Beyond the Beaded Curtain

36 Bikini Jones and the Temple of Eros 2010 with guest Jack Stallion

Monday Blue, Randy Chardonnay, and Dock Sounder — Sun, 24 May 2020 23:14:00 +0000

36 Bikini Jones and the Temple of Eros 2010 with guest Jack Stallion

So, here's the deal folks. Jack and I watched this movie, and it's not a good movie, and we talked about it anyway. We had some new and different recording mishaps that make for a slightly disjointed conclusion. And instead of getting this published in time for my birthday, I got all depressed and didn't do it and now I rushed it and here it is. You can still make me happy by leaving me a review or by bothering your friends until they give this thing a listen.

Cast and crew:

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1612603/

Full movie:

https://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ph59b8389d7036e

35 Bikini Frankenstein 2009 with guest Jack Stallion

Monday Blue, Randy Chardonnay, and Dock Sounder — Fri, 01 May 2020 06:39:00 +0000

Randy and Jack Stallion are checking out a more resent, softcore movie this week because concepts like "vintage" and "time" are meaningless and we all know it. Maybe our highest-rated movie of all time, but keep in mind that this is a month into lockdown so who can say what's going on with our tastes exactly. Plenty of cast-overlap with the "Breastiverse" flicks we reviewed early on.

Cast and crew:

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1594912/

Full movie:

https://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ph5c3216a259118

34 The Erotic Adventures of Bedman & Throbbin 1989 w Cody Grenada

Monday Blue, Randy Chardonnay, and Dock Sounder — Thu, 23 Apr 2020 19:28:00 +0000

Not really sure what to do with the numbering system on these episodes. Maybe I'll just make it more and more confusing. Maybe I'll just restart from episode one, and count all the episodes equally? Who knows! But even that doesn't really work because there are a couple of "lost" episodes that count in our episode numbers but have never been released. Mysterious! Anyway, here I am talking Batman with my friend Cody Grenada!

Cast and crew:

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0136164/

Complete movie:

https://xhamster.com/videos/the-erotic-adventures-of-bedman-and-throbbin-1989-2594686

2-10 Never Sleep Alone 1984 - Randy solo

Monday Blue, Randy Chardonnay, and Dock Sounder — Wed, 15 Apr 2020 08:37:00 +0000

It's another solo Randy episode! That's the thing everyone loves, right? Hope so! Randy spends most of this episode talking about anise-flavored booze. And why shouldn't he? It's much more exciting than this movie! Lots of ferns and 80s lingerie, but otherwise, not much to get excited about. Oh well! All of us here at BBC headquarters wish you a safe quarantine and we'd like to remind you that if you want to kill a couple of hours, you can always come on the pod! That's right—certain other programs rely on celebrity guests or experts. Not us! We let literally anyone do it!

Cast and crew:

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0189799/

Full movie:

https://xhamster.com/videos/never-sieep-alone-720-1984-8710064

2020-9 Vixens of Kung Fu (1975)

Monday Blue, Randy Chardonnay, and Dock Sounder — Thu, 09 Apr 2020 09:29:00 +0000

How about a long episode? Randy doesn't have anything better to do. And there's lots to talk about because Randy has got Jack Stallion on the pod today. Did we take this too seriously? Perhaps! But these are serious times. Cool soundtrack. Bad movie. Oh well!

Cast and crew:

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0192757/

Full movie:

https://xhamster.com/videos/the-vixens-of-kung-fu-1975-11628394

2020-8 Bad Girls (1981)

Monday Blue, Randy Chardonnay, and Dock Sounder — Wed, 01 Apr 2020 20:16:00 +0000

So I read that nobody's listening to podcasts right now, which I'm guessing is because podcasts are often a form of entertainment we experience while doing other things, like driving to work. And nobody's driving to work. Oh well! I'm going to keep making new episodes and releasing them at no particular time because why not? I can think of no good reason. So here you go: Bad Girls.

Another great title song! Promising first half after some initial concerns, but then the back half is a bit of a letdown. Still, it's way better than that cartoon we watched last time! But then, almost anything would be better than that cartoon.

Cast and crew:

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082044/

Complete film:

https://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ph5e036e2b645f0

2020-7 Once Upon a Girl (1976)

Monday Blue, Randy Chardonnay, and Dock Sounder — Thu, 26 Mar 2020 22:03:00 +0000

Special guest Honey Wellbutrin, an animator, called in this week to talk about our first animated movie, and lemme tell ya: it sucks. It's the worst thing we've ever seen. Absolute trash from start to finish. Considerably worse than anything we've ever covered! We've only recently really locked in the rating system, but regardless of how we might've scored previous films, this is absolutely the only 1 fern rating. Not even Spermula was this hard to watch, folks! Good ep.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Once_Upon_a_Girl

2020-6 Pig Keeper's Daughter (1972)

Monday Blue, Randy Chardonnay, and Dock Sounder — Tue, 17 Mar 2020 08:55:00 +0000

Look, we're just going to drop this early because it 100% feels like the world is ending and I can't have it end without you all knowing what I think about The Pig Keeper's Daughter (1972). Could've used more pig. And there you go! That's the end of it! Now you know! Don't even bother listening! JK please bother listening. From IMDB: Moonbeam Swyner, the pig keeper's curvaceous daughter, is still waiting for her Prince Charming. Instead, she will have to make do with a travelling perfume and lingerie salesman. Could he be the One?

Nope! He's awful. Bad movie, good soundtrack! Edited on the quick so I hope I did ok!

Stay healthy

Cast and crew:

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0069087/

Complete movie:

https://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ph59f1cededa637

2020 - 5 Amanda By Night (1981)

Monday Blue, Randy Chardonnay, and Dock Sounder — Sat, 07 Mar 2020 08:03:00 +0000

Hey sorry for the late episode folks! I can't imagine anyone is organizing their week around this so you probably didn't notice, but here goes! Another solo episode, this time about a much better movie. Sorry you didn't get to watch this one, Reno! Amanda By Night is a quality noir flick, or at least it's pretty good compared to most of the stuff we watch! The story basically holds together, and includes nice performances by some show favorites like Jamie Gillis and Samantha Fox.

Cast and crew:

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082004/fullcredits

Full movie:

https://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=1509425509

2020-4 Bimbo Bowlers from Buffalo (1989)

Monday Blue, Randy Chardonnay, and Dock Sounder — Thu, 20 Feb 2020 09:23:00 +0000

It's a special episode with our first guest of the year, Reno Dakota! Reno Dakota hated this movie so much that after watching it, she turned into an anti-porn crusader. Also, she tells Randy on mic that he should immediately quit the podcast. All in all, a great episode! Bad movie though. Not enough Buffalo. Not enough bowling. This podcast rejects the term "bimbo" so we can't say whether bimbo levels were adequate or not. Why not see for yourself? JK don't see for yourself. Not an interesting movie.

Cast and crew

http://www.iafd.com/title.rme/title=bimbo+bowlers+from+buffalo/year=1989/bimbo-bowlers-from-buffalo.htm

Full movie:

https://tubepornclassic.com/videos/1807/bimbo-bowlers-from-buffalo/

2020-3: Aerobisex Girls (1983)

Monday Blue, Randy Chardonnay, and Dock Sounder — Thu, 06 Feb 2020 21:11:00 +0000

1983's Aerobisex Girls may be in the XRCO Hall of Fame, but we're not sure why. Oh well! Tina Blair is good as Eleyna, the pushy aerobics instructor. And Eleyna's girlfriend, Tina, played by Bridgette Royalle, looks great on roller skates. And, as there are no fellas in this movie, we are pleased to report zero taint shots and zero shots of men donald-ducking. (Donald-ducking is when dudes are nude only from the waist-down. It's a major issue, and this show has been calling it out from day one!)

But overall? Not much here, folks!

Cast and crew:

http://www.iafd.com/title.rme/title=aerobisex+girls+1/year=1983/aerobisex-girls-1.htm

The movie:

https://xhamster.com/videos/aerobisex-girls-1983-lesbian-movie-part-1-823530

2020-2: Star Virgin (1979)

Monday Blue, Randy Chardonnay, and Dock Sounder — Fri, 24 Jan 2020 00:38:00 +0000

In the distant future, some cheap-looking robots are doing their best to teach the last human being about earth by showing her porn movies. It's pretty good! Or maybe it's bad and each one of these movies we watch brings down our standards just a little bit?

Cast and crew:

http://www.iafd.com/title.rme/title=star+virgin/year=1979/star-virgin.htm

Full movie:

https://xhamster.com/videos/star-virgin-1979-restored-7583362

2020-1: 3 A.M. (1975)

Monday Blue, Randy Chardonnay, and Dock Sounder — Thu, 09 Jan 2020 19:58:00 +0000

If you enjoyed other 70s brain-melters like Her Name Was Lisa or The Devil in Miss Jones you may just like 3 A.M.! It's a slow burn, with a dark and moody atmosphere that conveys more dread than horniness. Nice turns from Georgina Spelvin, Judith Hamilton, and Sharon Thorpe. Lots of sweaters and stereos. And incest. Truly an abundance of incest. Sorry!

Also: when we lost our sound guy, we kinda had to start over. So sorry for that, too! We're working on it. Give us another year or so and we'll be great at this.

2019 Christmas Special: Living Doll (1987)

Monday Blue, Randy Chardonnay, and Dock Sounder — Sat, 21 Dec 2019 09:42:00 +0000

Hey folks does anyone subscribe to this show anymore? And if anyone does, will I even be able to find out?

Anyway, this is a solo episode featuring--and I cannot stress this enough--your least-favorite third of our menage a trois. Sorry! He's the only one available! Our show is like one of those weird legacy rock acts that tour county fairs and the only original member is just the drummer.

Anyway--Christmas movie! Living Doll. There is a Christmas tree and magic happens and it's set at a toy shop. They never mention Christmas--maybe that's like advertisers who refer to "the big game" because they'd have to pay extra money to say "The Super Bowl"? Damn now we have to pay a bunch of money because I said Super Bowl.

Full Movie:

https://tubepornclassic.com/videos/150243/romance-near-the-christmas-tree/?utm_source=search

Cast and Crew:

http://www.iafd.com/title.rme/title=living+doll/year=1987/living-doll.htm

Episode 23: Babylon Pink (1979)

Monday Blue, Randy Chardonnay, and Dock Sounder — Wed, 28 Nov 2018 18:04:00 +0000

Yes, yes, we know it’s been forever. We’re sorry. We were doing an experiment to see if we could get someone to @ us on twitter with expressions of concern. Also we know the episodes are out of order. You’ll get Episode 22 some other time. And you would’ve gotten 23 earlier but Randy is bad at editing. He hasn’t even give this episode a final safety listen so, uh, fingers crossed! Also, Randy is going to admit here that Monday’s theory about the melon rind is probably correct, even though it’s completely wild and really should have been a pickle. This will make sense once you’ve heard the episode.

As for the movie? Babylon Pink? Should’ve called it Babylon Stink. Randy is writing these notes quickly before he rides goes to work. Does anyone read these? No? Maybe Monday? Sorry Monday. (Monday thought this movie was good. Randy still disagrees with this Monday theory.)

Cast and crew:

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0078821/

Full movie:

https://xhamster.com/videos/babylon-pink-1979-restored-7798340?pb=

Episode 21: Dixie Ray Hollywood Star (1983)

Monday Blue, Randy Chardonnay, and Dock Sounder — Thu, 01 Nov 2018 08:46:00 +0000

Dixie Ray Hollywood Star is close to enough to a “regular” detective movie that it was recut and released in an R-rated version. Kinda neat! If you trimmed down most of our movies to secure an R-rating, you’d barely have enough left for a short, let alone a full film!

And, like plenty of other examples of detective noir, Dixie Ray only kind of makes sense. This movie is hoping you’re too distracted by all the sex to try to make much sense of the plot. That trick doesn’t work on us, though! More than twenty episodes in, so we barely even notice the sex anymore. It scarcely even registers for us. And that’s really what you want in a critical examination of adult cinema: critics who barely talk about the sex but will spend half an hour talking about a detective’s anachronistic water cooler when we run out of story. You’re welcome!

Cast and crew:

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0085446/

Full movie:

https://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ph5870ed372d22c

Episode 20: Bikini Girls from the Lost Planet (2006)

Monday Blue, Randy Chardonnay, and Dock Sounder — Thu, 18 Oct 2018 07:35:00 +0000

Hurray! We did it! Twenty episodes, and only a little bit, slightly late on our standard, semi-weekly schedule that we’ve been doing since the very beginning and don’t ask any follow-up questions, thank you.

Bikini Girls from the Lost Planet is a movie about visitors from a planet populated exclusively by women, and somehow it still can’t pass the Bechdel test. It’s not good! It’s a little bit Men In Black, a little bit Starship Eros, and a lot uninspired. Spoiler alert: this is not one we recommend rushing out to see. But then, we enjoy watching the occasional bad softcore porn movie to break up the monotony of bad hardcore porn movies. For variety!

Cast and crew:

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0867259/

Full movie:

https://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ph59b716e194fca

Episode 19: Ecstasy Girls (1979)

Monday Blue, Randy Chardonnay, and Dock Sounder — Mon, 01 Oct 2018 09:24:00 +0000

Jerry Martin (Jamie Gillis) has a pretty rough life. Yes, pretty ladies hurl themselves at him, and yes, his main gig as an actor seems to be accompanying actresses to parties. But on the other hand, he doesn’t have that much money. Sad! So his agent, JC, makes him an offer: $100,000 if Jerry can film JC’s sister and JC’s four nieces having sex. JC expects to split his dying brother’s inheritance with his sister and nieces, but his brother is an arch-conservative. JC believes that Jerry’s film will get the rest of his family cut out of the will.

Ecstasy Girls is our second movie in a row with a completely meaningless title. We do get to see a cool bondage cage, so that’s fun. And Monday and Randy watched slightly different versions of the movie. Conflict! Intrigue! Plus, hear all about our dildo contest. We have already forgotten what we said about it, so give this ep a listen and remind us, please!

Cast and crew:

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0125727/

Full movie:

https://tubepornclassic.com/videos/146932/the-ecstasy-girls/?utm_source=search

Episode 18: Big Thrill (1989)

Monday Blue, Randy Chardonnay, and Dock Sounder — Mon, 17 Sep 2018 07:31:00 +0000

We sure you get a Big Thrill out of hearing Monday and Randy talk about this week’s movie! That’s right--just two of your favorite porn scholars are here this for this episode, but don’t worry! We’ve got you covered. We’re talking about eighties hair, eighties clothes, eighties mustaches, and we even have time for Monday to pitch a porn parody of Sharknado. Please follow @dirtyvhs for updates on our kickstarter for Sharkporndo. (Title still in progress.)

Big Thrill is the story of what happens at a hair salon when one of the staff--Peter North’s Manuel is a clear nod to Fawlty Towers--accidentally swaps the sugar in everyone’s coffee for some type of horniness powder. Turns out that the horniness powder makes everyone super horny! And then what happens, do you think? Bet you can’t guess!

We hope you like us as a duo, because it’s like a whole different show, kinda! And hey if you do like us, tell us on twitter or itunes or something, yeah?

Cast and crew:

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0132837/

Full movie:

https://xhamster.com/videos/the-big-thrill-1989-requested-7375270

Episode 17: Spermula (1976)

Monday Blue, Randy Chardonnay, and Dock Sounder — Tue, 04 Sep 2018 07:12:00 +0000

Here it is, folks! A movie so powerful that it may have ended our program! This is not an exaggeration. Trying to make sense of this moody French philosophical treatise on the erotic seems to have broken our spirits. Please let us know if you think we were done in by the cumulative effects of our work, or if something about Spermula simply drove us over the edge. We’re not sure ourselves!

Our future is unclear. At present, Randy, Monday, and Doc are meditating in their indoor fern-gardens and undergoing an intensive regime of immodesty training as they contemplate their next move. Spermula is the rare BtBC movie that you cannot find on a respectable website like Pornhub; you have to watch it on (ugh) youtube. We’re sorry. For all of it, really. For everything. Tell your ferns you love them.

Cast and crew:

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0075251/

Full movie:

Original with English subtitles, divided into 10 clips:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P0FF7sfJFqU

Highly modified English dub:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iC0Ypy-OYwg

Episode 16: Hot and Saucy Pizza Girls (1978)

Monday Blue, Randy Chardonnay, and Dock Sounder — Mon, 27 Aug 2018 22:21:00 +0000

This week we go deep into that sexiest of all professions: pizza delivery! Journey back to the year 1978, when pizza was still a novelty food struggling to maintain a toehold in a crowded fast-food landscape.

We also begin tackling the complicated legacy of one of porn's first mega-stars, John C. Holmes. Holmes led a troubling life offscreen, and it would be wrong of us not to bring that up while discussing his movies. Should also bring up that this movie does discuss rape, though luckily for us, the violence always happens off screen.

Cast and crew:

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0127113/

Full film:

https://xhamster.com/videos/hot-and-saucy-pizza-girls-1978-8774161

Episode 15: All About Steve (1994)

Monday Blue, Randy Chardonnay, and Dock Sounder — Mon, 20 Aug 2018 07:43:00 +0000

Many years before All About Steve was a forgettable romcom starring Sandra Bullock, All About Steve was a real dick-slappy gay porno flick loosely based on All About Eve. I know, right? Two movies with the same name! So confusing for all us fans of (hold on checking IMDB to read up on the Bullock / Cooper vehicle) eccentric crossword puzzlers.

Anyways! This one is pretty much nonstop sex with the worst soundtrack in the history of cinema. In hindsight, we probably should have talked more about how awful the music is. You’re definitely going to want to watch this movie with the volume all the way down. Oh and maybe turn the picture all the way down too. We didn’t love it. But hey! This podcast is devoted to the breadth (and girth!) of our adult cinema landscape. Which means this week? We talk just a lot about dicks.

Cast:

http://www.iafd.com/title.rme/title=all+about+steve/year=1994/all-about-steve.htm

Full movie:

https://tubepornclassic.com/videos/2131/all-about-steve/?promo=10306

Episode 14: Chameleons--Not the Sequel (1992)

Monday Blue, Randy Chardonnay, and Dock Sounder — Mon, 13 Aug 2018 07:16:00 +0000

This movie is basically girls who are boys who like boys to be girls who do boys like they're girls who do girls like they're boys. Got it? We almost got it, I think. It’s the story of a couple of sexy shapeshifters whose lives are complicated by an adventurous swinger who wants in on the action.

Last week we watched a movie that knew it was dumb and embraced it. This time, we’re watching a movie that thinks it’s brilliant. But is it? Well, it might have outsmarted us! As you’ll hear, we never quite agreed on what’s going on, but we mostly liked it.

Cast and crew:

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0134527/

Full movie:

https://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ph5a7a32d51f150

Episode 13: Busty Cops (2004)

Monday Blue, Randy Chardonnay, and Dock Sounder — Mon, 06 Aug 2018 08:13:00 +0000

We’re giving ourselves a break this week and watching our first softcore movie since episode 4. And yes, it’s another movie from one of our favorite maniacs, Jim Wynorski. This movie doesn’t take place in our favorite house (check out episode 4 for more on that!) but it does seem to include one of Wynorski’s go-to actors as head of LA’s elite Busty Cops division, so we’re going to say this one is part of the breastiverse.

Busty Cops is gleefully dumb and never pretends that it’s anything other than dumb, and that’s refreshing. It’s also a seventy-minute movie that’s padded out with fifteen minutes of slow credits, troubling bloopers, and an interview that allows star Nikki Nova to further stretch her comedy chops. We pretty much liked it but we are deeply damaged people and our opinions should not be trusted. Oh hey look! Sequels! BRB watching all the sequels!

Cast and crew:

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0366269/

Full movie:

https://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ph5a508a1120a28

Episode 12: Pretty Peaches (1978)

Monday Blue, Randy Chardonnay, and Dock Sounder — Mon, 30 Jul 2018 06:17:00 +0000

Content warning: this episode is just a disaster. The titular Peaches is sexually assaulted, and also there’s this clown bathroom scene that’s the worst thing we’ve ever seen.

Candy Stripers and Pretty Peaches back to back is a real testament to the diversity of vintage porn because these movies happened in the same year, and while they’re both terrible, they’re terrible in very different ways. But hey! At least there’s no blood. That’s our mantra for this movie, and our way of saying, hey. It could’ve, in theory, been worse.

Somehow, this film was inducted into the X-Rated Critics Hall of Fame in 1990, and several of its performers are hall of famers, too. So what do we know, anyway?

Cast and crew:

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0078112/

Full movie:

https://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ph581f83f96ac82

Episode 11: Candy Stripers (1978)

Monday Blue, Randy Chardonnay, and Dock Sounder — Mon, 23 Jul 2018 06:47:00 +0000

Look: we took a week off. Your intrepid hosts were scattered across the globe even farther than usual so we hope you didn’t miss us too much! And if you did miss us? Well. We hope you took the time to listen to some of our old episodes or write us a review on iTunes.

Anyway, Candy Stripers. It’s Sharon’s last day volunteering at the hospital. And that means she and the other candy stripers, nurses, doctors, patients, and visitors are going to get even wilder than usual. Yes, it’s all leading to Sharon’s celebratory orgy. Something something something, too bad you’re stuck with that HMO! [Randy: fix this joke before you publish this episode, ok?]

Oh and your hosts spend a long time discussing a sex act that features prominently for the first time in our series. Exciting!

Cast and crew:

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0077293/

Full movie:

https://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ph58fc0e6abca6b

Episode 10: Outlaw Ladies (1981)

Monday Blue, Randy Chardonnay, and Dock Sounder — Mon, 09 Jul 2018 07:25:00 +0000

Outlaw Ladies is a highbrow (well, highbrow for porn) flick that follows several outlaw ladies through intertwined stories. That’s right, folks! It’s Pulp Fiction, but a porn! Sorry--that’s definitely overselling it. It’s not a terrible movie. And it has a fantastic title song! We’re probably a little harsh on it, in part because someone (Ahem. Doc.) showed up two hours late to the recording and put the rest of us in a bit of a sour mood. That’s right, folks! He started watching the movie precisely at the time the rest of us sat down to talk about it. And we won’t let him forget.

No letters this week. So uh, send us some letters?

Cast and crew:

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082870/

Full movie:

https://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ph58aa41abc6992

Episode 9: The Devil In Miss Jones (1973)

Monday Blue, Randy Chardonnay, and Dock Sounder — Mon, 02 Jul 2018 17:55:00 +0000

This week we’re digging into a true classic! A moody, atmospheric film from porn’s golden age. Georgina Spelvin stars as the titular Miss Jones--a lonely woman who feels she has nothing to live for. But all this changes when she’s given the chance to reinvent herself and live focused exclusively on her lusts. But is there a catch? Spoiler alert: there’s totally a catch.

Plus, our first-ever letters! Only took us nine episodes to get someone to say hello! Yes: we are trying to guilt you into hitting us up on twitter (dirtyvhs) and writing us a review on itunes! So? Is it working?

Cast and crew:

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0069969/

Full movie:

https://xhamster.com/videos/the-devil-in-miss-jones-1-1972-with-georgina-spelvin-6110531

Episode 8: Barbara Dare’s Surf, Sand, and Sex (1987)

Monday Blue, Randy Chardonnay, and Dock Sounder — Mon, 25 Jun 2018 00:00:00 +0000

This was a tough one, gang! We wanted a beach movie, and we got one. But the monkey’s paw guaranteed that our beach movie would leave us unsatisfied, and that we’d have to edit around a number of interruptions while recording.

But as a bonus (or a further insult?) we start with a clip from Randy’s days as a National Porno Radio correspondent. Anyway: watch out for mysterious suntan lotions and be careful if anyone asks to bury you in quarry gravel. We promise this will make sense!

Cast and Crew: (Not entirely correct. Oh well!)

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0128657/

Full movie:

https://xhamster.com/videos/barbara-dares-surf-sand-and-sex-1839967

Episode 7: Boys in the Sand (1971)

Monday Blue, Randy Chardonnay, and Dock Sounder — Mon, 18 Jun 2018 00:00:00 +0000

Episode 7: Boys in the Sand (1971)

Two milestones this week! This is our oldest movie, and even more important, it’s our first gay movie! Just in time for Pride--and Fathers Day too, I guess?--we’re branching out and talking about a gay porno classic. And spoiler alert: we liked it! Or at least, we liked it as much as we liked any of these movies. This is another beach romp, of sorts, but not nearly as zany.

Cast:

http://www.iafd.com/title.rme/title=boys+in+the+sand/year=1971/boys-in-the-sand.htm

Full Movie, with director’s commentary:

https://xhamster.com/videos/boys-in-the-sand-1790666?pb=

Episode 6: Thunder Boobs (1995)

Monday Blue, Randy Chardonnay, and Dock Sounder — Mon, 11 Jun 2018 00:00:00 +0000

Look: we didn’t really know what we were getting ourselves into. We just found ourselves in the mood for a zany beach romp, and ended up with this low-rent James Bond knockoff featuring Brook Bond, Agent DD7. (Get it? The DD is for boobs. The 7 is for James Bond, probably?)

Bond is sent to the Bahamas to thwart Mr. Big. Mr. Big plans to send his hench-ladies to seduce various world leaders. Bond’s plan? Seduce all the ladies first, we think? Or something?

You will not find this episode in anyone’s hall of fame.

Cast and Crew:

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0128750/

Full Movie:

https://tubepornclassic.com/videos/21914/thunder-boobs/

Episode 5: Starship Eros (1980)

Monday Blue, Randy Chardonnay, and Dock Sounder — Mon, 04 Jun 2018 00:00:00 +0000

Starship Eros is probably going to get erased from the internet once the folks at Disney notice how much the sex robot Quasar resembles a certain protocol droid, but until then, enjoy! In the distant future--1995!--Commander Moon splits her time between tracking Amazoid fighter ships and masturbating in chairs. Look: it’s a high-stress job, and she needs to unwind.

Starship Eros hasn’t received any significant critical acclaim--we just chose it because we’re here for any and every bit of space porn we can find. Got a favorite? Tweet @dirtyvhs and we’ll check it out!

Cast and Crew:

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0149126/

Full movie:

https://xhamster.com/videos/starship-eros-1980-restored-7721545

Episode 4: The Breastford Wives (2007)

Monday Blue, Randy Chardonnay, and Dock Sounder — Mon, 28 May 2018 00:00:00 +0000

Welcome to the Breastiverse! Legendary bad-movie director Jim Wynorski has filmed at least a half-dozen softcore flicks all in the same cabin somewhere in the woods of California. We’re trying to figure out where the cabin is--maybe it’s on AirBNB? Until then, we’re enjoying Wynorski recycle the same locations, the same actors, and pretty much the same stories film after film.

Unfortunately, our first two episodes about Wynorski’s terrible, terrible movies have been lost. The cause? Well, the government would have you believe it was a simple case of rookie recording mistakes. We’re pretty sure it was a curse. We’ll let you decide for yourself.

But, BtBC super-fans (or Pozzies, as we like to call you) may want to investigate a couple of other terrible Wynorski late-night cable classics: The Witches of Breastwick and Lust Connection. Both intersect with The Breastford Wives in ways that make the experience more interesting. Not exactly “good” but more interesting, at least.

This one isn’t on anyone’s list but ours. We got started with Wynorski movies because we wanted to watch something with megastar Stormy Daniels, who’s one of the titular witches in The Witches of Breastwick. We’ll see a good Stormy Daniels movie eventually--we promise.

Cast and crew:

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1014796/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

Full, movie, if you can stand it:

https://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ph58306e99da5b8

Episode 3: Café Flesh (1986)

Monday Blue, Randy Chardonnay, and Dock Sounder — Mon, 21 May 2018 00:00:00 +0000

So, after World War 3, the planet became radioactive, and almost everyone died. It gets worse: most of the survivors are “sex-negatives” who can’t even get to first base without becoming violently ill. The poor neggies spend their nights at Café Flesh, where sex-positives perform elaborate, theatrical sex-shows on stage. This probably only sounds half as weird as it looks.

Café Flesh certainly has lofty aspirations. But is it worth a watch? Yeah, kinda, if you don’t mind that it’s not particularly, like, sexy?

Café Flesh is in both the AVN 101 list and the XRCO Hall of Fame.

Cast and crew:

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0083707/?ref_=ttls_li_tt

But you know you’d rather just watch it, right? It’s ok. You can admit it. We don’t judge.

https://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ph5996ff75aa782

Episode 2: Her Name Was Lisa (1980)

Monday Blue, Randy Chardonnay, and Dock Sounder — Mon, 14 May 2018 00:00:00 +0000

Wow. This is a tough one. Less a porn and more a bleak tale of abuse and addiction told through sex-scenes, Her Name Was Lisa is proof that pre-internet porn is wild, but pre-VHS porn is another thing entirely. Great performances by Samantha Fox and Vanessa del Rio—and a number of choice blazers—help this movie go down more smoothly despite the film's dark tone. Lisa's rape in the middle of the film isn't even the darkest part—her spiral into drug addiction after is what really got us.

Her Name Was Lisa is on both the AVN's list of 101 classics as well as the X-Rated Critics Organization Hall of Fame.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_members_of_the_XRCO_Hall_of_Fame

Full cast and crew:

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0079290/?ref_=ttls_li_tt

Or watch the movie yourself:

https://xhamster.com/videos/her-name-was-lisa-1979-7023357

Episode 1: Farmer's Daughters

Monday Blue, Randy Chardonnay, and Dock Sounder — Sat, 05 May 2018 11:45:00 +0000

Episode 1: Farmer's Daughters 1986

What do you do when your farm isn't making enough money to pay off your mortgage? A chance encounter with a traveling porn-salesman proves inspirational to down-on-his-luck farmer Sam Miller. Soon Sam is able to to pay back the bank, and all it takes is filming his daughters having sex.

This is our first episode! So please be kind. And, it's probably our last episode with Ron Jeremy! "But isn't he in basically every adult film from the 80s and 90s? How could you possibly avoid him?" Good question!

https://www.rollingstone.com/culture/features/inside-ron-jeremy-sexual-misconduct-allegations-w511844

After recording this episode, we learned that RJ has a real-life history of acting like the grope-happy lechers he tends to play on screen. And besides that? We just don't like him that much. Or this movie, for that matter.

Farmer's Daughters is on the AVN's "101 Greatest Adult Tapes of All Time List." And it's the first episode that we ever recorded. Arguably an even higher honor?

https://www.imdb.com/list/ls002475851/

Complete cast and crew:

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0182099/?ref_=ttfc_fc_tt

You can even watch the whole thing if you'd like. But we wouldn't recommend it.

https://xhamster.com/videos/farmer-s-daughters-the-movie-1986-1251708