh, you might not pass by this way again, in life or physically on the road. So make sure you stop. I love it.
Speaker 1 00:28:57 And be open to that spontaneity of life and that excitement and I love, you know, I was going to say, it sounds very seized, the moment Carpe diem ask. So I liked that. Um, you kind of do that parallel for us cause it’s just, but it’s really beautiful and you may not pass by this way again, but it becomes a delicate balance. I think back to when we were just talking about though, like not push, but like, cause we want to be opened opportunities, but not like not in a forceful way. Right. And not like in a push pushy way, we can let it unfold, but also be open that’s when that’s like where the magic happens. Right. And that’s where we,
Speaker 2 00:29:34 Sometimes I get really excited about something and I end up running it for myself. So I will hear of an opportunity, I will think. Okay. I guess I’d be interested that, but I will try to think to myself. Okay. Don’t push because you don’t want to seem too aggressive. Right? Like as a woman you’re taught not to seem too aggressive. And then I get in my head about it and I lose the magic. So I have to kind of remember to don’t push, but still be excited when something presents itself and just go with it, you know, be open to it being better than you could have thought without having to overanalyze it. Right.
Speaker 1 00:30:02 And when it comes to pushing or forcing other things too, it’s okay to take a step back and think maybe this isn’t, what is this trying to teach me? Like, maybe this isn’t the path. Like I thought this was it for me and I was going in this direction, but now I’m hitting so many roadblocks. So what is the lesson here? Maybe this is redirecting me to something bigger and better.
Speaker 2 00:30:23 I just joked that I was trying to, you know, buy and sell a house over the summer. So I owned my parents’ house. I was trying to sell their house and then buy a bigger house for my dad with an in-law and for my brother who still lives with me. And we put in 16 offers and we get tonight every single time. And then we were getting offers on our house that were really low and had contingencies. And I finally had a moment where I’m like, Nope, the universe is telling me to scrap this and renovate. So I scrapped it and decided to renovate. And I will say within 24 hours I found a contractor and architect. That’s a great example. And I thought, okay, obviously I was not letting it Dawn on me that this one was supposed to be doing. Um, and mentioned, my mom had passed. I swear to God she’s and I haven’t been like how long I’m trying to tell you, not listening to me. Right. So like message received. Got it. Let’s renovate. And now literally everything has been so seamless that I’m like, oh, this is what I was supposed to be doing. I just was not picking it up, falling over.
Speaker 1 00:31:16 It’s a place that’s beautiful. Yeah. No, that’s it that’s a great example. I was trying to think of like an example, if we could share like something like, um, you know, the, we could come up with, and I know like for myself, different times different like career things and different things that have happened and even, okay. I actually, I just come up with an example at one point after I finished my master’s, I was still trying to kind of find myself and actually, actually this was before I embarked on the master’s program, excuse me. I was doing film work in Boston. I was working as an extra in Hollywood feature films, which sounds very glamorous. It was at times. But, um, it was doing commercials. Like I kinda, I was traveling back and forth to New York for auditions. Like that’s kind of where this was many, many years ago.
Speaker 1 00:31:58 And I thought this was kind of where my life was headed, but it was, I was hitting roadblocks, lots of roadblocks. Then I decided I was going to go to law school. I decided that, you know what, I’m just going to go to law school. So I studied for the LSATs. I did terrible on them. I did not get into law school. And I was just like, what is going on? And then I had someone that I worked with at the time and I kind of took a step back and she was like, I, she actually told me that she told this other kind of mentor person that I look up to and someone who’s another educational expert leader. And she’s like, oh, I told so-and-so that you were going to go to law school. And he said, that’s a tremendous loss for education. And I thought, whoa, what, what did wait?
Speaker 1 00:32:42 Huh? Like I was taking a bag and it made me take a step back. And then I really looked at the work I was doing at the time, like the theater stuff was, was side at this time, but I was really loving the work that I was doing. And I realized that it was very aligned with being a school counselor. So I applied for the school counselor. I took the Miller assessment that you had to take all the things I got right into grad school for the school counseling, like with ease got in. And then the path from there has really unfolded. And although, you know, the Dr MC stuff is in self care or I’m always though looking to support teachers. I also work in public education now I, and I’ve had really wonderful, unique experiences if I had really pushed and pushed for that law school thing, I probably eventually would got into law school and would have been successful as a lawyer maybe,
Speaker 2 00:33:30 But you might’ve been exactly.
Speaker 1 00:33:32 So, but that, that’s a, that’s an example of, you know, I kind of saw the path one way, but there were roadblocks. And then I had to kind of step back and really look at what I was doing and what brought me happiness and what aspects that I like. And the theater stuff was also, I was hitting roadblocks with that as well. And that was, that was taking the joy out of something that brings me a lot of joy dancing and performing. Like, I love that, but as like a hobby, like that’s a sacred space for me and to try and do it at that level was taking any joy and any fun out of it. So I was like, this is not working. So anyway,
Speaker 2 00:34:09 And then it becomes a chore and what do we do with chores?
Speaker 1 00:34:12 And that’s not, it’s not good for anybody. It’s not good for anybody’s self-care. But anyway, I also want you to make sure that you tell us where folks can find you and engage with you. Folks want to buy your book. We’ll make sure that that gets linked in the episode notes. I think you have a website now. So tell us where we can find you.
Speaker 2 00:34:32 So I guess I decided I was doing a WordPress and I decided to be a big girl and get a real website. So I have a real website now, uh, and I will give a shout out to my wonderful web designers. Uh, let’s design. Your site is their name. They’re amazing. Jesse and Dave Deva, husband, wife, couple in New Hampshire. So it’s, she is sparkling back home. They did all my pretty design work. Uh, my logo was made by my awesome, um, artist friend who also has a book cover Ella Donnelley. So book will be available on my website on Amazon, which is kind of cool to say, Hey, go to Amazon and with Neil Smith to say like, okay, and then I have a little Instagram that I’ve been trying to put stuff up on the victim to do a feature on some of my beta readers. I’ll feature the three podcasts because I really have learned so much about my own self care since you started doing that. So I’m grateful for you to be posting that and, uh, yeah, thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 00:35:18 Excellent. So we’ll make sure that’s all linked. And you said she is sparkling.com
Speaker 2 00:35:24 And my moniker forever. She is sparkling. That’s what I thought, but I wanted to be my moniker on every website except one where I’m like, who’s the other person that had
Speaker 1 00:35:32 Hi. We need to know, we need to find that person by that domain or whatever it is that they have and do it now soon. No, just kidding. Anyway. And do we have a release date in mind? Fall in?
Speaker 2 00:35:45 We’re hoping for, yeah, but yeah, we’re hoping that I prefer, so what we’ll say October. No, I’m hoping to get it. Yeah, well, but again, up in the store by the first and then I think it’s available as of that day. So kind of exciting two very exciting.
Speaker 1 00:35:56 Yes, very exciting. So we’ll make sure all that information is included. Thank you so much, Sam, for joining us here today on the Dr. MC self care cabaret podcast, it was the light bill to chat with you.
Speaker 1 00:36:13 It was so much fun to chat with Sam on the podcast. Her book is now out and available on Kindle and a printed version. She is sparkling a collection of selections volume one, be sure to check it out and don’t skip past the forward. That’s a Dr. MC original. I’m so thrilled for my friend having achieved her goal. There are lots of little tips and takeaways in this episode to help us on our journey of self-care such as texting a friend five things daily, to be happy about. That’s win-win all around. As you will also engage in the relationship domain of self care by doing this as well. And if you can think of five things, maybe you just text one thing that you’re happy about. One of my favorite takeaways is the idea of letting it be easy. It’s a great reminder. And I always try to think this way, when you push the results will often not be what you wanted and or they may be fleeting.
Speaker 1 00:37:09 And I encourage you to think about when were you the happiest, what were you doing and how can you invite more of that into your life now? And remember, it can be a small tweak or little shift that you make to boost your happiness. This is a very powerful practice. So let the journey unfold and enjoy the ride. Thanks for listening to this episode. Remember to subscribe and rate to this podcast on your preferred player, the ratings help us grow and share the message of self-care. If you have comments, suggestions, or questions, you can reach out directly by emailing podcast at Dr. MC self care.com that’s D R M C self care.com and come join the cast party at Dr. MC self care cabaret on Facebook and Instagram at Dr. MC self care or my website, Dr. MC self care.com and be sure to like subscribe and love me across all my social media platforms for the most up-to-date information on. Self-care see you next time. Stay well and do good.

She and Dr. MC discuss the ins and outs of self-care and how it aligns with social and emotional health/well-being. Additionally, they chat about trauma, resilience, and how self-care plays a big factor in healing from trauma.

As always we love to hear from our listeners! Reach out to podcast@drmcselfcare.com with any questions or topics you’d like to hear about on future episodes.

Additional Resources:

• A viral video about company coming over
• Jane’s Books –
  • Social-Emotional Learning in the Home
  • Social-Emotional Learning in the Classroom
• Dr. Gabor Mate- The Wisdom of Trauma
• Trauma brain vs. normal brain differences 
• ACE Pyramid 
• Dr. MC muffin recipe 
• Dr. MC blog post about the intersection of trauma, resilience, and self-care

***** Dr. MC has workshops on topics related to trauma including creating trauma-sensitive classrooms and examining the intersection of trauma, resilience, and self-care. If you are looking to book Dr. MC for an event, please fill out the request form. 

• Simone Biles
• Ribas Associates Website  

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 00:00:26 Welcome to another episode of Dr. MCs self care cabaret podcast. I’m Theresa Melito-Conners a PhD level self care expert in the greater Boston area with a passion, helping others find their spotlight and put their health and wellbeing on center stage today’s episode is a conversation with my dear friend and mentor Jane Hardin. Jane is a former Simmons university professor of practice and current educational consultant for Rebus associates. She is the co-author of two books on social, emotional learning, one that focuses on the classroom. And a second that focuses on the home. Jane has a wealth of information and expertise in many areas, such as education, social, emotional learning, trauma, informed pedagogy, and more. She is smart, sassy, honest, realistic, and operational. I love learning from her. You will hear the story of how we first met during the conversation, but I will tell you now it was love at first leopard print. We became fast friends and Jane often jokes that I’m like a daughter to her. Something I consider to be an incredible honor. We ventured around Philly together during their first conference when we met. And then again in St. Louis and we have of course had many more local to Boston adventures to, I am so excited to have Jane with us for this episode as she has a lot to share. And I hope our listeners will find it helpful.
Speaker 1 00:01:59 Hi, Jane. Thanks so much for joining us here today on the Dr. MC self care cabaret podcast. I’m so excited to hear from you and I have lots of really interesting questions to ask.
Speaker 2 00:02:11 All right. I’m looking forward to it as always a pleasure to talk to you.
Speaker 1 00:02:15 Cool. Thanks. Uh, likewise. So question one, it’s pretty basic. When a dive right in, I would like you to tell me about how you like to practice self care.
Speaker 2 00:02:27 Well, um, lately, I don’t know if you’ve been seeing my post on Facebook, I’ve taken up roller skating with my dog.
Speaker 1 00:02:34 Notice that that’s quite ambitious. So
Speaker 2 00:02:37 A lot of my friends are thinking, are you crazy? You’re too old. And of course the minute someone says that to me, that’s like a challenge. So I love to I’m enjoying doing it. My daughter’s having fun teaching me. I will never attain to do some of the things she does. I’m just happy to not kill myself. So that’s one thing. Um, my, one of my other kids is teaching me how to play chess. And I like to do that to keep my mind engaged in challenge. I like to walk a lot and be with friends, have a couple of glasses of wine. Um, I’m a very social person. So I was thrilled to get my vaccination and to get out and be with friends and give a lot of hugs. And that’s sort of my self-care routine.
Speaker 1 00:03:23 Absolutely. And I have to say, I’m quite impressed by the rollerskating you’re, you’re braver than I am. I’m this not necessarily something I’m interested in and you look great though. I have seen the pictures and I think there was even a video clip, huh?
Speaker 2 00:03:35 Well, she gave me, you know, we both love leopard. So I am the proud owner of leopard roller skates with leopard pads, for my elbows, knees and wrist. And I wear a helmet. So I’m protected pretty well. And, um, it’s just, it’s fun. You know, I really enjoyed it. And I think the key to self care is to have a sense of humor too. Like you have to be able to laugh at yourself and I can do that. I have no problem laughing at myself being silly. And I think that’s important and it’s probably helped me a lot to get through the last few years. So
Speaker 1 00:04:09 Sure. And I even think too, you make a very valid, important point to highlight, you know, your friends may be saying, oh, you’re too old, you’re too this. And sometimes we do kind of put up those barriers for ourselves. And so I really commend you for doing that. And, um, you know, that’s great movement, great exercise, just nothing, all good things.
Speaker 2 00:04:30 Yeah, it feels good. And I do think that it’s really important when you get to be a woman of my vintage. It’s important to keep a young attitude. And I think one of the things I strive to do is try not to say, oh, I’m too old to fill in the blank. So I still ski though. I’ll never do a black diamond, but you know, guess what I never did about diamond when I was in my thirties, um, I liked to, um, keep myself engaged and challenged and I think, and also I, another to me another form of self care is to do something for other people like, um, I’m in the lions club in my town and I am very involved with that. I also just came from a school committee thing. I’m on a school committee member for Tri-County regional, uh, vocational high school. These are things to me that, yes, I get very busy sometimes. And that kind of goes the antithesis of self care. But honestly, that engagement to me keeps me feeling engaged and vital. And I think that’s all part of self care.
Speaker 1 00:05:36 Oh, a hundred percent. I think, you know, when we do things for others or we can see a larger purpose for ourselves in our work and that we can see that what we do benefits other people that falls under the spiritual domain of, of self care, which folks have heard me talk about all the different domains of self care. That’s really important. And in addition, what you’re describing Jane is the relationship domain. So having those cultivating those relationships of supportive people and being we’re feeling respected and, and all of that really is, is two very important aspects of self-care.
Speaker 2 00:06:08 Absolutely. And you know, like yesterday I had, I was in the Amherst all day yesterday, visiting two different friends. And I was saying to another friend who I walked with earlier today, that I’m very fortunate that I have a lot of great friendships and I feel very lucky about that. But there, each friend has something like a little bit different and unique from the other, and that is also very enriching and another form of self care. I love people that can be silly and fun with me, but I love my friends who are really deep thinkers and challenged me in other areas. And, um, I just, you know, to me, this is all part of my mental health, if you will.
Speaker 1 00:06:45 Absolutely. I love that. So you’ve already mentioned several things that you are kind of engaged in. And so I’m wondering how do you find time to kind of fit everything in,
Speaker 2 00:06:57 Well, I’m not going to win any award for house. Beautiful. Um, however, I can make these two worlds work very well because see, I intentionally have little dinner parties or people over for lunch, which then gets me to queen like a mad woman. And that way I am, we’re not going to be condemned by the board of health, but I keep an active social life. Does that work?
Speaker 1 00:07:21 Yeah, absolutely. Hey, no, that’s good. Prioritizing.
Speaker 2 00:07:24 No. So as long as you, I have a few minutes notice you would love my house. If you come in on a day that I don’t know you’re coming while God help you, when you deserve what you see.
Speaker 1 00:07:38 Fair enough. It reminds me of that viral video where the woman’s like screaming. Cause, um, the house is a mess and this company, and she’s just like running around like frantically cleaning everything.
Speaker 2 00:07:49 Yeah, exactly. Well, and one of my friends who, uh, had a great line, she goes, oh my God, your house looks like who did it? And ran. So I didn’t miss a beat. I said, listen, if somebody tries to Rob me, they won’t stay because they’ll figure it’s already been ransacked.
Speaker 1 00:08:07 There you go. So you’re actually, it’s, it’s a security precaution. No,
Speaker 2 00:08:12 I don’t have a job. So I do something else.
Speaker 1 00:08:15 Oh my goodness. Too funny. Um, so I know you have a very, um, strong background in social, emotional learning, and I believe you’ve co authored two books, um, on that topic. So I’m wondering this is really important and it does relate to self care, social, emotional learning, but that’s really an education term that we use in the educational arena and not so much outside. And I certainly have listeners from, um, outside of the education world. So can you tell us, you know, a little bit about social, emotional learning and why it is important?
Speaker 2 00:08:50 Well, you know, I really think we use this term and it’s fairly recently used, but we’ve been, educators are really tuned into this forever and it’s really looking at the emotional well-being holistically looking at it at a student, uh, be it a little kid up to graduate students, looking at the entire person and, and, and realizing that you cannot engage the intellectual aspect of the brain if you have not attended to the emotional wellbeing of the individual. So, you know, we would say, um, Maslow before, um, you know, who’s the guy that with all the NA the, um, different strategies of, um, emotional, oh, it’ll come to me. But, but I think, you know, you’ve got to attend to the person’s wellbeing. If a kid is going through tremendous stress or in trauma, one of the things that we’re going to talk about today, their ability to learn is going to be negatively impacted because if you’re raising adrenaline in the body or cortisol because of stress, well, it kind of shuts down the ability of the brain to absorb new information.
Speaker 2 00:10:01 So it is important. And we, we have, uh, one of the things that I’ve noticed as I was, I’ve been teaching for a long time. And I talked to teachers as part of my professional life. I spent a lot of time doing professional development. These days, they’re telling me more and more students are coming to school from very young children up through grade 12 and beyond with high levels of anxiety. And so if you have, now, now that’s prior to the pandemic and remote learning and all this other stuff. So right now we have this additional situation foisted upon us. And you have kids that already have some mental health issues and anxiety. And if you just pushed down that, okay, now we’re going to come back and do M cast. Or now we’re going to come back and, you know, get you ready for this test.
Speaker 2 00:10:50 It’s not going to be as successful if you don’t attend to the emotional wellbeing of the child, making them feel safe, supported. And then they’re more likely to, it’s like, I want to use the analogy of when you’re really cold. You know, we all can relate to that in new England, really cold. You kind of take your arms and you wrap them around you and you feel like you’re, you know, you’re going to try to keep any of that body heat in, but when the weather softens and warms up, you start to like breathe easier and your limbs don’t have to be tied to your body. And I look at social, emotional learning much the same way. It’s, it’s, it’s allowing that child to feel comfortable, to feel safe. And then their ability to learn is going to be much increased and more profitable all around.
Speaker 1 00:11:41 Yeah, no, a hundred percent. And I really liked, so tell me that analogy again, with the kind of wrapping your arms when you’re cold.
Speaker 2 00:11:48 Well, you know, I’m just thinking like, you know, when you, I mean, we could even say compared to like air conditioning, he to go into a room and it’s super air conditioned and you forgot like a light sweater or a jacket. And you’re like, oh my God, I’m freezing. And you put your arms around your upper arm and you’re kind of holding your body tight and rigid because you’re so cold. But when the weather or the temperatures adjusted, you can relax. You, you don’t have to be tightly holding onto your body. You feel more at ease and more comfortable. And that same thing happens in a classroom. You know, when you have a kid that’s really freaked out or very anxious, their ability to sit and attend is going to be inhibited because of that. And it’s going to get in the way of learning.
Speaker 2 00:12:33 Um, you know, I would say when I was teaching a lot of my grad students, I’d say, if somebody comes up to you and they’re on you and on you and on you, while you’re trying to do a skill, you were more likely to make a mistake. Cause you’re so nervous. And so the minute we kind of give kids some space and have them, you know, almost like that, that whole, you know, a growth mindset thing. That’s when we see real progress. Another thing that I’ve noticed and teachers have pointed out to me, and this is a real concern in a toxic, it really ties in some well to your whole idea of self care. For some reason, in the last few years, people are kids, especially, they’re afraid to make a mistake. It’s like for some reason, making a mistake became this huge deal.
Speaker 2 00:13:23 And yet, as I pointed out to people, do you know, without mistakes being made most inventions, most ex uh, advances in science would never have happened. You know, um, someone told me that, um, play dough, believe it or not started out as a wall cleaner. Well, someone, somebody fooled around with that and said, oh my God, this is kind of fun to play with. And there’s a lot of things like that, that it’s the art of the discovery. I remember will Smith. I started great a video. He made, it’s a short clip. He goes, oh, failure, feel often, but fail forward. And that really stuck with me. And then the other one that stuck with me was the woman that invented Spanx, um, Susan Barkley or something like that. And she said, and I love this. She said at night at her dinner table, her father would frequently go around the table and say, okay, what great mistake did you make today? And who like to talk about it? She said, it took the sting out of making a mistake. And she said, we were more willing to take risks and opportunities because he took away some of the fear of making a mistake. And that is so powerful. Think about it.
Speaker 1 00:14:40 No, I love that. I think we’re gonna, um, I think we may title this episode. Great mistakes. I like that when it’s really though. It’s true. And I even think about myself, like you were talking at like certain times, like I know, you know, Jeff’s like standing over my shoulder, my husband, or like, someone’s like, oh, I can’t do this right now. Like, I need to, like, I can’t, if somebody is watching me, like, you can’t feel like you’re going to mess something up, like typing or like something silly, but like, obviously I can do. But, um, but when you have that kind of, that, that outside pressure that sometimes then it just makes you feel like you’re gonna, you’re gonna make a mistake. And I love the idea with, you know, the growth mindset and fantastic failures. I do a whole section when I present on growth mindset about all the things that were invented by accident. And there’s some pretty, um, pretty compelling ones, um, post-it notes
Speaker 2 00:15:28 And think of just even a recipe like the Mo the fabulous muffins, you make it, I, that I took your recipe and I love it. When you’re, when you were making those, you probably have experimented to get the right, the right consistency. You added maybe one time, a lemon peel, one time, an orange. In other words, it’s not a mistake. It’s, it’s sort of like exploration, right? And you get rewarded for that. And I think we have to take away or help kids get over this fear, because what happens is they become, uh, well, this is, uh, I’ll tie this into, with, with so many kids having to be on zoom. So, um, I was talking to some teachers about working with, especially with adolescents. And they said they, in the morning, especially the people that had classes in the early morning, a lot of the kids did not put the cameras on because they didn’t want people to look at them when they rolled out of bed. And also people became much more self-conscious about perhaps making an error on camera. And so, you know, how could a teacher maybe help soften that fear? And so there were ways that they did that, and it was really interesting to talk to them about it.
Speaker 1 00:16:39 I think it’s crippling for adults too. Like we get so wrapped up in this idea of perfection that we’re not even willing to try. Like, if you felt that way, you probably wouldn’t have bothered trying rollerskating. Cause you’re like, well, I’m not going to be able to do that. Like, why would I even try? Let’s say,
Speaker 2 00:16:55 And you know, there’s a lot of things I’ve done in my life. One of the funniest things about the failure thing so many years ago when I had young kids and I was just trying to find a little part-time job before I went back to work full-time I became a party accommodator now I don’t know why I thought I had the nerve to do this, but I did. And I went to this one house and the woman said, um, Jane I’d like you to make asparagus roll-ups I had no idea what those were and I didn’t want to look like a fool. So I learned a great lesson, and this is what I said to the woman without bedding. And I, well, you know, I know how I like to make them, but I prefer to make them the way the host likes to make them. So how do you like the main that’s awesome. She never found my little sneaker that I had no idea what the heck those were.
Speaker 1 00:17:44 Oh my God. And did you make them well, I bet you did. I did.
Speaker 2 00:17:47 Well, I think I looked a little like, uh, for those people that are listening, who might remember Lucille ball in the chocolate factory, there were a couple of failures that I ended up throwing in the garbage, but eventually I got the hang of it. Yeah.
Speaker 1 00:17:58 Oh my God. I love Lucy. That is one of my favorite shows, actually. Jeff and I have been rewatching that he bought me for Christmas, the entire series on DVD. So we’ve been working our way through it, which has been a lot of fun. Yeah.
Speaker 2 00:18:11 Well, they’re making a new movie about it with Nicole Kidman is going to be Lucy, which I find hard to believe, but yeah, that’s the deal.
Speaker 1 00:18:17 Oh, wow. I don’t know if I knew that. I don’t know if I knew Nicole Kidman was going to be well, that’s fun. Well, maybe it’ll be cool. So that’s great. Um, so I’m wondering too, you know, you mentioned COVID and you mentioned, you know, moving forward kind of into our, you know, I hate this term, but our new normal as we manage this. So what is, what do you think is like one piece of advice you would give people or parents or teachers for navigating all of this moving forward?
Speaker 2 00:18:48 Well, I will say the biggest mistake we can make for all of us is to assume that, uh, you know, we’re almost done with this school year, but to assume in September, everybody’s going to be fine. They’ll have had the summer, we’ll all go back to normal. I, I think that would be a big mistake to jump to that conclusion. Now, you know, a lot of us have heard this wine, but it really makes sense. You know, you heard, we’ve heard this over and over again. Oh, we’re all in this together. Well, yes and no, as I like to say, some people survive this by being in a yacht and then they went to their private beach and yeah, those people did pretty good. Other people were in a rowboat without a motor and they hung in there and then some people were on a raft that was leaking, but we were all in this together.
Speaker 2 00:19:39 Right. But no, we really were not, you know, some kids had all the all access to technology. They have their own room and other kids are just trying to like gasp for air to get through this year and then no let’s. And that’s where kids that may have intact learning ability. Now upped the ante with a kid with a learning disability, or are less access to resources, material resources. This is the leaky boat or the raft. And so we can’t just assume this is where the trauma thing comes in. We can’t just assume everybody’s going to go back to school in the fall and be right where they should be. There’s going to be some kids that will be absolutely fine is going to be some kids who are going to still be dealing with a lot of anxiety about what they’ve experienced the last year and a half or anger or feelings of inadequacy, because they may feel like, oh my God, I’m so far behind and all those things.
Speaker 2 00:20:36 So I think it’s, if I could give a global piece of advice to people, I’d say, when you go back in the fall, take some time at the beginning of the year to give everybody a chance, don’t jump right into heavy duty academics, give people some time to have discussions, to talk about things that they experienced and then start working on the academics. But I would, you know, if we’re up to me and I was the king of the world or the queen of the world, I’d say the first two weeks of school next all fall should be all about social, emotional, and then getting kids ready to almost like priming them to be ready to learn again, because they’re not going to definitely come back ready to go academically. They’re just not,
Speaker 1 00:21:20 No, not at all. And I’m a hundred percent agree with you on that. And I think we need to do the same also for adults because people are coming. You know, there’s still a lot of fear around going back to work a lot of uncertainty. I mean myself, like I’m feeling it personally and we need to be kind and practice grace and love as we move forward and, you know, make sure that everybody’s okay because people are coming back and going to be moving forward from all different places.
Speaker 2 00:21:55 Oh my goodness. You know, so I did this, um, this course I created about the impact of trauma, um, during COVID and now going forward. And I interviewed some people and they were telling me these stories. So I just read one today and it blew me away. This mother, she was the mother of six kids and she was talking about here she is, she’s a teacher. I think she ran a home, a home, like a pre a before school and an afterschool program. She herself as the parent of six kids. And she was talking about trying to navigate that as well as try to keep the daycare and afterschool programs available to parents. And then seeing her own, like she had her, a student of hers, a child in college and how the whole year got disrupted, you know? So you feel for your kids and then you have to try to have carry on. And she, and I had put an article in there about sometimes the kids are not all right, and it’s okay. And I think that’s another aspect that I’d emphasize is that there will be times that we, you know, stiff upper lip and all that, you know, as the British would say, but what kids have been through and teachers and families in general has been in an incredibly difficult time. And it’s going to take a while to decompress from this experience. The summer will definitely help, but it’s going to take some time.
Speaker 1 00:23:18 Absolutely. And I think that, you know, the ramifications from COVID will be felt in many different, um, industries and whatnot, but in education, particularly for, for years to come.
Speaker 2 00:23:29 Yeah. I think we’ll be, you know, here’s your post-doctoral study.
Speaker 2 00:23:37 I am serious. This is going to be studied for a while because we are, we are literally right now building the plane as we fly it, but we’re going to have an opportunity over the next few years to maybe really look at what have been some of the gains. Cause there have been some gains. It hasn’t all been negative. Somebody else wrote to me today that their kid that hated math actually made a really good connection with their math teacher and actually now has, has excelled in math. Okay. Um, so it’s not, it’s not across the board bad for everybody. There’s definitely been some gains, but there’s an awful lot of other things that have been really lost and it’s been very hard for some kids and teachers and families.
Speaker 1 00:24:24 Yeah, for sure. So you’ve mentioned trauma a couple of times, and I know that this is an area of expertise that you have in addition to social, emotional learning, although I know that they are related. So I’m wondering, you know, tips for building resilience or just kind of more about your background in that and anything you want to offer.
Speaker 2 00:24:44 You know, I, I became very interested in trauma because I feel like, um, and this is before we had, um, the pandemic, but trauma definitely impacts kids in, um, is, uh, you know, I actually, I had some pictures to shape it. It might be a little tricky to share screen share, but they have done studies and they actually know that the brains of traumatized children look different than typical children. They actually have a different brain chemistry.
Speaker 1 00:25:12 We can share that. Um, I think I know the images you’re speaking of, or if you want to send them to me later, we can share them with our listeners in the episode notes
Speaker 2 00:25:20 I will. And then the other thing people need to be aware of is the ACE thing and the ACE, um, what ACEs, the adverse childhood experience pyramid. And that to me is really, uh, something that people should be aware of. And I’ll share that with you as well. And you know, in other words, there’s a lot of things that people can experience over the course of their life that can contribute to trauma. So it could be that, you know, we talk about resiliency in children. And, uh, one of my favorite people in the world is this man Dr. Robert Brooks, and he’s done a lot of research on his whole area is really about resiliency. And one of the things he always said is, all it takes is really one in a life of a child. If they have one charismatic adult that really cares for them, that can make all the difference.
Speaker 2 00:26:06 And I, I do believe that, but I also know that trauma can build up in the system where a kid can be exposed to a traumatic situation as a young child and seem to be fine. But some of the research has shown that over time that they may, as adults develop other more health problems because of that early trauma, even though they seem fine on the outside, they, they have, you know, they have experienced this building up over time. So there’s an, um, this, this doctor got gay bore Mattel and he has done come out just recently. In fact, I, I was so interested. I’ve been sort of watching him with a, a whole new series called the wisdom of trauma. And so I’m kind of mesmerized by his work. And I have been for years, but this, he, he, this whole new thing, it’s really powerful.
Speaker 2 00:27:00 So he said that, you know, one of the things trauma does it disconnects you from yourself. So, you know, here, you’re looking at your area of expertise is self care. Trauma can actually disconnect you from yourself. So absolutely this is where people can get into addictive behavior or negative behaviors, health behaviors, because it’s sort of, they disconnect from their, how they’re really feeling about things. It’s easier to go to, to the substance abuse or whatever, rather than deal with the pain that I’m dealing with the trauma. And, um, so another thing that he talked about this was, these are some quotes that, that just came from him. Um, he said that we need to, um, instead of the blame game of saying, what’s wrong with you? He said the right, the really, the better question to ask is what happened to you now that when you think about that that’s, um, that really changes perspective a hundred percent, you know, it’s not, what’s wrong with you, but what happened to you?
Speaker 2 00:28:00 And then he also talked about how, um, when people are in, uh, have survived trauma, they sometimes create situations of risk. Um, not because they are hurt, but because they were alone with their hurt. So in other words, every hurt is part of life. You know, uh, much as I would love to say, I have three adult children, I would love to protect them from any hurt in their life. Well, that’s not possible, right. But when, when they’re hurt as a young child, with some of the things that some kids have to deal with, and no, one’s there to kind of console them. That’s when the trauma can be more, much more damaging. So it’s not the hurt itself, it’s the hurt. And no one is there to help them work it through. And that’s another perspective I thought it was. Um, and he said, not that just you are overwhelmed, but there was no one there to hold you. And I mean, that’s just, if you think about that, that’s pretty powerful. You know,
Speaker 1 00:28:58 It’s heartbreaking really to think about. And I think that people don’t really understand, you know, we think trauma, it must be, you know, years of abuse and, and of course it can be like, that can definitely be traumatic, but there can be a lot of, um, surprising common experiences that can actually result in, um, traumatic effects on the body and how the body develops, not only the brain development, but the hormone levels and how our survival system works, how our fight or flight versus, um, you know, our freeze and submit and our rest and digest response and how the hormone levels can get all sorts of, um, out of balance and can begin to the body will actually override, um, you know, the thinking part of the brain and you kind of get stuck in survival mode. And I think that’s where we start to see, you know, issues in, in Earl, uh, later in life too, with certain things in that kind of those early imbalances, really setting the stage for, for issues. And the relationships are so important when we started talking about trauma and how we help children and adults to work through that.
Speaker 2 00:30:11 Well, sometimes you don’t even know. I mean, I often think about, you know, like for example, it’s very distressing to me as it is to many people, most people, I would hope, um, how many school shootings we’ve had. Right. And, and, you know, you think about what must it be like for a kid that was at Sandy hook school, all right. Or, or the high school down in Florida? One of my best friends from childhood was the parent of two boys that were in at Columbine high school back in April of 1999 when they had the Columbine shooting, oh, now her boys were fine physically, but I know for the rest of their lives, they have a level of trauma that I hope I never will experience because they were there in real time. And that’s what I’m talking about. That exposure, it’s not, it doesn’t even have to be to you directly, but you were in a period of time with, with great, um, difficulty, uh, in horrific experience or kid is, is, uh, you know, a refugee or in a war torn situation or in a home that this utter chaotic, you know, these are things that, um, in this had in it, a video.
Speaker 2 00:31:31 And it really, it was, you know, I only watch it in small bites because it’s pretty, um, overwhelming, but there was one scene where a therapist went to a prison and she started asking, um, the, the, um, the incarcerated people, any of you, you know, she had them all out in the equipment like the courtyard and she had them in a circle. And she said, any of you who grew up in a home where you, um, were hit step forward, everybody’s stepped forward. Anyone that grew it up, or my home where they were, there was frequently not someone there to take care of them step forward, they stepped forward. So it was all these things. So that goes back to the thing, instead of saying, looking at these prisoners and saying, well, what’s wrong with you. You go back and say, what happened to you? You know, what happened to you? And, and I’m, I’m looking at the statistic that said the national center for PTSD state. And this was, I think this was a couple of years old states that 15 to 43% of girls and 14 to 43% of boys in the United States experienced a traumatic event.
Speaker 1 00:32:40 That’s crazy.
Speaker 2 00:32:41 And then, and the impact, the effects of trauma can damage the brain resulting in problems and learning and paying attention. And you know, this from your research when under stress, the sympathetic nervous system activates the fight or flight cortisol is released and excess cortisol can remain in the body. Large amounts have negative effect on the brain and damaging the CA three neurons in the hippocampus. So these are things, you know, they know this, this is what we know about Trump right now.
Speaker 1 00:33:12 Oh, I mean, it’s fascinating research. It, it is certainly difficult to kind of comprehend some of it. And the thing too about trauma. You know, you don’t get to actually define, what’s going to be traumatic for someone else. And two people could experience the exact same situation. You have very different outcomes. I had someone say to me one time that they didn’t think divorce should be considered a traumatic event. I was like, Hmm. Depending upon the circumstances, I think that can absolutely be a traumatic event.
Speaker 2 00:33:42 And, you know, in some cases where the parents chose to study together can cause more trauma. If this constant, you know, disruption and anger and fighting in the house. I mean, you know, that’s also a form of exposure to regular trauma. So you’re absolutely right. It’s and you can have two siblings in the same family and one will be impacted by one aspect and one might not wait, appear to be fine. But, you know, again, some of the newer research says those kids that seem to be totally fine, may not be totally fine down the road. It’s it’s again, it’s, it can be cumulative, you know? Um, I mean, this is one of the things they’re studying now, fortunately, with, with, uh, veterans, um, you know, that you have a Vietnam veteran who comes home and doesn’t want to talk about it, but seems okay.
Speaker 2 00:34:34 And then 10 years down the road, 20 years down the road, 30 years down the road, something happens and they fall apart. And that so much has told me this. It was really kind of intense. Um, they were a, um, uh, a Vietnam veteran and they seem fine. And when, when the United States and, uh, invaded Iraq or something, um, they had a major PTSD, um, experience and they took their own life. Oh goodness. You know what I’m saying? I, this, we have to treat this as that. I, more and more, I try to talk to people about the fact that mental health is just every bit as important as physical health. There’s so connected. We can’t choose one over the other. They are totally connected.
Speaker 1 00:35:24 Well, and I think our society sometimes promotes us being disconnected from our mental health, from our, our physical body. We don’t necessarily celebrate the mind body connection and the loosening to your body and, and being connected with that. And I think about that, you know, in my healing journey, from, in recovery for an eating disorder and, you know, in that with all that societal messaging and what I thought I had to do and what seemed appropriate at the time, um, that was very disconnected from my body. I was not listening. I was not honoring my body and my fullness cues and my hunger cues, and is how I was feeding myself and certainly not doing it from a place of love and restricting, and just ultimately disconnecting from my body. And I think a lot of practices that we just kind of do, because it’s what we do as humans in this current society that we are disconnected and that we don’t treat mental health nearly as important as we should. And as physical health.
Speaker 2 00:36:24 Absolutely. I mean, we, you know, we have shows that highlight, like, you know, the Housewives of Beverly Hills or some crap like that. And, um, I hope nobody watches that and then I’m offending anybody, but you know, where it takes people, um, and, and highlights all this artificial life. And if a kid’s developing like a young adolescent and they think that’s what they’re supposed to be aiming for, what a bad message that is. But if somebody else is not helping guide them into real things, I look at it as like a constant diet of junk food is not going to ever once in a while. It’s okay to have junk food. I certainly enjoy my chair probably too much. But the point is you can’t live on that just like you cannot have too much negativity around you where it’s just going to be too hard to overcome, you know? And I think that’s what we have to think about with trauma. We’re just, I think as a society, we’re getting a better understanding of it, but now we have to realize how important it is impacting children and the learning process.
Speaker 1 00:37:30 Yeah. And how widespread of an issue it is.
Speaker 2 00:37:33 Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Even another thing I found that said trauma can undermine the development of language and communication skills for the establishment of a coherent sense of self compromise, the ability to attend to classroom tasks and instructions. And this is from a trauma sensitive schools.org. And, you know, just like I said, this, now people are doing a lot more research on this impact of trauma. And I think, you know, again, trauma is different from one person to another, but we are going to see kids that have come through this last couple of years with some other unique forms of trauma, if you will.
Speaker 1 00:38:21 Yeah. I think you’re correct in that. And you know, the good there is good news though. I mean, we can help to build resilience skills. And when you practice self care, you’re essentially working on your resilience, the known components for building resilience actually coincide quite nicely with the various domains of self care. So by nature of taking care of yourself and promoting that for others, you’re actually helping them build their resilience and research does show that we can increase our resilience. It’s not considered something that, you know, only a few people possess or personality trait or anything like that we can actually with, you know, intention and, um, work. We can increase our resilience.
Speaker 2 00:39:05 Absolutely. And, you know, I also think, um, I’m a big advocate of, of animals. I know that, um, you know, it doesn’t work in every situation, but having lot of schools now have brought in therapy dogs to help kids, you know, who have maybe some anxiety stuff going on during the day. And it’s a pretty powerful thing. So one of my teachers who I interviewed was working with kids with emotional, um, these are kids, her classroom was made of basically of kids with emotional challenges. And she would in her zoom sessions include her dog. And she said, it made a huge difference. The kids, you know, let’s go back to that social, emotional thing. The kids was like, we’re able to view her in sort of a different light and say, wow, you know, she’s sort of like a real person. She’s got a dog. And they, she found the other thing is it benefited them academically because they were more engaged when she had the dog in the frame.
Speaker 1 00:40:09 Fascinating. I love it. It’s really cool. A lot of public high schools, um, have dogs now. And as well as, you know, private, therapeutic, um, special education schools have there be animals also, it’s quite phenomenal to watch.
Speaker 2 00:40:25 Absolutely, absolutely. And beneficial. I think that, um, you know, I also think let’s go back to the, the, like if I’m an administrator in a building, um, I think it’s important for you to also take into consideration the, the emotional wellbeing of your faculty and staff, because they chew like, like I found it very clear in, in, in the writings of some of the students that were taking my class, they’re dealing with their own challenges and having, um, I remember interviewing, uh, um, a teacher and she was saying to me, what, what really helped is if an administrator was seen within the building. So to just checking in, not, not like, um, um, Hocking you and following you to see if you’re doing everything right, but just like to go and have a nice conversation, like say, Hey Mary, how are you doing? You know, what’s going on? And that was a huge help because they felt valued. And they felt that that person took an interest in them as a, as not only a teacher, but as a person. And I think that’s something that we definitely have to stress as retraining people who are going to be administrators in schools.
Speaker 1 00:41:42 Absolutely. Um, I know someone pretty close to me who wrote their dissertation on that, oh, wait. It was me. It was essentially the, um, topic, um, self care for renewal self-care and renewal for leaders and teachers, but not just practicing it, but promoting it. And what is really the role of the leader in a school and like, where are the lines, like how much do they promote? Can they promote, should they promote? And there was really, I mean, I thought it was fascinating, the research and what I found out and throughout the study process, but I mean, it was clear that it’s a good idea to do that and to have the wellbeing of your staff kind of at the forefront. And certainly I did, you know, the dissertation successfully defended it just before COVID, um, in August of 2019, but it was, um, such a timely topic. I didn’t know where the world was headed. Of course.
Speaker 2 00:42:35 Oh my God. I told you, this is your post-doc, I’m telling you, I’m telling you, you could absolutely do, you know, you could do an, an additional appendix just on what things, what you, you know, what you learned initially, and then how you’ve seen it come into reality with the time we’ve been living through, you know, um, so th there was, um, um, Massachusetts has a, uh, advocate for children called the trauma and learning policy initiative. Yep. And that’s in collaboration with the Harvard law school and the task force going to children affected by domestic violence. And so one of the things they talk about is when you regulate emotions that will enable the child to master social and academic skills, maintain high academic standards, creating it helps, uh, the importance of creating a safe classroom environment, um, managing behavior, um, setting limits and helping children make choices.
Speaker 2 00:43:37 But the other thing that I think, and I didn’t even in my initial creation of this course, um, that we have to really pay attention to now is the whole idea about being sensitive to racial issues as well, because here’s a kid who saw all of the stuff about George Floyd and all these other people, and you gotta, you gotta believe that’s a form. They have that’s collective trauma, people of color have had to witness. And probably in many cases personally, experience. And again, if I am a white teacher or white administrator, I better do some deep dive work myself to help make those kids feel safe and supportive.
Speaker 1 00:44:20 Yeah, absolutely. And I’ve also, there’s a new emerging field in this arena of trauma. And I don’t know Jane, if you’re familiar with this, but the trans transmission of trauma. Yes. I have not dived dove too far into that. Um, a book was recommended to me called, um, in my grandmother’s hands and I haven’t read it yet. It’s sitting on my bookshelf, but hope maybe this summer, but it’s, I’m, I’m fascinated by the concept.
Speaker 2 00:44:50 Well, when I had this talk today with someone, cause I was thinking about getting ready for chatting with you. And she was saying that a lot of, um, you know, the people that are still here that are Holocaust survivors did not talk too much about what they lived through, but their children who are now older adults and their grandchildren are coming forward. Because even though they’ve maybe the parent who might’ve been a young child going through the Holocaust, some of that transmission of what they experience worked its way down into the family dynamics. So you’re absolutely right about that. This is going to be another whole area of study.
Speaker 1 00:45:30 Yeah. And I think that’s going to be really, um, important work in that area. And I’m wondering, you mentioned that the show, the wisdom of trauma is I feel like I heard about, is this on Netflix or how do you watch this
Speaker 2 00:45:42 Right now? He, they, they, um, you could, for a donation, you could watch it for like a week and then if you want it to be, to get all access. So, you know, Jane, she has to do all access. So if you go, um, if you go on Facebook, um, and there’s probably other ways, but Facebook specifically, and you, you Google, uh, gay Bora Mateo, um, you can, and I will send you the spelling of all that stuff. So you can share that out, but you can look up his work, but he’s, they’re actually posting right now, at least on my feed because they know I’m sort of into this stuff. Uh, some of the clips from this documentary, the wisdom of trauma.
Speaker 1 00:46:23 Excellent. Yeah, I think maybe I started seeing ads for it too. I’m not sure where I, where I saw it, but it’s sounding very familiar. And if folks are definitely looking for, um, you know, one book in particular that comes to mind would be Bessel van der Kolk, Dr. VanDerKolk’s, um, body keeps the score, which is, um, as I usually say, not a light beach read, but a really powerful book about trauma.
Speaker 2 00:46:49 Well, I think, you know, everyone, like you said, everyone has had different experiences in their life that can haunt them for one week. You know, whether we want to call it trauma or not. Um, but I think it’s really important, um, to get some insight into this, because I think it helps you as an adult manage some of your emotions. Uh, but it also then helps you perhaps be more, um, tolerant and patient with other people. And we just sort of years ago, I remember there was this person in my town and every time this person opened their voice, their mouth to talk, there was something about their voice that just bugged me. And, um, and it bothered me that I felt that way, but I couldn’t help it. I was getting this reaction. And one day I got into a deeper conversation and found out this person had a very traumatic, early life, like really tough.
Speaker 2 00:47:42 And all of a sudden I realized that that voice, uh, did not bother me anymore because I had grown more compassionate and understanding. And I’ve often thought about, you know, with all the, uh, disharmony we’re experiencing right now in our current culture. A lot of it is because we don’t take the time to really, I’m going to go back to that saying what happened to you? You know, what happens to people that, that are so angry that they’ll take a gun to work and kill people? What happened to that person that they would beat their child, um, you know, to death or a seriously what caused that behavior? I, I don’t believe someone gets up in the morning and says, I’m gonna beat the crap out of my kid. Something happened that built up that, that, um, that anger and hostility, but it, it, it came from some, it didn’t come in a vacuum. Right.
Speaker 1 00:48:39 Well, thanks for sharing all of that expertise. I’m wondering the two books that you have co-authored, if you’d like to share any details about that and maybe where folks could purchase those, if they were interested in learning more,
Speaker 2 00:48:52 And again, I’ll send you the titles. One is called social, emotional learning in the classroom. And the other one is social, emotional learning at home. I co-opted them with, uh, bill Rebus. And, um, he is the founder and, um, and Dr. Deb Brady and, and, um, uh, land gunshot, uh, gumline is also the person for the social emotional in the home. So I’ll send you the covers and the titles, you can order them online. Uh, castle is, uh, they carry and recommend our books as well. And, um, they are good resources, but we also do, you know, I, again, I, in the spirit of transparency, I’m a consultant for Reba’s associates in publication, and we do a lot of professional development online. And, um, it’s, uh, it’s been my pleasure and privilege to work with a lot of schools and, uh, throughout the state and some actually out of the country. So, you know,
Speaker 1 00:49:54 It’s important work for sure. And that course, you talked about that you put together or are in process of putting together. Is that something that’s available through Reavis as well?
Speaker 2 00:50:03 Yes. Uh, one, uh, I created a couple, uh, one is called the impact of trauma during COVID and then we’ve updated a bit. And then I worked with another colleague. Uh, these are two really relatively new ones, uh, on, um, unconscious implicit and unconscious bias. So it addresses not only things around race, but gender, religion, a special needs, you know, uh, I’ve been in the field long enough to know that, you know, kids with that were, they have special needs for years have been relegated to the corner of the classroom or down to the basement. And many times it’s because someone didn’t give them an opportunity. And, um, I’ll tell you, somebody you would love to have on your show sometime probably is, uh, the woman, the young woman, she was born with down syndrome and she’s created her own cookie company, colitis cookies.
Speaker 1 00:50:53 Oh, I am familiar with that. That would be a great suggestion. Maybe we can reach out
Speaker 2 00:50:58 Fantastic. I actually met her at a conference and because I was so impressed with her, I ended up buying a number of boxes and send them out as gifts, but a, the cookies are delicious, which is absolutely important, but what a great story of resiliency, you know, she’s fat.
Speaker 1 00:51:15 Excellent. Well, thank you so much for sharing that. That was a lot of information. I feel like we could have like three more episodes. We could talk about, um, the implicit bias and unconscious bias as another topic area that, um, I do study and try to help, um, with presentations and because it’s just, it’s important that we recognize that and own it and do better.
Speaker 2 00:51:36 You know, I, I really, I would like to say one thing about the pleasure I have working and knowing you, um, we get to know each other a few years ago, cause you were taking over a position and I believe, um, your colleagues said to meet Jane harden at the conference in Philadelphia. Is that
Speaker 1 00:51:55 Correct? Something along those lines? Yes. Yes. And
Speaker 2 00:51:57 So we, we agreed to meet and we met in the exhibit hall and you said I’ll be wearing a leopard scarf. Well, I knew even though you’re like the age of my daughter, I knew we would be friends because we both love leopard and I immediately loved your personality. And I think I led you astray because I think I told you to skip a couple of sessions and we explored Philadelphia is I recall
Speaker 1 00:52:23 That is, um, that is accurate.
Speaker 2 00:52:26 That’s, that’s how our friendship was formed. And I look forward to many more years of listening to your cat podcast and, uh, seeing how you grow professionally. And it’s been really fun. Absolutely.
Speaker 1 00:52:38 It was definitely love at first leopard print for sure. And, um, I do remember that fondly and I, I love that scarf. And now that scarf is even has more meaning because I met you while I was wearing it. And you’ve been such an important piece, um, of my life and as a mentor and as a friend. So thank you for that.
Speaker 1 00:52:59 Another jam packed conversation with lots of important information buckle up. There are a lot of resources linked in the episode notes, but key takeaways include never stop learning. Keep your body moving your mind. Engaged, spend time with friends, perform acts of service. Don’t be afraid to make a mistake and have a sense of humor. All great reminders for leading a happy, healthy self care filled life. As the fall progresses, we are not done with the COVID-19 pandemic, not by a long shot. In some ways, things are better, but we are still learning and figuring out how to navigate the uncertainty in many ways. So please proceed with grace. You don’t know what is going on in someone’s world. By looking at them, we are all making the best decisions with the information we have to keep ourselves and our loved ones safe. And yes, mental health is just as important as physical health.
Speaker 1 00:54:00 We have to stop perpetuating the idea that they are separate things. This was recently in the spotlight with Simone Biles at the Olympics. I am so proud to see professional athletes like Simone, taking this stance and prioritizing their mental health. Also, if you want to learn more about trauma, trauma, sensitive education, building resilience and how self care plays a factor in that, be sure to check out my workshops and professional development offerings and fill out the request form. If you’d like to see Dr. MC come to your school organization or business. Thanks for listening to this episode. Remember to subscribe and rate this podcast on your preferred player. The ratings help us grow and share the message of self-care. If you have comments, suggestions, or questions, please reach out directly by emailing podcast at Dr. MC self care.com that’s D R M C self care.com. Also come join the cast party at Dr. MCs self care cabaret on Facebook and Instagram at Dr. MC self care, my website, Dr. MC self care.com. Be sure to like subscribe and love me across all my social media platforms for the most up-to-date information on self care. See you next time. Stay well and do good.

As always we love to hear from our listeners! Reach out to podcast@drmcselfcare.com with any questions or topics you’d like to hear about on future episodes.

Additional Resources:
– Kelli LaVita Website
– Dr. MC blog on LaVita Tees
– Dr. MC blog on gratitude

EPISODE TRANSCRIPT:

The second installment in our series with “The Investments” girl squad. She and Dr. MC discuss being overachievers while still needing genuine authentic self-care. Finding time for rest, taking breaks, and trying not to do it all. And most importantly, Sheree dishes out some great advice on dealing with toxic people and to NOT feed the trolls. We also hear about her time onset with Patti Lupone and even self-care when wedding planning!

As always we love to hear from our listeners! Reach out to podcast@drmcselfcare.com with any questions or topics you’d like to hear about on future episodes.

Additional Resources:

• Sheree Marcelle page
• The Whitney Tribute Show in Ptown
• Video of her Aria
• Dr. MC Wedding Blog 
• Link to The Comedian Movie 
• Series of memes by Lainey Molhar

EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

Speaker 0 00:00:27 Welcome to another episode of Dr. MCs self care cabaret podcast. I’m Theresa Melito-Conners a PhD level self care expert in the greater Boston area with a passion for helping others recognize the importance of caring for themselves. Today’s episode is a conversation with my friend, Sherry Dunwell Sheree is an award-winning vocalist originally from Lynn Massachusetts, after earning a BFA in opera performance from Carnegie Mellon university, she returned to new England where she has been performing as a professional vocalist ever since. In 2015, she was named grand champion of WC VBS community auditions hosted by Billy Costa. In 2016, she played a featured singing role in the film, the comedian starring Robert DeNiro, Danny DeVito, and Patti LuPone. I first met Sheree many years ago as we would frequent the same fitness classes. And if you happen to listen to the episode where I interviewed my friend Carina bell tree, and we chatted about our friend group, the Carina dubbed the investments.
Speaker 0 00:01:35 Well, Sherry is a part of that group as well. She is smart, friendly, and talented. I remember seeing a lot of myself and Sherry when we first met. And although we have had different lived experiences, there’s a lot of common ground in our lives and shared interests. Later, we started taking ballroom dancing lessons at a local studio and ended up performing together. And it was a blast. Sherry is one of those friends that no matter how much time has passed, we jumped right back into our friendship seamlessly. I am delighted to have her here with us today and talk about self care.
Speaker 0 00:02:19 So thanks so much for joining us Sheree today here on the Dr. MC self care cabaret podcast.
Speaker 2 00:02:26 I’m so excited. Thanks so
Speaker 3 00:02:28 Much for having me. I’m really excited to be here.
Speaker 0 00:02:31 Yeah. I’m excited to ask you these questions. We’ve got a handful of questions I came up with. We’re going to cover a variety of topics, but first and foremost, as a performer vocalist dancer, and more, how do you like to practice self-care?
Speaker 3 00:02:47 So, you know, I think my answer to that has evolved over time. I have to admit that a decade ago when I was kind of first starting my as a performer, as a singer, I was sort of just always go, go, go, go, go, go, go saying yes to everything feeling like I had to do that in order to kind of stay relevant and stay kind of with it and, you know, constantly be improving. And over time I’ve realized that I was actually probably doing more harm than good in that way. And I think now, you know, I’ve really finally come to see that the best way to practice self care as a performer is to really be selective, to really pick and choose what shows I’m doing, what gigs I’m doing. You know, it’s really been very eye opening to kind of take a step back and do less. So I think that’s kind of like my overall strategy as far as self-care is concerned is actually doing less. If that makes sense that,
Speaker 0 00:03:57 And maybe even saying no, occasionally
Speaker 3 00:04:00 Admittedly and I’m sure people listening to this will probably agree. Sometimes it’s really hard to say no, you know, especially if, you know, for example, I, if I have requests to do gigs, that all seem really great to me, but you know, two are happening in the same day, 10 years ago, I probably would have said, well, that one ends at one. The other one starts at four, so I could probably fit both in, but what I was really doing, even though they were both enjoyable fulfilling gigs for me, I was actually doing myself a disservice because I was exhausted. You know, I was absolutely exhausted and burning myself out. And so it’s become much more of a model of, you know, what I got to say no to this thing. And I’ll say yes to this thing. And if it works out in the future that the universe delivers me another opportunity like that in the future then great. But if not, it’s not meant to me.
Speaker 0 00:04:59 Wow. No, I really liked that. And that’s definitely something I’ve struggled with too in the past with saying yes to everything and not saying no when I should, because, you know, especially, I feel like in the performing arts and as you know, when my listeners know, I do have a strong performing arts background and whatnot, and you know, definitely that hustle of like gig to gig and auditions and whatnot or choreography opportunities was like, yes, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme when, like really that was like the expense of my wellbeing and sanity because you really can’t do all like everything you have to say. No, absolutely. So I think that’s important. And I think it’s really the opposite of what someone might think that a performing artist has to do also. They’re like, well, you have to say, yes, how many gigs do you have that you can say no to some, but really
Speaker 2 00:05:47 You have to, right.
Speaker 3 00:05:49 Yeah. It’s so true. And I think a lot of it has kind of gone hand in hand with me, like kind of figuring out who I am as an artist as well, because I think, you know, if you’d asked me 10 years ago who I was, I don’t think I really knew. And so that was another reason why I was saying yes to so many things, because it was sort of like, well, yeah, I’ll do this RNB gig. And then of course I’ll do this musical theater show. And then yes, I will absolutely do this wedding and oh, absolutely jazz hour shore. And I think it was just like, yes, give me all of the gigs because I can do it all and I want to do it all. And now I’m realizing that even though it’s good to feel like you can do it all, it’s not necessarily good to do it all. Very good, very correct.
Speaker 0 00:06:43 That maybe the episode title not good to do it
Speaker 2 00:06:46 All.
Speaker 0 00:06:49 We’ll see. Maybe we’ll come up with a better one as we work our way through the interview. But that, I liked that with all of that being said in balancing, you know, the performing career and also working full time and balancing relationship and just life in general. Is there anything you have to do to kind of balance everything or is really you’re saying no, kind of how you think?
Speaker 3 00:07:07 Yeah, so honestly my way of balancing has been to really focus on the quiet moments that I do have and actually really, you know, meditation is a huge one and I, I didn’t really always understand what meditation was. And then I want to say maybe five or six years ago, I kind of got into the habit of using meditation as sort of a relaxation technique, uh, because I wouldn’t call myself high-strung, but I would definitely say that I, I get anxiety, right. I, I have a lot of anxiety. Um, I’m in therapy. Therapy is also really good self self-care
Speaker 0 00:07:55 A hundred percent. I feel like we’re promoting therapy in like every episode, because I see I work with a therapist and many of my guests have also I’ve disclosed that information. Yes. A hundred percent. And it has
Speaker 3 00:08:06 Been so helpful, but yes, meditation, but also moving. And also that I think I’ve come to learn as I’ve gotten older and wiser is that you don’t have to burn your body out to, to get a meaningful workout, to get a meaningful session where you’re burning calories. I, to kind of, I’ll dig a little into this a tiny bit, but to, to kind of reveal a little bit about me, I was recently sort of diagnosed as hypothyroid. So I have hypothyroidism, um, technically I’m sort of, kind of in the subclinical stage, but one of the things that I researched and realized was that all of this go, go, go, go go was actually really bad for me as somebody with hypothyroidism. So I had to really learn how to not go all the time. And that included, that includes working out. It includes not always having to go like full force into your workout, sprinting and lifting as heavy as you can lift. And those are all wonderful things, right. But I think I’ve realized now that the yoga is really beneficial. The Pilates is really beneficial, nice. Even keeled walks are beneficial, even a five minute dance parties beneficial.
Speaker 2 00:09:33 It doesn’t have to be these epic things. Oh
Speaker 3 00:09:36 It doesn’t. And it’s so funny because, and I hope more people who hear this can relate, but I’m an overachiever. Right. And I think there are, I’m sure there are a lot more people out there who would agree that they are also overachievers and overachievers have this tendency to feel like they’ve got to be perfect at everything, but also go one step further with everything that they do. And they never kind of do something because they just want to try it. It’s like I took one dance lesson and now I want to take all of the dance lessons and do a competition. And now I’m going to do another competition and I don’t just go lift weights. I want to do a strong man competition. You know? So it’s sort of like why he never
Speaker 0 00:10:26 Just dabble. It has to be like epic
Speaker 3 00:10:30 Thing. And I think my, my ultimately my act of self care over the years has become juggling the things that are important. Right. I need the day job. I want to be able to do my gigs. I want to be a performer and a singer and an artist and a friend and a family member and all of these things, but really understanding that when it comes to your self care, you don’t always have to be going full force into everything in your life. You can take a breather and taking that breather has been so beneficial to me, particularly of late. I love that.
Speaker 0 00:11:10 And you know, it’s okay to try something and not like it and
Speaker 2 00:11:14 Stop like that’s okay.
Speaker 0 00:11:20 But we don’t tend to do that though, because like you said, like we get stuck and we’re like, oh, we got to go like crazy now and do everything,
Speaker 3 00:11:27 Everything we, and, and I, I’m not trying to single out women, but I know women in particular, I feel like they just always want to be such rock stars and prove themselves because this is just sort of how it is, you know, especially in the workplace. You know, I know that like, as, as a female in corporate America, you, you kind of have to feel like you have to do a little bit extra to of prove yourself. And so I think it’s kind of like ingrained in, in women in particular to always be the best at everything that they’re doing. And I think that it ends up doing more damage than good sometimes, you know, if we don’t allow ourselves to just pause and focus on ourselves for a minute, you know? Yeah.
Speaker 0 00:12:16 You mentioned, um, meditation, and that is one of my favorite self-care practices. And folks are really hesitant to start that. I don’t think they really understand it. There’s a lot of myths around meditation. You got to sit there, you know, in the pose and 45 minutes, think of nothing. It’s like, well, no, that’s actually not what meditation is, but so a little bit maybe about how you got started, do you do short meditations guided meditations? Like what do you like?
Speaker 3 00:12:40 Yeah. So I actually do short meditation. Sometimes I find little guided meditations on YouTube.
Speaker 2 00:12:46 It’s awesome.
Speaker 3 00:12:49 Um, so for me, it really kind of stemmed from a period of time, about five or six years ago, where I was really struggling mentally, I was going through a really difficult situation and I w I didn’t really know how to cope with it. And I was in therapy, but it just wasn’t enough. Right. It wasn’t enough at the time. And so I started to do a little research on meditation. It seemed overwhelming, but I read something that really clicked with me. And it was even if it’s 15 seconds to start, it’s something absolutely good. So I started by doing, just like trying to do like 60 seconds, you know, in the morning when I wake up, like before I even get out of bed, just kind of like 60 seconds where I don’t have to rush and get ready and get in the car and get in traffic and go to work and do this and that, and this and that. I just wanted 60 seconds where my eyes were open and I just laid there and did nothing and just breathe for 60 seconds. And I found that it was starting my days off so much better, and so much more grounded doing that. And can you imagine what, just one minute we’ll do, right.
Speaker 2 00:14:11 No, I love this. So,
Speaker 3 00:14:14 I mean, now it’s kind of evolved and now it just depends on the day. Sometimes I’m like, you know what? I just want to pause for 60 seconds. Sometimes I will actually do something even more deliberate where I sit down on my yoga mat and I will go for like 15 to 20 minutes, frankly. I’m not one of those people that can sit on a mat for 30 minutes and meditate. I can’t do that.
Speaker 0 00:14:40 And you don’t have to, to feel the benefits. So, yeah. Oh exactly.
Speaker 3 00:14:44 It’s like one minute truly is, is enough for me on most days, but it really does just help you kind of like clear the mind and just get grounded before everything else in life just starts coming at you, you know?
Speaker 0 00:14:58 And that’s important. And I’m always saying to my sessions, like, listen, like two, three minutes, if that’s all you have, I’m going to change it though. Cause Sherry, you know, it’d be like, listen, one minute I have a friend who does one minute and that’s how she got started and feels benefits. So that’s even better. But I love it because we get like, it’s like, oh, well, if I don’t have, you know, two hours to do this thing and why even bother, but can’t go crazy, whatever it’s like, no, no, a five minute dance party, one minute meditation, a quick walk, like something like, just get, take that pause and let yourself kind of come back down to the ground. Be grafted. Yeah. Very powerful. Really helpful. That’s awesome. So I want to talk about something a little. Um, I think this is fun. So my listeners may or may not know this, but back in like 2007 ish, I was working regularly on various films in Boston music, videos and commercials. I mean, as an extra, um, I did get, you know, some SIG points, some screen actors, Guild points, and definitely got some, um, some screen time. But my friend Sherry here was actually in a movie back a couple of years ago and in a pretty exciting part. So I’d like to hear more about that and with two of my favorite actors of all time, so share
Speaker 2 00:16:15 More about that. Oh yeah.
Speaker 3 00:16:18 It was wild and bizarre and amazing and wonderful whirlwind of an experience. And I still can’t even believe that it happened, honestly, it’s just sort of weird how it all kind of came together. But, um, basically for all of you listeners out there, I was in a film called the comedian with, um, Robert and Danny DeVito. We filmed it in early 2016 and it was released in, I think, March or April of 2017. Um, and basically, I dunno, should I get into the story of kind of like how it happened and
Speaker 0 00:16:58 Yeah, it wasn’t is Patti LuPone in it also. Yes. I love her.
Speaker 3 00:17:06 Oh, so, okay. So I’ll first tell the story about like how this ended up happening. And then I’ll tell you a little bit about like my experience like onset. So we I’m in a band we’re called the free downloads. We do mostly private functions and weddings and all kinds of fun stuff around the new England region. And one day there was a casting notice that was sent to our band leader of film that was looking for a live band to play in the movie during a scene. Um, we thought it was just like local Boston, you know, like I thought it might’ve come from Boston casting, but it, um, so we thought it was maybe going to be like a student film, something like that. Or it was, you know, we were like, debating, do we do this? Do we not? And we kind of just said, you know what?
Speaker 3 00:18:02 We’ve got nothing else to do. Why not? Let’s just go for it. So we responded to the casting notice and we get an email back from the director’s assistant and she says, the director really likes your band. And I think we’d like to hire you guys we’re filming in New York. And I was like, okay, we’re filming in New York. What, and the director Taylor Hackford, um, would love for you guys to come out and film with us. Um, basically in a week I did a little Google poo of Taylor and start to see like, you know, um, re with Jamie Fox, he directed and I’m like looking at his film filmography and I’m like, okay, this guy’s like the real deal. So then I Google Taylor Hackford, next movie. And there, it says the comedian with Robert DeNiro and I, so I called my band leader, George, my buddy, he’s my friend George.
Speaker 3 00:19:12 And I said, George, I think this is a Robert DeNiro movie. And he’s like, no way, that’s not going to happen. This is like probably a student film. I, it’s not a Robert DeNiro movie. Sure enough, the next day we get all the information we show. We drive to set a couple of days later in New York. We’re in like Brooklyn, I believe. And we walk on set and who’s there, but Robert DeNiro, Danny DeVito, Patti LuPone. And I was like, we, so we literally had no idea what we were even filming. We just knew we had to learn two or three songs we showed up and we just had no idea until we actually got there, what was going on. And so basically we filmed for about 36 hours, straight 48 hours ish. And we performed the same two songs each about like a hundred times, but it was such a great experience. And I have to say, Danny DeVito is the best. He’s wonderful. So friendly. He came up on the band stand and was like chatting with us and being really wonderfully nice and Patti LuPone. So the moment of my life moment of my life was when Patty LuPone came up to me and said, you have an incredible voice.
Speaker 0 00:20:38 I would have been like, can I have that in writing? I like almost those, I don’t even know if there’s a, like a better compliment truthfully. Like that’s amazing.
Speaker 3 00:20:50 I was like, my life could end right now and I’d be,
Speaker 0 00:20:55 Oh, seriously, that’s, that’s so much fun. Oh yeah.
Speaker 3 00:20:59 So fast forward a year later, we got to go to the sort of like, um, crew premiere in New York with all the cast and the director and everybody, it was a lot of fun and the movie came out and, you know, it’s been kind of fun to just have that as a wonderful memory, have it on my resume and to be able to say that Robert DeNiro and Danny DeVito and Patty LuPone heard me sing. So it was pretty cool.
Speaker 0 00:21:28 That is very, very cool. And, um, it’s, it’s kind of wild working on a movie set. Like I didn’t, I, Patti LuPone never told me I had a good voice, but I definitely had some fun on the movie sense. And, um, it is kind of a wild world like that, that pace of those looks like epic shoots. And I mean, you’ve got, you have timelines and it’s really, you kind of have to see it to believe how, what all goes into it, but, um, it’s a lot of fun. So that’s, that
Speaker 2 00:21:55 Is so cool. So along
Speaker 0 00:21:59 A completely different vein. And I feel like, um, you know, self care for brides could be a whole section of the self care cabaret, but I’m wondering you have a wedding coming up recently engaged, which is very exciting. So I’m wondering if you started wedding planning yet and what that process has looked like and how are you taking care of yourself through that process?
Speaker 3 00:22:22 Yes. So it’s interesting that you asked this question because I have been wedding planning. This is true. We have set a date. It’s going to be early next year, April of next year, we’ve got the location, we’ve got the caterer now at this point. And I think one of the biggest things, and one of the things that I talked to Matt, my fiance about was I really don’t want us to be stressed. I really don’t want us to stress out about budget, about logistics, about details. I just want this to be kind of fun and relaxed. And I just want it to be a time where family can get together after a really challenging time and just have some fun. And so one of the ways that I’ve been kind of making sure of that is I’m not tied to the wedding apps. I’m not tied to like constantly doing things for the wedding. I sort of like pretty much in, and I don’t know, maybe some folks might call me a bad bride, but I’ve just been kind of
Speaker 0 00:23:31 Better than a bride Zilla though. I think,
Speaker 3 00:23:34 You know what, I guess I’m like, that is my goal. I want to be like the cause I just like, it doesn’t, it matters. Right. But it doesn’t matter that much. And so, you know, I’ve really been just trying to focus on things like once a month. And so I pretty much like set aside like one Sunday, every month to just check in to make sure, okay, do I need to be making progress on something at this point? And if not, then let’s not worry about it. So it’s been kind of like interesting because especially as a wedding singer and someone who’s been, I think I’ve performed over 200 weddings at this point. So you’ve
Speaker 2 00:24:14 Seen a lot, that’s a lot,
Speaker 3 00:24:17 Which I have to admit is also helpful, right. Because it’s like, oh, I remember when this bride did, you know, instead of a cake cutting ceremony, they had a pinata shaped like a take, you remember cue details like that. And it’s, it’s, it makes it a lot easier. But for me, I just didn’t want to, I didn’t want to be consumed by this. Right. Like I just, I think it’s so important to not be consumed by things in your life. Cause I used to have a habit of doing that. Um, I used to have a habit of just like, like I said, you know, going from taking a dance lesson to standing up for a competition, you know, and like, how do I stop doing that in my life? And with the wedding, I really wanted to make sure that I was not kind of putting too much stress on myself. And so, so far it’s been working out, I’ve got like a few details, locked down and you know, the months are going to tick by and who knows what will happen six months from now. But for now that’s been, my philosophy is just only focused on what I have to for now and then kind of go from there.
Speaker 0 00:25:28 I think that’s awesome. And I think it’s important to remember, like keep it all into perspective. Like what are the, what’s the important thing about that day that you have fun and that you and Matt are there together and take the step to live the rest of your life happily ever after. I mean, that’s really the outcome, the main, the main point of the event and people get so wrapped up in, you know, spending tens of thousands of dollars, even more, you know what, the average wedding, I know, six years ago when I got married was like 50,000. It was like, that’s not real.
Speaker 3 00:26:03 And it’s like, I think that you can make the day memorable and full of love and not put yourself out financially. And Hey, you know, if you have that kind of money to spend all the power to you. Oh absolutely. I know. I don’t
Speaker 2 00:26:20 Either for sure prioritize
Speaker 0 00:26:23 What was important. And there were certain aspects that like, okay, we were willing to splurge here, but cut back here. So we, you know, we had that negotiation and what was like going to be the important pieces of it. But at the end of the day, what was important was that we had a lot of fun and then we got married and we achieved both of those things and so much more, but we did not, um, necessarily because we did a lot of DIY, um, we didn’t necessarily, you know, rack up that ridiculous, um, bill that people tend to tend to do. Yeah,
Speaker 3 00:26:56 I know. So, I mean, I’ve seen pictures of your wedding and it was, I could just tell you guys had an absolute blast at every turn. And I think I even recently saw a video of the music and it was just like such a lively, wonderful personal event. Like I could tell that it was just really personal to you guys. And
Speaker 0 00:27:21 I was like, when it’s personal to you. Yeah. Well for our listeners that don’t know, and I can share the recent blog posts, um, TDF in New York actually recently wrote a story about it, um, on their blog. And it was, uh, because what my husband and I did with our PR both of us having a performing arts background, him being a musician, um, we actually wrote a wedding ceremony and it was like a little musical theater performance. So we got married in, uh, on a stage in a theater. And, um, actually the first theater I ever performed in, which was very, very special venue. And like, yes, every moment, every word was crafted with love and lots of intent. And my bridal party had to perform and some of them are performers. Some of them were not performers. And, um, my cousin still mentions the fact that I made her play a Viber slap, or Jeff actually made her play a Viber slap during the ceremony, but you know what, everybody stepped up to the plate.
Speaker 0 00:28:17 They still talk to me afterwards. So that’s good because it wasn’t, um, I was not a bride Zilla, but we definitely had some, um, you know, we had a rehearse. We had, uh, we were not like a, a band at all by any stretch. Although we did get offered a Saturday night gig at a dive bar in Lynn, um, after we were doing some open mics, but we didn’t take them up on that, but we did. Um, it was a lot of fun, but it was, we, we heard us, we performed together. It was, it was actually, it was very cool. But, um, so that’s exciting. I look forward to seeing the details and what you come up with and I’m sure it will be lovely and very special. Yeah.
Speaker 3 00:28:54 That’s, that’s the goal. I just like, if I can have a, a day that is, is as personal and special as the day you guys had, I feel like that would be an absolute win. So,
Speaker 0 00:29:07 Well, thank you. I, and I’m sure you will have that. And I also think what you said about, you know, staying off of those bride blogs and social media pages. Oh gosh. They’re constantly just pushing, pushing, spend, spend diet, do this, do that, like destination this and rules for that. And, oh my God, it’s horrendous. So like that’s a lot of noise. So like even beyond just, you know, for brides, maybe planning, but just in general, if your social media messaging is not making you feel good, delete unfollow, unsubscribe, give you a big amen to that.
Speaker 3 00:29:46 I mean, over, I think over the years I have slowed down my like consumption of social media for specifically that reason. And it’s funny because I found myself in a, like in a moment actually yesterday where I saw this really wonderful, um, sort of viral series of means going around where it was sort of like talking about women and successful women and how a woman who on her wedding day is just as successful as a woman. Who’s eating pizza, drinking a glass of wine alone at home, and a woman who becomes a doctor is just as successful and wonderful as a woman who’s at home with her child. Oh, I think
Speaker 0 00:30:34 I’ve seen this collection of images that you’re referring to. Yes.
Speaker 3 00:30:38 And there’s one particular little selection that compares a woman who’s twig, then athletic build and somebody who’s who you would consider a plus size and saying, all women are healthy. And I don’t know why I did this to myself, but I decided to go into the comments to kind of dig and see what people were saying. No was just that raw. See, this is why everyone at home don’t do it to yourself. Don’t read the comments because I started reading the comments and, and it was people saying, I don’t understand why we’re continuing to think that being obese is okay. And being overweight is okay. And for, for everyone, who’s sitting at home who doesn’t know me, I am a thick girl. I’ve been a plus size girl, my entire life. So I was reading these comments and thinking to myself, what the heck do these people know? You know? And I started like typing up this like terrain of, uh, like you guys don’t even know, I I’m, I’m overweight and I I’ve run eight marathons and I can bench, press and squat, and I can probably outrun you. So what, what do you think is the definition of healthy? Right? And then I just realized that by engaging, I was just going to hurt or harm myself really at the end, don’t feed the trolls, don’t feed the trolls, you know, the don’t feed the plant.
Speaker 3 00:32:20 I’m going to have to do like a little spoof of that and do don’t feed the trolls.
Speaker 0 00:32:27 Excellent. Oh, it’s awful though. No, definitely. Don’t read the comments and, and that’s too bad too, because the, the idea behind those images is like really important and like makes you want to stand up and salute, and then you got like
Speaker 2 00:32:41 People that are just nonsense. Yeah. So
Speaker 0 00:32:44 That’s too bad. I’m sorry. You got sucked into that.
Speaker 3 00:32:48 Well, moral of the story is that, you know, just do yourself a favor and just don’t engage. It’s it’s not worth it because at the end of the day, what you choose to engage in is only going to affect your wellbeing, your heart rate, your cortisol levels, really. And do you want to be taking in that poison, right?
Speaker 0 00:33:15 Right. No. It’s like the quote, um, holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
Speaker 3 00:33:24 Exactly. Yes. That was the exact quote I was thinking of like really? And you can’t do that. You just can’t, it’s not healthy for you. Yeah, no,
Speaker 0 00:33:33 Also I’ve just decided since, um, we did come up with don’t feed the trolls and now there’s going to be a theme song to go with it. We’re changing. The episode title is now going to be don’t feed the troll.
Speaker 2 00:33:44 Awesome. Oh my goodness. It
Speaker 0 00:33:47 Was good advice. We were giving really good advice here today. Um, so my last question for you, and I know I may not be Patti LuPone. However, I do also believe and stand by her comment that you are hands down. One of the most talented vocalists I have ever had the pleasure of listening to. I have seen Sheree out after a night of performing dancing, we were dancing in a show together. We went out to a local watering hole and we’re dancing, continuing to dance and be goofy at the, at the place. And I don’t even know what happened. Next thing I know she just had the microphone and she’s up on the stage, belting out, respect by Aretha Franklin. I was just like, oh my God. And that wasn’t even the first time. I think that was the first time I heard you live.
Speaker 0 00:34:36 Cause I did see some of your performances when you were on, um, community auditions. Is that the name of the show when you won, excuse me, when you won community auditions and um, even recently you had a video posted, um, it was alive, you were performing somewhere and someone asked you to do an Italian aria that you hadn’t sung in like a long time. And listen to, as she pulled this, like right out of her tail and killed it, I actually saved the video. Like sent it to my mom. I was like, this is my friend Sherry. Like you have to hear her sing. Cause it’s, it’s unreal. So anyway, so with that, so again, I know I’m not Patti LuPone, but I got to lay the stage. So, you know, I would say humble beginnings in the Lynn public schools, right. Then you actually went off to Carnegie Mellon, which is a very prestigious college, of course. And so what would you give to advice? What would like be one piece of advice maybe to someone looking to embark on a career in the arts and someone else that wanted to do what you do?
Speaker 3 00:35:36 Okay. So I have two pieces of advice and they’re very important. There are pieces of advice that I wish I had known when I was younger. The first is don’t put yourself in a box. You’re kidding, absolutely. Be passionate about one style of art and that’s okay. And if that’s what you want to do, then go for it. But if you’re like me and you find yourself studying classical singing, for example, what really want to do other things, but feel like maybe you won’t be good enough. Don’t let that mindset set in and just go for it. Because I think one of the biggest, biggest things that young performing artists are not taught today is how to adapt and how to be hireable. And when, when you’re a performer, you’re, you’re, you’re relying on people to hire you to perform. Right. You know, for the most part, I mean, we’re, we’re in an age now where people are really creating wonderful digital social platforms for themselves, right?
Speaker 3 00:36:50 So there’s that. But ultimately if you want to be a live performer, you have to rely on people to hire you. And you, you want, if you want a career, there’s nothing wrong with kind of going outside of what, maybe the path that you originally thought you were going to be doing. I thought I was going to be an opera singer. And then I realized that I wasn’t quite cutting it there and had to kind of figure out, well now what do I do? And I wasn’t sure. And by chance someone hired me in an emergency and I know I wasn’t any good, but they hired me anyway. And I did this wedding and I sang Alicia keys and it surprised me truly that I could do it. And so it kind of forced me into this other direction that ultimately has helped me to realize how much I love just performing in general. And so my biggest piece of advice is do not stick yourself in a box if you don’t want to be in that box, if you want to be in that box, that’s a whole other story. But if you don’t want to be in a box and you want to have a diverse varied career, it’s okay to step outside of that box and do other styles. My other piece of advice is, do not ever listen to anyone who tells you that you cannot.
Speaker 0 00:38:22 I think both of these pieces of advice are transferable to other careers and paths in life in general. So tell me more about that one.
Speaker 3 00:38:30 So, you know, I went to Carnegie Mellon and it was a wonderful, and I, I really, and truly feel very grateful and privileged that I have the opportunity to go there. Um, you know, I looking back on it, I really I’m surprised I got in, frankly, don’t tell anyone. I said that, just kidding. We’re on a podcast. I’m surprised I got in. Um, but I did. Okay. And I wasn’t the best in my class. And I think I always knew that, but I had some teachers who told me that, who told me that I would never be a performer. They told me too, that I should maybe leave the, the, the voice program and just study musicology, become a librarian or a musicologist, or, you know, they, he told me I would never be a performer. And I know that I believe them. Okay. I believe them.
Speaker 3 00:39:34 And it certainly took a toll on my confidence as a performer, which is evidenced by the fact that inevitably I went on to graduate and I applied for grad school and I got callbacks based on my, uh, pre-screening CDs. I got callbacks at all of these wonderful schools, like Juilliard and more Western and B U. But when I got to these auditions in person, I was a ball of nerves. And I kept hearing this voice in my head that said, you’re not good enough. You’re not good enough. You’re not good enough. Huh? Bombed all of my auditions. And I didn’t get into grad school now looking back, you know, 15 years later, I CA I think at this, yeah. Oh my God. More. Yeah.
Speaker 3 00:40:25 I think back now and watching videos and listening to CDs of young Sheree, I’ve written, it wasn’t that bad. Like I listen now with a compassionate ear and I realized that it really wasn’t that bad. And I wished that I hadn’t listened to those teachers. I wish I hadn’t listened to them because I, you know, I think we all end up where we’re supposed to be. And I do believe that I’m where I’m supposed to be right now. But I do think that, you know, how would I maybe turn my ears off to the naysayers a little bit more. I might have grown into my confidence a lot sooner. So my second piece of advice therefore, is really do your best. Not to let people convince you that you’re not good enough because you are. And even if you aren’t right now, you will be with work, you know, absolutely bottom line.
Speaker 0 00:41:32 I think that goes back a little bit to don’t feed the trolls, like those, those negative voices. And we have, I mean, I have negative voices in my head too. I mean, I think everybody does. I mean, I’ve met anybody yet who tells me they don’t have any negative voices ever. I think they’d be lying, but you know, it’s do you feed it? Do you feed that? Like, what is it that you give your energy to? And that’s really too bad. I actually didn’t, I didn’t know that, um, I’m sorry that you experienced that, um, they should have talked to Patty LuPone. We should have got Patty earlier
Speaker 2 00:42:05 On the bandwagon. We should’ve got her on the bandwagon much sooner,
Speaker 3 00:42:10 Actually. You know, what would be good to mention, um, is one of the biggest acts of self care that I, I think I’ve come into most recently is realizing when a job is not a right fit big one, because I, I was working in, um, an advertising agency for a few years and it it’s very high pressure, um, you know, always kind of going and it just wasn’t, it wasn’t feeling right to me. And over the course of three years, I had gained 60 pounds. I was developing some really bad health issues, including the hypothyroidism that I was talking about. Um, and so it just was becoming clearer to me that I was really just kind of slowly killing myself. Um, honestly, so I, I went to my employer and basically asked, you know, for a bit of a break for my health and they, they agreed to it.
Speaker 3 00:43:16 And during that break, I finally had the Headspace and the time to realize like what I had been putting my body through and that I started feeling a lot healthier. My, I did a follow-up with my doctor and things were improving. I was working out again and eating better and focusing on, you know, really healing. And I realized that I just, if I went back that I would be doing myself a disservice. So ultimately I decided to just take the plunge and not return and kind of drive the music thing full-time to see how that goes. But ultimately what I realized is that there’s no amount of stress at a job that I think, you know, a salary can compensate for oh, a hundred percent. And no, even though I think, you know, I was financially more comfortable than I might be moving forward for now. I do think that sometimes your health is just not worth it. Right. You really can’t put a price tag on wellbeing. Your health is not a currency. So
Speaker 0 00:44:30 Another good, another good saying here it’s full of them. Your health is not a currency. My goodness. That’s awesome. Oh, and it’s true though. We do, we get stuck in this, and of course we’re motivated by financial reasons, of course. And we’ll always stay in positions sometimes that are just really toxic and just not good for our health. And then, you know, we end up and he had those tragic stories where people, you know, work their whole lives to retire and work multiple jobs. And then they, you know, after retirement, they, something terrible happens. They end up not getting to enjoy it at all, either with the health diagnosis or even, you know, death, whatever, like not, um, getting to really reap the rewards of working so hard for all those years. So that’s, that’s a powerful, a powerful lesson. Yeah.
Speaker 3 00:45:18 And it’s a risk it’s right. Like there’s nothing guaranteed. And sometimes I wake up and I’m like, I don’t know what I’m going to do. But one thing I do know is I’ve never felt better. And that to me is just the, the biggest indicator that I’m, I’m on the right track. Yeah.
Speaker 0 00:45:37 Because you can’t put a price tag on that. Well, thank you for sharing that. I do appreciate that. So I’m wondering though, where can we find you? I want my listeners to hear you and follow you. You’ve been doing so many awesome things and performing virtual concerts. And so what, what do we got going on and where can we find you?
Speaker 3 00:45:55 Well, I got lots going on and currently I’m doing a run out in P-town, I’m doing a Whitney tribute show. That’s underway P town. So
Speaker 0 00:46:04 You get a double bonus, you get Sheree and the fun of P town. Very cool.
Speaker 3 00:46:08 Yeah. And you can’t lose
Speaker 0 00:46:10 Sharia in case we have anybody listening. Who’s not from the Massachusetts area. Will you tell us what P town is?
Speaker 3 00:46:16 Yeah. So P-town is short for province town, which is pretty much the Tivity Tivity Tivity tip of the tape. So if you’ve ever been to the Cape here in Massachusetts, Provincetown is pretty much as beautiful as it gets, um, out, out on the Cape. And it’s been a lot of fun to be able to perform there and, and have a residency there. So that’s
Speaker 0 00:46:39 Awesome. And are you still doing your virtual concerts at all or so
Speaker 3 00:46:44 It’s funny, you mentioned that because I was, I was basically doing a virtual performance residency through tin pan alley, which is in P-town. Um, and that stopped now that they’re doing the shows actually live and in person. But I do think that I am going to continue to do some virtual shows via my Facebook music page, which is Sheree, Marcel. Um, so I will still continue to do those when I can on Friday evening. So feel free to kind of give my page a, like, if you’re out there and feel like checking me out on Facebook, um, I will definitely post when I, when I next do a virtual show. So
Speaker 0 00:47:23 Great. And we’ll be sure to link to that too. So folks can find you easily and follow along. And, um, is that what that video is of you singing that Arias that level?
Speaker 3 00:47:34 Yes, I did. So you’ll be able to see it there. Perfect.
Speaker 0 00:47:37 Well, thank you so much for joining us here today. That was a wonderful to chat with you and even learn more about you and your background. And, um, thanks again. Thank
Speaker 3 00:47:47 You for having me. It’s such a delight.
Speaker 0 00:49:09 Wow. That was such a great convo. Sherry highlights an important aspect of how we tend to start taking care of ourselves. As we age, all of a sudden self care becomes a priority. This was also consistent with my dissertation study research findings as well. I find it fascinating. How do we shift and tell those younger than us to prioritize their health in their youth? It’s not something that you wait to do. It sounds like a great topic for a future podcast episode. Shari also reminds us that it’s okay to do less, to breathe and to say no. And if all you have is one minute to meditate, do it, take that brief pause. You will experience benefits, and it is so essential to protect your sensitivities and your energy. Don’t absorb all the toxicity around us on the news in the media, in the comments sections of things you read online, don’t feed the trolls.
Speaker 0 00:50:08 Lastly, Sherry’s advice is spot on. Don’t put yourself in a box and don’t listen to those who tell you, you can’t do something you want to do. Be sure to check out the episode notes for links to resources, including Sheree’s social media and website. So you can stay up to date for any upcoming shows she has. And thanks for listening to this episode. Remember to subscribe and rate this podcast on your preferred player. The ratings help us grow and share the message of self-care. If you have comments, suggestions, or questions, please reach out directly by emailing podcast at Dr. MC self care.com that’s D R M C self care.com and come join the cast party at Dr. MCs self care cabaret on Facebook and Instagram at D R M C self care, or my website, DRM Z self care.com. Be sure to like subscribe and love me across all my social media platforms for the most up-to-date information on self care. See you next time. Stay well and do good.

These two dynamic Dr.’s were in the same cohort for their doctoral studies and have been fast friends ever since. Their conversation discusses the critical need for self-care in all areas of life (even when planning a wedding). Movement breaks, hydration, and most importantly, the Power of saying No to toxic people are several tools discussed in this episode.

As always we love to hear from our listeners! Reach out to podcast@drmcselfcare.com with any questions or topics you’d like to hear about on future episodes.

• Additional Resources:
  Mindful Self-Care for Earlier Schooling: How Self-Care May Help Students Have the Emotional Competencies to Face Transitions at Younger Age
• Strategies and Methods for Implementing Trauma-Informed Pedagogy
• Exploring the Role of the School Principal in Predominantly White Middle Schools: School Leadership to Promote Multicultural Understanding (Routledge Research in Educational Leadership)
• Dr. MC’s Wedding Blog Post

EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

Speaker 0 00:00:25 Welcome to another podcast episode of Dr. MCs self care cavalry. I’m Theresa Melito-Conners, a PhD level self-care expert in the greater Boston area with a passion for helping others find their spotlight and recognize the importance of caring for themselves. Today’s episode is a conversation with my PhD partner in crime, Dr. Jackie Bowman, Jackie and I embarked on the PhD journey in 2016 together and developed an unstoppable bond. We supported each other through the dissertation process, which can be quite challenging to navigate, but having each other definitely helped us both. We managed to finish and successfully defend our dissertations during the summer of 2019, since then it has been nonstop for us. We have coauthored one published chapter in an educational handbook and another one in the editing phase. But Jackie has been up to a lot on her own as well. Dr. Jackie Bowman is an assistant professor of elementary and early childhood education at Bridgewater state university.
Speaker 0 00:01:33 She is a former elementary school teacher who uses her past experience in the field to contextualize her instruction in teacher preparation, Dr. Bowman’s research specialization is in multicultural education and anti-racist pedagogy. She is the author of the book exploring the role of the school principal in predominantly white middle schools, school leadership to promote multicultural understanding. She teaches a math methods course to elementary teacher candidates at Bridgewater state. She integrates her knowledge of project based place based education to her multidisciplinary approach, to fostering conceptual understanding of mathematics. She also teaches a course titled deconstructing racism, yourself, your world, your schools, in which students explore their unconscious biases and how these impact the world around them contributing to systemic racism like modern day racial segregation of public education. Her largest passion is authentically connecting academics with social justice. I am honored to call Jackie my friend and call me
Speaker 1 00:02:54 Jackie. Thanks so much for joining us today on the Dr. MC self care cabaret podcast. I’m delighted to chat with you. And so let’s get started. Question one, will you tell us a little bit about your doctoral research and why you chose that topic
Speaker 2 00:03:12 Gladly? Well, it’s a pleasure to be here and getting to talk about my doctoral research is a great way to start because that’s how we met Dr. MC proud alumni of Lesley university. And I mean, I have to say, I really wouldn’t have gotten through the program without your support, your camaraderie team, a hundred percent. You supported me in the topic that I chose and you really pulled out the fact that my topic had value and I could really vent anything and everything to you about it, even if it was like, does this wording make sense? Is this a controversial way to present this? Because my topic within itself can have some little sticky areas, especially as a white person trying to navigate something that I was having my own journey on. So my dissertation research was on the role that principals play, supporting white teachers, teaching race and multiculturalism to white students in rural schools.
Speaker 2 00:04:22 And I chose this topic because that’s what I was living day in and day out. I was a white fifth grade teacher in a rural, predominantly white elementary school. And I really did feel unsupported by administration when I was trying to authentically integrate an emphasis on race in my teaching. So when I sought out support, there really wasn’t literature available or resources for this all white situation that I was in. So I saw this gap in the literature, which is kind of like in PhD terms, that’s like your gold. You really need to find that gap. That’s your, you’re striving to fill that gap. And so I chose that as my topic and pursued it. The process was a trying one, but I had my team player throughout it. And, uh, you know, we finished
Speaker 1 00:05:15 Drying process, but yet you also supported me though as well. But please go back to talking about your job.
Speaker 2 00:05:24 Well, then the topic itself, you know, was one that there was a need for, and after I put that together, I got it published in principal magazine because this is a topic that people are hungry for. And after that, I put together a proposal which was approved to publish a book on it. And the book was published through Rutledge. And what’s unique about the book is yes, it’s based on my dissertation, which is all fine and great, but I really noticed that it was a bit a band-aid approach. And when I say a band-aid approach, I’m referring to the fact that we’re talking about how can white teachers do better with teaching white students? Well, that right there, an all white dynamic, if a population in a school is an issue and my research about like, how can we do better with that? Wasn’t addressing the fact that the situation was presenting itself in the first place, right? So I then implemented what we call critical race theory, which is basically seeing race and everything. And what I did was I looked at my study and said, you know, there’s a lot principals can do to support white teachers or white students. But what we really have to be looking at is we shouldn’t have white teachers only teaching white students, that’s racial segregation in schools. So it needs to be a more of a systemic change, which then boils down to economics, housing, et cetera, which is a much larger issue that needs to be addressed.
Speaker 1 00:06:57 Sure, no, it’s fascinating. Cause your topic was very timely. And as we know, my dissertation topic was self-care and renewal for leaders and teachers, which of course I’ve talked about before, but that was also became an incredibly timely topic. As we then shortly after both of us, defended world changed a bit with the COVID pandemic and we had to, I mean, self care and renewal is now, I mean more critical than ever. It was always critical, but even now teachers are really, and people in general are really feeling the impacts of the COVID-19 pandemic. So I love that. Yes, we definitely did. Did support ourselves each other through that, um, journey for sure. So now we’re going to go back to self care just a bit, and I’d like you to tell me how you like to practice self-care
Speaker 2 00:07:50 Well on the PhD journey that wasn’t easy. And so I really had to take some time to get to know myself and what’s going to work for me with a crazy busy schedule. I was teaching full-time. I was, you know, trying to balance a PhD in the background, not to mention I was keeping it under wraps out of fear of not being able to maintain employment, because if they knew I was getting a PhD, then I might lose my position because I then qualified for more pay. So I just kept it on the down wall just because I liked where I was and I wanted to kind of finish up the program with a job. Um, so that process was, was a really interesting one within itself and it was taxing emotionally. So I really had to find ways to decompress. Um, during the PhD, I started doing some Tai Chi, which then I also taught my students and we did that to decompress after we had lunch and recess because I had to get them grounded, turn off the lights, we add calming music.
Speaker 2 00:08:54 And we did some Tai for about 10 minutes. So that was a really great outlet, um, that has actually transcended into some yoga practice that I do now. And my husband and I do yoga after work every single day, which is amazing. Like just take 10 minute classes. They’re awesome. Spite them online for free and do just 10 minutes sitting at the computer. It like just releases all the pressure in your shoulders and it gets you slow down because during the Workday, I’m just go, go, go. And that was during my PhD as well. So just doing things to slow myself down because I am kind of like an Energizer bunny and people think that I drink like that a hundred percent. That
Speaker 1 00:09:37 Is definitely a great way to describe. I love it.
Speaker 2 00:09:43 And then they see how much I do. And they’re like, you don’t sleep. Do you? But here’s the kicker. I sleep a solid eight hours every single night, big stickler about my bedtime. Like to the point of it being, you know, borderline ridiculous. I’ll tell my husband that goes to eight. I’m sorry, but I’m not going to be my best self tomorrow. And sometimes I’ll, you know, have some wiggle room, but I really try to stay true to that because I want to function my best every day. So rest, and also I’ve gotten a lot better at drinking water during the day. Hard. That’s really hard. Especially as a teacher, when you don’t get like restroom breaks during the day, that was a challenge for me. Um, so now that I’m no longer in the classroom and I can like, I’m a college professor and can leave and use the restroom, I’m a lot better about staying hydrated. So those are some things that I do to take good care of myself and just having time with my husband, I make a lot of time to just have us together and say, no, I’m not going to go work that late tonight.
Speaker 1 00:10:48 That’s awesome. You bring up a couple of really important points that I want to highlight and make sure our listeners are picking up on it also. So you mentioned, you know, 10 minutes, so short, quick, a lot of times people feel like if they don’t have epic amounts of time to spend doing something, you know, typically a yoga class is what, 75, maybe 90 minutes, but that’s okay if you only have 10 minutes do 10 minutes and you feel benefits from this Jackie, right.
Speaker 2 00:11:17 So much so that my balance is so much better. I get made fun of by my family. They call me thump Alina, cause I’ll just trip over. All right. So now I’ve been doing yoga. I am so much better on my feet. I’m more balanced. I’ve gotten better 10 minutes a day. I’ve gotten so much better on the moves that I’ve gone from beginner to intermediate, I can say, wow,
Speaker 1 00:11:46 Is there a particular, um, instructor or class or you just search 10 minute yoga? Or how are you finding this?
Speaker 2 00:11:52 It started free yoga, just like Googling, you know, and finding someone YouTube. But then I wanted something a little bit more structured so I could kind of see progress. So I got a free, like, I don’t know what got like free months from Peloton and you don’t need like a biker or anything. And they had a, they do so much yoga content and they have classes that are longer too. So on the weekends, I can’t go out for like a walk on a Saturday. I’ll do a longer class because it’s like, well, this is something good for my body that I can do here in the living room. Um, so yeah, that’s been a really great one. They also have meditation classes on there and they have different themes to like focus on calming, to focus on positivity. And I’ll do those like in the middle of the day, just to kind of ground myself for the afternoon. For example, if I know I have a lot coming up so that I just feel more ready to go,
Speaker 1 00:12:45 Oh, that’s awesome. And never sacrificing sleep. That is so important. And I always say that that is one of the ways I got through the doctoral program because even I did not pull all nighters writing dissertation, chapters, and revisions and whatnot. I couldn’t, I knew that I wouldn’t be able to function and the sleep is so, so important. So I do, although maybe a little less regimented, it sounds then you, although I could be a little more, but I really try to get that minimum eight hours of sleep at night because I just am not going to set myself up for success. If I don’t the next day I feel like junk. Yeah.
Speaker 2 00:13:24 It’s so true. I also got a Fitbit that monitors my sleep and it gives me a score. So it’s very cool to see, like, yes, I got an 85. I’ll take a B all right. As a teacher, you’re like, what grade did I get that? And it also yells at me to get up because working remotely, like you just set so much. So it’ll, it’ll like kind of buzz at me. Like you’ve been sitting really long. Maybe just get up and do a lap around the living room.
Speaker 1 00:13:51 That’s awesome though. Sometimes we need those little reminders and I think that that’s, um, that’s great. So I love that. So your next, my next question, actually, you may have answered some of this, but so how did you manage to take care of yourself through the PhD program? Working full time, starting a new relationship, and somehow always with a smile. I
Speaker 2 00:14:11 Love that you added in always with a smile. I I’ve been known to be a very positive person. I do credit a lot of that to my sleep, but I think that really what got me through my PhD program, I would say the starting a new relationship was probably the thing that got me through. Um, Craig is my now husband, but we started seeing each other, uh, less than a year into the program. I had started as a very young, independent woman. I was 24 when I started the PhD pro my birthday was done. So it was, I was 23, turning 24. So was very young and I just really needed someone to vent to daily, to get to hang out with and give me breaks. And he was that one, um, from having a bad day to coming home to my favorite dinner, waiting for me and having someone to go on adventures with when I needed a break, he was always there.
Speaker 2 00:15:11 So I’d say he really took care of me in a lot of ways. And also just having an outlet of focusing on someone else. It’s easy to be working full time and pursuing a PhD and be very tunnel vision on what you’re doing and not be self-centered, but really just be focused on your goals that having someone else to look at and say, how are you doing today? Tell me about your day was really great because it makes you reflect on your own problems and issues when you’re helping someone else. And that I think is really good for your own psyche during that, during a really busy trying time, I would also say that what got me through is the word. No, and that’s a really hard,
Speaker 1 00:15:57 No, it’s a complete sentence. So my gosh, no. Perfect. So tell me more about that
Speaker 2 00:16:04 During the PhD. I remember at our orientation, they said, there’s going to be times where you’re not going to fold the laundry. You’re gonna say no. And I was thinking to myself, oh my gosh, not folding the laundry. Like what? That’s just going to sit there. No, I’m not okay with that. But I still learned that the power of no meant you need to prioritize your doctoral, work over a lot of different things and you need that people that are going to get that. So it really shows you who’s there for you 120% because you need a group of people around you, friends, family, significant others who understand that. You’re going to say, now I got a paper to write. Nice. I really have to get this discussion board up for this class that I’m in. I’m sorry. And they go, okay. They don’t make you feel bad.
Speaker 2 00:16:57 They don’t question it. They just support you and go, I bet you’re going to nail it. And that’s what I found from my father. He has been nothing but a support. He would listen to me, read my papers out loud cue from the day I got in to the day that we got hooded, he has just been at my side, my biggest support. And also my husband, Craig, who undoubtedly has been just my sounding board for everything. My biggest support. When I met him, I met him in a coffee shop, working on my qualifying paper in the PhD program. That
Speaker 1 00:17:36 Was our second one was tell folks, so they know that’s the literature review. So this is where we had to like read all the literature on our topic, books
Speaker 2 00:17:46 In the world and have no eyeballs. So I’m sitting in a coffee shop working on this and he’s like, so what, what are you working on? I said, oh, it’s for my PhD. I’m going to be a college professor. One day we just met like five minutes into the meeting. I just dropped the bomb. Yup. So I’m going to be a doctor and be a college professor. So I think he didn’t run screaming, didn’t run. And he said, that’s amazing. And then a couple months later, we went to a red Sox game in Boston. I said, I’m going to ride a duck boat one day and it’s going to be my victory parade when I have that PhD. And he said to me, I can’t wait there with you when that happens. And I knew from that moment, wow, this guy it’s like when I have the PhD.
Speaker 2 00:18:37 Huh. Okay. Then, but in all seriousness, you know, he understood when I had to say no, I, I had different priorities than a lot of other, um, young women, my age, um, getting a doctorate, trying to get into higher ed and I wasn’t one to want to go out to any bars or anything like that. I said, I really, my preference is being home and making progress toward this. Cause I want to finish in a timely manner. And he was all on board and, and he’s been on board with all of my professional, my professional escapades sense. And uh, I still say no. And you away. I think he started learning to say no to. So I think it’s a great thing we’ve learned.
Speaker 1 00:19:22 I love it. I think we’re going to title the episode, the power of, no, I love it. No, it’s important. And I think this is great. And even, you know, for our listeners who maybe are not in doctoral programs, um, you know, it’s still those setting those boundaries and having that support is really important, no matter what you’re trying to achieve, no matter what your goals are. And my husband’s certainly played a huge factor in my success. Also in the doctoral program, I definitely didn’t do laundry. I still don’t, but we will let that go. Um, doing dishes. I mean, he had to, I mean, he chose to support me and, and, you know, help me. And he’s always been super supportive, but especially during that doctoral program was particularly challenging. And I am a little bit older than you. So I like going to bars and like doing typical, like young 20 ish things wasn’t necessarily what I was interested in doing, but I definitely like we bought a house in the midst of it.
Speaker 1 00:20:18 And there were times that, you know, I didn’t see my friends for a stretches of time because I couldn’t because I needed to be focusing on that. And of course, um, you know, you mentioned having your dad as a support, my mom had to listen to the same, the same reading papers. Hey, can you look at this? Like between the two of them? That was definitely huge. So I’m so thrilled that you found that support system during that time when you really needed it. And obviously beyond that as well, because Craig’s a great guy and that’s very cool.
Speaker 2 00:20:48 That’s a huge part though. B be selective with the people that you welcome into your bubble. That’s important self-care and, and extracting the toxic because there are toxic people. And if someone’s not contributing to your healthiness and your success and who you want to be, then maybe that’s a sign that you need space.
Speaker 1 00:21:09 Oh, a hundred percent. And it’s hard. Sometimes those people are the people closest to us and we have to set those boundaries. I mean, I have to do that with a member of my family and kind of put up that boundary because it’s not good for me. Right. To allow that in contributor go. I excellent. So you did mention, um, Craig is your now husband, which is very exciting. And you’re coming up on, is it the first year of man? Wow. This July, right? You were a COVID bribe,
Speaker 2 00:21:45 The COVID bride. That was an interesting thing that required self care, that whole process of wedding planning. Right.
Speaker 1 00:21:52 So let’s do some wedding tips for self-care tips for brides. What do you think? What would you offer for self?
Speaker 2 00:21:57 I would offer cakes some time and just think about, is it a wedding or is it about the marriage? Because I’m all about the marriage and that’s the day after the wedding onward for like till death. Do we part I’m all about that? The wedding, yeah. Super magical. It’s your day. And you want it special, but things are going to go awry and that’s fine. So I think having that mindset really makes a difference and it gets you to, if you accepting, if there’s just a little hiccup here and there, and, uh, I’d also say that as you’re planning your wedding to take good care of yourself, it’s just love who you are and how you look. Because I think there’s a lot of pressure to like lose 10 pounds for the wedding day. Or you need to put on a ton of makeup that day, not even look like yourself, who you are because that day I don’t really wear makeup.
Speaker 2 00:22:57 So that day of my wedding, um, I had someone that was at our wedding, who said, I brought my makeup kit in case you wanted me to like, do you up and everything. All of my wedding party said, Jackie, you never wear makeup. Why would you do that today? We want you to look like you. And I had talked to my husband prior to that. I was like, should I like go somewhere and get done up? He says, you’re not going to look like you. I want you to look like you. So that’s what I ended up doing. I went all natural for my wedding photos, um, because I wanted to be me and I was totally good with it. My way stayed the same didn’t budge on anything. And I was me. So I think that’s really what brides should take that pressure off. And they’re marrying who you are right now. Not who you’re going to be months from now in that wedding dress.
Speaker 1 00:23:48 I love that. That is really important. And you looked beautiful in all the photos. Of course it being COVID. I was not able to be there with you in person, but I was there with you in spirit. Certainly. Um,
Speaker 2 00:23:59 You’re the thing I had to say no to people for the wedding, because I just couldn’t. So that was an instance of saying no, but I knew who I invited. Oh, got it. You know, that they weren’t selected because they love me. So I had been very selective in my, my grouping, the people who I surround myself with are all understanding, awesome people who love me. So that’s another instance of no working out.
Speaker 1 00:24:25 I love it. The power of no, the power of that. I really wish I had met you maybe a few years sooner than we did. Um, because preparing for my wedding actually sent me into, um, a very deep eating disorder spiral. I always had kind of dabbled in and I know we’ve talked about this, but, um, I’ve always kind of struggled with weight for many years, but during that time to try to, you know, that mindset, that society tells us how you have to look and be a thin bride and shredding for the wedding. And I don’t even know there was so many stupid hashtags. I was trends and just putting myself through that was not. Yeah. Um, my healthiest, um, time period, unfortunately. Um, however, I did do my own makeup because of that, very reason that I wanted to look like me. And at one point I even, I remember saying to my mother, should I, you know, hire someone to do my makeup.
Speaker 1 00:25:25 And she was like, why you do your makeup gorgeous all the time? And you have like, what are they going to do that you can’t do you have stage training? You’ve been doing makeup. Like I had to do makeup. And I was like, yeah, you’re right. And I’m like, of course, like, so I looked like me on the wedding, which was fine and, you know, whatever the weight issues and that was not solved by, you know, stressing myself out and doing some pretty, um, huh. Not healthy things to get, to achieve that weight that I held on to just about through the wedding. And then that was about it as it started, all my methods began to backfire on me, but that’s neither, that could be a different podcast episode. Um, the, just as I love that though, be yourself and love yourself because your partner is marrying you for you and what you look like. And if they’re not, if they’re only marrying you before, because what you can transform yourself into for one special day, then that maybe, I don’t know if that’s going to be a real successful marriage.
Speaker 2 00:26:27 Yeah. And then are you looking at those photos? Do you even see yourself? Cause if you want to look like that for one day, is that really you
Speaker 1 00:26:35 Tricky? For sure. And definitely like focus on the marriage because that’s, what’s important that one day is amazing, but it goes so fast and it’s so crazy and you have to prioritize like what’s important. Like, is it important to you to have, I know for me, I wanted more people. Like I was looking for a big, like 200 person event. So that’s what I made work. But for somebody else, like if that wasn’t your priority, then of course like don’t do that because somebody else did that. Or you read somewhere that you should do that. Like it can be five people. That’s fine. Well, it’d be two people down at, down at the town hall doing it. Like it matter what’s important is what happens the next day.
Speaker 2 00:27:17 It’s your day. That’s it.
Speaker 1 00:27:20 So I’m going to ask you kind of a silly question now. So most of my guests thus far have predominantly hailed from north shore, greater Boston area of Massachusetts, but you, my friend and my first guest from Western ness. So I’m wondering if there are any misconceptions you would like to dispel or truths you wish to confirm.
Speaker 2 00:27:41 I love this question on so many levels. So I went through Matt’s born and raised and I only recently moved to central mass, but I think a lot is getting closer to Boston, to inching inching. Right? So Wister county, I guess, you know, we’re making our way. Um, but I would say a lot of people from Eastern mass, often Columbus central mass in Western mass, just all one big mammoth JAMA, right? Like over there, over that say that, you know, overall, um, central mass is very much very similar to, um, central mass. Like it’s Western central. There are a lot of similarities. I’ve, I’ve noticed that in the Western part of the state. Yeah. We have a lot of outlets for artsy things. Um, very liberal in north Hampton, which is, um, an area where I went to college. So very, um, very left leaning in a lot of ways.
Speaker 2 00:28:42 But what I really loved about living in that area was just the level of acceptance and diversity. I went to Smith college, um, where I got to meet people from all over the world, which was phenomenal. I think one misconception I’d like to dispel is that I’ve heard this before. Is that people in Western mass, they’re all like hippies, drinking, craft beer on their back porch. I can say that you’re not really people like that, but I’m not one of them. We’re not all like that. There is a very much a culture of like sustainability and wanting to eat local, a lot of like farm to table, farm shares, um, CSS, things like that. Um, so there is a, quite an emphasis of that, like go into the co-op to get your organic produce. Lot of people like that in Western mass, like not using plastic bags, we don’t do that.
Speaker 2 00:29:36 We only use our reuse bags where I’m from. So, um, and I still do that by the way, when I go out shopping, we do not use it. So just being very like environmentally conscious is as a norm there. Um, but overall I’d say it’s, it’s a very welcoming place. Lot of people like the outdoors. So like a lot of hiking, um, but you can make of it what you want, but it’s a really awesome place. And if you haven’t gotten a chance to go visit Western mass, do it. It’s cool. It’s not as far as you might think it is.
Speaker 1 00:30:09 Yeah. Right. That’s awesome. I love it. I definitely I’ve been, I have been to Springfield like once, but I was little and um, I spent a lot of time in my previous position, um, out in, at Marlboro, um, hosting events there, but in the central, not central. No, that doesn’t qualify. All right then. Nevermind. I didn’t spend much time in central.
Speaker 2 00:30:37 I feel like is not, not going to give you a Western mass vibe to the extent
Speaker 1 00:30:42 It was what I was getting at. I need to go further. I want to go
Speaker 2 00:30:46 Unique Springfield. You gotta go up from Springfield. You gotta get into Hampshire county. Yup. Pioneer valley. You need to get to the pioneer valley.
Speaker 1 00:30:55 Okay. I need to get out to Western mass, I think is the takeaway here. I have not explored that part of my home state and I should, and I should go hang out with Jackie and do it. So I’ll give you a tour. We’ll schedule that for some time. All right. Last question. You have a lot of experiences. We’ve talked about being a classroom teacher and now a college professor and everything else you’ve done and achieved. So I’m wondering though, do you have any thoughts on self care from a higher ed perspective as opposed to a K-12 focus? So are there any, like any differences you see there or advice maybe for someone who’s a college professor versus a K-12 teacher?
Speaker 2 00:31:36 Yeah. They practice what you preach educators at any level. I don’t care if you’re teaching K-12 higher. Ed. If you’re going to talk to your students about eating well, exercising, getting sleep, the whole gambit, you have to be a role model for them because like it or not, you are a role model and they look up to you doesn’t matter how old they are. My college students aren’t even that much younger than I am, but they still look at me as someone who is an educator and puts forth knowledge to others in cultivates future teachers. And I need to show that I’m doing the things I’m recommending to them. And the same went when I was teaching fifth grade, they looked at me as a role model. And I mean, all I would take is like getting a new pair of running shoes by Nike.
Speaker 2 00:32:27 And then they’re all getting their Nike shoes and you’re like, wow, okay. They really heard that I got new shoes and they did the same. So with my little mini copycats, it was so flattering. It was so, but in all honesty, that’s what it’s about. Like, you’re, you’re a role model for them. And I think that right now, we’re in a time that self care really needs to be a focus because my close students really hit a wall halfway through the semester. We had no spring break, they were exhausted. They had a lot of work ahead of them. And I had to take a step back and say, am I even giving them a chance to practice self care right now? Because they have a lot of work on top of them right now. So I decided to cut a few things here and there to try to alleviate them a bit more and talk with them, taking the time to say, what are you doing?
Speaker 2 00:33:20 Like five, 10 minutes. How are you feeling? What are you doing to take care of yourself? Like, can we just share a little bit? And one girl says I love carbs. So I just made a giant thing of Mac and cheese last night I ate most of it. And everyone was like, and we’re like, do you feel better? She’s like, yeah, like I don’t really need carbs. Now. It just satisfied me. And then another girl says I got a gym membership and I went at midnight last night and it was like midnight. And she’s like, I couldn’t sleep. So it was something to go do. And we’re like, well, did you feel better? And then it was like a round of applause. All right. We all have our things. It looks different on everybody. And a lot of things aren’t going to work for another person, right? Because self-care is like, it’s not one size fits all. It’s ding, ding, ding, ding. It’s not one size fits all the doctor and see,
Speaker 1 00:34:15 I love it. So keep going. I cut you off. I just got excited because that was such a, such an important point.
Speaker 2 00:34:21 It’s such an important point though, because it does look different for everyone. Every age, every gender at every race, every ethnicity it’s going to look different and we need to be respectful of that and not be lecture-y either like you need to do this. No. I think what we need to say is you need to find what’s going to work for you and how can I support you in that? How can I help you have time to make sure you sneak a quick workout in or get to go to that yoga class? All right. Do you need an extension on that? Because it’s not worth staying up all night. Sometimes I’ll get emails from students at like two in the morning. And then I say to the student the next day, I don’t want to see that again. The next day it’d be a few more hours late. Like that’s just, no, that made me sad. No,
Speaker 1 00:35:09 Well that’s cause you’re a great teacher and empathetic to your students’ needs. And I think that’s really important though. You know, and especially in the K-12 environment, there’s so much talk about social, emotional learning, and obviously wellness for our students, wellness for the adults too, and social, emotional learning for the adults. Like they neglect themselves in the process. And I know, you know, we focus on the students and of course there are a number one priority and we want to do all the great things for them. But we also have to take care of ourselves. If you don’t take care of yourself, it will impact your ability to care for others. Self care is other care.
Speaker 2 00:35:45 It’s so true. It’s so true in the teaching profession, I think is, is a great example of that. So get that sleep, have the energy for your students, you know, eat well because you need it. You need it to get through the day
Speaker 1 00:36:00 A hundred percent. And I think I had someone tell me in one of my presentations that they like the way I present my self-care workshops, because I it’s like a self care buffet. I give them all the different things. You can do all the different domains and so many different tools and tips and tricks in each domain. But ultimately it’s up to the person to pick and choose what’s going to work for them. And then in the heat of the moment, when they’re feeling stressed and overwhelmed and then their day to day, and they’re just going about life, that they know where to pull in those pieces, like now I need to meditate. Now I need to journal. I need to hydrate like, and being able to access that and integrate it into your life. So it’s seamless and it’s just what you do. So you show up in the world is the best you possible.
Speaker 2 00:36:44 Yeah. And I think showing up in the world is going to start looking different too. Cause post pandemic, these kiddos are going to be coming to school. And some of the coping mechanisms that they’ve learned aren’t going to work well for them because they may be coming into school, some PTSD from this pandemic. And I think trauma informed instruction is going to be of increasing interest because the pandemic was traumatizing in many ways. And I think it will have a lasting emotional effect on students of all ages. And there’s also inherent fear that things can shut down again. And a student coughing could be enough to trigger, you know, a PTSD reaction and a child who lost maybe a loved one to COVID. So I think there’s, there’s a lot of things that we need to be considering as educators when students are coming back to in-person learning that maybe they didn’t have to think about before and teaching some new self care strategies that are more tailored to a post pandemic world.
Speaker 1 00:37:49 Yeah. I think that’s a hundred percent. And I, I also think for the staff too, I mean, colleagues, we don’t know what each other has really experienced over this time, period. I mean, people have experienced tremendous loss. I’m not everyone’s certainly, but I mean, we just don’t know, like you don’t know what somebody else has just gone through me. This COVID impacted every single person in some way, good, bad or indifferent, like something wasn’t impacted. So it will be definitely key moving forward to be mindful of that and maybe give people a little extra bit of kindness and a little extra bit of grace as we, um, as we move forward.
Speaker 2 00:38:32 I like the vision of that world. I also think, you know, this is a time of really strong social justice unrest in our nation. And it’s a time to think about how our BiPAP students are practicing self care and ensuring that they, they have what they need to do. So, and I think that this goes for K-12. It goes for higher ed. I just really hope that educators are learning more about what it means to be supportive and caring toward all students in an inclusive way. You know, when the Georgia Florida trial for example, was on TV and the video clip was repeatedly played on BiPAP colleagues of mine express how exhausting it was to watch and how they were struggling with sleep without the verdict decided. This made me really think about how educators need to think about what events, you know, may trigger a need to remind students of self care because they’re consuming media constantly. And just being aware of, of all of these different facets that play into who our students are and how their self-care is going to be tailor made for them.
Speaker 1 00:39:39 Absolutely. I think we could do a whole nother podcast episode in the future on that topic we can dive deeper into that
Speaker 2 00:39:46 Certainly can unpack a lot more there.
Speaker 1 00:39:49 Excellent. So much for all that information you shared with us today and some really great points and excellent takeaways for our listeners. Um, so thank you so much, Dr. Bowman for being here with us.
Speaker 2 00:40:05 My pleasure. Thank you for having me
Speaker 0 00:40:14 That conversation was packed with lots of ideas about self care and takeaways. Jackie was so open and honest. I love it hen. Yes. I know it is clear that I need to explore Massachusetts a bit more. So let me know where I should go and what are the must do? Must try places. Jackie highlighted the importance and benefits of short, joyful movement with her 10 minute daily yoga practice, staying hydrated and never sacrificing sleep great tips. And I love the idea of setting boundaries and being careful with who you let into your bubble. Very, very important to recognize and important to do. Although depending upon who the toxic person is, I know this can be rather challenging, but placing those limits and saying no is critical to protecting your energy. For me, I am always reprioritizing my tasks and shifting my focus and energy. I don’t have time for things that drain me or for toxic people.
Speaker 0 00:41:18 Jackie and I are both blessed to have stellar support systems. And she reminds us of the importance of asking for help. And if I have any newlyweds listening, I would love to know your thoughts on self care for brides. The wedding industry is out of control and the amount of money people spend on one day is crazy. So what advice regarding self care can you offer brides to be for fun? I linked a blog post about my theater themed wedding spectacle in the episode notes. Lastly, Jackie really hit the nail on the head when she said that it is all about staying true to yourself and that self-care is not a one size fits all approach, but you are worth it. So figure out what works for you and do more of that. Thanks for listening to this episode. Remember to subscribe and rate this podcast on your preferred player. The ratings help us grow and share the message of self care. If you have comments, suggestions, or questions, please reach out directly by emailing podcast at Dr. MC self care.com that’s D R M C self care.com and come join the cast party at Dr. MCs self care cabaret on Facebook and Instagram at Dr. MC self-care or on my website, Dr. MC self care.com. Be sure to like subscribe and love me across all my social media platforms for the most up-to-date information on self care. See you next time. Stay well. Do good.

As always we love to hear from our listeners! Reach out to podcast@drmcselfcare.com with any questions or topics you’d like to hear about on future episodes.

Additional Resources:

• Allison’s Website on Back Bay Yoga
• Dr MC blog post on ayurveda
• Banyan Botanicals Dosha assessment quiz

You can learn more about Dr. MC and this podcast on her website: https://drmcselfcare.com/podcast-home/

EPISODE TRANSCRIPT 

Speaker 0 00:00:27 Well, welcome to another episode of Dr. MCs self care cabaret podcast. I’m Theresa Melito-Conners a PhD level self care expert in the greater Boston area with a passion for helping others recognize the importance of caring for themselves. Today’s guest is a member of my family, my cousin, Alison Derrico. Alison is an ayurvedic health counselor, a yoga and meditation teacher. In addition to being a wife and dog, mom Xtrordinair. The story goes that when my mom and dad went to the hospital and held Alison shortly after she made her appearance into the world, my mom thought to herself, wow, I want one. Well, I was born about nine months later, almost to the day. I will let you connect the dots of what happened when my parents left the hospital that sunny June day. But as a result, I have an older cousin whom I am very close to and have shared many adventures with. I admire Allison’s free spirit and openness to the universe.
Speaker 0 00:01:36 I remember when Alison was going to become a yoga teacher. It was not as trendy then. And I was not as familiar with it and its benefits, but we have both been interested in self care and non traditional healing methods for quite some time. Alison has been an entrepreneur for years and she was one of the first people I told when I was launching Dr. MCs self care cabaret. I have to say for those, who’ve taken a workshop with me since COVID, you have likely heard me raving about my cousin and her private yoga classes that she has been hosting for my mother and I, well, this is that cousin, and I’m so excited to have her here with us today. Allison teaches group and private yoga classes and offers our Vedic health consult too. I am delighted to share our plans conversation with you. Let’s get started. So first question, tell me a little bit about how you became a yoga and meditation teacher and, and are you Vedic health counselor? Because that’s fascinating.
Speaker 1 00:02:41 All right. So yo, I’ll start with yoga teaching because that came first. Um, I had been practicing yoga probably for about five years at a studio just outside Boston. It no longer exists, but it was Pronto power yoga. It was a Vinyasa, um, style yoga. And so when the teacher training came around, I kind of felt like it was something I always was curious about. Um, so in 2012 I did my 200 hour training at prom and that was in Cambridge. Um, and then from there I kind of dove right in and just started teaching classes and for yoga, for why I was practicing yoga, I guess, to get into that a little bit more. Um, it was something that always felt like it stuck with me. Like there’d be periods where I wasn’t practicing a lot, but then like I always like was learned back in because I just felt so great after the practice. I just felt it was a sense of, I was after college where I would say in college, I wasn’t very connected to my body or any kind of like spiritual sense, um, health. Wasn’t a real big factor of college. So after it’s not for
Speaker 0 00:03:56 Most college, unfortunately, maybe we can share a little
Speaker 1 00:04:01 The opposite, you know, just a lot of drinking and, you know, not really being too mindful. So yeah, exactly. So the feeling of, um, after the yoga practice was just like, it was new and it was exciting and I just always felt great. And I just wanted to bring that out, like expand and help more people experience yoga. Yeah. So that was in 2012. So what nine years ago I’ve been teaching since then? Um, and you know, with a little bit, this year was a little different, you know, having to learn your skills and how to teach online. But, um, for the most part teaching group classes, um, over the last couple years, I started diving more into one-on-one private classes, working with people. Um, and then I would, it was about six years ago. Um, so I’d say like halfway through my teaching, I heard about IRA Veda.
Speaker 1 00:05:03 Um, another teacher was studying it and doing some workshops and I was very much intrigued. It was called yoga’s sister science. Um, so I was like, what, how do I not know about this? Like there’s a sister to yoga. And so with I, or Veda for those who aren’t familiar with the term, um, it focuses a lot on how you’re taking care of yourself daily. So beyond the Asana movement, posture, practice of yoga, um, we’re looking at your lifestyle and you know, all how you find meaning in your life, how you take care of yourself, just it’s like another level. So in one day it was 2015, I think, I don’t know the exact dates, but I don’t know that that matters.
Speaker 0 00:05:51 We’ll go with five or six years ago, five
Speaker 1 00:05:53 Or six years ago. Um, I enrolled the IRA that program at Kripalu, which was 650 hours. Like a regular yoga teacher training is 200 hours at the baseline. And then you can do another 300 to get your 500 hours. So this was intense, it’s 650 hours onsite at Kapalos. So I was going out there for like nine day stent. So you were like completely immersed and a lot is learning different lifestyle, different diet techniques, and really understanding yourself. So there’s a sense of, we’re all unique, we’re all made up differently. So what works for one person to make them feel their optimal self is not necessarily going to work for someone else. So that’s a little bit on that. I dunno if we’re, if you want Masa right. Anywhere.
Speaker 0 00:06:44 Yeah. So I’m going to have you elaborate a little bit more and are you Veda? So, because I do talk about it in some of my trainings I started getting into, are you Veda back in like 2011 ish when kind of around the time when I first realized that I needed to start taking care of myself in the job I was in, or I wasn’t going to be able to sustain it. Um, that was back when I was working at a therapeutic high schools, the guidance director, and working with students significantly impacted with social, emotional issues, trauma, eating disorders, all sorts of challenges. And I needed to figure out how to take care of myself in order to take care of my students and be there for them. So I stumbled upon kind of aryuveda at that point, which is funny that our paths were kind of going along at the, at the same time, but not necessarily, uh, aware that each of us were, were studying these things.
Speaker 0 00:07:34 And, um, you know, started studying first, like Deepak Chopra’s work and really got into it and then did some more local, um, stuff with some other, um, experts closer to home. And, um, but really our Javaid his general principle is to strive to connect the mind body and the spirit, which is very different than how we view healing and medicine in this country. And it’s actually, and you may know more about this, but it was, it wasn’t a developed in India like 5,000 years ago. And it’s really the world’s oldest healing system. And it’s very different than how we heal the body in this country. From that, from a very different perspective. You want to elaborate a little more on
Speaker 1 00:08:14 That? Yes, I will. Um, so yes, you’re right. It’s approximately 5,000 years old around it’s in the same timeline as yoga. So they did, they do go together. Um, one thing I like to clarify is within the IRA to umbrella, I Aveda sees yoga as like a therapy or a treatment. So like you would tell, you know, you would suggest to someone like, oh, this would be a great yoga practice for you based on your lifestyle and your constitution and this. So, um, that’s something that I like to point out because they all kind of fall in together. And as far as your question about, um, yeah, how I operate is really looking like a lot of holistic systems. Like we’re trying to find the root, like what is causing, um, the imbalance. And, um, I’ll get a little technical on, it looks at the body.
Speaker 1 00:09:10 Like we’re looking at the whole picture here. We’re looking at like your physicality, your mental state, your, your, everything, everything that makes you, you like, what are your spiritual practices and, and taking all that into account because just because maybe there’s something going on, um, in your stomach, it might not necessarily only be the stomach having the issue. It could be an emotional thing that is affecting your stomach, or so it’s taking really small baby steps to kind of figure out what all is going on and what could be causing the imbalance. So I wanted to talk about the doses. So, um, I Aveda looks at everything based in a five element theory. So everything is made up of five elements. So if you’re talking about anything, a table, you know, there’s earth, air, ether, water, and fire. So everything is made up of these five elements, but in different ratios.
Speaker 1 00:10:16 So if you’re talking about a table, there would be a lot more of an earth element because it is a solid piece. Um, whereas when you’re looking at a human body, you know, again, we are all part of this big world. So we are also made up of these five elements in different ratios. So some people are more watery, some people are more grounded and earthy. Some people are more airy. So looking at a person in that sense and trying to figure out how to balance it. So like equals like, so if someone was extra airy and kind of flitting all over the place, adding more movement to their life, more activities that are kind of jumping from one thing to the next is going to just keep adding on to that. And there’s no sense of being grounded and, and steady. So with those five elements, they break them down into what, um, IRA to cost doses.
Speaker 1 00:11:17 So there’s three major doses, Vata, Pitta, and Kapha and Vata dosha is air and eat there. So what’s the lightest, it’s the king, it’s the easiest one to get out of balance. Pitta is fire and water. So we’re looking at like these more fiery, um, elements and then Kafa is earth and water. So you think about more like dense, solid foundation, um, with Kafa. So again, the whole body, we all have, we’re all made up of these three dashes, just in different ratios. Um, so looking at how that comes into play with how a person is functioning. Um, so if you have again to use the same example, if you have more budget, if you have more air needs to hear it, like something that’s going to help balance you out is adding more grounding and steadying activities, more grounding and steadying foods to help balance things out. So we’re always looking to find the sense of equilibrium and balance within the body. And it’s, it’s complex, like trying to figure that out. So step one, which I’m sure, you know, when you are studying and looked into it is kind of figuring out and there’s assessments you can take online, um, like where you land on the dosha scale, like what’s, your, everyone has kind of a dominant dosha, and then there’s like a secondary one and that can help just gain some insight into, you know, what practices, what nutrition might be best for you.
Speaker 0 00:12:51 Yeah. I love that. And that was definitely a place I started back many years ago and have re assessed as time has gone on. Cause I, I feel like when you’re, when you’re out of balance your doses shift a little bit, and I’m just curious what, um, I think I know, but I’m going to ask you, what is your dosha?
Speaker 1 00:13:11 So I know I’m mostly Pitta, I’m the middle. Um, it’s a fiery dosha, I mean, a sneaky way to fi figure out what does a lot of pitches are redheads. Um, we have the tendency to sunburn, um, a little more fiery and feisty and your personality. So it’s all, if you’re going to look at it, like from a physical standpoint, it’s like a medium kind of average, um, build pittas have tend to have strong appetites very much like to be challenged and learning. So it was very, you know, my, I R beta training, I would say 80% was picked up. Like, we’re all just kind of like intensely, like writing our notes. And, and so there’s pros and cons to both like, it’s great. Like there’s a little bit of an intensity, there’s a feistiness there’s, you know? Um, but then like the flip, if it’s out of whack, you know, it can lead to more like thinking of like hot emotions.
Speaker 1 00:14:09 It can lead to like irritability, pitches, more prone to like rashes and skin irritations and things of that nature. Like spicy foods. Like when I was doing my, um, initial intake with a practitioner, I couldn’t figure out I was having some digestive issues. Um, and I was like, what’s up? And, um, you know, she’s like, your dosha is pitching, you’re teaching hot yoga. And I, at that point in time, like pepperoni pizza and like hot wings were like my go-to lunch. Um, so yeah, so now it’s like, I looked back and I was like, oh, that’s why I was like, just overheating and like having some issues in the gut. Um, so it’s stuff, I think when you think about it, like logically, like it’s like, oh, like that makes sense. I mean, that was what it was for me. Like, I was like, oh, like this, this lands, well, this, this, I get it. Like,
Speaker 0 00:15:10 Yeah, no, I love it. I totally agree. I tend to be actually Pitta Kafa. Those are the two that I kind of, depending upon those are the two that come up the most when I do it. And different times when I’m imbalanced and not, it can sway kind of in, in either direction. Um, but that’s a, generally, I didn’t know that about red heads though, that red heads are typically, um, Pitta, which is just really funny. And I love the idea that, you know, we get to the root of the issue, like what is causing the dis-ease were quick to, you know, treat symptoms. That’s typically how we think of things. Like we want to go to the doctor, we want just give me what I can take to fix it and keep it moving. Then we’re not necessarily interested in doing the work to figure out what is really at the root. And that’s really a more, are you Vedic perspective? And I love that. I think it’s excellent. And I definitely have adopted some of these practices, um, into my life. One of the first ones. And Alison, you probably do this too, but I mean, developed a Dean of Sharia, which is your daily routine. And do you, um, do practice a daily routine?
Speaker 1 00:16:17 Yes, I do. Um, my morning routine, I keep it relatively simple. Um, I don’t like to over-complicate things. I tend to be tired when I wake up. So it starts with scraping my tongue with a metal tongue scraper and what that does a, it cleans your tongue, but B besides like oral health, it can indicate kind of what is going on, how you’re digesting your food, like not to get too graphic, but I’m going to typically, you’re going to see like some white sludge on your tongue in the morning, and that’s absolutely normal, but you’ll notice the levels will kind of change daily. If it’s something you do daily and it’s based on like what you’ve been eating. So you can kind of notice if your diet’s been heavier or denser, you know, when you’re not making the most healthiest food choices, there’s probably going to be some excess what we call, um, a or waste on your tongue.
Speaker 1 00:17:14 So it’s an indicator. It also, um, they say I radically that it kind of starts your digestive track, like going for the day. It’s like, you’re you scraped over your taste buds. And now like you’re getting your body prep to start your day by eating. Um, so next I feed the dogs. That’s not really, I are Vedic, but it’s my daily, but it is important. It’s important. They come next. Um, they patiently wait for the tongue scraping and the teeth brushing and then, um, warm water. So warm water is another great practice. I know some people cringe whenever I kind of suggest this and they’re like, no coffee first, but the water it’s hydrating and you can add lemon. If you can’t handle the, like the thought of just plain hot water and it is essential that you cook it. Um, when you cook the water, it changes its, its makeup. So it’s easier for your body to digest. It makes a difference than just running the hot water under the, the tap. Um, so,
Speaker 0 00:18:16 So do you actually like bring it to a boil or just warm it?
Speaker 1 00:18:19 I just warm it. I don’t necessarily bring it all the way up to a boil. I just heat them the kettle, um, and get it like tea warm. Um, if it does happen to get too hot, I tend to just add a little bit of, um, like cold water to the top of it. So little bits like so that I can drink it drinkable. Yeah. So warm water. And then, and then I meditate. I meditate for about 20 minutes in the morning just to clear out my mind oil. Polling’s another thing I’m on and off with it. So if I am oil pulling, that is something that I would do in the morning with like brushing my teeth and that stuff. So now I’m talking about, I probably should bring it back in, but yeah, yeah. I know you’re a big advocate. I, I go through phases with it. Um, so I really like
Speaker 0 00:19:06 It. I feel like, and every time I go to the dentist, they’re always impressed with my oral hygiene. And I don’t think I’m a superior toothbrusher by any stretch of the imagination. So I’m always like fascinated. And I usually tell them, well, it’s due to oil pulling. And then they look at me, you know, a little sideways then depending on my mood, I may go into explaining it or I may just kind of let it go. But the idea of a Dean of cherry and your morning routine is that you cleanse the senses to kind of get the day started. So the tongue scraping is awesome. And your body, like Alison said, you release those toxins through your tongue when you sleep, which is a little icky to think about, but kind of cool that we can have this tool to remove it in the morning and start the day off without all that in our malls and the oil pulling. So folks don’t know what that is. Alison, do you want to explain what the act of oil pulling is?
Speaker 1 00:19:55 Yeah. So there’s different oils. Like typically it’s either a Sesame oil or like there are some IRA beta products out there. Um, one it’s called daily swish by being in botanical. So you take about a tablespoon of oil. I did like our cat full and pour it in and then you’re swishing it really around in your mouth for 10 to 15 minutes, you start where you can like maybe do five, um, maybe do two to start because it is, you know, it’s not necessarily tasty. Um, but you do after, when you’re doing it, there is this like really clean feeling, um, in your mouth afterwards. And it’s meant to bring more health to your gums, strengthen your gums. Oil is really nourishing. So it even will strengthen like around your teeth and things like that. So that to draw her
Speaker 0 00:20:50 Out any, like if you have any stuff hanging around in your gums or anything going on, it helps to kind of draw that out. So your mouth definitely does feel super clean after doing it. Um, one of the other pieces that I do for eyes is spray the rose water. Yep. Oh, well, our listeners can’t see that, but Allison’s holding up.
Speaker 2 00:21:10 Cool, cool
Speaker 1 00:21:11 Water in your eyes is another. So when you think about your senses, like splashing some cool water on your eyes and then also, or the rose water, you can use that too. That’s really cool. And this is great. And we can probably get into this more after, but like summertime, I just keep one in my car because it helps. Um, I get so hot and aggravated when I’m driving, I like to spray it.
Speaker 0 00:21:36 You’ll just spray the rosewater, like on you as like a mist, like a body. Yeah. That’s awesome.
Speaker 1 00:21:44 And you can spray it in your face and especially if you’re someone who is staring at the computer all the time, like I definitely would recommend cause it is okay. Like it’s like, I wouldn’t like put it up to your eye and spray it, but like, it’s not going to irritate your eyes so you can spray it like near your eyes and kind of get this fresh.
Speaker 0 00:22:00 I do spray it right in my eye. It doesn’t, it doesn’t here date. Of course I would recommend if any listeners want to try that then of course you try it on a less sensitive part of your body first before just spraying it in right in your eyeball. But it definitely takes a little getting used to doing that, but you feel it does have a cooling quality and feel very refreshing. So that’s awesome. And I have written some more blog posts and information, so we can definitely share some resources with the listeners for, uh, who may want to dive a little deeper into your Vader. But I know we could talk all day just about that. So now we’ll move on a little bit. So I’m interested in knowing what you would tell someone who has never done yoga or has never meditated before. Like how would you get them started?
Speaker 1 00:22:43 So really it’s a bolt or practices that I think you need to experience, um, like co getting them to start. It’s like, you have to try it to understand it. Like the aftermath is like, that’s the big selling point. I would say, like that feeling that you have after you’ve done a yoga class and you just have like moved your body, you’ve slowed yourself down. You know, you might’ve sweat a little, but after Shavasana where you’ve just kinda like, let yourself settle in. Um, there’s just this ease and calm that I haven’t found another like natural way to get to. Um, so that I would say really and meditation too. Um, you start small and try and do a minute, try and do two minutes. You know, there’s a lot of apps out there that you can give it a whirl. And I think people get hesitant or nervous about it. Cause they think they’re not going to be able do it. Like so many people are like, I’m not flexible. I can’t do yoga. And it’s like, that’s the point? Like, you know, yeah. There are some people that are inherently very flexible. Like I was not one of them. And I really, after, you know, practicing notice like, yeah, there was an increase in how I was able to move and just how things felt in my body. Just feeling like less tension, more ease.
Speaker 0 00:24:09 Yeah. It’s awesome. I mean, I practice yoga on and off for, I dunno a while now. Not quite as long as you, I do remember when you started doing yoga, it was not as trendy as it is now. And I remember thinking you were slightly crazy and then now here we are several years later, you’re crazy, but it’s totally different reasons. Just kidding, um, that we know. And you do feel better when you do these things. It’s the same thing about really any self-care practices. And this is why I kind of got into this at this level, because I know what it feels like when you’re not taking care of yourself and we tend to do that. Right. It’s the first thing that goes out the window. When we have a competing priority, it’s like, oh, well, no, I guess we’re not going to yoga today.
Speaker 0 00:24:51 Or I’m going to skip my this or that. And all these things that really, we need to shift that. And it has to be you first your needs first, then you help everybody else. I know it’s a cliche, but what do they tell you? When you get on an airplane, you put your oxygen mask on first and then you help everybody else. And it’s just, it’s, it’s very different thinking for us though, because that’s not what we’re programmed really to do. That’s not what we’re taught to do or celebrated for doing. So it feels almost a little like an act of resistance when we put our needs first. Right.
Speaker 1 00:25:22 And I mean, that is another layer as to, I think why I was so intrigued. I’m like, this is another way of like, of looking at how we exist and live and take care of ourselves. It’s not, it’s, it’s the opposite. And it, it makes sense. And like making sure that you’re in the best, like head space and physical, physical space for you to show up to your life, um, makes all the difference. And then it affects everyone around you. You know, if I’m pissed off, cause I miss my yoga class, like I’m going to take that out on. Whoever’s closest to me, you know? So it matters. And I think like trying to get people on I’m and it’s, it has come a long way. Like more people are definitely kind of seeing this way of, of being as beneficial. Um, but yeah, myself too, I realized we were just away for a few days and like my meditation practice went out the window. Um, and normally I’ll try it, but I think I was just so excited about like, I’m not home, you know, I didn’t, but then like yesterday I was feeling super anxious and I was like, huh, like I haven’t meditated like, like I normally do in like four days. So you do notice the effects once you get off of the, your regimens, your routines.
Speaker 0 00:26:42 Yeah. Fascinating. So I’ve heard people say that they’re hesitant to begin practicing yoga or that their attempts to get started have not been inclusive or friendly for beginners. So what do you recommend for people who feel this way and or what do you do in your classes to prevent that from happening?
Speaker 1 00:27:04 Okay, big question. Um, I recommend a lot of studios do offer a beginner series. So I think starting in that type of environment where you are surrounded by all beginners and normally they’re like four to six weeks long and you can keep doing that series. Like I would recommend finding a class specific to beginners. You can start in any class. Like when I started, I didn’t start in a beginner’s class, I just went in and I had absolutely no clue what was going on. And it, you know, I came to learn that I was doing things completely wrong repetitively because I didn’t know what I was doing. Um, so I think starting in a beginner’s class, um, is good, but a lot of teachers also by self included, we try and teach to the beginner. So if you have a class full of people, when the studios are now opening again, and there will be like in studio or outdoor classes and you can, you can navigate and tell who’s a beginner in there.
Speaker 1 00:28:09 You teach to that person. Like you make sure that they are feeling stable and feeling secure and maybe give them a little extra attention, um, throughout the class so that you know, that they feel safe and that they’re taken care of. Um, I also recommend just letting your teacher know too, if you show up and it’s your first time, like people tend to do that, but it is helpful just to know if there’s someone that’s never done it, because if it’s a class of people that are coming all the time, you know, you don’t have to be so specific about what you’re saying. Cause you know that their students know. So if I try and just give the newbies like a little extra attention, the other thing is do some privates to find a teacher. Like I teach one-on-one yoga also for this reason. Um, so that you can get a steady foundation of the practice before joining the group class.
Speaker 1 00:29:01 And with privates too, you can understand how the poses land on your own body, as far as what, how down dog is gonna feel and, um, finding your own ways to get into the poses that feel best for you. And then you can adapt them into a group class. But I say, just go for it. If you’re curious now it’s, you know, there’s yoga everywhere. So I feel like you also could watch a few videos online to get a sense, but I definitely would recommend finding an actual yoga teacher and go into a class or I’m doing a private.
Speaker 0 00:29:40 Yeah. And I think people need to, you know, we have to let go of that idea of perfection and that like for sure that whole just like, oh, you know, those false barriers that we put up for ourselves that like I’m too old. I’m too. I’m not flexible. I’m too. This I’m too, that my body’s too big. Am I bought whatever, like all these things we get in our head and we’re not even willing to try. And I know I always talk about this in my sessions when I’m presenting, but I’m going to share it here as well. Cause we’re interviewing my cousin on this podcast, but back oh, about a year or so ago. Now at this point we started doing virtual yoga lessons with, um, Alison is our instructor and my mom and I, as the students keeping it a family event here.
Speaker 0 00:30:23 And it’s my mom’s never done yoga before and she won’t be embarrassed that I tell the story. But at first she was really hesitant. She’s not necessarily someone who would put herself out there and go into a class and risk making a fool of herself or God forbid get down on the ground and oppose and not be able to get back up or just, she just wouldn’t feel comfortable doing that. So by hiring Alison to teach these weekly sessions with us, she’s really gotten to be more comfortable. And you’ve been wonderful with giving modifications with chair poses, lots of standing poses. We do get down on the floor sometimes, although you can also modify that and use a bed, if that’s more comfortable or stay in the chair, we use props and it’s a very obviously safe environment for us, but it has allowed my mom to get a little more comfortable in her body.
Speaker 0 00:31:09 And she’s always saying how great it has made her feel. And the good thing is if she does get herself on the ground, now she can get herself back up and she feels more confident about that. So that’s really awesome. And I do obviously credit that to taking the steps, to have that one-on-one sessions with someone trained to do that. And that has been very beneficial and certainly a highlight of the last year or so with COVID, um, which there aren’t a lot of highlights. So we have to look for the look for the bright spots, but that’s excellent. And when we think about meditation too, I always tell folks, I think of it like a muscle. You have to build it. And same thing. Like you’ve got to build these practices. You can’t just expect to run a marathon tomorrow. If you haven’t been training for it, same thing with yoga, you’re going to need to build up that flexibility. And you’re going to need to build up those meditation practices. I’m wondering, you did mention some apps for smartphones that you use. What are your favorite apps for meditation?
Speaker 1 00:32:07 Um, for meditation, I use insight timer or which is free. And then I also have the 10% happier app, which I like. That’s like Dan Harris. I don’t know if you’re familiar with him. Um,
Speaker 0 00:32:20 I’ve heard of it. I’ve I’ve not listened to it before someone is, to me that
Speaker 1 00:32:23 One’s a subscription. It’s not wildly expensive. I feel like it might be 10 or $12 a month, but don’t quote me on that. But he has a lot of like, I mean, they’re all on him. Some of them are on insight timer too. Like you’ll find the same teachers kind of going around like the big names, like Jack cornfield and Joseph Goldstein and um, anyway, a whole slew of, um, meditation teachers on there and they have different. You can have a five minute, you can have a 10 minute, you can have 15 minute and then they have longer ones. Um, so that’s what I really liked because it does make a difference to your point about the muscle, like even taking a minute or two, like, it makes a difference to just stop, like take a breath. What was your eyes, feel your body, and then continue what you’re doing.
Speaker 1 00:33:15 So it will be, you become less reactive, you become more patient and then you work your way up to more minutes. And there is that sweet spot. Like I’ve discovered that yeah, you can get a lot out of five to 10 minutes, but once you start diving into the deep end and doing 20, 30, 45 minute meditations, you can get into like a zone, which is pretty cool. And I find that that’s like, once you tip over that 15 minute mark and you make it to like 20, 25, 30 minutes, it feels like more of an experience than just kind of, uh, but that’s just, that’s my experience. And I’m still working towards, um, a regular 30 minute a day practice,
Speaker 0 00:33:55 Still a work in progress. Always. It always
Speaker 1 00:33:58 Will be meditation was the, one of the hardest things for me to make happen. But now I can probably say I do it pretty much daily unless I’m on vacation. Excellent.
Speaker 0 00:34:09 So I know, unfortunately some people have negative things to say about yoga meditation and aryuveda even, they may not understand the benefits of these practices. So I’m wondering if you can share some of the positive impacts you or your students have felt after they’ve worked with you and, and really had this experience. So,
Speaker 1 00:34:30 Um, some of the positive impacts, the main one, I would say would be a greater sense of awareness. Being aware of yourself, being aware of your body, being able to comfortably slow yourself down is huge. And I think a lot of people don’t value the benefit of slowing down. Um, especially in this realm of life. It’s like, go, go, go like what’s next, keep achieving, keep doing and not taking those moments to reflect and notice and enjoy it. So taking in how you feel. So I radically like when working with people, I think there’s some aha moments when you start to look at your daily routine and things that are working and things that aren’t working and adjusting and creating the optimum routine for your constitution, um, has made a big impact for people just shifting small little shifts, like little times, like adding the, the tongue scraping, adding the water in the morning, um, eating in a way that’s slow and thoughtful.
Speaker 1 00:35:42 That all makes a difference mentally and physically, um, more mental benefits from like yoga practices and meditation is cultivating more self compassion to your point before where you were saying, um, people don’t want to, I’m too old and I have no idea what I’m doing like this, that the other, um, it can help you get through some of those hurdles because you show up and you do it. And then you recognize like it’s yoga philosophy is, you know, it’s a practice. Like we are constantly practicing. There is no pot of gold at the end of this rainbow. Um, it’s like an ongoing process, which can be daunting, but it’s, you know, it’s slow, steady adjustments and improvements and feeling better in your body. So more self-compassion more patients with people like less, like you’re kind of smoothing out your edges, I would say, but not in a way that makes you lame or like have no edge.
Speaker 1 00:36:48 Like you’re just meant like it’s, it’s softer and it’s, it’s, uh, a better way. It helps your relationships. And I would say physically, you know, less tension, yoga’s going to help you open up. It’s going to help you build strength. So you’d have more body awareness. Like you’ll notice too. What, just in your day to day, I remember one thing driving. Like I tend to just, oh, I’ll notice if I’m gripping the steering wheel. And that’s just from my yoga practices. I think of instructor being like, don’t grip. I’m like, Ooh, you know, like, or like slumping, like I’m like, oh, I could be sitting up straighter. So these little tweaks that just start to weave their way in
Speaker 0 00:37:33 Little tweaks. I think that’s going to be the episode
Speaker 3 00:37:35 Title really important. And I
Speaker 0 00:37:37 Think sometimes we think, and I talk about this in my trainings too. We think about like the end goal. Like we forget the journey and we forget that you it’s okay to start small and be a beginner. And we all, we want to like go from zero to a million. We don’t want to, we don’t recognize that small shifts and little things, little tweaks and habits that we can build along the way will actually have a great impact. So even if you can only do meditation for five minutes a day, stay there, that’s fine. If that’s all you can do, that’s fine. You will still feel benefits. Even from just a couple of standing yoga poses. I mean, I’ve experienced it myself. Like you will feel better. It doesn’t have to be this epic 90 minute thing that you have to do every single day. And it’s just, we get so crazy in our head with what things have to be, that we’re not even willing to try some time.
Speaker 1 00:38:30 Right. And that’s huge that that’s been another like barrier, I think. And I’ve been guilty of this too. But like the pandemic really opened up to yeah, like 30 minutes can be an like, just move, like just get 30 minutes of movement in, or you don’t need to do the, like you said, you don’t need to do the hour. You, you start the practice. So then it becomes a habit like what, whatever it is you’re trying to do. Um, if you’re trying to cook more, just pick one meal, like either a week or a couple meal days a week that you’re going to make dinner. Um, or with your breakfast, maybe it’s you always have a cooked breakfast every day. And then you just add, once there feels to be spaced. Cause like what happens is you add everything on and then it just all falls apart. So yeah, steady and slow and steady. That was in my IRA to training. We had one of the instructors and she always was just slowly, slowly. That’s like, everything is slow. And I know that’s not the most appealing to people. Um, but it’s what works
Speaker 0 00:39:38 Well. It’s not how our culture functions. I know we push, we push more and more and more fast, fast, fast, quicker, like it’s crazy. We romanticize being busy and burning the candle at both ends. We were being a workaholic is your badge of honor. Like that’s not a really good way to be when we’re thinking about health and wellness and longevity and how we’re going to live long, happy, successful, productive lives. That’s not the way to get there. Excellent. All right. I have one more question for you. So aside from yoga, as you know, you do yoga and meditation and practice aryuveda what other self-care practices do you incorporate into your daily life?
Speaker 1 00:40:19 Okay. So besides my morning routines and I practice, you know, all that, um, I do other exercises. Like I like to walk, um, I have a dog, he brings a lot of like joy and happiness into my world. Um, so, and I live near the beach, which also was important to me. So I go to the beach often I take him down there. I have another, my husband has a dog too, so we have to, um, so spending time with them spending time, like quality time, um, you know, with people is important to me as well, health wise, too. There’s seasonal routines that I like to bring into play. Um, so as the seasons start to change, just shifting things up a little bit. Um, yeah, I can get so in like now we’re entering into like summer, so things are starting to get warmer.
Speaker 1 00:41:19 So where that heat element is pretty active in our outside world, it’s reducing that within my internal environment. So cooling off, you know, now it’s time to like have more cool beverages, um, you know, more watermelon, more berries, more refreshing type of foods. And with exercise tending to tone it down, like I still will exercise, but like, I’m not going to go to a hot yoga class in the middle of summer. Maybe I’m going to go to like an outdoor class or, um, an unheated class and, you know, same with any super rigorous exercise. I’d be strategic about where I was going to place that in my day. Not at high noon. Maybe it’s going to be at dusk when things have cooled off a little bit
Speaker 0 00:42:04 Fascinating. I feel like that could be a whole nother episode. We could talk more about the seasons and like what you do. And I know certain foods play into that too. And this is a very elevated perspective, but you know, like salads, for example, are more cooling than a bowl of soup. So you’re probably not going to eat a bowl of soup in a hundred degree weather because that’s not going to be the best thing for your body. It’s not going to be cooling. It’s going to have a heating effect, right?
Speaker 1 00:42:29 Yep. Yeah. So soup like warm, warm, more warm foods in the warm, in the cold months and more cool foods in the warm months and thinking about that, and it’s a nice way to change things up too. So it’s like once you, you know, you find the things that you like to do, but then you kind of can tweak them to the season, just like your wardrobe, you know, change your eating changed your daily, um, daily routines.
Speaker 0 00:42:56 I love that. I never thought about kind of relating it to, or thinking about it from the perspective of we, of course we change our wardrobe. We can’t wear the same clothes, not in Massachusetts. Anyway, you cannot wear the same clothes you’re wearing in December in August. Like that’s just not going to work. Right. Awesome. So thank you, Alison so much. I’m wondering if you wouldn’t mind telling us where folks can find you, if they’re interested in following you and learning more and perhaps, um, looking into the services that you provide.
Speaker 1 00:43:26 Yes. Um, you can find me on social media on Instagram. My handle is at Alison a L L I S O N underscore Derico D E R R I C O. Um, I also have two websites. So back bay I R veda.com. And you also could find me at Boston massage, associates.com I’m I work out of that space, um, in back bay. And that’s it
Speaker 0 00:44:00 Awesome. So you can, and it folks have a real hard time finding you. They can always reach out to me. I know where to find you. And oh, did you want to give your email address?
Speaker 1 00:44:09 Oh, sure. Um, Alison dot Derico nineteen@gmail.com.
Speaker 0 00:44:17 Excellent. And we’ll make sure that that’s in the resources for the episode as well. So thank you so much for joining us today. Alison, I enjoyed chatting with you and we’ll hope to see you at the cabaret again soon. Thank you. This is fun. That was so much fun to chat with my cousin, Alison Derico today. If our, your Veda is of interest, I suggest exploring it more. I find it fascinating. I will make sure my blog posts on aryuveda is linked in the episode notes for the ease of my listeners, but look into it more and see if it resonates with you. To me, it makes a lot of sense. We barely scratched the surface in this interview of aryuveda, but as always, you can start small. Maybe the idea of tongue scraping or oil pulling is appealing, or perhaps you’re just curious to find out your dosha and how to feed your body from that perspective.
Speaker 0 00:45:08 Alison also really highlighted the importance of slowing down and taking time for ourselves. It is critical. I know that the times I neglect my needs are not. When I am at my best. When I put my needs first and make myself a priority, I feel so much better. I’m more productive and I’m just a better person to be around truthfully and small, tiny habits are so important. Little tweaks over time. I promise these small changes will have a big impact. You can’t do all the things every day and some days five minutes is all you got and that’s okay. Move your body. Journal, meditate, whatever you wish for those five minutes, you’ll notice a difference. Inviting more mindfulness is a great way to get more grounded to Alison mentioned, allowing yourself to feel that intentional pause. I like to promote the stop method S stop what you’re doing.
Speaker 0 00:46:05 T take a breath in through your nose and out through your mouth O observe your inner and outer world then P proceed. So we can give ourselves that momentary pause, that intentional breath of mindfulness. And if you want to try yoga, please give it a whirl. Be sure to research and appropriate class, or reach out and ask for recommendations. And don’t be afraid to explore modifications for poses or use props as necessary. I used to feel ashamed using props as if it was some sort of cop-out that was, of course during the time I was deep in my dis-ease with exercise bulemia now I celebrate my body for all that it can do for me, movement is a gift and there is nothing wrong with modifying poses, using props, doing chair, poses, standing, poses, whatever you need for your body. Thanks for listening to this episode.
Speaker 0 00:47:01 Remember to subscribe and rate this podcast on your preferred player. The ratings help us grow and share the message of self-care. If you have comments, suggestions, or questions, please reach out directly by emailing podcast at Dr. MC self care.com that’s D R M C self care.com and come join the cast party at Dr. MCs self care cabaret on Facebook and Instagram at Dr. MC self care or on my website, Dr. MCs self care.com. Be sure to like subscribe and love me across all my social media platforms for the most up-to-date information on self care. See you next time. Stay well and do good.

As always we love to hear from our listeners! Reach out to podcast@drmcselfcare.com with any questions or topics you’d like to hear about on future episodes.

Additional Resources:

• Dr MC Blog: Guest appearance on Karina’s Radio Show
• Karina’s website

You can learn more about Dr. MC and this podcast on her website: https://drmcselfcare.com/podcast-home/

EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

Speaker 0 00:00:27 Well, welcome to another episode of Dr. MCs self-care cabaret podcast. I am Theresa Melito-Conners, a PhD level self-care expert in the greater Boston area who loves to help others take control of their health and wellbeing. Sometimes you meet people in life with whom you just click. Today’s episode is a conversation with just such a person. My friend, Carina bell tree. We met several years ago when we would rock of the front row during Zoomba classes. And we became instant friends. Corrina’s no BS, attitude and style are so refreshing. Although she no longer lives in Massachusetts, we remain in contact despite any geographical or scheduling challenges back in the day when Corina and I were showing up for Zoomba, we bonded with a few other special ladies attending these classes, calling ourselves the investments. I believe Karena herself came up with that name because some people are just worth investing your time and energy into Corina is a wife, mother of two beautiful children, a model. And recently she began hosting her radio show called a rhythm lifestyle. I am thrilled. The Corina was visiting Boston recently, and we were able to see each other and catch up. This is my conversation with her and I hope you win.
Speaker 0 00:02:04 So let’s, let’s get started. Okay.
Speaker 1 00:02:07 Tell me a little bit about your self-care practices and how you like to practice them.
Speaker 2 00:02:12 So for me, self care has a lot of things and it’ll definitely depend on my mood. So self-care could be reading a book, right? Just disconnecting. It could be a Netflix type of day, which doesn’t happen often. Right? Um, I even self-indulgent YouTube makeup videos. Nice. Right? Because you know how I like to do my makeup, right? Your makeup is gorgeous. I will self indulge and make up videos. Um, one of the things I also love to do as I write a letter to God, nice. I write to God a lot. And I have notebooks like lingering in my bedroom everywhere, sticky notes. Because sometimes when I’m feeling, you know, despair stressed, I feel like I have to run it down. So self care there. Now, one of the things that I started doing, and this was a long time ago before I had my gastric bypass, my doctor said, what do you, what do you want to do to make you feel beautiful?
Speaker 2 00:03:17 So at the time I didn’t have a lot of money. So I started with skincare, right. Taking care of myself. So what I would do is take my time with my skincare, with my moisturizer and all that stuff. Now it’s a little bougie now I’m going to say so by the time I get up, I think I last more moisturizing than I do in the shower, because it is the only thing that I know if my life is chaotic that day, those 20 minutes are important. So if I can’t do anything else, the moisturizing is my self-care.
Speaker 1 00:03:55 It almost sounds like the way you described that they, that the act of preparing your skin and moisturizing your skin. It almost sounds like a meditative practice. Like it’s almost like a meditation. Yeah. And I love how writing letters to God. I mean, that’s your, that’s your spiritual domain. You are, you are well suited in that domain achieving excellence. That’s awesome. And I know you mentioned a little bit about this, but I know you’re a mom and a wife and a model and you work a full-time job. And how do you find time to put your needs first?
Speaker 2 00:04:26 So I’ll be honest lately. No. Mm we, me and the hobby actually had a conversation that actually this morning, as a matter of fact about, okay, Corrina, you’re filling your schedule a little way too much. There’s no room for you. Right. Um, but when things were not as busy, you know, with the modeling and all that stuff, one of the things that one of my self-care practices was literally spending time with friends. I miss that about us. I miss that about that. You know, our investments. That’s one of the things about being here is so bittersweet. You know, I left a lot that I love behind, but I do spend a lot of time with friends, uh, when I can. And obviously with COVID things have been more difficult, but as everything opens up now, I need my friends. How
Speaker 1 00:05:17 Long have you been in North Carolina? About four years. I know,
Speaker 2 00:05:21 Five years. It’ll be six years in September. Can you believe that went fast? It showed did. Yeah. So I got a, you know, a cute little group of, you know, some ladies and stuff, but you know, it’s not the same. No one’s been replaced. You know, it’s just, uh, an add on to investments and you know, to the other friends that I left here behind. So, um, my Bible study fellowship women have saved me because they’re a different group. Right. They’re on the spiritual end and I need them a lot. I do.
Speaker 1 00:05:54 And I love that your husband was able to point out you and my husband does this to me too, when I’m not taking care of myself, I’m spread myself a little too thin, which is something I really try not to do anymore. But then he was able to kind of say that to you. You have that open communication. So did you come up with a plan kind of moving forward?
Speaker 2 00:06:11 Or so today was since he’s brought this up today, as I was looking at my itinerary because obviously April was insane and here we are in may and it’s looking like that. So I literally started looking at, okay, where can I squeeze some self-care mother’s day is around the corner, it’s this weekend. So I actually, um, do not plan on doing anything, ice. I’m not doing anything, what I actually wanted to do. And I think I’m going to do it. I have an event in Charlotte and I’m not going to drive home right after the event. I’m going to get a hotel room by myself.
Speaker 1 00:06:50 Nice. And really give yourself that break, those boundaries, physical boundaries there, and, and a break. And you may have to, as things, move on, like schedule time when you can do that.
Speaker 2 00:07:04 I have to now with the schedule being the way it is now I have to pencil in self care, which is not something that I did.
Speaker 1 00:07:10 Yeah. Sometimes though, when things get crazy, I have to do that too. It’s like, okay, I haven’t meditated. When can I meditate? Well, how am I going to move my body this week? When can I slot these things in? Because it’s so, you know, it just gets crazy. And these are the things that we let go when other stuff comes up. Right. That’s awesome. So I know we’ve mentioned a little bit about your modeling and you are crushing it modeling. And so I know you’ve struggled because we’ve talked about this in the past and, you know, with body acceptance and really getting comfortable in your body and accepting of your body, and I’ve been noticing on social media, your hashtag own your roles, which I love. So, so tell me a little bit about
Speaker 2 00:07:53 This. It was funny story about how, when your roles came to be, so I had a photo shoot in December, um, with, um, Denise, I’m going to name her, didn’t do Taylor, a two, two for you. And it was a Christmas, um, shoot and ended up being a, a Christmas shoot, but also a couple of shoots. Right. I wore this white dress and the dress look nice, but she took a picture of like the back of my dress. And all I saw was my role. Right. And I’m like, oh,
Speaker 3 00:08:25 She’s like, no, it looks great. I’m like, no, I’m like, look at all these rules. And then, and then, and I was like, I just wish I can own my roles. It’s just like, that’s a tee shirt. And I’m like, you’re right. That’s a t-shirt photo shoot about that. And
Speaker 2 00:08:44 When I tell you that, that literally was like the beginning part, because it is hard to accept your body. And I talk, I would tug a war with it all the
Speaker 3 00:08:55 A hundred percent, all the time. There are days
Speaker 2 00:08:57 I’m like, okay, I’ve come a long way, had gastric bypass. And I’ve lost a lot of weight, but I have all this extra skin that I don’t love and I’m trying to love it, you know? And, um, you know, and then now that I’m modeling, right? The pressure is even like higher to look better or statically better. So to speak because, you know, I would say most of the real women models, they don’t have all this stuff. They, you know, they’re nice and bold and voluptuous. And I’m like, I wish I could be that, but that’s not my that’s not my body. So trying to own my roles has now been the new journey because I’m, teeter-totter with plastic surgery. And I don’t know, I don’t know. I’m still, you know, I’m still like, but, um, I’m really trying to own the roles because this is this isn’t, uh, you know, this body that I have now is a proof of the battle scars. Sure. And I don’t know if I’m gonna lose my battle scars if I get rid of it. Does that
Speaker 1 00:10:00 Mean that does make sense? It does. And it is an internal tug of war. I mean, folks know I’ve shared this before. I’m in recovery for disordered eating and exercise bulemia and atypical anorexia. And I still have those struggles. I had it just recently, my, one of my latest photo shoots. I’m not crushing it quite as much as Corina, but I
Speaker 3 00:10:22 Guess you’ll get an itch. It doesn’t stop. So,
Speaker 2 00:10:25 All right, well, there you go. Keep going to this I’m Tom.
Speaker 1 00:10:28 So, you know, when I first saw the pictures, I really struggled and was like, Ooh,
Speaker 3 00:10:34 Who’s that, that, and
Speaker 1 00:10:36 Those pictures that ain’t me. And I didn’t like it at all. And I was like, well, that was a giant waste of time. Glad that’s over and was ready to move on the next day. You know, I looked at the pictures again. I’m like, that’s me. Yeah. And I look beautiful in the picture and it doesn’t matter, you know, society tells us how we showed or should it look, or what’s healthy and what’s not healthy and enough like own it hashtag own your roles. I think that might be the episode title. Awesome. I love it. And you also have a background as a fitness instructor. I remember back when we would rock the front row in Zumba. Um, I got my Zoomba certification. I remember you asking me about, and next thing I know you’re signing up. You’re doing all the suit
Speaker 3 00:11:22 Was doing the certification. I still have them. Oh, that’s awesome.
Speaker 2 00:11:25 Yeah, no, I still have all six. And up until the, my injury for my neck, I was teaching Aquazone before health tracks and I was teaching every Thursday and sometimes I would, um, sit in and do a Zumba class for, you know, like, uh, what’d you call it like, uh, can’t even think right now, but when you know, they were the original teacher wasn’t there. I would be the salvia, that’s it. That’s what I was looking for. Like the sub I would be the sub and it was so much fun. I miss that. So much of my, this neck injury that I have has literally robbed me from some of my joy. Oh,
Speaker 1 00:11:59 I’m so sorry to hear that. So how do you, so now we have this injury been this love of movements or how are you managing to, to move your body?
Speaker 2 00:12:07 So, so I’ve been doing sorta kind of yoga stuff by myself, right. At the house, but it’s not fun because I’m a studio girl. I love being around people. I love the energy. I love to smile. Or, you know, when you look at the person next to you, like, oh, I’m so hard. And you know, it’s just, you know, it’s you and the other person having the same facial expression. Cause you know, it’s hard or in Zumba in this case, you’re laughing. Yeah. And I love that. I love that human connection, part of exercising for me. Um, and, and I know that, you know, people are doing the zoom and us. I, it’s just, not me. It’s just, it’s not in my heart.
Speaker 1 00:12:49 It’s not the same. I mean, I like it. I’m appreciative that we have it as an option and I’m definitely engaged in it because, well, we can’t necessarily go back to how we were pre COVID in terms of, you know, group classes and whatnot. But if you lose, you definitely lose an aspect of that. So you’re still able to, to Zoomba down in North Carolina and a little bit,
Speaker 2 00:13:11 So lately my back has been doing a little better and I’m going to think modeling for that. Right. So with modeling, because I call myself a tree trunk, right? I’m so stiff that I cannot move my hips. Um, as much as I used to when I was teaching Zumba, but with modeling, you kind of have to move your hips to, you know, stretch your stuff down the runway or whatever. But even the shoots, the same thing with the shoots, you know, you got to put your body in different angles and all that stuff so that, you know, the pictures look right. So that’s what made me at least do the yoga aspect of it. But, uh, as far as cardio, the walking it’s helped me. The most of my cardio comes from walking and then the stretching is from like the yoga moves that I do myself at home and it’s helped at least with the modeling for me, because since I’m not teaching, but the self with the monitor. So now, you know, my stride is a little better. I’m able to pose a little better for photo shoots and stuff, but I am not a hundred percent. And I, you know, and that’s the part that’s, I’m starting to lose patience. Mm.
Speaker 1 00:14:11 Yeah. That’s hard. Yeah. Tell me a little bit about how all this modeling got started because it seemed like, oh yeah, shoot after shoot and magazine. It’s just so cool.
Speaker 2 00:14:23 Um, the three, you know, the elevator talk about it. I’ll tell you this. It started with someone from my church. She, you know, she was a, like a stylist and she wanted to do a fashion show for the church. Right. And she was like, Hey, Krishna, do you want to do it?
Speaker 3 00:14:37 And I was like, yeah, sure, Nicole I’ll do it. She goes, oh, you know, you got style, you know?
Speaker 2 00:14:40 Cause you know, when you dress a church, whatever. Yeah. So she asked me to be part of the show and you know, I obliged had a great time right. Missing people. And then I kept, I think I did maybe I think it was maybe two or three more events with her after about three. And then sometimes I would do events and I wouldn’t be the makeup artist. Right. So I started getting into those little, you know, local fashion show circles and you know what? It was fun, you know? Cause you know, me, I like to meet people. I love makeup. I love fashion. I love beauty. Right. So yeah. So it, it wasn’t, it wasn’t uh, a bad joy to find so to speak. Uh, and I did it when I could, it didn’t ever impeded with my, with my job or you know, my part-time job, but I loved it.
Speaker 2 00:15:33 So then one day I was reached by an agency has entertainment and he’s like, Hey, you know, I want to see you. I saw you with the BDU awards at the BBU awards. I was actually an MUA. I was makeup artists backstage. And he had heard down the grapevine that I’ve had done a couple shows and he was like, oh, you’re pretty. Maybe, you know, you know, they give you, I’m going to say, they give you the salesy pitch about how pretty you are and you have some potential and blah, blah, blah type stuff. And you know, me, the positive person that I am, I’m like, what do I got to lose? Nothing. Nothing at all, nothing. So, and that’s a good thing to have an attitude of just, you know, what, if you’re not going to lose anything, why not say, why? Say no, say yes, cause you never know where it’s going to take you.
Speaker 2 00:16:17 Right. So I said, yes, I signed the contract and of course, uh, COVID happens. Right. Because that was literally in 2020 when I signed up and I did, um, I think there were two shows that I ended up doing in 2020. Uh, and then as the summer progressed, I did more photo shoots. Right. So I started, I would, I don’t want to say falling in love with it, but I started liking it a little more and it just, that COVID didn’t allow me to enjoy it more than I could. Right. So with this whole thing now, now that everything’s open up, I’ve been doing way more shoots, way more shows and then I’ve been published in, I, it sounds, I hate to say it because I don’t even want to come across narcissistic. I’ve been in 12, 12 magazines.
Speaker 1 00:17:06 Yeah. That’s so cool.
Speaker 3 00:17:08 It is cool. You know, I, it
Speaker 2 00:17:10 It’s, um, it’s weird to say that, you know, I don’t, I don’t say it a lot, but you know, it’s weird. Um, to know that I got published in 12 magazines. I mean, I think it was five in February, this past February alone. Um, but you know, I mean, it’s all part of the journey. I don’t say no. Let’s see where it goes. It’s still being told. Um, but there’s a lot of hard work now because now I’m in more demand now. So that’s where the scheduling is.
Speaker 1 00:17:40 I felt very lucky. I was able to squeeze you in,
Speaker 3 00:17:44 Listen, you know what I was
Speaker 2 00:17:45 Here for. And you know that I wasn’t going to miss it for the world.
Speaker 1 00:17:49 I’m just giving you a hard time. I love that though. I mean, you were open enough to receive a new opportunity and be willing to explore it. And sometimes we tend to, you know, wall ourselves off or our own defense mechanisms and our own protection. And not even let ourselves try, like you, like you said, what did you have to lose nothing. So they, you go now you went on this journey, you’re still on it and it’s unfolding and it’s exciting and it’s fun. And you want at the very least doula gorgeous and you have these unbelievable
Speaker 3 00:18:21 I love it as it is. I think
Speaker 2 00:18:26 That, you know, you know, let’s say for your listeners, just try something new, try something new. Don’t hesitate. Don’t let like, you know, oh, I’ve never done this before. Oh, I just, I won’t be perfect. Who cares? Let it go. Just let it go. You know, just try something new because you don’t know where it’s going to take you. It might be a new passion, a new hobby. You might meet new people. If you’re single, you might meet a significant
Speaker 3 00:18:54 Other there, you know, it is, it is just amazing
Speaker 2 00:18:58 How, you know, life happens when you walk outside of fear, you know, growth is when you grow. It is, is it’s. It’s when you’re uncomfortable is where you grow. So get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Okay. Because let me tell you I’ve been uncomfortable quite
Speaker 3 00:19:20 A few times. It may not show on these uncomfortable in some of them, but some of them, honestly, no, they’re not.
Speaker 2 00:19:28 I found I was, I had found really comfortable shoes, but honestly, being uncomfortable at the shoots have not been easy. I just,
Speaker 3 00:19:36 Eh, but you know what, who cares? You showed up.
Speaker 1 00:19:40 Yeah, you did. Yeah. I love it. So lastly, I want you to tell us a little bit about a rhythm lifestyle, because I want folks to know where they can find you and where they can listen to you. But also if you could just tell me a little bit about how you got started with your radio show. I love it.
Speaker 2 00:19:58 Okay. So another long short story, right? Years ago, I was at a bar listening to jazz with a friend self care. And for some reason, a rhythm lifestyle, I was looking at my cosmopolitan on the table and the word over rhythm lifestyle. Literally it was like a voice in my mind. And this was what, 2017. Yeah, it was 2017. I was at a jazz bar and the voice said over the, my style and I didn’t know what that was. Right. Don’t know what that was now with, you know, eventually, like I think COVID had, has a lot to do with it, but of course, a lot of people have had a lot of great things happen to them because of COVID. And you know, for me, it’s been a blessing, right? So here you are, right. You got people that are looking up to you for like fashion, not fashion, but like advice, you know?
Speaker 2 00:20:58 And I’m like, well, you know, I don’t mind sharing my story. I don’t mind sharing my journey with people because you know, we’re not alone. We’re not. And I think the more we share our stories, you know, and we stick together, the more we’re able to help one another. Right. Um, without shaming each other, because that’s another thing, you know, we, we’re so quick to shame one another and the more we stay together, I think the more, you know, the more encouraging we are with one another, I think that we, women would be in a far better place and we wouldn’t be beating ourselves up for it. Right. So the rhythm I saw the opportunity was someone had just put my name as like a reference. It’s almost kind of like those people that do those vacation club or like those times, and they won’t be
Speaker 3 00:21:44 Calling me and they won’t stop calling you. Right. So somebody gave my
Speaker 2 00:21:48 Name to the radio station, to the radio station. Right. And I’m like, who did this? But again, opportunity. Right. I’m like, so we had to drove all the way to Charlotte. And I was like, let’s see what they got to say.
Speaker 1 00:22:04 So the radio station reached out to you.
Speaker 2 00:22:06 Yes. Because somebody had given him my, you know, had given him my name and my number. So, you know, I mean, I thought it was insane at first, but again, as long as you, all I had to do was go there, hear him out and come back. There was no, yes, no, no, no nothing. I’m just saying that again. You’re you were faced with an opportunity and don’t let fear stop you from it. So I went, heard him out some really good. And for some reason, again, the spiritual voice, whatever people want to call it, it said a rhythm lifestyle was guiding you was God. Yeah. And it came, it came in literally that, you know, that way. And of course I had to have a conversation with God, talk to him. I said, okay, wait God, wait a minute. I might, what radio show, wait, wait, wait, wait, I gotta do this. Wait a minute. I was like, what am I going to say? What do I start? And I literally asked God. I said, okay, if this is an opportunity for me, you need to guide me, which is why I pray every time, because it knows most of the time, the words are not from mine. They’re from him. If that makes sense.
Speaker 1 00:23:19 Oh, you’re channeling, you’re channeling that voice to help guide
Speaker 2 00:23:22 You. Yeah. To, to have, you know, guide me with the show or I have, you know, now I have listeners that will, you know, ask for suggestions and you know, and sometimes I’m like, whoa, wait, I don’t know. You know, I’ve never experienced this, you know, this particular journey. And I will say, well, I will talk to God and I will ask for discernment and whatever. Um, I, I, I publish, you know, it’ll be, it’ll be from him, you know, then you know, something like that. But the radio show was a surprise. It was not planned. And again, another, it was like literally another gamble at life.
Speaker 1 00:23:55 I love it. What did you have to lose? Absolutely. Nothing but no, that’s so beautiful, really in a great reminder for our listeners and for me, because sometimes we forget and we, you know, we, the journey sometimes is we want it. We want it done. We like, we want to, we want to achieve everything. And like, but that, that process and that really finding where you fit and saying yes to some opportunities and maybe saying no to others, but you know, figuring out what’s going to be best for you. But then taking that first step. One of my favorite quotes take the first step in faith. Yup. The staircase will unfold or something like that. I might be butchering that a little bit, but then that’s what we have to do. Just start, you don’t have to know the end journey.
Speaker 3 00:24:40 I don’t know people go, oh,
Speaker 2 00:24:41 I don’t know. I live in Tampa. I don’t know. Even with the modeling, I don’t know. All I know is that I’m operating in a place of joy. So if it brings me joy, I’m gonna do it right.
Speaker 1 00:24:53 The moment it stops, I’m done.
Speaker 3 00:24:56 I’m done with it. Yeah. Yeah. But
Speaker 1 00:24:58 For now it sounds like these are wonderful, wonderful opportunities. And I’m so happy that you’re getting to experience all of this. And so I’ll definitely make sure that folks know where to find you so they can listen to over the lifestyle. Okay.
Speaker 2 00:25:10 So read them lifestyle airs every Saturday morning at 6:00 AM on WDRB media. Uh, but you can also reach out to me via the social media handles. It is Korean about tree. K a R I N a B E L T R E. Both on Facebook and Instagram. And no, I don’t do Twitter.
Speaker 1 00:25:29 Um, meaning either I might have to at some point, but not yet. I, you know, people like you should do take talk. Oh, we should be dancing.
Speaker 2 00:25:37 Um, I, I don’t know. I haven’t gone to take to I’m trying. Um, but you can also reach out to me, uh, on the Gmail. gmail.com.
Speaker 1 00:25:46 Excellent. Well, thank you so much for joining us here today and so exciting and so nice to see you. Nice to see you too. I love you. Love you too.
Speaker 0 00:26:01 Wow. That was so much fun. Our conversation really emphasizes the idea that we need to be open and ready to receive new opportunities. You never know where they may lead both Corina’s modeling and her radio show happened because she was brave enough to say yes, as Bernay brown says, you either walk inside your story and own it, or you stand outside your story and hustle for your worthiness. Corina certainly owns it. And I love watching the journey unfold. What have you got to lose? Say yes to life. Be willing to try something new, get uncomfortable and show up for yourself. I also appreciate how she recognizes that what she needs for care depends on her mood. And she has a lot of practices that she pulls from. It is so important for us to have a bank of self-care practices that we access, but like any bank account, you have to put into it as well.
Speaker 0 00:26:55 You cannot just withdraw from it or eventually they will be empty. So try new self-care practices and methods as your deposits. And then you have more to pull from when the time arises to meet your needs. Some days you may just need to stay in bed all day. Others may find solace in a workout and some maybe need to just do some deep breathing. The key is knowing what you need and when, and I love that her skincare routine has become a meditation for her. That’s so wonderful. And I want to shout out to Corina’s hubby too. It is wonderful that she has such a relationship with her husband, where he is super supportive, but can also tell her when she needs to take a break. I always say that open communication is key to a successful relationship. The ongoing tug of war with our bodies is so real.
Speaker 0 00:27:47 So many of us struggle with this. I want to encourage my listeners to think about all the wonderful and beautiful things your body does every day for you. Next time you catch yourself being negative about your body. Try to express some appreciation. Instead if you’re the journaling type, try writing a letter of appreciation for your body, oh, and hashtag own your roles. Thanks for listening to this episode. Remember to subscribe and rate this podcast on your preferred player, the ratings help us grow and share the message of self-care. If you have comments, suggestions, or questions, please reach out directly by emailing podcast at Dr. MC self care.com that’s D R M C self care.com and come join the cast party at Dr. MCs self care cabaret on Facebook and Instagram at Dr. MC self care or on my website, Dr. MC self care.com. Be sure to like subscribe and love me across all my social media platforms for the most up-to-date information on care. See you next time. Stay well and do good.

As always we love to hear from our listeners! Reach out to podcast@drmcselfcare.com with any questions or topics you’d like to hear about on future episodes.

Additional Resources:

• Jeffrey Benson’s website
• ASCD website
• Personal Best Article by Atul Gawande

You can learn more about Dr. MC and this podcast on her website: https://drmcselfcare.com/podcast-home/

EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

Speaker 0 00:00:26 Welcome to another episode of Dr. MCs self care cabaret podcast. I’m Theresa Melito-Conners a PhD level self-care expert in the greater Boston area with a passion for helping others recognize the importance of caring for themselves. Today’s episode is a conversation with Jeffrey Benson. Jeffrey is an internationally known author and has worked for over 40 years as a teacher mentor and administrator. He’s had the good fortune of working with wonderful people on school reform, conflict resolution, learning theory, trauma addiction, advisory programs, math, education, staff development, leadership training, and curriculum development. He now coaches, principals and teachers writes about education, speaks at conferences, all in an effort to upload what he has learned in hopes others can make good use of it. His work focuses on schools being more successful to more students, always rooted in the understanding of how people learn, what should be the starting point for all we do in schools.
Speaker 0 00:01:29 I first met Jeffrey back in 2011, fresh out of grad school round one, when I was hired to be the guidance coordinator at a therapeutic high school in Massachusetts folks who have attended my trainings on creating a trauma sensitive school have likely heard me reflect on this experience for many reasons. Jeffrey was the director of education at the school when I was hired. And I learned so much from working with him. Our paths crossed once again, in my next role, as I hired Jeffrey many times to present to a large conference of special education professionals that I used to put together for a statewide trade association in Massachusetts Jeffrey’s workshops, always received rave reviews from his attendees. Jeffrey has so much information to share, and I’m delighted. He’s here with us today.
Speaker 0 00:02:21 Thank you so much, Jeffrey for joining us here today on the Dr. MC self care cabaret podcast. We’re going to jump right in here with, um, question one. I know you’ve written on the topic of self care in the past. I believe you’re actually cited in my dissertation as a fun, fun fact for our listeners. Um, so I’m wondering what self care looks like for you?
Speaker 2 00:02:45 Well, I’ve, it’s been an important part of my career from the beginning because, um, as some people know, I, my first job was in the basement room next to the janitor’s closet with all the kids in a school, no one. And it was so important to realize that I needed to take care of myself. So I’ll tell you an interesting one. I did. Um, I found, I realized I always needed someone to talk to in my work. I mean, I think that’s the most, like I would start off with that. You have to have someone to talk to because there’s so many issues, so many things go through your head when you work in a school in a given day and you have to kind of sort through them, figure out what’s important, organize your priorities. So even though there might be a hundred things on your list, you know, the top 10 you have to do.
Speaker 2 00:03:32 And so I went to the school psychologist at my school who seemed under work, or, you know, you want connection because oftentimes school psychologists are kind of not part of the school staff. You know, there’s kind of these extra people who are kind of trying to make their way in. And I said to him, Charlie, can I have time with you? Like, could we launch together on Fridays? He was like, oh, absolutely. That would be great. So every Friday tri and I met and we had lunch together and his little office and it was an escape island. I could talk to him about anything. He knew all the players involved. Um, so he could confirm some of my concerns about how the school was running. He could challenge me if I hadn’t had enough information. It just was also a place to just do a brain dump also to have him affirm that what I was doing well, because part of working in schools is you just don’t get enough affirmation to have someone just sit with you and listen to you on school, your thoughts and say, that’s really well said, or that was a good move you made, or, wow.
Speaker 2 00:04:43 I would’ve never thought that in those small moments of affirmations from somebody else super critical to keep going. So that was one thing, always having someone to talk to. The other thing is that I’m teaching is a physical activity. Um, and one of the things, when you working, particularly with kids who are needy, which has been a lot of part of my career, kids who have particularly more needs than typical students, um, we’re like sponges for their athletes. We’re sponges for their needs. We take it all in. So having routines of exercising of meditating, um, taking care of one’s body, that way is so important. There’s a wonderful book by all my colleagues, Bessel van der Kolk on, uh, trauma called the body, keeps the score. One of my favorites. It’s such a great book. It’s a great book for educators, even if you don’t work with kids with trauma, because it’s just about how the brain works and how we work in concert with our brain.
Speaker 2 00:05:41 And you just working all day in a school, you take on so much of the kids’ needs inside your body. You don’t even realize it. Sometimes I used to think why is my work so exhausting? I haven’t been cutting sugar cane. I haven’t been tarring a road in hot sun. It’s because of that physical inhalation of all of the issues in the school. And you have to have a healthy way to deal with it. And so exercise for me always been important. I know there were a couple years in my career where I was able to walk home from school. That was always wonderful. I would take a slow walk home from school. I would walk by a park. I walk to do some chores on the way home. Um, and there was a couple years where I rode my bike to school. That’s awesome. And that was also just, it was my time. I knew that I would get on the school feeling and thinking something. And 20 minutes later I’d be home and my body would have assimilated would have metabolized I feelings and they I’d be different. So those were two biggies for me talking to somebody and having something outlet for my body for all. I am so up from the day. Yeah.
Speaker 0 00:06:48 That definitely aligns with what I promote in my workshops too. When we talk about the different domains of self-care, you are, you know, that connection with other people, that’s your relationship domain. And being able to have that connection, that support that respect, um, that sustainability through that relationship is very important. And of course, moving our bodies is so, so important. Um, you know, my mother always says, when you don’t move, that’s the kiss of death
Speaker 2 00:07:15 And in slow kiss, you don’t even realize that’s, you know, death has been puckering up to you for a long time, but you get that smack
Speaker 0 00:07:24 Important. And it’s, it’s kind of funny. I was just remembering the reason why I actually got into self care was when we worked together in the school and I won’t name the school that we worked at, but it was pretty intense. We had a pretty intense student population and fresh out of grad school, round one for myself, a young wide-eyed, um, you know, guidance counselor coming in actually guidance coordinator. It was my role. And, um, and she said to
Speaker 2 00:07:50 The listener, she was terrific, right from the get-go that, that she didn’t have things to learn, but, um, she was ready to, she jumped in. She was great. Teresa was great.
Speaker 0 00:07:58 Thank you. Um, definitely did jump right in and I loved it, but I realized very quickly that I was on a fast path to burnout. And I recognize that, you know, learning with the students and learning about their paths, it, it was a lot to take in and to process. And I remember kind of going to the program director at the time and making a comment like, you know, I’m having a hard time like with all of this. And she said, you’re going to need to learn to not take that home with you. And I didn’t a hundred percent understand what she meant. So I took it upon myself to do some research and kind of stumbled upon, um, the world of self care. And at the time, you know, leading voices, being Wayne Dyer, Dr. Dyer, uh, Dr. Deepak Chopra and among others, uh, Louise hay. And so that’s kind of why I gravitated towards their work and really started to just read and listen to anything. I could get my hands on by them. And at the time I thought that the, this was unique to me that I was just experiencing this and that this was not, you know, a much larger issue, um, till I didn’t realize that until a little bit later, but it definitely helped me to kind of start to put my health and wellbeing first. So I could better serve the students because you have to,
Speaker 2 00:09:08 Right. I tell you a story. You may not know this from when our offices were just a few feet from each other at one point. So, um, I was one of the directors of the school. So I did have a slightly bigger office than some people, because I have a lot of people came into my office for meetings. I had a little couch and I realized that every teacher in some fashion has, um, prep time. And so I would actually close the door to my office and I get on that couch and I put my feet up and I’d set my timer and I take a 10 minute nap. And I realized that that was for me, prep time, that was not me be ready for the next set of stuff I had to do that I could still turn and look at all my other things that I had to do.
Speaker 2 00:09:52 But, um, that was, uh, so I remember once going to one of my bosses and saying, I think other people should know they can do this. And that boss said, no, no, I don’t want anyone doing that. And I’ve felt like, you know, everyone has a different way of taking care of themselves and prep time. Isn’t just to prep your lesson plans, it’s to prep for all you need to do, um, going forward. Um, I have another thing I learned to do for self care. This was a hard one. Um, but really it was helpful. I, as many people do, I have a long to-do list and my job, um, I remember once going to my boss and saying, I want you to look at my to-do list. I have 56 things on it. And I’m worried that somebody is going to say, how come you’re not doing this one here?
Speaker 2 00:10:40 And I’m like, well, that’s number 17. I didn’t really know. And that’d be like, maybe it shouldn’t be 17. So one thing I would do is I would go to my supervisor and I’d say, here’s my priorities for the week. Do you agree with, because I wanted someone else to help me support me in the sort of chaotic movement of a school when things shift quickly. So I could say, um, I think this should be number four on the list for this week. And my boss says to, okay, I think I’m going to leave, sit in at number four. Um, and I learned to do that. That was really helpful. And another was to have a very fluid to do lists. So it w it had a column for things to be done by the end of the year, then things to be done at the end of this semester, things to be done at the end of this week, things to be done at the end of today, and things would shift through them.
Speaker 2 00:11:38 So I could also say, all right, I know what my priorities are today. If I have time, I feel confident in choosing the three or four things I’m going to put my time to, cause I know everything else is parked somewhere where it won’t get lost. Cause otherwise everything was swirling in my head trying to hold on to everything. So having a really well organized prioritize, do list to do list and having your boss confirm that you’ve got it right. It was really helpful for me focusing and being calm. I think that’s part of the stress of working in many institutions. And I know school the best is the endless number of things to do. They say, schools are at the crossroads. Here’s something for self care problem. Schools are at the crossroads of infinite need and finite resources right there. Isn’t that just a killer for those of us who care about the kids, care about this system, care about the parents to know every day you’re not doing as much as could be done.
Speaker 2 00:12:43 You have to learn to live. That’s the part. It’s not that you can’t take that home, but you have to know over time how to pat yourself on the back and said, I did the best I could today with what I had to do. Can I tell you one more story? Yeah, of course. So one time when I was a director of school principal and, um, there was a big crisis that day at this school. And basically I had to abandon my well-prepared to do agenda for the day, took care of the crisis, everything went fine, you know, got through it, got the right people, got the police, got whoever had it to be there. So I remember all the details that ambulance or whatever. And I went to my boss at the end of the day and said, I want to let you know that I just did a hall of fame day as the director of this school.
Speaker 2 00:13:32 I managed the school so well, but I have to let you know the person who’s number three on my to-do list that I didn’t get to talk to today thinks I’m a jerk because I never got to him first thing tomorrow. And that’s the other part. Um, okay. I’ll give you one more self care part. Obviously I’m going to keep kind of helping us. One thing leads to another. Um, I made a rule for myself, which I ultimately shared with a lot of people, which is if that you called me or send me an email on our texts on, let’s say Monday I had till the end of the day, Tuesday to get back to you, unless somebody said it was an emergency wise, I had to give myself permission to get through what I felt was the priority today and know that I would get to the person by the end of the next Workday. But I’m that person who’s writing to me calling me, texting me to get their needs met, have no idea what they’re dropping their need into, to the culture and I’m working away. Well, I always had that as I tried to put that out to people as sort of, this is how Jeffery operates. And as long as you know, that, I think that’s a good way to, um, protect yourself from being overwhelmed.
Speaker 0 00:14:53 Sure. No, I love that. I think that you hit upon some really important points and I also, I really liked that. So let me make sure I get it right. Infinite need, but finite resources. I think that might be the episode title
Speaker 1 00:15:08 And finite resources, because I think globally
Speaker 0 00:15:12 People self-care anyway, like there’s, there’s an infinite need to take care of yourself, right? But sometimes people feel really like struggle with the resources in the how to do it.
Speaker 2 00:15:20 Right. And also, you know, in schools and I think a lot, the most finite resources time, of course, you know, and that’s why teachers don’t take the time to go to the bathroom during the day or eat or eat or anything like that. Um, what I work in middle schools, one of the things I cause middle schools, they work as teams and it’s, it’s like built in, you know, and it’s a really great resource is to be able to ask your teammate, could you cover for me for five minutes? Cause I wanna, I have a bathroom. I want to let’s build in bathroom breaks and just cover for each other for just five minutes or to ask for help from your peers is another self-care thing. Now, when you’re on a team it’s sort of a mutually supportive situation, right? From the start, we can start scheduling in stuff to take care of each other. Otherwise it’s to find a partner or two in the school who you can say, Hey, on our free times, if you want to, if you want to get to the bathroom, if you want to do something, I’m willing to give up five minutes of my free time. If people aren’t going to take you up on it every day, but it’s nice to know that somebody’s there for you. Great.
Speaker 0 00:16:33 I’m going to ask you another question. I know you have so much experience working with adolescents with various mental health needs. And we know as a result of COVID, many educators are concerned with the impact that it has had on, on students and children and their mental health. So I’m wondering what advice you can offer to help educators in dealing with this as we move forward,
Speaker 2 00:16:54 That’s your job. So, you know, it’s an interesting thing about, um, living and learning through the pandemic when it first, um, hit. And I was, uh, I coach and consult to principals and school leadership teams and teachers all around and with zoom sort of geographically, even farther reach at this point. And I was feeling a little intimidated at first because I said to people, I actually have no experience of running a school in a pandemic. I can’t tell you, we have to three weeks in the pandemic, you should be at this stage. And looking back, we can see there were some stages, but what I realized was human beings. We’re still a human beings in whatever conditions we’re put in. And so I actually leaned heavily into some of the resiliency research and looking at three protective factors and that’s going to be for kids coming back into school.
Speaker 2 00:17:43 So one is relationship building, absolutely critical. Very, very second is opportunities for students and staff to have voice in autonomy because you know what I always say, I’m not a good mind reader. And I don’t want people to count on me reading their minds to ask for what they need. So part of the relationship building is so people feel safe saying to me, Mr. Benson, can I do this? This would help me. Can I do that? I’m wondering about this. They have to feel safe to be vulnerable. So relationship building is primary. Cause then it allows kids and adults have autonomy and voice so they can organize their own worlds a little bit because it’s very scary if the system is so set in stone, that you can’t take care of yourself, even though you might have a good idea. I always love my students who would say Mr.
Speaker 2 00:18:40 Baker, can I sit by the window? Mr. B, can I have graph paper? Mr. B, can I use a mocker instead of a pencil? Mr. B, can I sit with Theresa because I would work better with her. Oh, that’s yay. That’s what you want from kids to do. So they need to feel safe. They need to know that to ask. And then you want to praise kids, autonomy and voice. And initially you’re going to have to ask kids, you give them menus of things. What would help you? So I’m going to come to the third thing, but first I want to say this one second one, um, in the school that Theresa and I worked in, and I don’t know if this happens when you were there, but there were a couple of times when we had, there was a crisis either with a kid at the school or in the world, the big event.
Speaker 2 00:19:22 And we knew everyone was coming into school with a little more on their emotional ledger. And we realized that what some kids wanted was to just do school. It was the most soothing thing they could possibly do. It was better than all the chaos in their mind, give them a math sheet. That was what they wanted. Some kids wanted to sit one-on-one with a trusted adult. Some kids would like to be in a small group to talk. And so we realized that autonomy and voice was to give kids choice about how to take care of themselves and to, and that’s a really important thing to have a menu of options that they can choose from that they won’t always choose perfectly well, but they’ll learn to. And some of them really do know what’s better because I realized when we decided one time to cancel class and just had groups that made a lot of kids really anxious, not a good idea to give people zero choice when they’re emotionally in turmoil and say, this is the one solution for you.
Speaker 2 00:20:24 So autonomy and voice means there’s choice that kids can operate within adults as well. And the third thing is predictable systems of support. So if you need something, how do you get it? What’s their fee in one of the schools I worked in, we had a long list of, if you are feeling anxious, a friend go to, you can go to this person in the school. And it was like a list. If you want to change a class, go talk to Teresa. Did that person, um, if you’re aware, if you’re having concerns with a medication, here’s when you can go see the nurse, but it was a long list of things. If you would like to find a job, if you would like to get ride a ride home regularly, whatever it was that we had a list of places, kids could go where they had, didn’t have to ask because asking the wrong person makes you vulnerable.
Speaker 2 00:21:19 I want to know. So we listed out as much as we could. And it was in the student handbook. It was posted in like a lobby area. And it served the purpose also of saying it was okay to have meetings that we all had them. And I remember once in an assembly, we had some of the veterans students talk about who they went to one time when they had a need like that. So you also want to model self-care. It was okay. I went to talk to Teresa when I wanted to change a class and it was great talking to her and, you know, I recommend going to see her. And so hearing it from their peers. So I want to repeat, so it’s relationship building, reaching out to him, that extra stuff, opportunities for autonomy and voice, which means you have to give a choice whenever you can have activities and things.
Speaker 2 00:22:07 And the third thing is predictable places to get the support you need. So you don’t have to ask for it, but it’s set up ahead of time for you. All of these things are doable in schools. And I want to say the last one in particular, I wish we did more regularly. We do know what the resources are in the school. How do we make it? That’s how we roll around here. We put resources out, kids use them. We celebrate kids using the resources. Yeah. I that’s why I think coming back from COVID we still lean into those three protective factors.
Speaker 0 00:22:37 Yeah. And I think that resilience piece is going to be huge as we move forward and the idea of choice and autonomy also, because we have to remember that these kiddos are coming back from a variety of different experiences over the last 15 years. I mean, not everybody’s 15 months, 50, sorry, 15 months, 15 years. Oh my gosh. Well,
Speaker 2 00:23:00 Let’s say 15 years. Definitely. And then the last 15 months it’s sort of exponentially idiosyncratic. Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 0 00:23:06 And um, when we think about that, I mean, not everybody’s COVID experience from one person to the next has certainly been the same. And so we have to be mindful of that and for the staff also coming back and getting going, and, and from a lot of different places. So I love that. That’s that’s great. And I’m wondering, so that, oh, go ahead.
Speaker 2 00:23:25 Let me just say one more thing about that. For instance, for some staff, having time set up like a place to go and talk to peers, super-important other staff want nothing more than getting their classroom and just get an organized and set up. And that’s their soothing self care thing. Like, you know, cleaning up an organized, I w I have to, even though I’m not anal, I’m not disorganized either. I love times in my classroom to go in. Like sometimes, you know, as teachers do this, we come in early, really early sometimes, and we just putter around our classroom and we just set things up and we organize it. And there’s something incredibly soothing about having time to do that. So I think Fred administrator to be aware that if you can carve out some time for people to just have optional time and not feel like how can I say this, that the staff will be professional in their decision-making about how to take care of themselves when given optional time.
Speaker 2 00:24:23 That’s one of the things we tend to do in schools about kids and staff. If there were a hundred staff, there might be four who use that badly, and we tend to not let the other 96 have that option, because we’re worried about the force. Same with kids. Schools tend to be that we worry so much about the kid who’s going to screw up, that we don’t let all the rest of the kids who are developmentally ready to have autonomy, have their autonomy. And it’s sort of like, we would never say to a class, well, you know, we’re not going to teach algebra, but, or this group cause five kids aren’t going to do it well, but we do a lot of that around behavioral stuff, as opposed to 15 of these kids, I know we’re going to really use this time. Well, I will protect the other five from themselves and from damaging everyone else’s opportunity. So I think there’s a part of giving people time and space to take care of their own needs with some options again, how they want to do that. Yeah,
Speaker 0 00:25:20 Well, really important to think about. And so we talked about, you know, kind of the staff and students coming back, and I have been seeing this too in my work, and I’m sure you have as well, you know, the parents are also quite anxious about learning loss and, and lots of, and rightfully so that they have concerns. I’m wondering any tips for parents that we can, um, maybe try to help them ease some of that anxiety as we’re picking up the pieces from COVID.
Speaker 2 00:25:47 Well, this is what I’ve heard. Something really interesting the other day about this. And it’s, it’s a complicating factor. What we’re hearing in schools is what the teachers and the kids most want. And again, there’s variation is time to be with each other, that the relationship part in this rebuilding the school culture, which you can do through your academics is really important. And what we’re hearing from parents is lost learning. It’s, it’s like a disconnect because you know what parents see more than anything else out of school is you sort of the academic outcomes, what the kids are doing for homework. And what they don’t see is the primacy of the relationship and the social cauldron of school and how important that is to, um, everyone’s functioning. So there’s a little disconnect there. I think best thing to do with this goes back to a little, um, a structural part is to give parents the roadmap a little.
Speaker 2 00:26:50 So they’re not guessing how the school is going to do it, I think is, you know, professionals in the schools where we are, we’re ultimately responsible for what happens in the walls of the school. But I think to say to parents, here’s how we’re going to roll stuff out. We are going to spend the first three days doing more relationship, building culture, building norms, getting to know you, helping kids set up than we usually do. And then here’s how we’re going to roll stuff out after. It’s not like just going to be an endless time on the mats with Graham cracks, you know, to suit their fears around that as well. But I think they need to hear a plan. It’s always good to know what the people who are taking care of your kids have plans and a little information can go a long way. Yeah,
Speaker 0 00:27:35 I think so too. And I’m actually reminded, I just had a flashback of when we work together and used to always call it and rightfully identified it as the secondary curriculum. Cause that’s not necessarily the, you know, the academics, which is sometimes easier to see and easier to, to, um, to measure. But that whole, that secondary curriculum piece is really hard, right?
Speaker 2 00:27:57 So I do need to make a small plug for my new book, which I don’t know if you did in the opening, um, which is, um, improved every lesson, the way I have to look the real time, improve every lesson plan with SEL, because it’s the notion of that is that you can do the relationship building and the autonomy and choice and the structure part and developing kids’ social and emotional skills and competencies in lesson plans. It’s not like it’s a separate curriculum, so you can do the we’re going to spend two or three days more than we usually do on rebuilding the culture. But we’re going to integrate that as well into how would you lessons? Um, it’s not one or the other and, uh, as you, and I know most good teachers, which are going to say most teachers have always implicitly and somewhat randomly built relationships and social, emotional skills into their lessons,
Speaker 0 00:28:49 Even knowing the fancy terminology for it, it just happened.
Speaker 2 00:28:53 Right. And so my, in the sense is let’s just make it explicit and planned. So I know when kids come in the room, I know how I’m going to praise them. I know I’m going to prompt them. I know I’m going to model for them as they’re sitting together to do group work. I know I’m going to model for them. I know I’ve got to prompt them as we’re closing up the lesson. I know I’m going to have kids talking to each other about what they experienced during that lesson. We do that, like I said, randomly, we start doing that stuff integrated into the lesson. I think we’re going to be more successful academically and the kids are going to build their resilience. Absolutely.
Speaker 0 00:29:31 And I love that kind of shifting that thinking. So we’re, they’re not separate things, but sometimes we tend to think of it as separate, right? Like social emotional,
Speaker 2 00:29:41 Right. I’ve done this work. I’ve always been scared. It’s going to be another curriculum imposed on teachers already have too much to do or a book from the shelf. And okay, now lesson one Tuesday, then lesson two, as opposed to, that’s a part of a lifeblood of how we are as a community. We just need to adjust as a big word. That’s why writing the book was give people permission to do it, give people some models to do it and support them in doing it.
Speaker 0 00:30:09 Yeah. And since you mentioned the book, I was going to ask you about it, but, um, so where can folks purchase it? Do you want to let us know?
Speaker 2 00:30:16 Um, so the best place to go, uh, is afcg.org, a S C g.org, which is the publisher. It is on Amazon. I’d like to go through ASC D that order because they’re the publisher. They get a little more of the bucks. Um, when it goes through that organization to write organization, um, you can also go to my website, Jeffrey benson.org, and there’s links to the ASC D sites, either way into the book. If you go to my site, you can also see other things I’ve written in my articles and write to me and be in touch. And I keep in touch with a lot of educators all over the country because it’s fun. It’s interesting. We need each other. I mean, going back to self care, um, you need people to talk to about the work and I love, you know, it’s for me when people write to me and want to talk about education, I don’t feel like I am being, um, drained. I’m actually, that’s my self-care too talking to other people. I have the same questions that are working on the same area that I’m working at that
Speaker 0 00:31:18 Starts to get into actually the spiritual domain of self care, where we can see a larger purpose in our work, and we enjoy helping others giving back. And that we, you know, educators tend to do really well in that domain, just in general, because we can see the impact that our work has on the students.
Speaker 2 00:31:35 And that’s been a big part of my work in various ways and it’s sort of implicit and sometimes I, ain’t never gonna make it explicit is, um, I want people to remember why they became teachers and what they love about kids, because really none of us, or almost none of us became teachers because we wanted to give a test on Friday afternoon. It wasn’t for the money either, and we didn’t want it to, because we want it to be taking attendance. That’s not why we, we became teacher for this wonderful it’s spiritual, it’s ethical, it’s existential, it’s life affirming. Um, it’s such a privilege to be able to sit with kids and being asked to and responsible for helping them grow into this world. What a one, that’s why we got into this and the, you know, there’s learning and then there’s schooling and schooling gets in the way of learning.
Speaker 2 00:32:30 Schooling is all the institutional bureaucratic stuff that happens when you shove a thousand people into a building and expect everybody to do things at the same time. And we learn how to manage that. But really, you know, the time we spend talking to kids and talking to each other, that’s, that’s that spiritual deep stuff. Um, it’s why, like I love doing my work as well. I love going meeting people while I love my consulting work. I love having people write to me because it does, it connects me to why I do this and why, you know, I have limited time on earth and yet he has, so he has a deep one for me. Um, I’ve been blessed. I’m not religious. I say that by, um, having a handful of amazing mentors in my life. It’s my one super power finding and keeping really good mentors.
Speaker 2 00:33:21 And one of my mentors, um, he was traveling and, uh, he, he started having chest pain. He thought he was having a heart attack and he was in like a hotel room and he called and they were going to get medics to, and he looked out the window of his hotel and it looked out over a school yard and there were kids playing in the school yard. And he said, well, this is so deep to me. He said, well, if I die now, I’m really glad I work with kids. Wow. Yeah, really? Right. Well that realization, I mean, it, it
Speaker 3 00:33:53 Is it’s can be really powerful.
Speaker 2 00:33:58 Yeah. Yeah. And that’s, you know, it’s, it’s what we have to, um, those of us who work in education reform, it’s the head and the heart, you know, you combat this because in the head, I know we can do better, but in the heart, I know how much people want to do more. And the pain we feel, and this goes back to self care because we can’t do as much as we’d like to do. And that goes back to, that’s why you have to exercise. That’s why I have to talk. Right. Because it’s that criss cross of resources and need, um, that impacts the heart as much as, uh, what I want to say is if you’re feeling that those of you listening to this, it means you’re still working at it. And that’s good. It’s when you stop caring, um, are more worried if you’re feeling the pain, I’m sorry, we’re feel the pain, but at least that means we’re in it. You know, that means where we want to do more. We want to do better. And it’s when we start feeling our frustration with the system that I’m most worried about. Absolutely.
Speaker 0 00:35:09 I’m going to ask you one last question. Um, so as you know, we’ve talked about this before and my listeners know, but my dissertation study was centered around self care for leaders and teachers. And more specifically that leaders need to practice self care and promote it for themselves, you know, promote, practice it, but promoted also for their staff, you know, to help avoid burnout demoralization and help increase retention rates. And so when your work, where you’re training leaders and principals, and how do you try to instill this idea that self-care is other care and that you must put your oxygen mask on first?
Speaker 2 00:35:45 Oh, absolutely. Well, I want to say it just takes me a couple of questions talking to most school administrators, central office and principals for them to admit how isolated they feel. Now, some of them have some support systems, but you know, if you’re a teacher in a school you’re surrounded by many other people who are in your job when you’re an administrator, you might have one or two, three or four, and maybe you get along with them, whatever. Um, so they will know it on some level. So one of the things that I work with administrators on is setting up seminars with administrators to get to talk to each other, but all it’s sort of like, I don’t have to do much. I just have to put them in a room together, give them a little, like a reading to do or something. And it’s like, and they’re telling each other stories and they’re giving each other sort of not advice in like a, um, talking down more.
Speaker 2 00:36:41 But yeah, I tried that too. Have you ever tried this? It’s not that even they need solutions, they just need to talk it out. So that’s one part of it. Um, I know one of the, um, and then also is not a group to have a mentor to have a consultant. I always had someone I talked to when I was a principal. I always paid for it through the school, or even on my own time or found a colleague like that guy, Charlie, I found early on, I always had someone to talk to. Um, when I was a principal, I partly felt like I had to role model working harder than everyone and longer because I felt like I was paid more sure, socialists backgrounds, you’re going to pay me more than to work more. I was always a sucker. You know, anyone paid me more. I was going to have to work more, you know, boundlessly more. And, um, I also needed to model for the staff that, you know what, let’s all try to leave early this Friday, me too. Like I’m going to, going to be able to take time off and I want you to take it to, um, it’s really important. Um, when I could, I could tell my staff, yes, I actually take a nap in my office during my prep time.
Speaker 2 00:37:58 I want you to do what you need to do. And these are the things you see me do. Um, as you know, I used to take lots of walks with staff, um, when they were going to meet, when they we’d all go, Hey, let’s go take a walk together because I need to get out of the building too. Um, so you want to be transparent about your own process. Um, you don’t have to be a martyr. You don’t have, you’re going to end up working more as an administrator. You just do. Um, but don’t be a mater about it. You know, take your vacation, talk about them. Um, let people know how you’re taking care of yourself. Um, here’s another interesting one. Let people know, and this is a tough one that you have a consultant. There’s a wonderful article by a tool Gawande. He was a wonderful writer, G U w a N D E is his name.
Speaker 2 00:38:52 And he wrote an article called personal best. He’s a scholar. I mean a surgeon. And he decided he could be a better surgeon if he got a mentor and he looked around and he found sort of a retired surgeon who he would talk to about his work, excuse me, who would come to his surgery and observe a minute afterwards. Talk about technique. Talk about what he talked about with the other people on the surgical team. So you would just be kind of observing. And the first thing that a tool had to bump up against was all those peers saying, why do you have somebody? Because the assumption was, I must not be very good. And he was like, wait. The greatest tennis players in the world have coaches. The greatest singers in the world have coaches, masterful people in the world continue to learn and have coaches.
Speaker 2 00:39:44 And he was like, I realized I wanted to be better. And so he had to overcome his institutional bias against owning that you were still learning on the job. Um, the article ends with a very funny moment where, so he’s, he’s become comfortable with having the surgeon mentor to have a good relationship. And somebody’s getting wheeled into, I think it’s a woman getting reeled into surgery and he’s going through with her, what’s going to happen. And this person’s United sociologist, this person is going to help me is introducing them, which is a lovely thing to do. And she seized his mentor on the side and she says, who’s, who’s that? And he goes, oh, that’s my coach. And the less I article is she didn’t look happy.
Speaker 0 00:40:34 I think that’s great though. I mean, I think sometimes there’s, you know, like that stigma, um, as you were talking was reminding me even how people sometimes feel about therapy that like, you know, you shouldn’t need that support or that help, like there’s that, that kind of, you know, feeling from certain people. I mean, I, I work with a therapist. I don’t see a problem with that with anybody where I think it’s, um, really beneficial for people to have that. And it’s almost, you know, think of it similar to like a coach. So somebody, a mentor, like you need those people to kind of help you make sense of the world and help you on this journey.
Speaker 2 00:41:06 Correct. And in schools, there’s a little bit of a part of the stigma and I can’t speak to other organizations and institutions. I don’t know them that well is most people who are school, administrators rose up from the ranks. Sure. And so there’s this little bit of, I have to prove that I’m actually smarter, wiser, better, more accomplished than the people who are my peers, because otherwise, why do I have this job? And so being vulnerable, talking about that, you were still on the job feels somehow like I will be diminished in the eyes of my peers, as opposed to your peers would be going. That’s great that you’re trying to get better at your job, but you have to overcome the sort of ego thing, you know, but I highly recommend the article personal best a tool go on date. Cause it talks through all of his internal stuff and institutional stuff that decided he wanted a coach. So he could be better at his work. I
Speaker 0 00:42:02 Love that. I’ll definitely look that article up. Maybe we can link it also in the episode notes as well as your contact information. And you’ve already shared your website with folks, um, which is excellent. And, um, that was all the questions I had for today. I think you gave us a lot, which was excellent. Thank you so much for your time. I very much appreciate it. And I consider you one of my mentors, um, as you have definitely, um, helped me throughout the years as we’ve worked together. But then I still recall on lots of the things that I learned during that time period, very fondly. And so I very much appreciate that. Thank you. Good.
Speaker 2 00:42:38 Nice talking with you, Teresa. You too.
Speaker 0 00:42:47 Jeffrey had so much to share with us and there are many key takeaways from this conversation, even though we were mostly chatting about the education arena, there’s a lot of information and tip shared that a transferable to any industry and to life in general, first relationships, they’re really, really important. We want to ensure that we make time for and spend time with people who are good to us, encourage us, respect us, support us and believe in us. This includes building a trust that you will be respected when you need to advocate for your needs or even say no at times, these are also the people who should listen to you when you become upset, whether it requires an empathetic or sympathetic listening on their part, the bonds you share with family, friends, and colleagues contribute to this domain. If you are listening to this and feel that you do not have people in your life like this, I strongly encourage you to seek the support of a therapist, counselor, or group of like-minded individuals to help foster this domain.
Speaker 0 00:43:49 This is a critical aspect of self-care and can be the hardest to come by and sustain. And we absolutely absorb the energy of those around us. So we must be mindful of this and make sure we are setting boundaries and taking care of ourselves in the process. And while I have never taken a nap at my desk, I don’t see the problem with it. Anytime you can take a brain break, a movement break or another self-care practice for just a few minutes, you will actually make yourself more productive. As a result, people tend to think that someone who takes a nap is obviously a slacker or lazy, but that is simply not true and be sure check out Jeffrey’s books, including his latest improve every lesson with SEL or social, emotional learning this book and his previous publications can be purchased by visiting Jeffrey benson.org.
Speaker 0 00:44:44 Along with the relationship domain of self care, Jeffrey highlighted the spiritual domain. I think it is important to remember your why and reconnect. Why did you become a teacher or why do you do what you do? And I love the idea of hiring a coach from the a tool Gawande article. Jeffrey mentioned it is so true that there is a stigma around this, but there really shouldn’t be. Thanks for listening to this episode. Remember to subscribe and rate this podcast on your preferred player, the ratings help us grow and share the message of self-care. If you have comments, suggestions, or questions, reach out directly by emailing podcast at Dr. MC self care.com that’s D R M C self care and come join the cast party of Dr. MCs self care cabaret on Facebook and Instagram at Dr. MC self care or on my website, Dr. MC self care.com. Be sure to like subscribe and love me across all my social media platforms for the most up-to-date information on self care. See you next time. Stay well and do good.

As always we love to hear from our listeners! Reach out to podcast@drmcselfcare.com with any questions or topics you’d like to hear about on future episodes.

Additional Resources:

• Dr. MC blog post on Reiki
• Amber’s Website

You can learn more about Dr. MC and this podcast on her website: https://drmcselfcare.com/podcast-home/

EPISODE TRANSCRIPT 

Speaker 1 00:00:37 Welcome to another episode of Dr. MCs self care cabaret podcast. I’m your host Theresa Melito-Conners a PhD level self-care expert in the greater Boston area with a passion for helping others recognize the importance. .
Speaker 1 00:00:59 Amber is a Reiki master Reiki, master teacher, spiritual energy healer, spiritual, medium intuitive spiritual coach, and licensed therapist in Arlington, Massachusetts. We met about 10 years ago when I was the guidance coordinator at a therapeutic high school. And Amber worked in a similar setting. I set out to create a job alike group for counselors working with similar populations of students. And Amber was part of this endeavor. We clicked immediately. However, we lost touch for a bit after Amber left that position until I was choreographing a production of the musical legally blonde. I was chatting one day with a woman who owned the dog who was cast to play bruiser. She asked me what I did for work, and I told her she remarked that it sounded like the work her niece did. She then told me that I reminded her of her niece. Out of curiosity, I asked, what is your niece’s name?
Speaker 1 00:02:01 Never in a million years? Did I think I would know her niece, but guess what I did and it was Amber, I nearly fell over. That was the spark we needed to reconnect, cut to present day where I have been seeing Amber for regular Reiki appointments for about five years. And I love it. I often credit never sacrificing sleep and never skipping my Reiki appointments as one of the ways I got through the doctoral program that, and the support of my husband and mom. But back to Amber, she is such a remarkable woman and someone I am grateful to have in my life, Amber, his passion is supporting, guiding and empowering others to ignite that bright light within their journey of self-awareness self-mastery self discovery and healing. Amber has found that combining all of her healing modalities using Reiki as her foundation has been the most effective approach to healing and wellness. I am so excited for you to hear my conversation with you. Cross that bridge when we’re not recording, but yeah, no, that makes sense. And we can just dive right in.
Speaker 2 00:03:21 All right, go. Let’s go.
Speaker 1 00:03:24 All right. Welcome Amber to the Dr. MC self care cabaret podcast. Thank you so much for joining me here today. For this episode, I want to get started the first question that I want to ask you and that I’m sure our listeners are wondering about is can you describe for us what Reiki is?
Speaker 2 00:03:44 So thanks for having me, um, it’s an honor to be on your podcast. So what is Reiki? Reiki is a holistic ancient form of healing as a holistic wellness modality. And it’s hands-on. So Reiki uses universal life force energy, which is the energy all around us. And that energy works through my hands as the facilitator and it to the individual. Uh, and it ignites the cells within the body to awaken the body’s own natural healing. Uh, it puts the mind in the Delta state where healing happens, the Delta state, the meditative state, where healing takes place. So Reiki eases any symptoms, physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, and it’s a, um, form of healing that if there’s any dis-ease in the body, it creates ease. So it’s something that can’t hurt and only help. And this is also a modality that can be used at a distance as well. Um, as a Reiki master, there’s three levels. So there’s Reiki, one Reiki, two Reiki, master Reiki, master teacher, and as a Reiki practitioner, Reiki master you’re attuned to different symbols, which then help you connect in the physical form. And then in the, when the person is not right in front of you. So that is how I’m able to send healing to an individual who’s in my office and not in my office at a distance.
Speaker 1 00:05:48 Yeah, I love it. I think I’ve been seeing you for regular Reiki appointments now for like five years. It’s been a while and I love it. And I always try to, to folks when I’m giving presentations or people ask me about Reiki, because it is one of the aspects that I credit, you know, being able to get through the doctoral program anyway, through my regular Reiki appointments. And I’m not never sacrificing sleep, but, um, try to explain a little bit like what it was like for an in-person appointment with you, um, you know, similar to you lie down on like a massage type table, and then you would kind of work your body, work your hands, kind of over, um, various body parts, um, with the Reiki energy. And you could really feel it. It’s very cool. And even now, you know, with COVID you and I have still managed to continue doing our Reiki appointments through distance. We haven’t done them in person in over a year, but we’ve still been doing that the distance, which is awesome. So can you tell me a little bit about how you got interested in Reiki and energy healing and all the wonderful things you do?
Speaker 2 00:06:51 Oh, geez. So in let’s see. So I was always interested in energy. I could always sense the energy in a room. I mean, as a kid growing up, um, and then through the years, I could always sense the energy in a room, or I was always attuned to individuals and their energy. So it was always interested in energy and that in, um, college, one of our family, friends, Dr. Judy Spross, um, was getting her doctorate in nursing and education. And she, her part of her doctorate was doing, um, a part of the paper was doing pain drains on individuals, on patients, essentially using energy from one person to another, to drain out pain. That’s what got me really interested in this. And then, you know, went through college, went through masters, went through life, always, you know, wanted to do Reiki and, or get certified and just never did.
Speaker 2 00:08:11 And in 2014, I had a huge spiritual awakening, a profound moment when my father passed away. So seeing him take his last breath and then having the experience of my daughter’s birth. So seeing life and death, I had this huge aha moment and awakening, and it was in 2015. I decided to do my rookie one and Reiki two. And even before I got certified, I already signed the lease for my first office to do that. So that’s how the energy work in the Reiki, um, got started. I knew I had these gifts, intuitive gifts, and Reiki was just a part of this journey. So I always wanted to use my gifts in a way to facilitate and help others on their journey and healing.
Speaker 1 00:09:28 That’s awesome. Thanks for sharing. I didn’t know, timeline wise, kind of where it, where it fits. So I just learned a little bit more about you also, which is like,
Speaker 2 00:09:36 I know there’s like a big timeline because I never, in a million years thought I would be having my own healing practice and private practice for therapy. That was never the therapy piece. Yeah. The healing piece never in a million years.
Speaker 1 00:09:56 Did I think goes hand in hand though. Really? Well. It makes sense that you would do both.
Speaker 2 00:10:03 Absolutely. And then you failure. It was like, oh, this does go together. This does work together. Um, and now I can’t imagine any other way. And there’s a huge benefit to wearing both those hats.
Speaker 1 00:10:21 Yeah. So we’ll, then I’m going to ask you a little bit about your therapist hat right now, but you know, so many folks with the COVID crisis continuing have really been struggling with their mental health. What is maybe a little piece of advice you can offer to folks that may be struggling during this time period?
Speaker 2 00:10:41 This is, you know, it’s certainly a chaotic time. We are theirs and they’re still we’re through, we’ve made it through this time and we’re getting there, but it’s, it’s a chaotic time. And, you know, with mental health and mental health piece, I look at mental health as my body spirit, I have a holistic approach to treatment. My number one thing is if you feel you need support and guidance to get that now, you know, to go and do it find the therapist. I know it can be difficult right now because a lot of people have that wait list or their book, because it, it has been such a chaotic time, but it’s a reach out for the help. And then B look at this as everyone needs support. Even me as the therapist is the healer. I need support. I have my support teams, but looking at it as having, uh, the mind body spirit approach and to, um, not wait to get the help.
Speaker 2 00:12:08 And when people are reaching out to therapists, it’s usually on psychology today, you know, ask the individual, if they don’t have a spot for you, can you refer me? I always have a referral list. I don’t want to leave anyone hanging. So I’ll give them my referral list. But I think, you know, now more than ever is the time to get the support needed, to be able to just ride the waves better, to manage each day, to manage each moment better. You know, there’s no magic wand, there’s no magic wand in any of this, in the Reiki part and the mental health part. So getting the tools that you need to be able to manage each moment better so that you can be successful in whatever it is that wants to do or whatever your goals are.
Speaker 1 00:13:06 Yeah. I think that’s really important and really good advice. Thank you. And a lot of folks, we feel like we don’t want to ask for help. We want to be the super hero superwoman, Superman, and we don’t want to ask for help. And there’s no, there’s no shame in asking for help. I work with a therapist. There’s no reason why folks should feel shame around that. Like sometimes you need help, you need support and get it. Um, and, and, you know, take the steps to set yourself up. So you are successful. And I really like that to help us ride the wave of life that may end up being the episode title, right.
Speaker 2 00:13:45 There is no magic wand.
Speaker 1 00:13:48 No, when there is any, even when it comes to self care, like you have to be willing to do the work, to put yourself, as I like to say on center stage to find your spotlight because you’re worth it. But sometimes we feel like we’re not, we’re too afraid. We’re ashamed. We don’t want to be a week, so we don’t ask for help. So that’s very, very important. Thank you for that, Amber and speaking of self care, tell me a little bit about what you like to do for your own self-care practices.
Speaker 2 00:14:15 Oh my gosh. I have my go-to shoes. My month is scheduled and set up through the year for my self-care practices. Um, so, and I have to do it that way because I’m so busy with family, with my businesses that if it’s not scheduled in, it’s one of those things that can be easily looked over. So my self-care practices is, you know, I’m always a big fan of having your support team around you. I have my therapist that I’ve been seeing since, oh my gosh, 2009 before my daughter was born, my first daughter was born. So since 2009, 2010, then I have the energy healer that I see who I’ve been seeing since 2006. And she’s been mentor along the way on my journey. And I see once I got into my, the healing work that I do, and also as a psychotherapist, I started seeing her monthly. So I’ve been seeing her monthly for years now. And that’s something I just, I don’t miss. It keeps me grounded and anchored. Then I have an acupuncturist that I see monthly. And I also have a trainer in Arlington that I see by weekly for a half hour, at a time
Speaker 1 00:15:59 Physical that’s for like exercise, like a personal trainer.
Speaker 2 00:16:02 And I’ve, I mean, I’ve seen him since 2015. That’s something that’s non-negotiable. So I see him twice a week and then have just recently started moving more and cardio more, which is non-negotiable and that’s probably at least four times four or five times a week.
Speaker 1 00:16:30 Wow. Where are you? Is that like a, like a group class you go to, or how are you doing that?
Speaker 2 00:16:34 So the training I do is one-on-one and then in the gym outside, but at least like 20 minutes, 20 to 30 minutes. Cause that’s awesome. Each time, because moving helps. It’s a, it’s like a meditation, you know, there’s all forms of meditation. So that keeps me grounded and anchored so that I can be the best I can be. And also having that time with colleagues or friends carved out at least once, if not twice a month. So having that non-negotiable things carved out that I go to each month, each week is huge. I would not be able to do what I do for others or myself, my family, if I didn’t do those things
Speaker 1 00:17:30 Right. To maintain your own kind of wellbeing so that you can make those connections and, and hold space for other people would be very important. I love that. Yeah. And it sounds like, you know, you really focus on that relationship domain of self care and the exercise domain, which are both very important. We have to move our body and it’s important to have our support systems and the people that make us feel good, who encourage us, support us and believe in us and make sure that we make time for those people as well. That’s excellent. And I love that. You’re not afraid to ask for help and that you get help. You have your personal trainer and other people that you work with too, to kind of help you. Cause I’m like that also, we just can’t do it all ourselves. We
Speaker 2 00:18:13 Tried, I’ve tried try doesn’t work, you know, but you on your journey realize that you need to ask for help from others. And even as the professional, the healer, the therapist, the doc, you know, you it’s essential. So
Speaker 1 00:18:31 Yeah, a hundred percent. So tell me a little bit more about this though. I mean, you’re a mom of two beautiful children, a wife, a small business owner, a healer, et cetera. So what do you have to do like special, like to make time for yourself care? So how do you kind of fit all these non-negotiables as you called them? Which I love that. How do you kind of fit all of this? Like what do you have to do?
Speaker 2 00:18:53 It’s scheduled out? And my schedule is set as best it can be. And I’m proactive with making these appointments. For example, my training session, it’s the same. It’s been the same day and same time since 2015. And it’s, we don’t leave it up to chance. You know, every Tuesday, every Tuesday, every, or whatever, Monday and Wednesday, I’m in from nine 30 to 10. That’s awesome. Every, uh, month, the second Wednesday of the month I am in was conquered seeing my energy healer from 12 to one. And then acupuncture’s on that same day either before or after. And then they’re happy that’s at least once a month. And if other things are going on, maybe more, but at least once a month, and then they have other go-to supports in my spiritual realm who do the same things that I can go to that I usually do see once a month or more. And my Reiki master, who I forgot will be Barnett, always, you know, you can schedule session or consult with her and that I have done a lot. So that’s scheduled and as needed. It’s been a crazy year. So I’ve added more care.
Speaker 1 00:20:29 Well, I love that. And I feel like a lot of people have, but this was definitely a giant wake up call on taking care of ourselves. Certainly. But you know, this is the stuff that goes out to out the window. Usually we get so wrapped up in our careers and our jobs and in our other roles, being a wife, being a mother, whatever it is we’re doing that we forget to care for ourselves and put our needs first. And that’s really important. And it’s, I love hearing that someone with your expertise and what you do for a business use still take care of yourself because you have to, you have
Speaker 2 00:20:59 To, you have to, I mean, this is it’s crazy. And having, you know, my healing practices and therapy practice, that’s only one of my jobs. My other jobs is being a mom and then essentially running everyone’s lives to make sure that it goes smoothly and education and all that comes with it. So, yeah, it’s a lot, you know, as my daughters get older, I’ve been actually able to put more self-care, you know, I have to mention meditation. I love meditation. So, you know, I’ve been doing that since 2015, personally, professionally in my practice, but that is a non-negotiable every morning, every night, whether it is five minutes or whether it’s an hour and
Speaker 1 00:21:56 I’ll do it times a day, or just either in the morning or at night or morning and night,
Speaker 2 00:22:02 The non-negotiable is every morning and self Reiki every morning. But for Reiki master it’s hands-on Reiki on. So when your hands are on anywhere it’s on, but it’s a non-negotiable every morning, if not in the evening as well. So
Speaker 1 00:22:24 I love it. And you’re you find that you even feel benefits even if you just meditate for a couple of minutes, maybe five minutes.
Speaker 2 00:22:30 Absolutely. Yeah. I mean, it’s not people have this misconception that you need to meditate for an hour or the mind has to be blank. And that the mind is actually like grand central station and it’s bringing these things up so that we can deal, release them and heal. So whether it’s five minutes, 10 minutes an hour, it’s not about a duration. It’s about frequency and consistency.
Speaker 1 00:23:03 Right? A hundred percent. I always talk about that in my trainings that like you can start small people think they have to sit on the ground in the traditional meditation pose and think about nothing for 45 minutes. It’s like, no, that’s actually not what you’re doing at all. No, but there’s this there’s this, like you said, it misconception about it. That that’s what it has to be. We have these ideas of perfection. And if we can’t, if we don’t think we can achieve like the perfection of it, we don’t even want to try. We automatically shut it off. And it’s like, Nope, that’s not for me when really 2, 3, 5 minute meditations are awesome. And I prefer personally, I love guided meditations and I’ve done, I don’t know, hundreds of them with you at this point. I feel like some of my favorite meditations have been with you during some of your, um, events and Reiki stuff that we’ve done together have been awesome. But yeah, meditation is a very important practice. I’m glad that you find ways to include that into your routine.
Speaker 2 00:23:59 It’s a must and I’m going to go shovel. So
Speaker 1 00:24:03 Any other non-negotiables I’m liking these so far are the non-negotiables.
Speaker 2 00:24:06 Yeah. So, you know, the non-negotiable spiritual practices, this is something I learned from Katy Boyd way back in the day and the meditation, the Reiki. I also have the practices in my office, which is my sacred space. So rose water insects using Palo Santo, just to clear the energy, making sure I get outside and get grounded either in between clients or after clients. But I try to, you know, if my client is in person, walk out the door with them, so there are just these non negotiables and the movement part has become a non-negotiable.
Speaker 1 00:24:57 Yeah. Moving is very, very important. The movement
Speaker 2 00:25:01 On my own without being in the training studio that is just trouble.
Speaker 1 00:25:07 Yeah. I love that. Awesome.
Speaker 2 00:25:10 So, oh my God, boundaries. That’s another non-negotiable for me. And, um, having those boundaries with others, you know, making sure that when you say yes to someone or something that you’re not saying no to your self, that’s a huge, yeah, that’s huge because you’re taking care of yourself. Um, energetically, and you know, in general, if you’re saying yes to everyone, then you are saying no to yourself. So just making sure that keeping up with those boundaries and time, because time is valuable, right. And our schedules are packed and there’s all these different priorities in life and in business. So, you know, just keeping to the boundaries, like I tend to not schedule things to go out or meet colleagues unless it’s the end of the week. And it’s usually, you know, once during the week, at the end of the week, that’s just one of my things.
Speaker 2 00:26:28 Um, and again, the whole making sure you say yes to someone, you’re not saying no to yourself. Also, when we talk about boundaries and energetic boundaries, making sure, um, we’re clearing our aura, our energy and sealing it up and protecting it. Because when you go out there, you could be walking by someone and bump into them. Well, not much nowadays because of the six feet apart, but you pick up other people’s energy. So making sure that your maintaining your energy field and that your only allowing who you want into that field, that’s hugely important. When we talk about boundaries,
Speaker 1 00:27:20 It is very important. And thank you for making that point. I usually talk a little bit about boundaries to them when I’m giving myself care presentations and stuff. Right. And how do you, so usually what I tell people, and I do this myself too, I’ve had to get much better at setting boundaries. I used to be terrible at this and I would just say yes to everything.
Speaker 2 00:27:39 And then
Speaker 1 00:27:40 I would be miserable. And my mom would say things to me like you’re burning the candle at both ends. And then I have to take a step back and probably want to do it all right. And other things would suffer as a result. And so I have to be really careful right now. And when I get asked, I get asked to do something and think about like, okay, is this really where I want to spend my energy? Is this really a priority for me right now? And if it is great, go for it. If it’s not. And unfortunately I have to say, no, I always try to do like a gut check to like, how does this feel in my gut making this decision? Yes or no. Like whichever one it is.
Speaker 2 00:28:16 Absolutely. And when you check in with your gut, which I call the soul inner knowing, you know, we, I like to say base those decisions and actions off of what your core desired feelings are. So whether it’s, if you want to feel freedom or happiness, plus joy, whatever it is based what you do off of wind, feel that core desired feeling and you’ll know to when something is usually off or not. Right. Because it, it won’t align with that core desired feeling. Right.
Speaker 1 00:28:57 So what is it, how do you want to feel, what is it that you want to feel? Right? And if something, you got asked to do X and that’s going to make you feel the things you want to feel, go for it, but chances are, we get asked to do these things and they take us away from our core desire and our core desired feelings and what it is that we really want. And then we get a little off track. So it is very important to set clear boundaries. Right. So that’s another, non-negotiable very important.
Speaker 2 00:29:27 Sure. Yeah. We’ve I didn’t bring that one up right away, but
Speaker 1 00:29:32 Yeah. Amber, thank you so much for joining us today. That was a lot of fun. You gave us a lot of great tips and things to think about, and I’m sure listeners are even more intrigued now about Reiki and energy healing and all the wonderful things you do. Can you tell us a little bit more about how we can find you and where we can find you? Yeah, sure.
Speaker 2 00:29:51 So my business is karma queen raking guidance. Um, if you are looking for, um, therapy, you can find me on psychology today. I ask anyone who’s looking for the therapy piece to go through psychology today. Um, and that’s Amber D. McMahon, M C M a H O N for the energy piece. So I’m a Reiki master Reiki master teacher. I teach one and two. Um, I do the energy healing work. I’m also a spiritual medium, and I also do intuitive guidance coaching as well. Um, and you can find me at my website, which is Amber, the karma queen.com. Um, I’m also on Instagram, Facebook, and, uh, individuals can contact me via email, um, at Amber the karama queen@gmail.mom. Um, and the phone number, if you feel it’s like not a lot of people call nowadays, they either,
Speaker 1 00:31:06 But we like, you never know we got old school listeners here, so, or
Speaker 2 00:31:10 Chats, but it’s 3, 3 9 7 0 7 0 3 4 8 also. Yeah, you can look me up, find me, visit the website. I look forward to hearing from people. Awesome.
Speaker 1 00:31:28 And I do highly recommend Ms. Amber and all of her services. So thanks again for joining us here today on Dr. MC self-care cabaret. Woo. I love riding the wave of life. Amber and Reiki have helped me so much on my journey. If you’re curious about Reiki, I will share a blog post in the episode notes. It is so amazing to experience it firsthand. Amber can always tell what is going on with my body, because she feels the energy when she’s performing this practice. For example, she may ask me, is your knee bothering you today? Or how is your stomach? It’s so wild that she can pick up on these things because she feels the energy is stagnant. And I love how Amber framed her self-care routine around her. Non-negotiables that’s how I like to think of it too. It’s so important that we make it work for our health and wellbeing. You must get in touch with your non-negotiables. There was nothing endearing about depriving yourself of your self-care and schedule your self-care. If you to don’t leave it up to chance. We all know what happens when you are not intentional about it. It’s the first thing to go out the window when a competing priority arises. I’m wondering if my listeners have any non-negotiables that they would like to share with me. I would love to hear them
Speaker 3 00:32:56 Go for
Speaker 1 00:32:58 The holistic approach to mental health. By connecting the mind, body and spirit is so true. You cannot address one without addressing all three. And I second ambers recommendation to seek support. She works with a therapist. I work with a therapist. It is important to have that person in your life. Oh, and boundaries so important. I know it stinks when we have to say no to things or people, we tend to feel bad or guilty about it, but it’s so crucial when it comes to my boundaries. I like to buy myself some time someone asks you something. Don’t just say yes. Immediately say something like, oh, I have to check on that and get back to you. Or I have to check with so-and-so and I’ll get back to you, then do a gut check. How does this decision make you feel? Are you excited on a scale of one to 10?
Speaker 1 00:33:48 What do you feel if it’s a 10? Well, then go ahead and say yes. So the request, if it’s a one, well, you know what to do? Tell the person no with grace and love, but also clarity and firmness. Don’t leave an open door. When you need a brick wall, you can even practice running scenarios with a partner or a trusted, loved one. Remember you cannot control how someone else will react. Maybe even journal about the situation afterwards. And remember to check in with yourself. Once the anxiety has subsided, how do you feel? Are you relieved? Your body will always tell you if you’re willing to listen. Thanks for listening to this episode and remember to subscribe and rate the podcast on your preferred player. The ratings help us grow and share the message of self-care. If you have comments, suggestions, or questions, please reach out directly by emailing podcast at Dr. MC self care.com that’s D R M C self care and come join the cast party on Facebook and Instagram for Dr. MCs self care cabaret at Dr. MC self care, or even on my website, Dr. MC self care.com. Be sure to like subscribe and love me across all my social media platforms for the most up-to-date information on self care. See you next time. Stay well and do good.

And as always we’d love to hear from you! Reach out to podcast@drmcselfcare.com with any questions or topics you’d like to hear about on future episodes.

Additional Resources:

• Dr. MC blog post on sleep
• Kate Winslet story on Calm
• Arnold Schwarzenegger photo

You can learn more about Dr. MC and this podcast on her website: https://drmcselfcare.com/podcast-home/

EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

Speaker 1 00:00:27 Welcome to the inaugural episode of Dr. self care cabaret podcast. I’m Theresa Melito-Conners a PhD level self care expert in the greater Boston area with a passion for helping others recognize the importance of caring for themselves. This is a brand new podcast where we will dive deep into the true meaning of self-care dismantling the stereotypes and the societal ideals that make us feel that self-care is selfish and a luxury reserved for those who can afford such things. The time is now to stop the cycle of deprivation. Let go of the idea of perfection and step into the world of genuine self care. I will teach you sustainable realistic cost accessible, effective, and efficient ways to attend to your mental, emotional, and physical needs. I am so excited to take this journey with you. Today’s episode is a conversation with Tristen. a Boston-based performer and personal trainer currently working as a patient coordinator for an orthodontics office, but more importantly, a dear friend, Tristan and I met 10 years ago when I was choreographing and award-winning production of the musical hair, where she was a member of the cast.
Speaker 1 00:01:49 I immediately recognized her spirit and fearless attitude and asked her to be my dance captain for the show. Typically a dance captain is someone who is not only a skilled dancer, but is able to help others learn the choreography and run dance rehearsals in the choreographers absence, basically the choreographers right-hand man Tristan and I later went on to work on several shows together for both children and adults. I am delighted to chat with her today. She brings a unique perspective to talking about self-care great. So we’re going to go right in, so I’ll wait for you to finish your, putting your hair in a ponytail. She is now ready for her clothes for my voice up welcome Triston to Dr. MC self-care cabaret podcast.
Speaker 2 00:02:47 Thank you. Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 00:02:49 So let’s just dive right in. So first question, can you tell me a little bit about your self-care routine?
Speaker 2 00:02:57 My self-care can look like a lot of different things depending on my mood. Sometimes it’s like, I need to like flick off my brain and then I’ll play Sudoku for, you know, half an hour or like binge watch a show or something I don’t have to think about, but it engages my brain and just enough to kind of keep autopilot running. Sometimes it means working out. Sometimes it means cleaning my house. Sometimes it means doing laundry. I find repetitive actions to be helpful because I think somehow it like burns off excess energy that I, um, I tend to have an anxious brain. So doing repetitive actions that are also helpful to my environment, I find to be therapeutic. Yeah.
Speaker 1 00:03:47 Excellent. It’s interesting that you described several activities that you like to do, and actually some of them, you hit upon the domains of self care because in my presentations and folks will hear me talk about this a lot, but the kind of the 10 different domains of self-care and you already mentioned moving your body. So this, the exercise domain, the environmental domain, making sure that we’re staying organized and our environment is not cluttered and chaotic because that’s hard for us to relax. And those types of spaces, you also mentioned a little bit about maybe some soothing strategies for yourself and having repetitive, um, things to kind of make sure you’re maintaining, um, calmness for yourself. So that’s great. Do, um, specifically, what are some ways that you like to manage your stress?
Speaker 2 00:04:37 Um, I find making lists helpful. Hmm. I love a good, I love a list. Um, sometimes I’ll even, this is sort of a cheat, but I will, you know, on my to-do list I’ll do something and then write it on the list after it’s done and cross it out so you can cross it off. All right, cool. I’ve definitely done that. Yeah. It’s helpful to see it crossed out. I’ve gotten better over the years. Like in my time at therapy and in my time kind of figuring out different strategies for myself. Um, I’ve gotten much better than I used to be at recognizing what stressors are actually a problem and which ones aren’t like. For example, my cat is very loud lately because she’s growing up and she’s in heat now. So she’s, she yells a lot and I used to freak out about it a few months ago.
Speaker 2 00:05:42 And then I learned that I could just get her out of my bedroom and shut the door and that’s fine. Perfect coping strategy. And I realized that it wasn’t worthwhile to, it was, it was not doing any good for anybody to have her just be in my room and keeping me awake. Sure. So once I realized, uh, I was much better off and, uh, time management I find is quite helpful because then the part of my brain that gets overwhelmed quite easily, um, doesn’t really have a chance to get purchased because I’ll think of all these things I have to do. And, but then I’ll, I’ll figure out when I’m going to do them and make a schedule for myself. And then I realized, oh, it’s just, this thing will take five minutes. Just get it done.
Speaker 1 00:06:31 So when it comes to like your to-do lists and stuff, because this is how I like to actually conceptualize my self-care routine. I’m wondering like what types of things go on your to-do list? Do you ever put like any self-care practices or stuff like that on there, like maybe reminders to do stuff like that? Or does that come more naturally?
Speaker 2 00:06:49 I don’t ever put self care as like a task, the things on my to-do list. If they, if they do end up being self care, like for example, cleaning, I find more are just executive functional tasks, but then I get them done and it is a therapeutic thing to have that be fit to have it be done. Right. One of my favorite things to do for self care is to read, um, a fan fiction. And like, I like to read good omens fan fiction lately that I find, oh, I would never put that on a to-do list. That’s something I would do. If I’m, if I’m waiting for my laundry to be done, then I’ll open my Kindle and like start reading that or I’ll, or I’ll start binge watching something. Or I don’t know, I’ll play with my cat. I suppose. That’s interesting that I don’t ever, I don’t really think of it as like an assignable verb. It just kind of happens like when it does and I don’t actually make time for it. It just occurs.
Speaker 1 00:07:45 Well, that’s good. I mean, typically we don’t want to view our self care is like a chore, right. Or as like a task on our to-do list. But I find for myself, I like to see it like laid out on a calendar. So I will kind of put things in like, I’m going to meditate for 15 minutes today or I’m going to journal.
Speaker 2 00:08:03 That’s the thing. I mean, there’s that side of the coin is that it can be viewed as, uh, you know, a task which perhaps might not be the best way to go about it. But then you’re also not assigning it the same weight and significance gravity or importance as the way that you go about it by actually seeing it being a part of your day and making sure it happens
Speaker 1 00:08:26 Well, that’s the key, because of course those are the first things that we just brushed to the side. When other things we have competing priorities and other things that come up the self care is the first thing to go out the window. You mentioned a little bit about, um, your kitties interrupting your sleep time, and I’m glad to see that you have come up with a way, uh, a physical barrier. So that doesn’t, that doesn’t happen. So tell me a little bit more about how you ensure that you get adequate rest, because that is another important domain of self care.
Speaker 2 00:08:57 I mean, I’d be lying if I said that I always got adequate rest. Well, I mean, not for nothing. She, she wakes me up every day at three in the morning and hopefully that will be curbed soon, but I’m not as diligent as I think I could be when it comes to responsible sleeping. I suppose I could say like, you know, making sure I, I could prioritize my sleep schedule much, much better. Okay. Um, like I could physically make the choice of, okay, it’s 10:00 PM go to go to the bedroom, get in the bed. But I, again, I guess that doesn’t come to the forefront of my brain, which is, I know that it’s so important to get adequate, consistent sleep. And somehow that’s, it’s not something that I ever put a ton of thought into because it, you know, it’s just going to happen. It’s not something that I, you know, put a whole lot of priority into managing as well as I could. Sure.
Speaker 1 00:10:05 Do you find, I know for myself, I need a lot of sleep. Do you find that you can function? Like the recommended amount of sleep for adults is seven to nine hours? Do you find like you’re within that range or more or less? No,
Speaker 2 00:10:19 I I’m. I’m lucky if I get six hours because I’ll go to bed probably like right. You know, uh, 1130, maybe midnight. I get up for work at seven 30. So if I slept that whole time, that would be great. But Maggie wakes me up, Maggie, my cat, perhaps you can hear her in the background. She’s mewling I
Speaker 1 00:10:44 Think I just heard a little music. She’s new, she’s viewing right over there.
Speaker 2 00:10:48 Um, Maggie, the banshee wakes me up at around 3:00 AM and then she’s such a pain that then I’m awake for a few hours and then I’ll go back to sleep and then I have to wake up. So if I slept that whole time, that would be great. But I’m probably functioning on whatever the sleep version of, of being dehydrated is. I’m like chronically sleep dehydrated. Oh no. Which interesting facts. Most adult humans are chronically dehydrated all the time and they just both water and sleep and they just live that way. Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1 00:11:35 Nutrition and hydration is a whole nother domain of self care that I don’t know if we’ll touch upon today, but certainly rest is, um, is very important. And I find, you know, even if I get like eight hours of sleep, sometimes I’m still not refreshed and restored. When I wake up in the morning,
Speaker 2 00:11:52 The last time I’m a little grumpy. The last time I got a lot of sleep was when I got my, my second vaccine shot, I slept for 11 hours, three days in a row, which is absurd for me. I’d never do that ever. And it was fantastic. It was a, your body probably needed it. It was amazing. The third day I went into my room. I was so immensely tired and I went into my room and Maggie was just hanging out on the bed. And I went to go schmozzle my face into her bur and I fell asleep face down on the bed, but like the wrong way on the bed, like sideways. And then I woke up like four hours later. Oh my God. And then I got a snack and then I went to bed.
Speaker 1 00:12:48 That was good though. You let your body rest. You let the VAX do its thing and let your immune system do what it was designed to do
Speaker 2 00:12:56 It. And it was working overtime. For sure.
Speaker 1 00:12:59 I wanna touch upon a little bit of, um, an area of expertise that I know you have as a personal trainer and as a performer. And I know that the exercise domain is very important of self care and we have to move our bodies. And a lot of people, you know, have some funny ideas and, and complicated relationships when it comes to movement and exercise. So I’m curious for you to share a little bit about your exercise routine and your thoughts on movement. Well,
Speaker 2 00:13:28 First things first, all movement is good. Correct. And I, my exercise routines have changed a lot over the years, kind of a lot, depending on what hobby I was into at the time. Like I did rock climbing for awhile. I did archery. I did like, I forget what it’s called, but Boston like the Boston city softball league, there is one. Cool. Um, so I have, um, a smattering of random from like seven different sports in my house. And the other thing I have seen a lot in the gym is that if you don’t like the thing that you’re trying to do to move, you’re not going to do it. Right. You have to, you can’t view it as a chore because you’re not going to want to do it. So you have to find either find a way to like it or find something you like.
Speaker 2 00:14:26 Like I knew someone, I trained, someone wants who he hated, hated lifting weights, but eventually he found this really profound satisfaction in lifting heavier and heavier weights. So he found something in it that he liked. And then he liked it. Well, that’s important, right? It’s extremely, it’s extremely empowering because through work, it’s just like, I have a lot of friends who, um, do obstacle course races and Spartan races and all, a lot of their social media, their Instagram stories and their Facebook profile, their statuses, whatnot. They’ll say like, I hate running sprints. The best reason to do them today. It’s like, no, no. What are you thinking? Do things you like, for example, one of these crazy people, I was talking to them and I hate taking culture. I hate cold water. I hate being cold. I hate being cold and wet. So I hate cold showers. I’m never going to willingly take whenever. And they were like, well, that’s the reason to do it. It’s like, oh no, I don’t think that’s true. I think that’s fake. And they’re like, no, like, no, it’s really good for your brain. And it’s like, actually it makes me, makes my brain want to stop braining. So that’s mine
Speaker 1 00:15:50 Not good. I’m always stressing in my workshops, especially when we talk about exercise because people have complicated relationships with how they move their body. I’m always telling people it’s, it’s joyful movement. There’s no sense in doing it. If it doesn’t feel good.
Speaker 2 00:16:06 Yeah, no. And it’s such, it can be such a social thing. There is such stigma about size. There’s such stigma about somehow there’s such stigma about, um, laziness and not, uh, hustling 24 7, like not, you know, living your best life. And one of my favorite comedians said once, you know, people are always comparing themselves to people and he says, okay, so you don’t have the body of a, of an Olympic athlete. You’re not an Olympic athlete. You’re Dawn from sales, you wear khakis. And I was just like, yeah, there’s no, whenever I would do a Spartan race, I was never ever, or a tough Mudder or whatever. There’s a million of them, but I’m not fast. I was never a winner. Like I never placed on the podium. I always finished, but I never something to write home about. I would never have a time that I would brag about.
Speaker 2 00:17:04 And, um, I’m fine with that. I kind of wish I were a faster runner, but like, it’s fine. And I would always come, I would, I’d get to a point in, in each race where I’d get, you know, I’d be really hungry and I’m tired. And my brain’s not being my friend in that moment. And I would look at these people who were like physically, uh, kind of the body of an Olympic athlete. And I think like, what, why, what am I doing? And then I would, I would be like, they don’t do anything else. Those people do one thing. Right. They, instead of digging many holes where you have areas of interest, they’ve done that they’ve dug themselves one singular hole.
Speaker 1 00:17:51 That’s it? That might be the title of this episode.
Speaker 2 00:17:57 I think we just nailed it. No, it’s a great metaphor though. And if, even if we think we take that
Speaker 1 00:18:02 One step further and think about like celebrities and we see celebrities that are able to morph their bodies for different roles, like Chris Hemsworth is Thor and, and people like that. And it’s like, yeah, that’s
Speaker 2 00:18:13 Awesome. Yeah. He gets paid with that at every day.
Speaker 1 00:18:17 Right. And there are the top trainers in the world working with him with unlimited resources to achieve that,
Speaker 2 00:18:25 Placing his meals in front of him, dictating when to eat what Maggie’s going nuts. He has world-class trainers.
Speaker 1 00:18:32 Cause we started talking about thoughts.
Speaker 2 00:18:35 He has world-class trainers dictating every single movement that he makes. Like he still has to do it. He’s still doing hard work, but oh, absolutely. Also not working eight hours a day in an office. And then he’s not commuting 45 minutes, both ways. There’s not time enough in the day to be, you know, uh, not celebrity and to look like that. There’s not time in the day, especially if not, if you want to have any friends or like a social life or any hobby.
Speaker 1 00:19:01 Absolutely. And for you, like, I know you have lots of, of interests and holes that you’ve dug for yourself, many forming and, um, w uh, you’re singing and dancing and working on shows and taking care of your kitties and working a full-time job and all these different areas that you do. So, yeah. Chances are, you’re not going to place on a podium in a Spartan
Speaker 2 00:19:23 Race. And that’s fine. I used to really be upset by that once I made that realization that like these people don’t do anything else, then I started realizing like, oh no, I prefer my way of doing things like the phrase, Jack of all trades master of none people stop it there. And that indicates, oh man, I’m not a master of anything. Oh man. But that whole entire phrase is Jack of all trades master of none is better than being a master of one, which means it’s good to dig many holes. For example, Thomas Kail, who directed Hamilton, the musical, he, I believe has a degree in theater. And he also has a degree in American history. So Hamilton wouldn’t exist, at least not the way it is without him digging at least two holes. That’s very true because you have to, it’s not at all detrimental to have many interests. What if I had dug one big hole and been like the Spartan master and then something happens and then I can’t do it anymore. I break my knees off. What am I supposed to do that? Right.
Speaker 1 00:20:42 I think it’s better that we have lots of interests and that we move our bodies in ways that are, that feel good. And we engage in things that feel good. And we abandoned those that don’t like, for me personally, I don’t like going to a gym, nothing personal against personal trainers and people that like going to the gym. But for me, that environment just doesn’t bring me joy. I would much rather either be outside doing something, even swimming, if it’s appropriate for the weather or the season, or just dancing and moving my body in a dance studio, or even a five minute dance party in my house. Like not, it doesn’t have to be for me to feel joy. And I’ve done that extreme aspect as, as you know, and some of my listeners may also know if they’ve been following along on the blog and whatnot that I’m in recovery for exercise bulemia and disordered eating as well as atypical anorexia. So I’ve definitely done the extreme exercise thing.
Speaker 2 00:21:35 It’s called orthorexia.
Speaker 1 00:21:38 No, orthorexia is, um, the obsession with clean eating.
Speaker 2 00:21:43 Oh, you’re right. You’re right. You’re right. You’re right.
Speaker 1 00:21:46 Yeah. No atypical anorexia is when you actually are in a larger body, but you still have a meet the diagnostic criteria for anorexia, but you don’t meet the physical picture of what we think in a Rexy. It looks like, so it’s atypical anorexia, but around that, you know, I’ve definitely done the extreme thing and it was not
Speaker 2 00:22:09 Joyful. No. Well, I remember it was very, it was very, it was very, very, uh, yeah. Like I remember that time it was quite stressful and I feel like there was like a brimming paranoid, like, uh, like an under, like a simmering paranoia of like, I can’t do anything wrong. Oh,
Speaker 1 00:22:29 Absolutely. It was, it was an obsession. Like it was even like beyond,
Speaker 2 00:22:36 We would spend Friday nights at the gym. Like we would do our like Friday friend group and go to the gym, which I, that wasn’t the worst kind of like, that was a bit fun.
Speaker 1 00:22:49 No, I enjoyed that. The problem was all day. I restricted my intake for food. And then I would go to, um, the local boutique fitness studio. I was attending, take a couple of classes, then we would all be at the gym. So there was it wasn’t, it wasn’t that I was just going to the gym on a Friday night, like for, you know, an hour and a half or whatever, with my friends. Like that was probably the most healthy of the, um, activities I was doing. It was the fact that I jam packed a couple of classes, even I would have gotten up early and maybe gone before work worked a full day, did not feed my body from a place of love, but from a place of restriction, squeeze in as many classes as I could, and then went to the gym. Like that was the really, um, disordered piece of
Speaker 2 00:23:35 That, that I’ve I tried it and try it and try it. And I just hate it. And I don’t want to do it ever again is yoga. I hate yoga. I hate it so much. I know.
Speaker 1 00:23:49 I know. So tell me why, tell me about
Speaker 2 00:23:50 That. I’ve ever, I’ve only ever found one yoga class that I enjoyed and it wasn’t even yoga. It was just like a relaxed class. It was like, we were like, we was, it was dark and it was kind of warm in the studio. It wasn’t like hot, but it was like nice and warm. And we all wrapped ourselves in blankets and this British guy led the class and he sounded like David Attenborough sounds great. It was, it was fantastic, but it wasn’t, no guy was just relaxed class. And that was lovely. And forms
Speaker 1 00:24:22 Of yoga. Was it like a restorative class or was
Speaker 2 00:24:25 It we’re really just in it? We just kind of laid on the floor. It was my breathing class, I guess. And that was nice because he was very soothing to listen to. It was like a sleep story, but every other yoga class I’ve ever been to a is not geared for beginners at all. No, they’re usually not. I find that counterintuitive a and B several of the yoga classes I’ve been to the teacher didn’t even do it. Like they didn’t demo the movement or the movement transitions. And I just had to look at the girl next to me and be like, I hope she’s doing it right. Cause I’m just going to try to do what she’s doing. I just, I’ve never been to a yoga class, like an actual yoga class with, you know, the sun cellular Taishan and et cetera, where I didn’t feel like I was just counting the minutes until it was over. And I don’t know that that was the, like, I, one time had a lovely instructor. That was very nice. And I just hated it. No. So I’ve tried it. Maybe. I don’t know. I think I just hate it.
Speaker 1 00:25:38 Okay. I mean, not everybody has to love yoga. It is a tremendous and very helpful, um, practice to engage in, certainly to help us connect our movement to breath in that mind, body connection and increase our flexibility and our stamina and all that good stuff. But it sounds like, you know, a bit of a setup because here you are walking into a class and, and everyone’s
Speaker 2 00:26:00 Got their spot in the thing, right.
Speaker 1 00:26:03 Everybody understands the Sanskrit cues. And if the teacher wasn’t modeling the, um, the poses, like how are you expected to feel good in that environment and to really be successful? So that’s too bad. And I feel like a lot of folks will get themselves into situations like that unintentionally and to no fault of their own, but that’s not going to be a welcoming, comforting environment to really teach you about yoga and to really let you experience the benefits. So I usually tell folks, you know, especially now with so many online options for virtual classes, you don’t have to make a fool of yourself in a public class. You can do it right in the comfort
Speaker 2 00:26:40 Of your own home. And
Speaker 1 00:26:42 You know, but also people tend to put up a lot of barriers and feel like, you know, I’m not flexible enough or I’m too old or I’m too, this I’m too that. And we put up these barriers and we’re not even willing to try. And there’s no shame in doing modified poses, maybe even chair poses or just some standing poses or some gentle restorative poses and stuff like that. Or starting small and meeting yourself where you’re at. Well, before you try to advance, I
Speaker 2 00:27:11 Saw I’m, I’m not a big fan of, of like inspirational sports posters that are like, I don’t know, it’ll have some dude drinking, a protein shake. And it’s like, you’re only as far as your mind will take you or whatever. Like it’ll say something dumb. But I saw one once that was the best thing I’ve ever seen. It was a picture of Bibi Arnold Schwartzenegger in Austria and he’s maybe 14, 13. He has arms like a noodle and he’s like a baby. He’s not got any facial hair. He’s adorable. But like, he’s a child. And it said, we all start somewhere. And I was like, oh my God, this is brilliant. Like, he’s the, I have a, I have a, I have a, a concept that I call trophy names. And it’s like, whatever. Like the concept is that you’re talking about, there’s a person that you assigned to that thing.
Speaker 2 00:28:14 Like you’d call a smart person. Oh no. Okay. Einstein, like, that’s th that’s the trophy name for like smart person pop star for me, Brittany Spears. She’s the trophy. Like I would say, you know, oh, this person is like the Italian Brittany Spears. She’s what I assign is that thing in Arnold Schwartzenegger is, is most people’s trophy name for big strong guy. And I loved that. They were taking this worldwide famous person that is famous for being really huge and strong and heavy and tall and whatever. And it was like prepubescent, noodley, arm, Arnold. I thought that was a brilliant strategy. That’s the only one of those posters that I’ve ever seen that actually worked well. And I
Speaker 1 00:29:06 Love that. That’s great because a lot of times, you know, we just want the trophy. You just want to be Brittany Spears or Arnold Schwartzenegger or whoever were idolizing or looking up to, or aspiring to be forgetting that there was a whole journey. And that there was a time when Arnold Schwartzenegger wasn’t the, the person
Speaker 2 00:29:26 We know he was a kid, was that noodley kid
Speaker 1 00:29:29 That wasn’t all jacked, um, out of his mind and same thing, you know, with other people. That’s a really interesting concept. I, I like that. You’re you’re true. What do you call it? The trophy trophy name, the trophy
Speaker 2 00:29:41 Trophy trophy names. Uh, I’m going to see if I can find this picture for you, which will be very exciting for all your listeners. I put an Arnold Schwartzenegger young. Maybe I should put Arnold Schwartzenegger teen, but he has kids. So that might be confusing to the internet anyway, while I’m looking for this. So
Speaker 1 00:29:59 When we find this image of Arnold, if we can, we will be sure to include that on the reference information on the podcast episode. I mean,
Speaker 2 00:30:10 Albert Einstein didn’t graduate school, he was a weirdo in Germany, and then he just made the journey to be Albert Einstein.
Speaker 1 00:30:19 Right. Which is certainly a trophy name. When we think about intelligence and smart people up. And there it is, we got it. I know, I know my listeners can, you’ll see, it can see it, but they will, it will be posted with this episode. Like he
Speaker 2 00:30:35 Looks like he could be embraces.
Speaker 1 00:30:38 Excellent. All right. So tell me about any particular self-soothing strategies. For example, I mentioned, I enjoy a five minute dance parties. That to me can change my mood in just a very short period of time, put on my favorite song, dance it out and, um, feel better and help soothe myself. So what do you like to do when it comes to that? Like
Speaker 2 00:31:04 A, like a, like a quick thing or have to be a quick thing? Well, all right. Well, I like to, this is stupid. I don’t care. No, it works. Um, for me, I like to go on Twitter because Michael sheen is my favorite actor and I follow, um, I don’t know how many people I follow, but I would say 88% of the accounts are like Michael sheen fan accounts. So it’s just a bunch of pictures of him. And there’s nothing wrong with that. It works a treat. It’s so good. It’s instant. It’s an instant. Interesting.
Speaker 1 00:31:42 A lot of times people will say another, you made me think of another one that I like to do, and this might seem silly to folks, but it works for me. Like you said, that works for you, but I’m looking at cat photos or watching cat videos. Like, I can’t own a cat because I have allergies and asthma and my mom’s significantly asthmatic, so that wouldn’t work, but I love looking. They just crack me up. They’re awesome. So cute. And
Speaker 2 00:32:08 When cats are being dumb, like they’re so elegant and beautiful, and then they’ll like, miss the countertop or something. And it’s so funny.
Speaker 1 00:32:21 Oh, it’s awesome. And so I’ll definitely like waste a few minutes here and there. So there’s some websites even have live cams, like nurseries and stuff. There’s a few of those out there that, um, that are awesome. And you can actually watch different animals. Doesn’t have to just be cats. There’s ones for dogs and, and other wildlife. Certainly the, you can watch as a great soothing technique.
Speaker 2 00:32:44 What else I like to do? This is kind of, this is quite random, but I like to go on my iPad. So the, with the bigger screen, go on my Google earth and try to find like national landmarks without putting it in. I’ll bring up, uh, France and like in Paris I’ll find Paris. And then I’ll try to find the Eiffel tower. Oh fuck. It’s like a, it’s like a little game for myself that it’s just me playing,
Speaker 1 00:33:18 Like, kind of like that in anything. I think that can kind of get us out of our head for a minute. And like, so for you, either scrolling on Twitter and looking at pictures of one of your favorite actors or having a quick dance party, like I like to do, or watching a silly cat video or scrolling through Google earth to look around the world and see what’s there and what we can find. I mean, that gets you out of your head for a few minutes and really just almost grounds you in a way and kind of can bring you back down into the present moment to practice some, some mindfulness.
Speaker 2 00:33:52 Well, and in a, in a way it’s like I have adult ADHD. So I find that activities that can occupy like a white noise part of my brain do help executive function and my mood for the day, because otherwise I feel jittery. I feel like I have too much, I got to burn something off. And so things like that that are kind of weird and random and just for me, and like nothing fill that purpose. That’s great. Yeah. Good. Self-awareness well, I realized why I like to have, sorry, my cat Maggie is just running ragged around the house because she’s blooming currently. She’s yes. She’s being quite rambunctious. Um, I’m uncomfortable in like silent rooms and quiet places. I, I I’m very uncomfortable unless I have some kind of stimulus, unless I’m extremely focused in an activity. So if I’m doing something like puttering around the house or whatever, I’ll put on a movie that I’ve seen a million times and just the noise of it fills that fills that part of my brain that needs to on the static. And then I can go do whatever I need to be doing. And I realized that, oh, that’s why I have a, like a movie on all the time. That’s why the TV is always playing something and I’m not even paying attention to it. I just need it to be there. I needed to fill that gap and serve that purpose so I can actually be a functional person and do do my tasks. Sure.
Speaker 1 00:35:36 I think that sometimes I’m like that. And sometimes I’m not, sometimes I do really need the silence and then other times I can be productive if there’s just like noise. Even if it’s music that I’m passively paying attention to, or maybe a YouTube movie or something like that, or even a podcast that I have on, in the background or something like that, that I’m, that I’m not trying to focus on. Um, I can do that too. That kind of multitasking, but just letting that, that like white noise, like you said, kind of happened in the background as a way to,
Speaker 2 00:36:11 Well, and like, I like listening to stuff to go to sleep. I enjoy those sleep apps. Some of them play noises, some of them are like, one of them has Kate Winslet reading like a bedtime story. And it’s, that’s so good that one’s 10 out of 10 would recommend it’s called.
Speaker 1 00:36:32 I think that’s the con that calm.
Speaker 2 00:36:35 And they have a thing in calm called sleep stories. And she, Kate Winslet reads this really nice one about Thomas the tank engine at Christmas time. And it’s just so chef’s kiss for, for our listeners, but because I can never go to sleep. However, in grad school, I needed to take a class where we practiced it’s called Alexander technique and it focuses on, um, body alignment and connection to breath. And in this class we had to lay on the ground and practice breathing, just breathing in and then immediately breathing out and then immediately breathing in no vacuum, no stopping, just a continual movement of breath, which I learned at age 28 is the way people are supposed to breathe. The human body is supposed to constantly be either breathing in or breathing out. You’re never supposed to just be doing neither of those things, which is not, I would breathe out and then wait, not on purpose.
Speaker 2 00:37:50 I wouldn’t like time myself, but like, I would not breathe in until then I needed to. But in this class it would be breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out slowly. You’re not hyperventilating, but he would constantly have to, the instructor would constantly have to like wake us up because some, we would start to doze. And I was like, why do I get tired in this class? Like, it’s a dark room. Yeah. And it’s, you know, he’s, he’s soothing to listen to, but like, why am I sleepy? And then I realized, that’s how sleeping people breathe. Sleeping. People breathe in out, contained out continuously. There’s no vacuum because you’re not awake. And you don’t have any in your awake breathing to bug you in your sleep. So then I did an experiment where I was like, okay, I’m gonna pretend I’m in class. And like set myself up aligned correctly and whatever.
Speaker 2 00:38:52 And now I’m in class and I’m going to breathe like class, but I, you know, I’d be in bed and it worked like a charm. And I realized, you know, I don’t have to like trick my brain into being relaxed. If I breathe like a sleepy person breathes my brain’s going to get tricked into being like, oh, is it, are we sleeping? Oh, okay. My, my bad we’ll put him sleeping now. Okay. It honestly worked like a charm and I’d recommend it any day. Breathe like a sleeping person breathes slowly but continuously. It’s amazing. That’s
Speaker 1 00:39:31 Awesome. That is a great tip for our listeners and gentle stretching, deep breathing practices or breathing like Tristan was sharing can definitely help promote better sleep. You should go back to doing that breathing, trusting.
Speaker 2 00:39:45 I know I wasn’t breathing that entire time,
Speaker 1 00:39:48 But go back to doing it before Ben.
Speaker 2 00:39:50 I should just say the remind me of, do you remember in date night when Steve Carell was saying like, are you breathing? I needed to breathe. Are you breathing? And she goes, oh,
Speaker 1 00:40:02 I don’t think we actually made it through that movie, which was unfortunate because I like Steve Carell and edit Tina Fey. I find I hold my breath a lot and I’ve been trying to get better at that. But as soon as I’m like, oh yeah, well lifestyle and stress and different things. We’re naturally born nose breathers where we breathe this in and out continuously. Like that’s how babies breathe through their nose. And then like lifestyle and stress and different things. We, we tend to then breathe through my mouth and that’s you, and that’s not as healthy for us. So that, that’s a whole thing we talked about in a later episode. But, um, I tend, I notice like even when I’m in yoga classes, I’ve been doing yoga virtual, um, with my cousin, who’s a yoga instructor all throughout this pandemic. And, um, my mom does it with me and cause sometimes she’ll, she’ll say like, she’ll comment on things. And I’m like, well, where are you breathing? And she’s like, well, no. And I’m like, well, no. And like when I have to constantly like remind myself to breathe,
Speaker 2 00:40:59 Well, you know how the thing for if you’re, if you’re freaking out about something is, is okay, okay, breathe, breathe. And if that change in breath makes you calm down or, or you just, or suddenly you decide to like take some deep or you’re angry and you’re just like, I’m like that calms you down. That means that you were not doing that. And that’s everyone. Yep. I’d say probably from gym experience. I would say that I literally would about 85% of working adults do not breathe. You know, I don’t want to say correctly, but like they hold the breath and you can tell if you hold your breath in exercise because you’ll just do it and then your face will turn into the color red. And uh, I’m wondering
Speaker 1 00:41:54 For our listeners that are listening to this episode, are you breathing right
Speaker 2 00:41:58 Now? I literally wasn’t just then
Speaker 1 00:42:02 I’ve been catching myself as we’re talking. Yeah. Am I still breathing? I am breathing. That’s good. No, make sure that you, um, you do that. It is really important. And I always say in my sessions when I’m, when I’m teaching a workshop on self care or something like that, that like a deep breath, two or three deep breaths in through the nose, out through the mouth cleansing, deep breaths, so quick, efficient, and effective and free way to just almost immediately come your nervous system and really promote that sense of calm. So that’s excellent. Thank you for sharing your experience with that.
Speaker 2 00:42:36 I enjoy the app called Headspace. Well, that’s another good one. Yeah. The icon is a white square with an orange circle in it and it’s just, uh, it’ll, it’ll go to my watch and my watch will say a minute of deep breathing can, can help you for the rest of the day. And I, one time I was like, okay. And I clicked it. And it like has a thing that kind of goes in and out for when you’re supposed to breathe. It’s it’s right. It’s correct.
Speaker 1 00:43:07 That’s a great app for folks to use even to learn to meditate because that one actually starts you off small with, I think like two minutes or three minutes. And then over time you can build up to longer meditation practices. So that’s an excellent one. And I know some of these apps even provide, um, free subscriptions if you are working in education or if you’re a teacher. So there’s any teachers listening, you may be able to score free subscriptions to Headspace and calm, which is pretty cool. Well, that’s awesome. Thank you so much, Tristan, for all of your insight and willingness to share about your experiences and your self care routine. I very, very much appreciate it. Of course. And I S I know that our listeners will appreciate it too, when we launched this episode. So thank you again for joining us. Of course. Thank you so much.
Speaker 1 00:44:06 Tristan had so much to share with us and lots of takeaways. First, I enjoy how she described that self-care can look different depending upon your needs across the various domains. That is so true and important to remember. You must get in touch with what you need and want first before you can attend to it. And what works for someone else may not work for you and vice versa. I tend to be type a, and I’m very visual. I need to see things for them to click in my brain or hand up losing focus, a typical Piscean dreamer through and through. So I find that really structuring myself care helps me to be successful. If you find yourself struggling with sleep, you may want to check out an article I was featured in that provides great tips for better sleep, which is linked in the episode notes, and also look into sleep stories on the calm app and the Alexander technique for breathing to promote more restful sleep.
Speaker 1 00:45:01 And remember, it’s okay to move your body for fun. And please stop comparing yourself to others. I will say it was a little heartbreaking to hear my friend Tristan talk about my eating disorder days. We’ve really not discussed that too much previously, but she’s a hundred percent correct. It was an obsession. And I was so fearful of gaining weight for very real reasons that it was crippling. It was not until I sought help, that I realized just how sick I was. At some point I can share the gorier details as even those closest to me were not privy to the extent of my destructive behavior, but I also love the idea she talks about with digging multiple holes. Sometimes we get so focused on one thing. We forget that there’s a big world of opportunities out there. If I dug only one hole, I definitely would not be where I am today.
Speaker 1 00:45:48 I have so many interests. I also love the concept of the trophy name. We all have these ideas of excellence in our minds, and we forget that there’s people with lives that existed before their fame and that there was an entire journey maybe that we did not see, Arnold did not wake up one day as the Terminator. There was a life and a journey that led to the man we know today. Tristan also highlights the benefits of quick short self-care practices. Like a minute of deep breathing. We tend to brush these off quickly as how could they possibly be helpful, but they are just a minute of deep breathing can make a world of difference. I mean, what have you got to lose? Give it a try. Thanks so much for listening to this episode and remember to subscribe and rate this podcast on your preferred player, the ratings help us grow and share the message of self-care. If you have comments, suggestions, or questions, please reach out directly by emailing podcast at Dr. MC self care.com that’s D R M C self care.com and come join the cast party at Dr. MC self care cabaret on Facebook and Instagram at Dr. MC self care or on my website, Dr. MC self care.com. Be sure to like subscribe and love me across all my social media platforms for the most up-to-date information on self care. See you next time. Stay well and do good.
Speaker 1 00:47:42 Wow.

The first 3 episodes will be available on Weds July 21st, and future episodes to be released every other week. When listening to this podcast on your preferred player, it is important to like, rate, and subscribe!

Also, we’d love to hear from you! Reach out to podcast@drmcselfcare.com with any questions or topics you’d like to hear about on a future episode!

You can learn more about Dr. MC and this podcast on her website: https://drmcselfcare.com/podcast-home/

EPISODE TRANSCRIPT 

Speaker 0 00:00:01 Let’s face it. We all
Speaker 1 00:00:04 Experienced stress and challenges in our lives. There is no easy fix or miracle cure for this, but I can tell you that by taking care of ourselves and by that, I mean, true, authentic self care. You can manage this in productive ways to take your power back, putting your health and wellbeing on center stage. I’m Theresa Melito-Conners founder of Dr. MCs. Self-care cabaret. I’m a PhD level self-care expert in the greater Boston area with a passion for helping others recognize the importance of caring for themselves. It is time to find your spotlight. This is a brand new podcast. I am starting. That will be our space to talk about health well-being and how to manage what life throws at us. We will examine all aspects of self care and we’ll cover topics such as learning to love your body, making peace with food, exercising in ways that are joyful, fostering, fulfilling relationships, resting, developing more. Self-compassion how to Sue ourselves and be more mindful, attracting abundance intention setting, and so much
Speaker 0 00:01:22 More. We will dive deep
Speaker 1 00:01:25 Into the true meaning of self-care dismantling the stereotypes and the societal ideals that make us feel that self-care is selfish and a luxury reserved for those who can afford such things. The time is now to stop the cycle of deprivation. Let go of the idea of perfection and step into the world of genuine self care. I will teach you sustainable realistic cost, accessible, effective, and efficient ways to attend to your mental, emotional, and physical needs. We’ll have guests from all walks of life, joining us on this adventure. And of course I want to hear from my cabaret followers as well. What questions do you have pertaining to self care and wellbeing? Self-care is more than a bath bomb and a smile. It is the daily consistent, foundational way you take care of yourself so you can show up as the best you possible. And with that, welcome to Dr. MCs self care cabaret podcast. And we’ll see you soon for bi-weekly episodes with the doc
Speaker 2 00:02:36 To help you on this journey. Make time for yourself. Now your future self will. Thank you. Thank you.